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Can you be in love with two people at the same time?


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Has anyone ever felt like they were in love with two people at the same time? That's how I feel. I've felt this way for the past 3 years. And I can't seem to shake it. In fact it might be getting worse. It feels crazy. And it's horrible most of the time.

 

Love #1 is my girlfriend and life partner for the past 13 years. She's the most incredibly wonderful person I've ever known and can't imagine life without her. She's the sweetest, cutest, most intelligent beautiful woman ever IMO.

 

Love #2 came as a total blindside. At first I just thought it was a little crush that would go away in time. But there was some strange cosmic connection between us that was undeniable. I tried attributing my feelings for her to just about anything I could think of other than true love. I was still in love with my GF and couldn't give her up. But the connection with the new woman was just so overwhelming. There is something so strangely familiar about her - like we're long lost siblings or something. Sometimes the connection would feel so strong that I was convinced that I had to leave my GF for her. But then I would spend time with my GF and she would win me all over again.

 

It's been like a pendulum that swings back and forth. I've considered leaving my GF to just be alone until I can figure this all out. But every time I try to do that, I feel like I'm killing the thing that's been the best part of my life since I was 20 years old. I'm 33 now. Being separated from my GF always feels overwhelmingly like a huge mistake. She's my partner. We never got married officially. But we've had an understanding that our partnership was as big or bigger than any marriage.

 

At first I felt like the other woman was just new and I was taking my GF for granted. The other woman was absolutely in love with me. I told her she should date someone else. She said she tried but she always felt like she was settling - that to be with anyone other than me would be settling for second best. It was incredibly hard loving her the way I did and knowing she loved me so much. And ultimately I proved to be too weak and selfish and egomaniacal to do the right thing. After two separate close physical encounters with the other woman, I ended the "affair". I confessed to my GF what had been going on. I severed communication with the other woman. And it's been like that for the past two years. A little over a year ago she met someone new and they moved to the other side of the country. I've had to communicate with the other woman just a handful of times in the past two years to work out some business arrangements (We had worked together on a big project that is ongoing. She is no longer involved, but was in on the ground floor so certain things need to be discussed.) At this point, I haven't communicated with her for 9 months. When I spoke to her 9 months ago she told me she was engaged to her new man. Then I found out from a mutual friend that they are now married.

 

There was a good 4 months or so in there where I really think I'd put the other woman out of my heart. Things have been up and down with my GF for the past 2 years. My affair obviously was a severe blow to the relationship. Since then my GF has been diagnosed with severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

 

We went to therapy together for a while. Then she stopped going. I've been going to therapy alone for a while now. It's been very helpful. But about a month or so ago the feelings for the other woman gradually started creeping back up. I keep having dreams about her. And for the past week it's been really bad.

 

I really don't know what's triggering it. I haven't been in contact with the other woman at all. Things have only been getting better with my GF lately. She's on a new medication that has turned her back into her old self (She had very gradually been sinking into a state of almost perpetual hopelessness for years.) Now, on the new meds, it's like she's 21 again. She's able to deal rationally with the world and it's been a huge relief for me.

 

But for some reason, I can't get the other woman out of my head. I don't know what got it started, but the pendulum is back in full swing. I keep going into these 6-12 hour trances where the pull towards the other woman is insanely strong. But then it goes away and I feel normal again.

 

When I feel normal, everything is ok. But when I'm in a state of feeling in love with the other woman, I feel miserable.

 

I've tried to convince myself that what I feel for the other woman is not really love. But time keeps proving me wrong. I analyze and re-analyze things that were communicated during our time together. I think about who she really is. And I wonder if it was real. She's given every indication that she's moved on - married in new town for a year now. But in the few times that we have spoken since the break, I can tell in her voice and some of the things she says that she still feels the connection and that I'm very much in her thoughts still (or at least as of 9 months ago). I seem to have no feelings about her getting married. For some reason it means nothing to me.

 

Am I really in love with both of these woman? Is that even possible? Am I in love with one and not the other? Will this confusion ever end?

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well my idea of true love requires some form of scarfice.

 

why is marriage important? because it clearly indicates in your vows that you must `forsake` all others. You have control over your mind and you are choosing to replay old converstions with a kindly women. a women you dont really know because to know someone you have had to gone through bad experirnces together to see the real substance. To know someone you would have to know their problems(we ALL have them) and share secrets. what you have is an idealization of a real kindly women. God made all women worthwhile and beautiful so unless you `foresake` you`ll always be in `love` with two women.

 

Now if you really do love this other women and she is married and happy then the phrase `if you love someone you have to let them go`comes to mind. You interfere and resurfacing will only make her hate you for be a selfish gulton man. wanting everyone but loving no one.

 

scarfice and let her go...

scarfice and never give other women the chance to mess with your mind.. give up all others for the one you have... that is true love. Love is not entirely emotionally based. actions=scarficies are also required.

Good emtions is not love.

 

Good luck man.. many have this problem. i hope my point of view helps.

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