Owl Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 It's not her job, her responsiblity, or her place to fix his broken marriage, and it's not going to help her feel better..in fact, it will probably just make her life worse. If his wife is choosing to swallow his stories, that is her choice and her right. All WM can do at this point is back off and leave them both alone, which is what she's doing. She should also block both of their phone numbers and emails. I'll grant it's not her responsibility to fix his broken marriage....or is it? After all...she participated in the breaking of it by having an affair with him to begin with. Perhaps there might be some responsibility there for those who view it that way. And regardless...giving the wife the info she's got isn't likely to make her life worse...on the contrary, it's likely to finalize the end of the affair and remove this guy from her life completely...which to me could only be a positive thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted September 11, 2012 Author Share Posted September 11, 2012 Should I tell??? Should I walk away???? I don't really know what to do. I'd like to just forget but that hasn't worked so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted September 11, 2012 Author Share Posted September 11, 2012 Ladies: Make sure someone adds the above to the OW manual. This will prevent future heartaches. These men are fully capable of lying. Should be on the 1st page, in the middle and on the last page!! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 It's up to you, but I don't understand why you just gave the BS part of the info. If you were going to give it at all.........why not give it all. This way it keeps you and her both in a limbo state. Maybe you needed to feel some sense of control? If I were you, I'd sent it all, then block both of them. You can't heal if you allow her to keep contacting you either. If she gets her answers, it will make it easier for her and I would think you also. Him.........he deserves a shyte sandwich. Totally agree with this. Send it all to her, with a note simply saying that you're no longer involved with him, and want no further contact whatsoever from either of them. Then block them from contacting you again. This removes any need for further interaction with them, and prevents them from easily dragging you back into the mix. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 Don't think you're the only one to fall for the lies. There are people waiting for nearly a decade and some longer than that for the MP to leave their spouse. They even talk about their great love. Seriously. What person would dangle their great love on a string like that? No one who was really in love. So true! Its crazy and sad that we don't want to see it at the time. Live and learn and, though it is difficult, let go and move on so you can find happiness again. It is really hard to do that, but oh so worth it!!! Op, I wish you the best in getting past this. Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 It's up to you, but I don't understand why you just gave the BS part of the info. If you were going to give it at all.........why not give it all. This way it keeps you and her both in a limbo state. Maybe you needed to feel some sense of control? If I were you, I'd sent it all, then block both of them. You can't heal if you allow her to keep contacting you either. If she gets her answers, it will make it easier for her and I would think you also. Him.........he deserves a shyte sandwich. Tiger likes this x 1000 Every word is so true and makes so much sense. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 And yes I am calling myself horrible names. Why? Because of the MM, or because you helped him to betray and cheat on a fellow female? Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted September 11, 2012 Share Posted September 11, 2012 I'll grant it's not her responsibility to fix his broken marriage....or is it? After all...she participated in the breaking of it by having an affair with him to begin with. Perhaps there might be some responsibility there for those who view it that way. And regardless...giving the wife the info she's got isn't likely to make her life worse...on the contrary, it's likely to finalize the end of the affair and remove this guy from her life completely...which to me could only be a positive thing. Oh I absolutely agree that it was just as much her fault as it was his..trust me, I am NOT a supporter of EMAs. I'm just saying that I don't agree that she should butt into their marriage any more than she already has. I doubt his wife is really stupid enough to believe the implausible stories he's been feeding her..but she's obviously chosen to pretend that she is, and in that case, it's not the OW's job to try to ruin her life even more than it's already been ruined. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellin Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Oh I absolutely agree that it was just as much her fault as it was his..trust me, I am NOT a supporter of EMAs. I'm just saying that I don't agree that she should butt into their marriage any more than she already has. I doubt his wife is really stupid enough to believe the implausible stories he's been feeding her..but she's obviously chosen to pretend that she is, and in that case, it's not the OW's job to try to ruin her life even more than it's already been ruined. That's what it looks like. Script from book?? Puh-leeeze.... I'm starting to wonder how would the W react if all the info was revealed to her. Would she still refuse to believe? Would she brand the OP crazy? WM, ignore the unkind words, no one has a right to judge you and contradict you. Hold on, you're doing well and you'll be ok in the end. You're strong and smart, and sound like a nice person. It's normal to have the feelings you're experiencing in this situation. Like another poster said - be kind to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 That's what it looks like. Script from book?? Puh-leeeze.... I'm starting to wonder how would the W react if all the info was revealed to her. Would she still refuse to believe? Would she brand the OP crazy? WM, ignore the unkind words, no one has a right to judge you and contradict you. Hold on, you're doing well and you'll be ok in the end. You're strong and smart, and sound like a nice person. It's normal to have the feelings you're experiencing in this situation. Like another poster said - be kind to yourself. This is none of WM's business. She has extricated herself from their marriage..why stir up more drama for herself and for the wife? It's not going to do either one of them any good. If the wife wants to live in denial, that is her right. WM, I think you're doing exactly the right thing right now. Just continue to stay out of their lives and block them so they can't hurt you anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 This is none of WM's business. She has extricated herself from their marriage..why stir up more drama for herself and for the wife? It's not going to do either one of them any good. If the wife wants to live in denial, that is her right. That's always my stance, in these threads. But I simply cannot agree with giving half the picture. It smacks of sh**-stirring. And control. Either let go of the info, or do not. Not sure how it helps WM to do a half-job on it either. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 That's always my stance, in these threads. But I simply cannot agree with giving half the picture. It smacks of sh**-stirring. And control. Either let go of the info, or do not. Not sure how it helps WM to do a half-job on it either. Oh I must have skipped that part. I agree with you on that. I don't think she should have said anything in the first place but what's done is done and I still think she should step away. The wife has enough proof at this point..she is deliberately choosing to ignore the facts, and it's her right to do that if she wants. I don't think WM should do anything else. Enough damage has been done to all three of these peoples' lives..there's no need to create more drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 It's up to you, but I don't understand why you just gave the BS part of the info. If you were going to give it at all.........why not give it all. This way it keeps you and her both in a limbo state. Maybe you needed to feel some sense of control? If I were you, I'd sent it all, then block both of them. You can't heal if you allow her to keep contacting you either. If she gets her answers, it will make it easier for her and I would think you also. Him.........he deserves a shyte sandwich. when i sent it I was upset and she was texting me and saying a whole bunch of bulls**t and I lost my cool. although what I sent her in that text did prove a trip away very recently he and I had as in her email from the other day she did comment its now been 3 times we had sex (it was always 2 times in her eyes because that's all he admitted to before) i do understand how its keeping things in limbo. maybe it was control, maybe it was my need for validation in the A Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 Why? Because of the MM, or because you helped him to betray and cheat on a fellow female? because of both. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wanting more Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 That's what it looks like. Script from book?? Puh-leeeze.... I'm starting to wonder how would the W react if all the info was revealed to her. Would she still refuse to believe? Would she brand the OP crazy? WM, ignore the unkind words, no one has a right to judge you and contradict you. Hold on, you're doing well and you'll be ok in the end. You're strong and smart, and sound like a nice person. It's normal to have the feelings you're experiencing in this situation. Like another poster said - be kind to yourself. i did write another email (it helps me to sort out my feelings but all i did was send it to myself. i took all my emotions out of it and almost did it like a list, places we've been, particular stores that i know he paid with his credit card at so she'd be able to check statements, another conversation i'd heard with him and her when we were away, things he's told me about his family, very significant things his kids recently went thru, things about his grandkids. if i were as crazy as he's got her believing there should've been no reason for me to know these personal tings. i guess it goes back to me wanting validation. i know i won't get that and that i dont need it. but writing it out makes me feel better anyway. i know people go back and forth on here about telling her and not telling her, but i just really feel if i do it, i hurt her more, because deep down i'd be doing it to make it really bad on him,, but as i said, i know i'd be hurting her more. she's believing really rediculous stories he's telling her so i know she wants to stay in their M. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatJustHappened Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 i did write another email (it helps me to sort out my feelings but all i did was send it to myself. i took all my emotions out of it and almost did it like a list, places we've been, particular stores that i know he paid with his credit card at so she'd be able to check statements, another conversation i'd heard with him and her when we were away, things he's told me about his family, very significant things his kids recently went thru, things about his grandkids. if i were as crazy as he's got her believing there should've been no reason for me to know these personal tings. i guess it goes back to me wanting validation. i know i won't get that and that i dont need it. but writing it out makes me feel better anyway. i know people go back and forth on here about telling her and not telling her, but i just really feel if i do it, i hurt her more, because deep down i'd be doing it to make it really bad on him,, but as i said, i know i'd be hurting her more. she's believing really rediculous stories he's telling her so i know she wants to stay in their M. Nah, she's just in denial. You're doing the right thing by staying out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
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