turnera Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Your loss. And your baby's for not becoming part of your extended family's life. But hey! You got your pride, right? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Well, personally, I am glad to see that you didn't take a baby to another funeral; funerals are not really places for babies to attend, and if you can't find a sitter (or aren't comfortable with leaving your baby with one), then one parent stays home with the baby and one parent goes to the funeral. I didn't invite any of my extended family to my child's baptism. None of them live in town, none of them were invited to be godparents, and so why would I ask them to come? We see each other at funerals and at the family reunion, and possibly at a random wedding - but otherwise, we don't spend time together. I think you are cutting off a whole lot of family because of perceived slight. IF you KNOW that you are the ONLY family member out of 40 who does NOT receive congratulations, then you are either reading other people's mail or having in-depth conversations with every member of your family in order to know this information. You said, "For other family members, they do the standard things either/or visit at hospital, congratulatory phone call, congratulatory card, text message, voicemail, social media acknowlegement, and we DID those things when their children had children--congratulatory call and we sent gifts.. We got NOTHING" How do you KNOW that every other member of your extended family gets these things from ALL of the other relatives? Honestly, I am still sitting here with 3 graduations gifts from at least 2 years ago, and one baby gift from 1.5 years ago. And if my friends held a grudge against me for not acknowledging their milestones in their lives, then I would be very lonely and friendless - which I am not. Look, you saw some of them, and they congratulated you, and they asked you to a luncheon - and you refused. Why did you refuse? Did you want them to present you with a decorated cake and balloons to atone for their sins? You wanted congratulations and to be included - and you got it. PS. Your aunt has had 4 children and you expect her to have free time for a hospital visit, just because you went when you were childless? pffft 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aventura Posted October 9, 2012 Author Share Posted October 9, 2012 Thanks for your comments. Just to let you know, the luncheon I was invited to was post-funeral, and I didn't want to introduce my baby or bring her to a funeral memorial luncheon. I didn't think it was appropriate to bring a baby there. These relatives own the restaurant where this memorial luncheon took place--they could've invited me and my new family there anytime to introduce our baby but they didn't.....Just to clarify, the aunt who has 4 children--has all "Adult" children over the age of 25...When you ask how do I know they treat others differently it's because they treated my own siblings differently and their other relatives differently. For example, they showered my siblings and other relatives children with lots of nice things, as did I, when they had babies. Also, when my own brother and sisters who live overseas had children, these same relatives made sure they gave me many things like toys, clothing, cards with money, and other thoughtful gifts to give to my siblings when I travelled to visit them. For Some reason, I feel they want me to feel as though my baby isn't important. The only time I see these relatives is weddings and funerals. I feel very slighted that they never include us in any holiday celebrations like Thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas, knowing my parents and husband's parent's are deceased and knowing our only immediate relatives live overseas. So with all this in the background, not to be acknowledged with your first-born on top of not being included in holidays, makes me feel totally shunned. I just feel they are mean=spirited negative people. In their own families, they make sure their own children have baby showers etc etc. Knowing we are in tough circumstances at the moment and knowing we never had a shower, I just think it's mean they couldn't show some kind of acknowledgement even a phone call especially after we sent out birth announcements. How come friends overseas, neighbors and other long-distance friends made more of an effort to share our joy whether it was via a text, card, and even some sweet little handmade items. This was after-all our first born. To top things off, when a mutual friend/neighbor of one of my aunts (who I thought was close to me) had a baby, my aunt bought her several things at her shower. Are my relatives suggesting to me because I never had a shower I'm not supposed to get a gift? I'm confused, but I do feel like I don't need negative people like this in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I'll say it again. There is SOMETHING about you that your relatives have a problem with. Maybe it's you. Maybe it's who you married. If they are that over the top about pretending your kid doesn't exist, there's a reason. Why don't you just ASK them? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 we told this particular aunt we thought she would've visited the baby when we were in the hospital (like we did for her when she gave birth to 4 children). You just had a baby, so I would assume you are in your 20-30's. And now you are saying that your aunt's 4 children are over 25? You are holding grudges and counting gifts/visits from 25-30 years ago, from when you were a small child? You mention showers a lot. Are you angry that no one in your family offered to host a baby shower for you, and that you feel that you missed out on presents because of this? I am with Turnera on this. If you are treated differently than anyone else in your family, then this has nothing to do with your baby (they aren't "shunning" your baby, per se) but really don't want to have much to do with you or your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aventura Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 Ok. Thx for responses. Maybe what you're suggesting is the case. I honestly don't know. Let's say that's true that maybe these relatives don't care for either one of us, it leads me back to the same question--would you invite them to baptism? I guess the extended family is not particularly close if they only see each other at weddings and funerals. It's traditional for them to have big baptisms for show . We have many friends we want to invite. I would rather be surrounded by happy positive people who I know care about us and our baby. Recently when my one decent relative approached my godfather recently and asked in disbelief "you didn't acknowledge their baby,'' my godfather replied that he was planning on "giving double" at the baptism (they might be assuming I'm goin to have big baptism since I had no shower and i'm gonna invite them?). It' s not about material gifts or money. His statement doesn't make me feel better knowing he never called to congratulate me. He only called 2 months after the birth to acknowledge receiving birth announcement to say "thx for sending pic" and "your baby looks older than what she is???"; no words of congratulations. and I know my relatives all made time to attend a baby shower for a family friend when I was in the hospital and showered them with support and gifts. I would rather have peace of mind and have my baby be surrounded by positive people in life than have my relatives' gifts or money if they couldn't be there for me to lend support and good wishes. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Ok. Thx for responses. Maybe what you're suggesting is the case. I honestly don't know. Let's say that's true that maybe these relatives don't care for either one of us, it leads me back to the same question--would you invite them to baptism? Well, instead of agonizing over this for years and years and assigning unfounded animosities amongst the family...I would advise that you go UP TO these people and ask them TO THEIR FACE if there is something that they are upset about. Be honest about it - you really want to know, so please tell you if you've done something that the family decided was worth ignoring you guys over. Odds are VERY good that, if this is the case, it was based on ONE person's misconception about ONE event - that spread like wildfire, as rumors do. If you could find out the truth, you could explain what really happened, and it would all go away. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 I can relate in that I have an extended family that's not really close. Most we see once a year. Yet If I had kids out of wedlock like my cousins, he would call me swear words and say I ruined his family name. Even though he isn't close to his family at all. Doesn't make sense to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 1, 2012 Share Posted November 1, 2012 I think you should just straight out ask them why. At least you will get an answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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