Tables have turned - The aftermath of my revenge affair

[road]

Rebecca is a garden hoe. Sleeping with a married man. They cheat with you they will cheat on you.

 

PBN pot calling out the kettle, unbelieveable. Another adulterer just as his WW.

 

Tara, yes his WW washed all the OM's ejaculate away off and out of her body.

 

However Tara sometimes there is no soap strong enough, shower hot enough to wash the images away from the BH's mind.

 

This is a thread that should be locked.

 

Paid back now does not need help to get divorced. He does not want to recover his marriage. We don't need to hear about his adultery.

[GG2W]

PBN: Please take my friendly manly advice.

 

Your wife got played by a predator OM, your are right, all he wanted was to bang her. How do I know, he could have been me. I am a male erotic performer, I have all the tools most common married men do not have, looks, good build, a little larger in the manhood area, the perfect setting, bar with all female customers, erotic dancing, lots of alcohol, for me the game is to get some married woman to do things she has never done with her husband, such as oral.

 

Mind you my life style puts me in lots of contact with my female counterparts.

 

Run from this Rebecca person as fast as you can. Your wife is not a gold digger but Rebecca is. Your are being played big time. It is one of the oldest cons in the book, so old it is biblical.

 

There are just too many red flags. By your admission you feel you are not that good looking, dental, acne, actually what you are suffering from is low esteem. Your new co-worker, Rebecca picked up on that right away, and is using it to play you.

 

She needs a place to stay. You take her purposeful wrongful advice, that your wife was cheating on you again and manipulated you into moving the mother of your children out, so she could move in.

 

Zales wasn't good enough, so she casually mentioned Tiffany, and you fell for it and bought her a Tiffany piece. The gals that I know have worked that same trick to get themselves a new Lexus.

 

Do not marry this woman, she is after you money, and I can guarantee you she is laughing at you behind you back. She will clean you out.

 

Your wife on the other hand, got played, and confessed. She is in love with you, she doesn't care about your acne and dental problems, she loves you.

 

Rebecca is only pretending to care for you, she only cares about your bank account.

[NoMagicBullet]

I knew the Tiffany jewelry was her idea! Maybe it was a "hint" but it was still her idea.

 

PaidBackNow, if you are going to seriously listen to anyone here, listen to GG2W -- his summary of the different AP's involved in the situation is spot on.

 

Just to add to that... you say that you and Rebecca are trying to have a baby as soon as possible. This was another "hint" by Rebecca, wasn't it? A child is just another way to seal the deal with you -- and when things with Rebecca fail (and they will), it means she can hit you up for serious child support. For many, many years.

 

I don't know why you think you're going to be able to afford this Audi. You use this self-indulgent fantasy to justify why you need to enforce the post-nup, but given the stuff you've been buying for Rebecca and a possible future child with her, all your money is going to be tied up with your future wife and child, no matter how much you can keep away from the old wife and kids.

 

It's a given you aren't thinking clearly about your relationships, and you've likely ruined the relationship with your kids beyond repair. But you aren't thinking clearly about your current or future finances either, even if you get what you want with marrying Rebecca and having a kid with her.

 

I don't know why Rebecca would want to post here, and why you would ask her to. Doesn't matter how nice she is or if she spends her time saving the world, she's the OTHER WOMAN, who has played a major part in destroying what seems to have been a happy marriage and family before she came along. She didn't have to get involved with you, but she chose to, and that makes her as guilty as you. (Although you are the more despicable one.) At this point in your story, she's just fresh meat for everyone here on LS to rip apart. Both you and Rebecca are truly selfish people who won't take responsibility for their actions, and neither of you care about anyone but yourselves -- that's why no one is on your side.

 

PaidBackNow, you've already destroyed your marriage and your wife, you've destroyed your relationship with your kids and the stability of their lives, and your relationship with your parents is likely on the way out, too. Keep walking this path, and your financial security will be destroyed. Think about that one, at least, because that's about all you have left. Other than Rebecca, who can walk out of your life just as easily as she walked into it -- and probably will one day.

Edited September 17, 2012 by NoMagicBullet
spelling

[CptSaveAho]

Whats the saying?

 

Hell have no fury like a woman (OP) scorned... The sad part is his wife is right, he's not a man. This entire thread is the action of a woman.

 

A MAN Would have WALKED away from the marriage if he wasn't happy with it. Not built up resentment, cried about not giving oral etc like a WOMAN

 

LOL HE GOT A RESTRAINING order on his wife because she kicked his ass and was going to do it again at his parents house.... does anyone else see this?

[PaidBackNow]

Just to prove you guys wrong, I asked Rebecca if she would sign a prenuptial agreement and she Said yes. What golddigger does that? She said she loves my children as her own. My children have been disrespectful to her but she still loves them. She bought them a new PS3 and a couple of games. Their own mother sometimes doesn't buy these nice things for them. How then is she a golddigger?

[ComingInHot]

OH MAN! My whole idyllic concept about discerning instead of judging has been completely blown out of the water w/this guy! I have completely Failed w/regards to this kids situation. Back to the drawing board!

 

And by the way Paid you never responded to my post as to accurately assessing your situation.... AAAaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!

[alexandria35]

Just to prove you guys wrong, I asked Rebecca if she would sign a prenuptial agreement and she Said yes. What golddigger does that? She said she loves my children as her own. My children have been disrespectful to her but she still loves them. She bought them a new PS3 and a couple of games. Their own mother sometimes doesn't buy these nice things for them. How then is she a golddigger?

 

The more you talk the dumber you sound. If your gf had the least bit of concern for your children she wouldn't be participating in your cruelty. She wouldn't think it's okay for you kick their mother out of the house and have her arrested. She wouldn't think it's okay for her to move right into the house your kids shared with their mom. Please tell me you're a fake. There's no way you truly believe that buying some toys equals love right? You're just pulling our leg and having some fun on a forum at our expense right? Your not really a middle aged man who is behaving this way are you, you're a high school girl just fooling around on the internet right?

 

If you're for real then I don't think there is much we can do to help you. You have done everything in your power to hurt your own children and alienate them from you and you're determined to continue down the same path so I guess you just need to prepare yourself to be hated by your children for a very very long time, maybe forever.

[Cb3657]

Know what, i will give you a huge benifit of the doubt and start out with the assumption you are not a fundementally evil person just someone caught in a web of self deception. I will garentee there will be a time you will look back at this with such shame you willl not be able to stand the idea that you did these things.

Whether or not you and Rebecca love each other your kids do not love her and never will, do you think if you wife had continued with her affair your kids would love that dude? Seeing what it did to you, hell you carried it for years after it stopped. I hope you can shake free of this muddled web of lies you have entangled yourself in ands take some steps to correct what you have done.

If you are a good person under all this I can see this driving some strong depression and suicidal thoughts down the road. Good luck

[PaidBackNow]

I am back from work now so I have more time to reply.

 

I understand I messed up big time. I ADMIT THAT. However, every time I try to get my wife to understand my situation, she starts yelling and pushing my buttons. One thing my wife said to me today when I went to see the kids (they were at my mom's house today...they need a stable environment since my wife is too emotional through all this) is "why I have to be a little ***** and see my kids in a neutral ground?", "Why did I need to get a restraining order?", and worst of all she told me, "Do you have any balls left in your sac or does Rebecca have those?". My parents and children were in the adjacent hallway and heard all of this! NOW TELL ME HOW THIS IS RIGHT? SHE IS EMASCULATING ME.

 

I did not reply but told her to watch her tongue and act like an adult. She then told me to get the f out of MY PARENT'S HOUSE. She blocked the hallway and kept on nudging me out. I did not call the police but I am sure this is a violation of the restraining order! My parents wouldn't even let me back in because they said, "this whole situation was scaring the kids". I made mistakes but my WIFE IS TURNING MY KIDS AND PARENTS AGAINST ME. This is horrible.

 

I am trying to get the restraining order removed by Wednesday. I am now willing to give my wife some decent share of the marital assets (15% or 20%) but my lawyer told me this is going to be hard to do. The postnup will either be enforced in whole or will be thrown out in entirety. I really really do not want to lose everything if my postnup is thrown out. I worked hard for all of this.

 

I know I said my wife contributed more than her "fair share" to the marital assets and this is true. HOWEVER, when it came to dollar amounts, I always contributed more. We used a percentage method for contribution. I made 70% of the combined household income and I paid 70% of the bills. Over the years, this adds up. So, no I do not truly feel my wife deserves 50% of the assets. I guess 30% would be fair but keep in mind that she broke my heart all those years ago. 20% is generous.

 

Sadly, my wife also blurted out today that her attorney will contest the postnup. I am not sure on what grounds but she said that she will stop at nothing to take me to the cleaners. The ultimate knife in the back is that my own father has agreed to help her pay for the lawyer and he said that it wasn't to hurt me but to make sure the grandkids are taken care of.

 

Rebecca is the only one on my side. When I told her about all of this, she said not to worry about the material things and that we still have each other. She also agreed to help me financially with her income if necessary. (In this new relationship, it will essentially be 50/50 because Rebecca typically earns about 5k less than me. With bonuses, she can earn as much or even slightly more.)

 

I could not talk to my kids today. Please, I am listening to all of your advice and now lifting the restraining order. What more can I do? The kids and my wife won't talk to me. How do I get her to stop saying these attacks on my manhood? (She knows this is one of my biggest insecurities...it is for most guys.)

[PaidBackNow]

In all honesty, why can't she accept that we are done and move on? She either tries to reconcile or then goes full blown angry at me.

 

Also ladies, why do you always go for the guy's manhood when you get angry at them? Why do you fight dirty?

[whichwayisup]

I could not talk to my kids today. Please, I am listening to all of your advice and now lifting the restraining order. What more can I do? The kids and my wife won't talk to me. How do I get her to stop saying these attacks on my manhood? (She knows this is one of my biggest insecurities...it is for most guys.)

 

You have to realize you created this mess and turned your wife's life upside down. Yes, each of you have had a role in the demise of your marriage. She cheated, and you intentionally had a revenge affair and did a rude and complete 180 on your wife. She is reacting on raw emotion and is deeply hurt. She doesn't deserve this from you..Deep down you know this too.

 

Ignore her. You can't stop her from saying stuff that hurts you considering you took the sword and stabbed her in the heart, you did a restraining order against her and you think she's not worth much (not giving her much in the D) ..Remember, she brought up those kids. She made the house (yes, you paid for much of it) but she did contribute in so many ways..she is worth something, more than a piece of poo on the bottom of your shoe.

 

STOP letting Rebecca around your children. If you want things calmer, keep her away from them, that will calm your wife down a bit.

 

Seek counselling. For you, your children and your wife..ALL of you should go to family counselling too.

[PaidBackNow]

I am not taking the children away! They get to see her more than me because they want to stay at grandma and grandpa's house. They dislike their own home now. I feel like they are being ungrateful at certain times but I can understand the turmoil.

 

I may not be emasculated but it is embarrassing to hear those things in front of my family. I also worry that pretty soon, my wife will start to reveal certain hidden secrets (nothing illegal) to the family that I confided in her. I don't know how to stop this. So far, she has brought nothing up but Rebecca warned me that my wife appears to not be above using low blows to hurt me.

[GLDheart]

...my WIFE IS TURNING MY KIDS AND PARENTS AGAINST ME. This is horrible...

 

Right... "SHE" is turning turning them against you...

 

 

...20% is generous...

 

Woah there Big spender.

 

...How do I get her to stop saying these attacks on my manhood? (She knows this is one of my biggest insecurities...it is for most guys.)

 

Too late now... I think it's just beginning for you.

[Cb3657]

Man you have to get over the thought that this is payback, it is way past that now. You have to repair your relationship with your children and parents, what is that worth to you, are your assets worth that much?

How much would I pay to have my child back if he died? I would give it all and more voluntarily.

Things you cannot fix

1 your kids will never love Rebecca, if you stop this soon you can get to a point were they will be civil and tolerate her

2) you cannot fix what happened to you through punishing your wife

Thing you can fix

1)your kids and parents can learn to rerespect you if you put aside this long open wound and be a bigger person

2)you can try to build a long term relationship with Rebecca

See in this case you can only win by giving up your grievance, saying I can be better than this and giving your wife half,

I sincerely hope you can for your own sake

[PaidBackNow]

You are are incredible. :sick:

 

Why do you hate me so much? I did nothing to you. I admit I messed up and am trying to navigate my way through. What is so incredible about this statement I made? I told my wife everything (almost) and loved her so I trusted her even after dday. It may come back to bite me in the ass.

[whichwayisup]

I am not taking the children away! They get to see her more than me because they want to stay at grandma and grandpa's house. They dislike their own home now. I feel like they are being ungrateful at certain times but I can understand the turmoil.

 

I may not be emasculated but it is embarrassing to hear those things in front of my family. I also worry that pretty soon, my wife will start to reveal certain hidden secrets (nothing illegal) to the family that I confided in her. I don't know how to stop this. So far, she has brought nothing up but Rebecca warned me that my wife appears to not be above using low blows to hurt me.

 

THe thing is, you're putting all the blame on your wife and making her shoulder all this..Even your kids too. The kids are the last to blame! Of course they're ungrateful.. What kid at times isn't?? I take it they are teens or close to that age?

 

Stop involving Rebecca in your marital life and dragging her into this. Your kids are being manipulated by her (and you) and sooner or later that will explode when the dust has settled and people calm down.

 

Don't assume your wife is going to spill secrets about you. You can change that by being nicer to her, talking to her and showing her respect.. Diffuse the bomb if you're afraid of it blowing up.

 

I hope this makes sense.

 

Give some thought to family counselling (without Rebecca and without her input into all of this!).

[whichwayisup]

Why do you hate me so much? I did nothing to you. I admit I messed up and am trying to navigate my way through. What is so incredible about this statement I made? I told my wife everything (almost) and loved her so I trusted her even after dday. It may come back to bite me in the ass.

 

You didn't..Otherwise this affair with Rebecca never would have happened. Go back and re-read your thread.

 

You're hurting, your wife is hurting and most of all your kids are hurting from this awful mess. Put Rebecca and what you have with her on hold and sort out all this in a healthier and better way so your kids don't end up hating you later on. Right now they are going where the wind blows ($$ and presents) but as I said before, when the dust settles they are going to see Rebecca as manipulative and trying to buy their love/affection.

[alexandria35]

rebecca warned you your wife isn't above using low blows? Now that really is laughable coming from her wouldn't you say? How about how rebecca manipulated you and emasculated you by planting evil little thoughts in your head about your wife and you weren't manly enough to stand up to her and think for yourself. rebecca is the one stealing your manhood buddy! I'm still waiting for you to tell me why rebecca hated your wife. Why? Cause your wife treated you so good for so many years?

 

Why can't your wife just get over it and accept things? Umm...how long ago did you tell her about your affair and kick her out of her house? a couple of weeks? I've got news for you, she is going to need at least a couple of years and lots of therapy to even begin to work through the horrible cruelty her husband inflicted upon her. I love that your parents are helping her. Imagine how much more of a nightmare this would be for her if she had nobody in her corner. Thank God your parents are decent and moral and know right from wrong. Thank God for them! Your wife is going through a personal hell that you can't even begin to fathom because while she may have cheated on you she showed remorse and regret and did everything she could to make it up to you, well you have been nothing but heartless and cruel and nasty and evil to her.

 

If you serioulsy want any chance of a future relationship with your kids then the first thing you will do is get the OW OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! Your relationship with her/it should be laid totally to the side for the moment while you work on disolving your marriage in a kind and decent way and your kids should take priority over everyone else right now. I mean if rebecca loves you and your kids so much, she won't mind stepping out of the picture so that you can do things the right way, right? I mean if you two low lifes are so in love then you should be able to take a break from each other and start your relationship later when things with your kids have been stablized wouldn't you think? Or you can just keep doing what your doing, keep the OW in your kids house, keep forcing her and your relationship on the kids and your parents and get ready to have those relationships damaged forever. Your parents and your kids will never respect you again. Hope it was worth it to you.

 

Oh and I just wanted to let you know, in case you think all the replies you are receiving are from bitter betrayed spouses, that a good deal of the replies you have received aren't from the betrayed at all. I'm not a betrayed spouse and many of the other replies are from current or ex OW/OM. Everyone unanimously agrees that you and your OW are nasty nasty people. It's very rare for the OW and the Betrayed to agree on much in these forums but on your thread everyone is united. Your OW is creepy and makes everyones skin crawl.

[NoMagicBullet]

Why do you hate me so much? I did nothing to you.

 

You seem to lack any real empathy, so maybe that's why you can't understand that the majority of the empathy the rest of us here have is going to your kids and your wife. You didn't have to do anything to us anonymous people on the internet -- you've done incredibly cruel things to your wife and kids, and that's more than enough for many of us to seriously dislike you.

 

I admit I messed up and am trying to navigate my way through.

 

You've barely admitted to messing up, and even the few things you've admitted to, like having the affair in the first place, you are not the least bit remorseful for. There's still a lot more you are ingoring and not taking repsonsibility for.

 

You're not trying to get through this enormous mess you've made -- you're trying to have your cake and eat it too, and you don't care who you have to hurt to get what you want. You refuse to stop thinking about yourself and how your actions have affected... no, deeply wounded the people who loved you long before Rebecca came into the picture: your kids, your wife, and your parents. You've s**t on them and their love for you with your actions, and you continue to do so.

 

And to top it off, you come here and complain that your wife has insulted you (glossing over the fact that you've wrecked her life, humiliated her, and called her names) and your kids are ungrateful (ignoring that you've tossed their mother out of the house and attempted to replace her with a total stranger).

 

No, you really haven't admitted to all the wrong you have done to others. Until you do, until you feel true remorse for it all, until you sincerely desire to make amends and fix the damage you have done, you won't really "navigate your way through this".

[Meatballsmom]

Just like 2.50 predicted your children are turning against you, that should be a hint that just maybe the posters on this forum know what they are talking about.

 

And you are already rewriting the history, it is your wife and your parents who are turning your kids against you. This is classic blame shifting, It is your actions that are pushing them away.

 

Seriously your own parents! Get a clue you are totally wrong.

 

A man is judged by his actions, and your actions are not very manly, so

your wives word are quite appropriate. To quote Popeye: "You am what you am" live with it, it is your own doing.

[AlexDP]

Wow.

 

I understand some people want revenge, but this..

 

How? Why?

[AnotherRound]

What. The. F***.

 

I just read this whole thread. Wtf did I just read?

 

There is NO way this is real... is there?

 

Holy....

[ComingInHot]

AnotherRound: EXACTLY!! I actually posted similar. I am SO glad it's not just me.

It actually whether try or not true makes ME feel a lot more sane & stable than I thought**

[waterwoman]

No need for lowblows.

?

 

 

LOL! This is classic Are you familiar with the word 'irony'

 

<wanders off shaking her head at OP's stubborn obtusness>

[Got it]

Paid - what exactly did you think would happen? Remember how upset you were about your wife's affair? Don't you think she would feel similar?

 

You are actually owning none of your actions. Everything thing you have apologized for you have come back and defended why you did it.

 

I just keep shaking my head trying to figure out what you expected to happen. And sorry, your wife may use those secrets. Why should she have any loyalty to you, you have none to her.

 

I would expect the post nup to be challenged as I am sure it can be proven that you have violated it yourself.

 

I suggest lots and lots of IC for you.