Tables have turned - The aftermath of my revenge affair

[Athena]

 

My parents are appalled at what is happening and are unfortunately siding with her. I hope I do not lose my kids over this either.

 

I am relieved to hear that your parents are normal, rational beings who are also appalled at your crazy behavior.

As you can see from all the responses here on your thread, you have been seen in the same light as your parents see you... and this will be the way you will be judged.

 

You still have some time to correct your wrongs.

 

First, retract your restraining order.

Apologize to your wife.

You don't have to try to make it up with her (poor woman, I hope you divorce her) but at least remove your RO based on LIES, and give her an apology...

Then MOVE OUT of "your" house, and move in with your OW someplace new.

 

Your kids need the stability that their mother can provide them in their own home... you cannot bring in a stranger to their home, and throw their mother out, you will be damaging them. Do you get that part?! YOU will be DAMAGING your children.

 

Do the right thing, man.

You've had your fun and games, now do the right thing to salvage your mistakes.

 

It doesn't matter "who started it", you cannot brutalize your wife and your children's lives on that flimsy excuse.

 

Your OW sounds like a dangerous woman... she uses a special kind of logic to incite the worst behavior out of you. I'd hate for her to turn that on YOU one day, when the lovey-dovey niceness and newness of your secret affair is over. Whew.

 

Talk about hooking up with the wrong person, she is helping you destroy your life, don't be a fool. Don't think with your dick.

[PaidBackNow]

Rebecca, my exAP/soon to be wife, would never throw me under the bus because her and I are genuinely in love. I realize I may be in the "fog" that BSes speak of but I think there is no fog for us. We are both pretty intelligent and well-educated professionals and have a plan for the future.

 

Hopefully, we won't make the same mistakes as before.

 

Rebecca is also not using me or anything. She makes as much money as me and is better off financially than my wife.

[Athena]

Rebecca, my exAP/soon to be wife, would never throw me under the bus because her and I are genuinely in love. I realize I may be in the "fog" that BSes speak of but I think there is no fog for us. We are both pretty intelligent and well-educated professionals and have a plan for the future.

 

Hopefully, we won't make the same mistakes as before.

 

Rebecca is also not using me or anything. She makes as much money as me and is better off financially than my wife.

 

You are side-tracking now... it's not about "Rebecca would never throw me under the bus", it's about WHAT YOUR ACTIONS ARE.... and guess what? Rebecca is bringing out the WORST in you.

That is NOT true love.

[alexandria35]

this is the most evil sadistic story I have ever read.

 

Your wife did a terrible terrible thing many years ago but she spent every day of her life since proving herself to you and treating you like a king while you treated her with disdain and unforgiveness. She doesn't derserve one bit of what you are doing to her now. She sounds like she spent years being a good wife and mother with a kind loving heart. I cannot say the same about you. Your heart is black with bitterness and hate. You have such a sadistic need to inflict pain on your wife that you don't even care that your children are damaged. It's sickening.

 

Please do divorce her. Hopefully after some time and therapy she will recover and move on to find someone who deserves her. Please let her stay in the house and have her children there. You and your OW with your black little hate filled hearts can go live out your lives somewhere else. I commend your parents for not siding with you.

[2sure]

The house is not legally yours until the divorce is final. Read your own post. And you said the assets were divided, but in your favor on a post nup...but now you say they aren't divided, she gave you everything house and 2 cars. Didn't happen.

 

And you go onto say that when you pushed your wife out of the house and got the restraining order And custody of the kids, they were at their aunts ...and still have no idea what's going on because now they are somewhere else. Sure, she signed them over to right? And they are teenagers according to your timeline.

They can't be placated. Period. They will eat you alve for what you have done. In court.

 

You've been stewing on this fantasy for a long time.

[GLDheart]

Your wife doesn't know it yet but you did her a big favor. I'm sorry that she is going through a hell induced by you, but it will help her make a clean break from your twisted mess.

 

You know what? She will carve out her parenting time little by little. Each piece the judge awards her will feel like a loss to you. It is inevitable. In the end she will have her fair share of her children and you will be left with your weirdo new girl friend who talks about some "5 minute robbery" analogy like it justifies your horrific retribution.

 

Again, your wife will heal and move on but you will still be stuck being you.

[Steen719]

The house is not legally yours until the divorce is final. Read your own post. And you said the assets were divided, but in your favor on a post nup...but now you say they aren't divided, she gave you everything house and 2 cars. Didn't happen.

 

And you go onto say that when you pushed your wife out of the house and got the restraining order And custody of the kids, they were at their aunts ...and still have no idea what's going on because now they are somewhere else. Sure, she signed them over to right? And they are teenagers according to your timeline.

They can't be placated. Period. They will eat you alve for what you have done. In court.

 

You've been stewing on this fantasy for a long time.

 

Yeah, is this crap or what?

[veryhappy]

You and Rebecca are both evil, and combined are nuclear. See if there's a sociopath test online, because the two of you show no empathy. You are the kind of people typical people hope never to meet.

 

Tell us again, how had you scratched yourself the day you pretended the injuries was caused by your wife?

 

I hope someone in real life finds this and your wife reads it, and divorces you after understanding what a piece of @$% you are.

[Spark1111]

Rebecca, my exAP/soon to be wife, would never throw me under the bus because her and I are genuinely in love. I realize I may be in the "fog" that BSes speak of but I think there is no fog for us. We are both pretty intelligent and well-educated professionals and have a plan for the future.

 

Hopefully, we won't make the same mistakes as before.

 

Rebecca is also not using me or anything. She makes as much money as me and is better off financially than my wife.

 

Wait....let's think on this.

 

According to you, your wife did eventually confess and then spent every waking moment trying to make her transgression up to you....FOR YEARS.

 

According to you, your wife and you had many good years where you loved and enjoyed each other. She lavished her love upon you.

 

Then you met Rebecca, and she slowly and insidiously showed you what a hateful person your wife really was. Why she had denied you oral (but then gave it because it was so important to you) and didn't make enough money (taking care of the kids?) and did not give you anal (did you ask?) and showed you what a hateful person this remorseful wife was!

 

And you bought it hook, line and sinker. Believing your wife was again cheating on you instead of planning a surprise birthday party for you. Rebecca said it must be true, so it must be true!

 

Your parents have sided with your wife. You are shocked. Rebecca said your wife would do that, cheat and manipulate your parents and your children against you!

 

Bud, I got news for you. Rebecca is a spidey woman. A predator. She doesn;t want you, she wants to best your poor wife. And when she is done sucking the blood at of you, your wife, your parents, and your friends, she will move on to the next MM.

 

Think hard on this: A woman who TRULY loves you would never have you hate your wife, alienate your children and sadden your parents. A woman who truly loves you would want the people who love you to continue to do so.

 

She would have patience, never say a bad word about your wife; would never cause you to alienate your kids, or sadden your parents.

 

She would tell you to take your time, mend your bridges, do not introduce me to your children until they have healed from the divorce, and I will never move in with you and you filed a restraining order against your wife?

 

Are you crazy? That is what a woman who truly loved you would do.

 

But a woman who needs to be empowered by sucking the life blood out of you would do that.A woman who encourages you do to destroy and punish the mother of your children would do that. A woman who does not care if you sadden your parents and destroy your children would do that.

 

Are you TRULY impressed with her because she makes more money than your wife? In the great scheme of things, why is that something you care about? Did Rebecca make you think that was what was important?

 

Here is what I woul do. I would tell Rebecca you are dropping the restraining order. That she needs to find her own place. That you need to divorce with dignity and take your time so your wife and children can adjust to it safely.

 

You want time to make ammends to your parents, and that you intend to generously give your wife what she deserves after all these years.

 

Watch her reaction. You will know fairly quickly how much this woman loves you, has patience for your plan, and really loves you.

 

I guess it will be about 30 seconds, and then she will want to blow you. So she can manipulate you to her will.

[Spark1111]

Wait a second...surely the OP is no prize....but his soon to be XWife is just a much a loser as he is...

 

The restraining order was justified...she threatened them...

 

She cheated first, she deserves any revenge he cares to lay on her....

 

The OP's wife, like many cake eating cheaters, was a complete hypocrite.

 

She didn't/wouldn't do certain sexual things UNTIL she thought her marriage might be on the line? Oh pity her....that's just too typical, isn't it?

 

All that's happened is the OP has carried out a revenge plan that is pretty similar to what every single Betrayed spouse has at least thought about one time or another.

 

Everyone's so awfully mad at the OP.

 

But why?

 

His soon to be x wife is free to do whatever the heck she wants. She always has been. When she cheated on him, she didn't give a frack about his feelings. When she withheld certain sexual acts that he wanted, she didn't give a frack about his feelings.

 

It took ten years for the final act to play out. That's not the OP's fault.

 

Would it have been better if he immediately had a revenge affair?

 

All this story goes to show is that once a person decides to have an affair, they have NO control over the ultimate consequences.

 

As far as the children's welfare--well how dare anyone chastise the OP about the children. They aren't little kids anymore. You know, like they were when OP's wife cheated on him?

 

Look--I don't think OP's affair was a very good idea. And actually getting married to his OW is just dumb, he definitely at least needs to wait a while and get an iron clad prenup before even thinking about going through with it.

 

But everyone seems rather over the top in their criticisms which border on the vituperative.

 

The OP is obviously broken.

 

His cheating soon to be X wife is the one who broke him.

 

As they say at the curio shop--"You break it, you bought it."

 

Oh, mr. lincoln......you are so much smarter than this.

 

They had many wonderful years....until Spidey Woman moved in.

 

Now, he is gleefully overthrowing his marriage, his children, his parents, for the blow job queen who has convinced him his wife is not worth his time or affection.

 

Who deserves Tiffany jewelry and trips and lots of financial gifts and lauds it over him that he never did that for his wife because he must have never loved her for YEARS.

 

His wife, planning a surprise party for him, is accused of cheating, YEARS after the fact.

 

Give me a break. He is being played by a master manipulator. And he is believing her bs......because of frequent bjs.

 

You cannot believe man are so easily manipulated, are they?

 

How sad.....if that is the criterior for proving love to a man.

[Leelou]

 

All this story goes to show is that once a person decides to have an affair, they have NO control over the ultimate consequences.

True ...

[frozensprouts]

OP,

 

your "other woman" sounds very much like someone who is very predatory in nature. She saw you were vulnerable and made her move. She knows just what to say to keep you on the hook and dancing to her tune. Time for you to tell the piper to cram it and starting using your brain....

 

If you don't, one day you'll wake up to find your kids hate her, don't like you much either, and the lovely Rebecca will be in some other man's bed. You'll think longingly back to the life you threw away, but it will be too late.

 

Stay with your wife and make a fresh, honest start, or divorce your wife and give her ( and you) a new start..doesn't really mater which. But whatever you decide, be a man about it. A man stands up and does what is best for his kids,not what is best for him or his new interest. What is best is to treat their mother with respect, whether or not you choose to stay together. A real man gives his children the security of knowing that both parents love them and want what's best for them, and are willing to work together to reach that goal. A real man doesn't push their feelings aside for his own self gratification...

 

start being a man and not something else...

 

you've let your anger and revenge poison you for so long now...stop letting your other woman feed the flames and let it go ( your description of her and her input reminds me of those old chraactures of a man with a devil on his shoulder whispering in his ear, while the angel on the other won't be heard)

[eleanorrigby]

Paidback do you still feel any love for your wife?

[frozensprouts]

Well simply because OP has been so darn honest about his reasons for cheating--forthrightly proclaiming his birthright to a revenge affair--everyone is completely shocked at his nads (and also because he happens to be a man).

 

Do I believe that there was actually a surprise party being planned?

 

It's at least equally likely that his wife had something going on with the best friend (so typical) and the surprise party story was just an excuse.

 

Did OP's wife, who is seemingly so close to OP's parents, also communicate with them about planning the surprise party? Can they confirm that they even knew anything about it?

 

What about any of the other guests that were going to be invited?

 

Who was bringing the beer, who was bringing the chips, who was bringing the cups and plates and plastic cake forks?

 

A great big surprise party is being planned, and the only one she has secret txts to is....the so called "best friend"?

 

I think anyone who has been on this website for longer than two seconds knows better to believe such a story at face value.

 

and if she was telling the truth?

[Leelou]

I still really want to know about the surprise party. I think he knows there was going to be one, his phraseology implies this... and glossed over that detail, because he realizes now that he was wrong about her cheating again, but can't say so, because then he has to look at everything with different eyes.

Yes, he did state in a later post that it looked like there WAS a planned party, he said even his own parents were informed about it, before the crap hit the fan!

[frozensprouts]

If she was telling the truth, she could produce the guest list.

 

She could produce receipts.

 

She could produce what the party plans were.

 

OP's parents would have been clued in on it too.

 

It wouldn't just be txts to the best friend.

 

 

fair enough...

but what i meant was what if she was telling the truth about the party...would that change anything to him, or would he just spin that too?

[Leelou]

If she was telling the truth, she could produce the guest list.

 

She could produce receipts.

 

She could produce what the party plans were.

 

OP's parents would have been clued in on it too.

 

It wouldn't just be txts to the best friend.

 

here's his realization...

Originally Posted by PaidBackNow

It bothers me greatly to learn that my wife was actually telling the truth about my surprise bday party (she had also called my own mother and father about it).

[Leelou]

At the risk of defending the seemingly indefensible OP, maybe I am playing a little devil's advocate, it's not all black and white by any means. This is from the first post:

 

 

 

We all know how BSs can "trigger" and "lose it" from time to time. Look at how his supposedly remorseful wife reacted when he did that--see the bolded portion.

 

A remorseful former cheating wife doesn't say crap like that when the BS triggers. Those words in dark black are clearly the words of an unremorseful unrepentant cheater who "got caught", has to toe the line, and fully resents having to toe the line.

 

THAT's likely why the OP never got over his grudge.

 

Every time throughout the years when something made him trigger on the affair, she would reveal her true self--the true self of the completely unremorseful cheater.

 

That's the key to this whole mystery, why it all seems so peculiar--because the OP is rather clueless, and/or unwilling to acknowledge consciously that his wife never really was remorseful for the affair.

 

But deep down he knew, he always knew, he was reminded every time he triggered and she reacted by viciously threatening to take him for every thing he was worth, "including the house," and topping that off by demeaning him with the insecurity of no one else ever seeing him as a worthwhile partner. Such cruel and vicious behavior by a supposedly "reformed" ex cheating spouse? Not on your life.

 

All OP did was finally, after ten years of being treated like this, turn the tables on her. OP PROVED that he COULD get someone else--he got Rebecca. And he kicked HER out of the house, well too bad-so sad--that's what SHE threatened to do to him multiple times.

Okay, this is a convincing argument...

 

However, convincing arguments aside, he still has time now to correct some of his instinctive bad choices, like moving his OW in, and marrying her too quick.

[frozensprouts]

I completely agree that he should not have had the affair, he should have divorced his wife or gone to counseling or something.

 

He is clearly not thinking straight, but still he is responsible for his actions and their consequences.

 

The kids will suffer the collateral damage which is the biggest shame.

 

I hope these children have a good role model from someone in their life for how to act like an adult

[alexandria35]

I still really want to know about the surprise party. I think he knows there was going to be one, his phraseology implies this... and glossed over that detail, because he realizes now that he was wrong about her cheating again, but can't say so, because then he has to look at everything with different eyes.

 

LFH he did address this in his OP

 

It bothers me greatly to learn that my wife was actually telling the truth about my surprise bday party (she had also called my own mother and father about it).

 

She was never cheating on him with his friend. She was telling the truth.

[whichwayisup]

My parents are appalled at what is happening and are unfortunately siding with her. I hope I do not lose my kids over this either.

 

Rightfully so!

 

You don't see what we are all seeing, nor do you see what your own parents are seeing. Also, do you believe your mom and dad, let alone your kids, are going to accept 'Rebecca' in their lives asap? Let alone into the future?

 

It just makes me so sad that you're moving so fast and those poor innocent children of yours will be forced to have a new stepmother without having a say.

 

Drop the RO against your (ex)wife. You KNOW she would never hurt her own flesh and blood.

[2long]

Am I really the only one here who doesn't think this story is real at all?

 

-ol' 2long

[SidLyon]

Am I really the only one here who doesn't think this story is real at all?

 

-ol' 2long

 

No, but we mustn't use the "t" word.

[NoMagicBullet]

Am I really the only one here who doesn't think this story is real at all?

 

-ol' 2long

 

No, but we mustn't use the "t" word.

 

I kind of thought the same, but the part about the parents siding with the wife is awfully realistic given the circumstances. Very elegant touch to the story, if it's not real.

 

Everyone here has pretty much said what I would, except that I'll add these general comments: If you are going to stay with your SO after they have cheated on you, it's a given that they have to do a lot of work on a continual basis to demonstrate their ongoing committment to the relationship. But that also means that their prior cheating is not a card you get to pull out at any future time to use in whatever way you want, especially not to justify your own bad behaviour.

 

I could understand the OP being suspicious that his wife may be cheating again, but using her cheating to justify his own affair? After years and years later, after he decided to stay with her and THEN have children with her? (That's one thing that wasn't a factor when OP's wife cheated -- no kids were involved then.) That this current affair is righteous revenge is BS. You don't stay with someone for something like a decade and a half, apparently in agreement on making the relationship work, then pull crap like this and say the other person deserves it -- unless you are seriously twisted. Like beyond Machiavellian twisted. If the OP couldn't really forgive his wife and move forward, he should have divorced her long ago, before the kids came along. But the damage is done, so there's no going back now.

 

I agree with others on Spidey Woman (love that nick name!) -- dude, your AP has got you wrapped around her little finger. Was it really your idea to buy her all that Tiffany jewelry? I bet she let you think it was your idea. How convenient for her that she didn't renew her lease and needed somewhere to stay -- if for some reason she had to move, she could have been respectful of your family situation (that is, the presence of your kids) and found someplace else to stay until after the divorce is final. After all, she makes as much as you do, so she can afford it. Your wife may have cheated on you all those years ago, but she spent a big chunk of her life and yours making it up to you. Spidey Woman hasn't been with you a year even, and she's already "benefitting" from you in ways your wife never did, in addition to encouraging your cheating on your wife. This woman has not shown herself to be quality material as a wife or stepmom. I'd bet money that this 2nd marriage, should it come to pass, will not last a fraction of the length of your 1st. Your wife signed a post-nup; will this woman sign a pre-nup? She seems much more materialistic than your wife, and if your marriage to her doesn't work out, I think the odds are good she'll take you to the cleaners. I don't like saying that about anyone, but in this case, I'm really, really suspicious about the money she's now gotten used to you spending on her.

 

It would be in your best interests to slow things down and take a good look at this woman's flaws and her self-serving behaviour so far. (You don't seem interested in examining your own malicious, self-serving behaviour, so I won't bother addressing that, since others already have.)

 

Oh yeah, the weekend is over -- just curious, but where are the kids now, and what did you end up telling them? Have they met their future stepmom? If so, how did that go?

[Steen719]

Am I really the only one here who doesn't think this story is real at all?

 

-ol' 2long

 

Nope, that's why I said what a bunch of crap. Shhhhhh...bb is watching.