huntingirl2010 Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 2 years ago the love of my life asked me to marry him. Although now he says that if we get married, I am gonna steal his money and his things and sell them all off if we get a divorce. Then he says I don't trust him enough. Which I trust him more than he thinks. I sure do have my jealous moments, but its not him I dont trust... It's his friends that are girls. Some of them I do trust, but some of them I do not. Everyone has some jealousy to an extent. I don't say he can't go anywhere or anything like that... He always wants to go fishing with other women, yet I love to go fishing with him. So why would he need to go with anyone else while I am not around?? How can I get it in his head that I love him and the things he thinks are not true about me??? I want to marry this guy more than anything in the world!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 It sounds like the money thing is a red herring and it's about the women. How often does he want to hang out with women? With you there or not? Why are there some you do not trust? Do you hang out with guys too or is it one-sided? Link to post Share on other sites
Author huntingirl2010 Posted September 10, 2012 Author Share Posted September 10, 2012 It sounds like the money thing is a red herring and it's about the women. How often does he want to hang out with women? With you there or not? Why are there some you do not trust? Do you hang out with guys too or is it one-sided? He doesnt say he wants to hang out with women very often at all. And I feel that if he says he wont then he wont.. He has offered me to be there but I wont go, so I dont think he goes either. And there are some I do not trust because of the things they say or how they act around him... Sure some of them have been his friend since middle school or whatever, but its still weird. and it is the same for both of us. I asked him to stop talking to certain females and I dont talk to males hardly at all that are not in my family anymore. I never hang out with them either... I just feel awkward. I know I wont gain feelings for any of them, but I don't want them getting feelings for me either. Thats just my way of looking at it... Link to post Share on other sites
mizzat Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 He doesnt say he wants to hang out with women very often at all. And I feel that if he says he wont then he wont.. He has offered me to be there but I wont go, so I dont think he goes either. And there are some I do not trust because of the things they say or how they act around him... Sure some of them have been his friend since middle school or whatever, but its still weird. and it is the same for both of us. I asked him to stop talking to certain females and I dont talk to males hardly at all that are not in my family anymore. I never hang out with them either... I just feel awkward. I know I wont gain feelings for any of them, but I don't want them getting feelings for me either. Thats just my way of looking at it... well like my wife has alot of guy friends that she hangs out with that dont bother me cause i trust her alot of people get childhood friends that they still have when they are adults male/female u can try to hang out with them and ur guy see if that helps if not try to talk to him im sure its nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted September 10, 2012 Share Posted September 10, 2012 He doesnt say he wants to hang out with women very often at all. And I feel that if he says he wont then he wont.. He has offered me to be there but I wont go, so I dont think he goes either. And there are some I do not trust because of the things they say or how they act around him... Sure some of them have been his friend since middle school or whatever, but its still weird. and it is the same for both of us. I asked him to stop talking to certain females and I dont talk to males hardly at all that are not in my family anymore. I never hang out with them either... I just feel awkward. I know I wont gain feelings for any of them, but I don't want them getting feelings for me either. Thats just my way of looking at it... This sounds a bit controlling on your part. You say he doesn't hang out with them very often AND he offered for you to go with them. Even if one of his friends comes on to him, she cant FORCE him to cheat. He can turn her down if he loves you. If he has known them from middle school chances are there isn't a romantic interest there. And even if there is, it doesn't mean he will cheat on you! I think you do have some trust issues, with your boyfriend and even yourself. Whether you like it or not, people are going to develop feelings for both you and your boyfriend. It's whether you act on it or not that matters. You cannot prevent women from hitting on your boyfriend by controlling who he does and does not hang out with. It sounds like you just feel that if you take away all his "opportunity" then his chances of cheating on you are slim to none. And that is very incorrect. Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 You've been engaged that long and now he's...yeah...accusing you of stealing his money and selling off his stuff? Dump the chump. That said, you also have work to do: he offered you some very fair conditions by asking that you go and meet his friends. You refused. In the future, you will have to learn to bend a bit in relationships. It's cool if you're upfront about dating in the future and cast out any guy who has platonic female friendships. But you can't enter into a relationship knowingly, then start trying to make it all stop. It's one thing if the friendships start during your relationship - another if they were already there. I think you need to meet these women and REALLY assess if they're a threat. Are they flirting with him? Is he flirting with them? In either case, you approach him and talk to him about it, citing specific examples that made you uncomfortable. See what he says. Of course, he SHOULD say something if he has a lady friend hanging all over him, and not just 'play nice' and not say anything. If you can't deal with it, you can't deal with it. You break up and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author huntingirl2010 Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 You've been engaged that long and now he's...yeah...accusing you of stealing his money and selling off his stuff? Dump the chump. That said, you also have work to do: he offered you some very fair conditions by asking that you go and meet his friends. You refused. In the future, you will have to learn to bend a bit in relationships. It's cool if you're upfront about dating in the future and cast out any guy who has platonic female friendships. But you can't enter into a relationship knowingly, then start trying to make it all stop. It's one thing if the friendships start during your relationship - another if they were already there. I think you need to meet these women and REALLY assess if they're a threat. Are they flirting with him? Is he flirting with them? In either case, you approach him and talk to him about it, citing specific examples that made you uncomfortable. See what he says. Of course, he SHOULD say something if he has a lady friend hanging all over him, and not just 'play nice' and not say anything. If you can't deal with it, you can't deal with it. You break up and move on. I have gone to meet some of his female friends. there is ONE that i wont. and forbid him to go see. or talk to for that matter. and that is because he tells me how beautiful she is and brags about how her life is going. and i have been "snooping" and have not seen him talking to her since i asked him not to. but my biggest thing is that i am only with him to use his money and if we divorce i will take his things in court and turn around and sell them. none of this is true.. then i asked if he really anticipates divorce and he said no. and i ask him all the time if i will be his wife one day and he says yes but he doesnt want to rush it. which is fine. but it hurts my feelings about the money and his things.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 I have gone to meet some of his female friends. there is ONE that i wont. and forbid him to go see. or talk to for that matter. and that is because he tells me how beautiful she is and brags about how her life is going. and i have been "snooping" and have not seen him talking to her since i asked him not to. but my biggest thing is that i am only with him to use his money and if we divorce i will take his things in court and turn around and sell them. none of this is true.. then i asked if he really anticipates divorce and he said no. and i ask him all the time if i will be his wife one day and he says yes but he doesnt want to rush it. which is fine. but it hurts my feelings about the money and his things.. It doesnt sound like you trust him very much. You are snooping and forbidding him to see friends. Thats a huge problem. BUT, he sounds like a jerk, super inappropriate to tell you how beautiful and great hos female friend is. I dont think he wants to get married. He is puttin you off about the wedding. Taking things slow? He shouldnt have proposed if he wasnt ready. And its been 2 years! How much "slower" does he want? Im very sorry but i dont think this is heading anywhere good. Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 2 years ago the love of my life asked me to marry him. Although now he says that if we get married, I am gonna steal his money and his things and sell them all off if we get a divorce. This reasoning is enough not to continue with him. Why is he so bitter all of a sudden regarding marriage and with these skewed views? His lack of trust is a definite issue and also an insult to insinuate you would do such a thing. Blow his mind and say you're even willing to do a prenup. Have separate accounts and only use a joint account for household and practical expenses. This will make him feel foolish about such accusations. Link to post Share on other sites
jennysimpson Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 Jealousy is normal with relationships since it is a sign of love in a way. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 2 years ago the love of my life asked me to marry him. Although now he says that if we get married, I am gonna steal his money and his things and sell them all off if we get a divorce. Then he says I don't trust him enough. Which I trust him more than he thinks. I sure do have my jealous moments, but its not him I dont trust... It's his friends that are girls. Some of them I do trust, but some of them I do not. Everyone has some jealousy to an extent. I don't say he can't go anywhere or anything like that... He always wants to go fishing with other women, yet I love to go fishing with him. So why would he need to go with anyone else while I am not around?? How can I get it in his head that I love him and the things he thinks are not true about me??? I want to marry this guy more than anything in the world!!! this is a bit confusing for you, it must be, confused the heck out of me.The money thing tell him you will sign a pre nup i would not be offended if a guy asked me to sign one......any monies that are not earnt together stay that way.....something like that if you have children together he pay the required child support.I have walked away with nothing before i have not suffered.... I didnt say i havent struggled......this is all future stuff for you though......i would be worried about the fishing thing....what bait does he use....tell him not to use squid i feel sorry for squid very under appreciated..to be used as bait should be used in a mix of spicy hot pepper and sea salt fried in extremely ho toil for seconds only makes it terrifically tantalisingly tender..in all seriousness its not right.....when in a relationship if someone feels uncomfortable with spending time with others the partner who is transgressing should stop it...simple......why cant you go too? No tfai ran dnot right.....If i was going fishing with a heap of guys i would want my boyfriend there....do yourself a favor talk to him about it ask him what he is fishing for where he catches them off rocks a pier a river whatever... and what bait he uses get back to me ....smilin......then go to a restaurant with your friends and order a huge bowl of salt and pepper squid and tell me if you agree that squid is underrated as bait..enjoy a night out with people who care about you..deb Link to post Share on other sites
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