need a little help !!

[sissy]

hello i need a little help if anyone can give me some.

 

i have been married for 21 years and me and my husband is not getting alone to good right now.

 

problem is seems like my husband doesn't want to be here at home.he is always gone . even on weekends .he calls and says i will be home in about an hour but it always turns in to about two or three hours,i really don't know what to do or think please help.!!

[Tony T]

If you don't know more about your husbands behavior after 21 years of marriage, you haven't been paying attention.

 

He could be having an affair, spending time with the boys, gambling, working, etc. If the communication in your marriage is so poor he will not tell you what he is doing, you no longer have a marriage.

 

If he doesn't want to be at home, the only thing you can do is find out why. Then address the problem. If he is simply bored with the marriage, reinvent yourself...start going places and doing things you've never done before. Change your hairstyle. Lose weight if you need to. Take some music lessons.

 

It just sounds like your homelife needs some new life injected into it. However, we can only speculate here. If you can catch your husband at home, very nicely sit him down comfortably in the living room and discuss his rudeness and neglect. If he is taking you for granted, this is a serious problem that could ultimately end the marriage.

 

There are two sides to every problem and undoubtedly he has some problems that are keeping him away from home.

 

Get to the root of his problems and work on them.

[Mitch]

i have been married for 21 years and me and my husband is not getting alone to good right now

If it was just that he's perpetually late (well, yeah that can be REALLY irritating certainly) I'd know what to say.

 

But based on the quote above it seems like there's much more to the story.

 

Is it just his being late / not wanting to be home or is it more?

[Louise]

I disagree with part of what you said, Tony. He (the husband) is the one who is doing something wrong; I don't think the answer is for the wife to "change herself". That's like saying if she doesn't jump through hoops to keep him interested he has the right to take off and not tell her what he's doing or where he's going. It is not HER responsibility to "keep" him from cheating (or hatever he's doing), it is HIS responsibility to let her know that there is a problem.

 

I do agree that something is up - and it very well may be another woman. My advice is to talk to him about it. If he refuses to talk then the marriage is indeed over. No communication = no marriage.

 

L

If you don't know more about your husbands behavior after 21 years of marriage, you haven't been paying attention. He could be having an affair, spending time with the boys, gambling, working, etc. If the communication in your marriage is so poor he will not tell you what he is doing, you no longer have a marriage. If he doesn't want to be at home, the only thing you can do is find out why. Then address the problem. If he is simply bored with the marriage, reinvent yourself...start going places and doing things you've never done before. Change your hairstyle. Lose weight if you need to. Take some music lessons.

 

It just sounds like your homelife needs some new life injected into it. However, we can only speculate here. If you can catch your husband at home, very nicely sit him down comfortably in the living room and discuss his rudeness and neglect. If he is taking you for granted, this is a serious problem that could ultimately end the marriage. There are two sides to every problem and undoubtedly he has some problems that are keeping him away from home. Get to the root of his problems and work on them.

[Tony T]

Louise:

 

I agree with everything you said, totally and completely. But the poster asked what she could do. Maybe I give people too much credit, but I assume she has let him know this behavior is not acceptable. It goes without saying that it is HIS responsiblity. But the fact remains that HE won't do anything about it and continues the behavior.

 

Was only trying to give her the information she requested, not perform a total analysis on the situation. If I would have done that, I would have suggested she leave the bum!!!

[Deejette]

It doensn't sound too good that the husband is staying out the way he does. Since there is so much cheating going on these days, I wouldn't be surprised if he is finding some "strange" on the side.

 

You should directly confront him on this and tell him how horrible his neglect of you makes you feel. It is not a good thing to let things go on the way they have been going. One day he won't come home at all and you will wonder what hit you. It's best to find out the bad news and deal with the reality than try to hide from it, wondering why he is behaving the way he does.

Louise: I agree with everything you said, totally and completely. But the poster asked what she could do. Maybe I give people too much credit, but I assume she has let him know this behavior is not acceptable. It goes without saying that it is HIS responsiblity. But the fact remains that HE won't do anything about it and continues the behavior. Was only trying to give her the information she requested, not perform a total analysis on the situation. If I would have done that, I would have suggested she leave the bum!!!

[Louise]

Tony,

 

Once again, well said! This guy sounds VERY inconsiderate.

 

"You get what you settle for."

 

-Thelma & Louise

 

L. (no, not the same Louise from Thelma & Louise!)

Louise: I agree with everything you said, totally and completely. But the poster asked what she could do. Maybe I give people too much credit, but I assume she has let him know this behavior is not acceptable. It goes without saying that it is HIS responsiblity. But the fact remains that HE won't do anything about it and continues the behavior. Was only trying to give her the information she requested, not perform a total analysis on the situation. If I would have done that, I would have suggested she leave the bum!!!