Girlfriend was abused in her past

[domple]

Hi Everyone,

 

My girlfriend was abused very badly for a long time 8 years ago. She never really dealt with it and due to taking hormones from a surgery recently, she has (in the past week or 2) started to overlay her feeling of fear onto me. She is aware of this and asked me to give her space. I am doing my best but as I am a very talkative and emotional person, she is not (she likes to keep things to herself).

 

I have never been violent but rather loving and supportive. I would like to know what I can do. I know there isn't much and asked for space and I am giving her that which hurts very much as I miss her and want to see her. We saw each other yesterday for the first time since she broke down and was looking a lot better and I hope she continues to improve but I am scared of loosing her (or that she will not improve. She was keeping her distance but she was happy to see me.

 

I have been told by some people that after a few weeks she should calm down and hopefully be back to normal when the hormones wear off but she has re-opened a can of worms from her past and as she is the quiet type I cant gauge where she is at. She doesn't want to talk to me (but asked to communicate every couple of days) and says she has feelings (although now she feels numb) and said she would like to continue the relationship when she is better.

 

If anyone can give me some advice on what to do I would appreciate it.

 

The original link is here which explains more in detail How to cope during a break or whatever this is

again any advice on this would be appreciated.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

You need to get her to therapy as soon as possible!!!!

 

 

If you can't afford it, call the county health department and see if they can share any ideas as to where she can go for free or reduced cost.

[domple]

I have spoken to her today about it and will come over to pick up my stuff. I love we very much and she loves me. It could take months or years for her to fix. I know

She is going into hypno therapy and normaly therapy in 2.5 weeks time. Maybe holding on is a bad idea so I won't try. I just feel like I've been kicked in the guts and I'm the one doing the kicking

[turnera]

Unfortunately, she needs time alone. She needs to become familiar with herself as a human being, not someone's partner. If she stays in the therapy long term, she will come out a VERY improved version of who she is today. I hope you will give her time and space and just be supportive as she goes through this.

 

It's said that most people quit therapy after 3 to 5 sessions, because that's when the 'real work' kicks in and you have to really face the demons; explain that to her and tell her you hope she will stick it out to at least 10 to 15 sessions.

[domple]

thanks for everyones comments

 

 

I went to her place last night. I had every expectation to break up with her. But when I saw her my eyes lit up and was just so happy to see her. Its just weird and it breaks my heart. I went in and said look I don’t want to prolongue this how about I just grab my stuff and she looked shocked and said are you sure you don’t want a coffee? You see if you read my other posts she said she was afraid of me and I didn’t want to be around her if I caused her fear.

 

Turns out that those feelings were from the hormones and she stopped taking them and is a lot better now and is not afraid of me.

We spoke for a couple of hours and said she understood if I left because we only dated for 3 months but the way she said she feels about me and that she wants a normal life and is willing to do everything I was willing to give her another chance.

 

My family like her but think im a little nuts for sticking around. The way that she sees it is that shes off the dating menu but in the kitchen or that she is betrothed (and that I am the groom) but that I am not here right now.

She asked to be friends and to see each other once a week and to communicate but I said I cant go from being your boyfriend to some friend it feels weird. She said of course I only expect you to be my friend while im going through this process.

 

As we sat she told me that she doesn’t like intimacy and I didn’t realise but I was stroking her hair (I used to do that all the time) and was holding her leg. She said that she prefer that I didn’t stroke her hair or leg BUT said she had to give me some leverage as she still sees me as her partner in a sense.

 

I have hope and faith and I am regretting staying with her but she just melts me when I am near her. I feel bad as this is a forum for people who have been abused, does anyone know a site of people in my position whos partners are abused and are getting the help they need? Or any insight from people who have been abused and advice as this isn’t a short trip but I love her so much