I think he likes me too, but neither of us is making a move!

[funnyface]

He is a friend of a guy friend and I like him VERY much, but I am so confused and not even 100% sure he likes me.

 

We actually met for the first time a few months ago - we met and talked for about 10 or so minutes, and it just felt like instant connection, to the point where after they were heading off to hang out with some other people, he said, "come on, you're coming too" (I mean am I crazy but... guys don't just do that sort of thing if they aren't attracted - right?). I actually did not go because I had plans, but then that was the last we saw of each other for a while.

 

Then, we met up again about a week ago. We were all hanging out over Labor Day weekend with a large group of mutual friends. He was being flirty IMO - poking fun at me for no reason, one night when I didn't come to hang out with "the guys" he said, "I was really looking forward to you hanging out with us". When we had to part ways again and say goodbye, it was very awkward since I was nervous and it seemed like we were both kind of waiting for the other person to say something substantial, but it just sort of ended like "well.... okay then..... bye....."

 

In the meantime, all I wanted to do was talk to him, so I added him on... um... lets just say, not a commonly used social media site. As in, to find him I had to stalk him and find out his last name... I almost didn't do it and normally NEVER do things like that, but I couldn't help it.

 

Flash forward to this weekend, where our mutual guy friend comes down to visit from college and, lo and behold, brings my crush with him (which he has NEVER done before). I hung out with them briefly, and after some time, had about 10 minutes of alone time with him... just talking, simply for the sake of talking to each other (which is what it felt like), again, with that tense feeling of, waiting for someone to say something that isn't just idle chit chat. After a while, he FINALLY says, "It was really nice seeing you this weekend. I was really glad that you added me... when I got that message, it just COMPLETELY made my day." (and yes, the "completely" was stressed just like that )

 

So of course, like an idiot, I didn't really say much, had to leave soon afterwards, and had another, nervous, very awkward, mentally screaming "PLEASE SAY SOMETHING OR ASK ME FOR MY NUMBER" goodbye.

 

 

I like him so much, he is all I have thought about for a week - but I am confused on so many levels.

 

1. He is sort of reserved but... if he was REALLY interested, wouldn't he ask our mutual friend for some info? Wouldn't he ask me for my number???

 

2. What happens now? Who's court is the ball in?

 

3. If, in fact, I wait for him to make a move - how long do I have to wait? Do guys normally take this long to tell a girl they are interested in her?

[kamani]

We can't read other peoples minds, but it appears that he likes you. How long one should take to make a move depends on the personality.

 

He's sure that you like him and may be enjoying your nervousness.

 

 

1. He is sort of reserved but... if he was REALLY interested, wouldn't he ask our mutual friend for some info? Wouldn't he ask me for my number???

You can't be sure. He may, or he may not. His approach may be different.

 

2. What happens now? Who's court is the ball in?

It depends on how two of you make a move.

 

3. If, in fact, I wait for him to make a move - how long do I have to wait? Do guys normally take this long to tell a girl they are interested in her?

 

Sure, some guys take time. I think you should wait him to make a move, but I'm not sure about the time period. Just wait and see, but not for years.

[SandRat]

Really? Practically begs you to come along, says he was looking forward to you being there and you're confused??? WTF do you want an airplane flying a banner over the city asking you out? I swear!!!

[nowwhatnow]

maybe just ask him for his number??

Edited September 21, 2012 by nowwhatnow

[funnyface]

Really? Practically begs you to come along, says he was looking forward to you being there and you're confused??? WTF do you want an airplane flying a banner over the city asking you out? I swear!!!

 

Yes, I know I know... this runs through my head as well, but I doubt my own judgement very easily when it comes to these things

[funnyface]

Thanks for the advice... haven't heard from him in a few days. Our mutual friend came down again this weekend to visit... but without him. Not sure what this means. I, unfortunately, am heavily programmed to believe that the man should make the first move, which is really the ENTIRE reason why this is so frustrating for me. I'll wait it out a bit longer and see how it goes!

[SandRat]

Thanks for the advice... haven't heard from him in a few days. Our mutual friend came down again this weekend to visit... but without him. Not sure what this means. I, unfortunately, am heavily programmed to believe that the man should make the first move, which is really the ENTIRE reason why this is so frustrating for me. I'll wait it out a bit longer and see how it goes!

 

You better go get him. Quit worrying about things and go get your man. A man will respond to that kind of thing, I promise.

[NoMagicBullet]

I understand the frustration, as I have experienced similar situations. He does seem to like you to some degree, and enjoys your company when he sees you, and yet... he hasn't asked for your phone number. I don't have enough info to say for sure, but I get the feeling he isn't making more of an effort to get to know you.

 

After you connected to him on that social media site, has he initiated any communication with you? If so, is it short stuff ("hi", "hope you are well"), or do you actually talk about things? Or does he only talk to you when he sees you in person, and that's only when you're all with friends? You've made an effort to connect with him -- what effort has he made to connect with you? (Sorry, him coming along with the friend that time doesn't really count.)

 

I hate to say this, but in my experience when a man makes little to no effort to connect with a woman when he has the means and opportunity to do so (in this case, the social media site, hanging out with friends), he's not that interested. In terms of interest... at best, she's likely a backup option while he's busy looking elsewhere; at worst, the man just enjoys flirting and has no real interest her at all.

 

Now, I don't know what's going on with this guy. You say "he's sort of reserved" and maybe he is, but to me, this sounds like you are making excuses for him; he wasn't so reserved to not flirt with you Labor Day weekend. Step back for a moment and take a look at what effort you are making to connect with him and show interest versus him making an effort to do the same. The ball isn't really in anyone's court, but if he's not meeting you halfway in terms of effort, it doesn't bode well.

 

At this point, you don't have anything to lose by just giving him your number and telling him to call sometime if he'd like to talk. But if he doesn't call or doesn't step up the quality and quantity of communication after that, you can be assured he's not sufficiently interested in you, and your best option then is to move on.

[funnyface]

I understand the frustration, as I have experienced similar situations. He does seem to like you to some degree, and enjoys your company when he sees you, and yet... he hasn't asked for your phone number. I don't have enough info to say for sure, but I get the feeling he isn't making more of an effort to get to know you.

 

After you connected to him on that social media site, has he initiated any communication with you? If so, is it short stuff ("hi", "hope you are well"), or do you actually talk about things? Or does he only talk to you when he sees you in person, and that's only when you're all with friends? You've made an effort to connect with him -- what effort has he made to connect with you? (Sorry, him coming along with the friend that time doesn't really count.)

 

I hate to say this, but in my experience when a man makes little to no effort to connect with a woman when he has the means and opportunity to do so (in this case, the social media site, hanging out with friends), he's not that interested. In terms of interest... at best, she's likely a backup option while he's busy looking elsewhere; at worst, the man just enjoys flirting and has no real interest her at all.

 

Now, I don't know what's going on with this guy. You say "he's sort of reserved" and maybe he is, but to me, this sounds like you are making excuses for him; he wasn't so reserved to not flirt with you Labor Day weekend. Step back for a moment and take a look at what effort you are making to connect with him and show interest versus him making an effort to do the same. The ball isn't really in anyone's court, but if he's not meeting you halfway in terms of effort, it doesn't bode well.

 

At this point, you don't have anything to lose by just giving him your number and telling him to call sometime if he'd like to talk. But if he doesn't call or doesn't step up the quality and quantity of communication after that, you can be assured he's not sufficiently interested in you, and your best option then is to move on.

 

Quite honestly, this struck a chord with me because its what I'm thinking in the back of my mind, and this is generally my mentality about any guy situation.

 

I added him but he messaged me first, and we've been talking a bit since then. Its all very unclear still, since when he does talk to me, it is still flirty, even over message, but he takes a while to respond (but then again... so do I). I'll reciprocate, but if it doesn't go anywhere from there, I'm pretty tired of trying to understand this whole situation, so I may just leave it be