Tables have turned - The aftermath of my revenge affair

[Madman81]

I'm still wondering what to believe about the assault/restraining order business. So far there have been two versions of that: the initial version where he threw her out of the house and blamed her for scratches and a bruise on his face that were from an unrelated incident (no suggestion that it was an unrelated incident involving his wife) in order to get the RO, and the second version where, suddenly, those scratches WERE inflicted by his wife and she threatened him.

 

All sounds very manufactured to me, ex post facto.

[Leelou]

He has messed up good, and is now looking for any reasonable excuses he can use to explain his part away.

The thing is, even though his wife cheated on him first, she admitted the affair upon coming home from having first slept with her lover, and worked hard at doing whatever she could to make it up to her husband. THEN they chose to start a family, and lived a decade of happy married and family life. THEN OP started an affair at work, and his AP turned out to have a malicious streak in her which ignited his behaviors at home and in his marriage.

 

The fact that he chose to ignore the death of his own MIL after a decade of being her son-in-law, and chose sex with the lover instead of doing the socially correct things that were required of him, indicates that his lover at the time also allowed/encouraged him to do so.

 

She sounds like a bad person to me. One that is bringing out the bad in him, and allowing him to excuse his poor actions and choices instead of owning them.

 

He still doesn't acknowledge that he is turning his family against him... his wife, his parents, and eventually his children will disown him. He is listening only to his lover, who has very bad advice. Based on this, he should dump her. Why would you want to hook up with a bad person who is okay with ripping you away from your family?

 

OP, you are so, so, on the wrong path here. With the wrong person. Wake up!

 

Unless, of course, you made this story up. Parts of it are not believable.

[angie2443]

 

I also think that the charge and R.O were a bit over the top (personally) BUT she DID assault him AND arent we all sick & tired of domestic violence!!!

 

 

!

 

I thought she didn't and the marks were from something that had nothing to do with her. It would make him a tiny bit less evil if she did.

[JamesM]

I don't know if this story is real or not, but I always assume that each thread IS real and someone behind it is seeking help. Worst case scenario is that I provide my input to a "Story Problem" for a counseling student!

 

Anyhow, it WAS a good read, and I enjoyed it.

 

Now my input....

 

You were cruel. I understand the pain from her affair, but this was overboard.

 

Do NOT marry you AP. This will end in divorce or will doom you to a life of unhappiness. If you wait and give it time, before marriage, then perhaps you will feel differently than you do now. And honestly, I think she will even if you do get married.

 

Remember your children. They are now messed up for life unless they get some help.

 

Don't forget your wife. She apologized and assumed that you forgave her. She did wrong, but her "punishment" by you was unjust IMO. A revenge affair is one thing. Involving the children and humiliating her is unforgivable.

 

And again, the children. As someone has said already, they will not like you as they begin to realize all that happened. Kids have a way of drawing their own conclusions despite what you tell them. And usually, they are pretty intuitive.

 

Good luck in your new life. I am doubtful that it will be written as "and they lived happily ever after."

[RobD70]

Oh boy.

 

You are delusional.

 

97% of affairs die within 2 years; nothing kills an affair faster than moving in with them. When my FWW moved in with her OM it lasted like 2 months. You are in a rebound relationship with this woman and you don’t have a snowballs chance in hell of it lasting long term.

 

What you did and continue to do to your W is far worse than what she did to you. You are going to have soooo much regret later on once you pull your head out. This is not going to end well for you. You sacrificed your dignity with your RA and now you are no better than her.

[jnj express]

Hey paidback---you can come off your high horse now---you are gonna get paid back----

 

unless your post--nup has a duress clause---it will get tossed by a judge

 

You are moving a strange woman into your wife's house,

[ghgh750]

what is a duress clause? I never heard of it.

 

I am all for revenge affairs but this seems over the top.

[jnj express]

The person being forced to agree to/sign the post--nup, must state they are doing this if their own free will, that no duress is involved---if that statement is not in the clause, most judges will assume, there is duress, and toss the post--nup.

 

Also unless the OP, owned the home they live in prior to the mge---the home is community prop. and his wife has every right to live in that home, till the D., takes place, and the property is settled out---so moving another woman into that home, and kicking the wife out, isn't going to go over very well with a judge either,

[Got it]

I am shocked that the post-nup wasn't written with a clause about each of them having future affairs and the division of assets.

 

It will be an ugly trial but if his wife gets a good divorce attorney I would be shocked the post-nup isn't thrown out from bad behavior on both sides. Post-nups are hard to hold up in court, if contested.

[so_difficult]

There is no way I buy it.

[PaidBackNow]

I have not been able to withdraw my restraining order just yet but my wife and I met secretly in my parents house. I don't know if that is illegal or not. She was really distraught but would sometimes get angry and lash out at me. I basically told her that I was going to uphold and enforce what was agreed upon in the postnup. She will be left with very little but she had signed a legal document!

 

My wife at first said she did not care about the materialistic aspect but begged for reconcilliation. When I said no and called her some names, she got really angry and got in my face. I told her to calm down and she started making insults to me. She said some hurtful things and picked on some of my insecurities. She even threatened my manhood and ability to perform sexually. It was sickening to me. My wife also grabbed my shirt collar and I thought she was going to knee me in the groin so I immediately pushed her away. Luckily, the kids were in the other room and my parents broke everything up before hell could break loose. My wife even said that if I was a real man, I would try to make things right. She did not mention anything else about my new relationship but said that if my "lover *****" did not leave the house, she would try to have the post-nup thrown out under grounds of cruelty or something. I call BS on this one but will talk to my lawyer tomorrow.

 

I don't think I will make any effort to quickly remove the restraining order.

 

My AP/partner/whatever you want to call her said that despite all that is happened, my wife should have never said and did these horrible things. My wife had no reason to attack me and insult my manhood. No need for lowblows.

 

My children do not want to stay over in my/their house because they do not trust Rebecca. Instead, they want to stay with mom. I tried explaining everything but they are angry at me. I don't know how to fix this but I love Rebecca. I hope my children come around to her! Can anyone shed some light on how long it will take my children to accept my new partner?

[PaidBackNow]

I know some people are calling bs and I can understand. This would be a great movie script but it is life. I only bought her one thing from Tiffanys and it was only because she had mentioned the brand a couple of times in passing. I had gotten her a necklace from Zales and she loved it but then some time down the line, she mentioned how she loved stuff from Tiffanys. I did not break my bank getting her jewelry but she deserves it after helping me through some stuff - both work and personal. I also make a generous salary.

 

I won't comment on the restraining order bit anymore because my wife did try to assault me and had every intention of hurting me. i don't regret it anymore after how she reacted recently. No need to insult my manhood and threaten my ability to have children. I came to her to talk and sort things out but she essentially spits on my face.

[ComingInHot]

paid...: Are you kidding me right now? Seriously. Really, you're joking right?

[PaidBackNow]

bent - how am i despicable? she started hitting me and insulting my manhood in front of my parents! she was clearly in the wrong here.

[ComingInHot]

I know I'm kind of new here on LS but really, this isn't real is it? I mean this would never happen with a "grown" man right?!

[PaidBackNow]

Cominginhot, i get no joy out of writing this. if you think it is fake, that is your right.

 

if you can help my deal with my children and situation, that would be appreciated. what more proof do you need?

[PaidBackNow]

My parents are old fashioned. They do not know that nowadays, people's feelings can change. I loved my wife but overtime, feelings change and now I love Rebecca. I never felt anything like I do for Rebecca with my wife ever! even before her horrid A. That is love and not fog. Fog wouldn't last more than a year.

[PaidBackNow]

Tara - I don't understand. She should have kicked me out for me refusing her oral after she had desecrated her body. She did not even use protection with the OM! No matter how many showers she takes, it was disgusting and some residue will always be left over.

 

The post-nup was a good move on her part to win my trust back. It is just sad that all of this had to happen. I honestly thought I had forgiven her.

[ComingInHot]

paid: O.K. I'll give this my best shot... what you are saying is; you tortured your wife through spinning your marriage into one big lie, then verbally and emotionally abused her WHILE u were ( oh my mother of heaven I don't know what to call your Rebecca right now) doing Rebecca, then proceeded to demoralize her by kicking her out of the marritalhome that you have been cheating in to top it off with LYING to authorities to obtain an RO?!?! And NOW you are upset that she called you names? That your Father is looking at you with disgrace and your mother who cradled you and loved you and raised you to be an upstanding, honest asset to society is heartbroken by the "man" you are right now and "siding" with your wife? While finally, your own flesh and blood children won't/can't even look at you as they have had their innocence ripped from them by witnessing your current behavior towards them, their mother etc? My BEST advice is to pray for your soul. I AM NOT BEING SARCASTIC!! You are lost and spiriling out of control. Whatever is missing won't be found w/Rebecca or any one other person. Wow, I will not post about this thing again! I wracked.**

[PaidBackNow]

I admit I should have handled this better. vengeance might have blinded me but I TRULY LOVE REBECCA. I don't understand why my parents and kids can't accept that! Rebecca did nothing wrong. She just fell in love with me.

 

I was thinking of being more lax when it came to asset distribution but if I let one aspect slip, the whole postnup might be invalidated. My wife will then without a doubt TRY TO TAKE ME TO THE CLEANERS. I need the money for my kids and a new family with Rebecca. (No she is not pregnant yet but we are trying so soon, we will have another child.)

 

Also, as selfish as this sounds, I am saving up for a new car. My whole life I wanted a new convertible but my wife always earned way less than me and could not help greatly around the household finances. I did resent her for that but it was latent resentment and now I realize it.

 

In order to buy the Audi R8, I need to uphold the postnup. Rebecca says that my wife knew she was signing a legal document and that this should not come as a surprise to my wife.

 

Do you think if I later give my wife some money after the divorce and remove the restraining order, my wife, kids, and parents will be on talking terms with me?

[PaidBackNow]

I am going to go to sleep but tomorrow I might ask Rebecca to make posts on here. She reads over my shoulders and absolutely hates how you guys are depicting her to be a *****. She is one of the nicest people I know. She always helps other people out and cares for everybody.

[alexandria35]

I admit I should have handled this better. vengeance might have blinded me but I TRULY LOVE REBECCA. I don't understand why my parents and kids can't accept that! Rebecca did nothing wrong. She just fell in love with me.

 

I was thinking of being more lax when it came to asset distribution but if I let one aspect slip, the whole postnup might be invalidated. My wife will then without a doubt TRY TO TAKE ME TO THE CLEANERS. I need the money for my kids and a new family with Rebecca. (No she is not pregnant yet but we are trying so soon, we will have another child.)

 

Also, as selfish as this sounds, I am saving up for a new car. My whole life I wanted a new convertible but my wife always earned way less than me and could not help greatly around the household finances. I did resent her for that but it was latent resentment and now I realize it.

 

In order to buy the Audi R8, I need to uphold the postnup. Rebecca says that my wife knew she was signing a legal document and that this should not come as a surprise to my wife.

 

Do you think if I later give my wife some money after the divorce and remove the restraining order, my wife, kids, and parents will be on talking terms with me?

 

Why do keep changing your flipping story? In your first post you say your wife didn't assualt you but you said she did based on some old cuts you had. Then you came back and said she did assault you.

 

Now here you say your wife didn't help with household finances but in your first post you said this:

 

She got a much higher paying job and has been paying way more than her fair share of the bills even though she still earns less than me.

 

Are you a fake or are you a chronic liar on top of everything else? I'm hoping your fake because I don't want to believe that you're really subjecting your wife and kids to this cruelty.

 

As for your rebecca skank, you said in your first post that she hates your wife. Why exactly does she hate your wife? Because your wife treated you like royalty for years? Also rebecca is the one who lied and manipulated you into believing that your wife was cheating on you with your friend and then it turned out she was just planning a surprise party for you. Yes, rebecca sounds like a truly lovely individual. Please do have her post here. I would love to hear what the little angel has to say about all of this.

 

If you want your kids to ever ever speak to you again then you need to treat them and their mother with decency, starting right now. You and the OW get out of their house and your wife and kids live together there. Why do you have to be such a heartless prick. You and evil rebecca have your luuuuuve and your matching evil hearts to warm your future. Just leave your wife start over somewhere else.

[Leelou]

What do you mean you and your affair partner are trying to have a baby as soon as possible?! Are you NOT thinking of your children, AT ALL?? Their lives have been turned upside down, the LAST thing they need is for a stranger to replace their mother and for a new baby with her to replace them.

 

You have done everything the wrong way around. .WHY did you not listen when everyone on this board advised you NOT to let that woman into your children's home? We told you they would hate her if you did that. And you did it anyway, and now you are hurt and surprised that they feel like that? Are you just not listening to any common sense?

 

Listen, this woman, Rebecca is no good for you. She is a rotten character at heart. She hated your poor wife (a woman that Rebecca is trying to steal from, and replace, and hurt in everywhichwayshecan).. . please stop and think... this Rebecca woman will never love your kids like you do. She probably dislikes them right this minute because the poor children have shown that they don't like her, but it's not their fault, it's YOUR fault. You did not introduce her the right way around. You did it all the way SHE advised you to.

 

No doubt it's her idea to have your baby as fast as possible? She is trying to latch onto you permanently, and to replace your children. Trust me she is no good for you. The things she has advised you to do and the things she has said about your wife are cold-hearted, and are bad advise. You are truly not using your head here (well, not the one that you should be using).

 

She will destroy you.

 

But you will blindly go with her, won't you?

 

Have you not got ANY trusted close friends to bounce this off? Find one of your friends that you can trust, that will not be afraid to tell it like it is, and see what he has to say about this woman. She is no good for you at all. You will be sorry one day. You just cannot see what she is up to and how she is manipulating you and making you systematically destroy your own family unit.

[Leelou]

You cheated worse than your wife's one month romance and one weekend of sex, and then truth telling and remorse and rebuilding with you... you decided to cheat for over a year, full on sexual affair, fell in love too, and have been lying and cheating and deceiving your wife for twelve times as long as she ever did to you.

 

What punishment will be given to YOU for your crime? You also need to pay.

 

Also, Rebecca has had unprotected sex too, with other men, has she not? Think about THAT the next time you go down on her... it's stained with OM's semen.... just like your wife's was.... no different, right?

 

ugh

[Leelou]

PS: The residue on Rebecca from other men will be stronger than on your wife, as Rebecca had other sexual partners just last year, right? Before you?

 

Your poor wife has been faithful for what, over a decade? I doubt there was any 'residue' on her... no, the 'despicable residue' is the one you got now.