BBB08 Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 Well it happend. Today after 3 weeks of NO CONTACT. She finally send me a message on the computer. This is what it said....... " I'm on my way out, but i found this website and I'd thought ud like it" i said thanks and she said no problem.... My question is, I've stayed strong all this time, is she finally slowly trying to start talking again. She's afraid to talk so she just sent that message and got off MSN. I dont know if its' just a friendlly message, but after 3 weeks of not talking, that's a funny thing to send. Any advice would be appreciated. We didnt end on bad terms. I chased her for a bit, till i got sick of and said enough is enough, and didnt talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 "No contact" is not a method, or a game, to get your ex back. It is a way for you to move on. What you must understand is that this relationship ended, and there is no guarantee that things will work out a second time around, or that your ex even wants to work things out. It may be best to simply ignore her and continue to move on. This is a decision that you have to make for yourself. Consider this, however: During your period of no contact, you were probably getting things done in your life. You were probably feeling better, and the stresses of the breakup were slowly beginning to fade away. Now that she has contacted you, you will be obsessing about it. Now you have more things to worry about. If you try to talk to her again, you may become even more stressed. You must determine if it is really worth the turmoil. Link to post Share on other sites
miggsbucks Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 I think that dumpers use contact with the person they have dumped to their own advantage. It is for them to ease their feelings of guilt, to help them move on. They worry about the person they have dumped and use contact to check that they are ok. If they know they are ok, then they feel at ease with themselves because they haven't caused lasting damage to the person they have dumped. The confusing thing for the person dumped is how to deal with contact from their ex. The best thing to do is to just not reply. I had the same thing happen to me last week, with a similar time-frame, and it was just an IM saying "hope you are well, hope to get a chance to chat to you soon" and i left it for 3 days before replying. Stupidly enough i did it at a time when i knew she would be online, and she responded immediately. We then had one of those uncomfortable, neutral chats. And now i'm back at the fretting over her stage all over again. Its best to not reply to any non-sincere methods of contact (ie email, im, text). If she really wanted to talk to you, she would call you on the phone, or call round. Ignore the IM and carry on the healing process. Link to post Share on other sites
BM30153 Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 I'd have to agree with miggsbucks about this one. Best to just not reply at all and ignore the dumper's attempt at contact. My ex b/f broke up with me about 3 weeks ago and then emailed me 2 weeks later to see how I was doing and offered to chat with me....if I wanted to do. I suspect he did this to ameliorate his own feelings of guilt. I thought for a day or two about actually responding, but instead deleted his email without ever responding. Why should I? He should be feel guilty and I wasn't okay, so why even give them that luxury. And I knew that if I responded, I would be holding onto that little tiny bit of hope that he would change his mind when I am trying my hardest to move on. I agree with Miggsbucks that if she really wanted you back, she would call or really find a way to get you back. Otherwise, any half-ass attempts at initiating contact is really to their benefit and not yours. Sorry you are going through this. I am going/have gone through the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BBB08 Posted July 23, 2004 Author Share Posted July 23, 2004 Well to be honest, I'm the one who initiated the break, I was the one who insisted we do it. She finished school, and we agreed to work it out, but during the break she was mean and nasty the whole time. So now we are in a no contact period. But i've tried to ask her to go and do stuff, but she says she's busy and all other crap. So i said screw it. I tried and she was giving the runaround. and here we are. Link to post Share on other sites
BM30153 Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 If you initiated the break, then why are you contacting her? You should make a clean break unless you want her back in your life in a relationship. I think her reaction is completely normal considering she was the dumpee. I wouldn't bother her unless you are sincere with your intentions (i.e. getting back into the relationship). If you want to be just "friends" then give her time to get over you and then some months down the road, maybe you two can still hang out. Unless she has moved on, in which case, I think you should do the same..... Link to post Share on other sites
miggsbucks Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 BBB08, you said you did all the running and chasing and then gave up. i don't think your story falls neatly into the dumper/dumpee classifications that i was describing earlier. but i do think that from what you have said that the ball is clearly now in her court, and that you are the one who is effectively in the "dumpee" status now. (and have to play the game adopting that role) remember that some women like a challenge and often want what they can't have. if you avail yourself to her, then you are not a challenge to her. Link to post Share on other sites
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