Can you go back?

[rwag]

I have been friends with someone for over 5 years. We met the first day I came to work for my current employer and we hit it off from the beginning. I am sure that some people reading this understand what I say when I say it was as if we had known each other forever and that we were best friends even before we met. At the time, I was married and had been married for 11 years. My wife and I were separated for 18 months and had only been back together for a year when I started the job. My wife and I have two daughters and the second one was just born 2 months before I started with the new company.

 

I cannot say I did not think about having an affair with her but if we would have, we would not be as close as we are today. Actually, one of the things that made her realize at that time that I did not want anything more from her was on a company trip she got very drunk and attacked me in my room. When she woke up the next morning dressed and in her own room, she told me that she remembered kissing me and pushing me back on my bed and asked me how she ended up in her bed. I told her that if I ever sleep with her it would be her I sleep with and not the Crown Royal she was drinking.

 

She told me that most men would have slept with her even though she was very drunk and she thanked me for being what she called “a true gentleman”. We have spoke of that night a few times and she has told me that she probably would not be as close to me if I had spelt with her. And for the few of you that might wonder, I am very honest and do not hide anything from someone that I am close to and I told my wife about the incident. Her response was “that is why I trust you. You would ask for a divorce before you would sleep around on me.”

 

That was 5 years ago last month. Since then everything in my life has changed. My wife asked me for a divorce 14 months ago because she was having an affair with her boss. I did not find out about the affair until after we separated. The reasons she gave were all things that are part of my personality and things she never had told me bothered her before. That is why I suspected an affair. We did try counseling but it did not work out. Even though my wife’s affair ended and I was willing to try, she did not want to put any effort into fixing our marriage because she thinks I am the reason she is not happy with herself but my ending marriage is not the reason for this post.

 

My friend called me everyday to make sure I was all right. She knew my two daughters mean more to me than anything. My friend has had her difficulties since then herself. She lived with a man for 3 years that she never loved. My marriage ending was one of the things that made her start thinking. You see the guy she lived with would never express his feelings and would make her feel that hers were strange and not normal. (Just like my wife acts) She told me that she did not want to end up like my wife and me 15 years down the road. She hid a lot of the problems from me because as she says she knew what I would say to her.

 

Now her current boyfriend she said she likes him because she does not like him. In other words, he is not a threat to her heart but she is a very codependent person that is why she dates him.

 

She and I have had some very serious talks lately. One of those conversations was about how we both compare anyone we meet new to our relationship. She told me once right before she broke up with the person she lived with “why can’t he make me feel like you make me feel. We are just friends but you have always made me feel like I am a princess and that you would do anything for me.” I told her because I would. However, in the same strange way I noticed that I do the same thing. I compare someone new I meet to how well my friend and I hit it off from the beginning and to the other qualities, that my friend has that I have always wanted.

 

If you are wondering, yes I do love my friend very much and she tell me she loves me all the time too. I also want to be more than friends and I have told her this many times. One problem is that at this current time neither one of us really can give any relationship the attention that the other person would deserve. One thing that she said that I agree with is, we have been best friends for several years. If we started dating, could one of us be able to tell the other one it is not working and remain friends? Also since neither one of us has any expectations, limitations or inhabitations with the other how far and how fast would this relationship go and then if one of us through on the brakes, could we then still be friends? There would not be very much of that getting to know the other person eggshells that people go through when they meet. We have already done that and there was never that much of it. We hit it off from day one. In addition, we have fought a few times too so we know how the other deals with that also. I think we are both afraid to lose the friendship but both are out seeking someone like the other.

 

Does anyone have any feedback on that? What if it does not work out, how hard is it to go back to being platonic friends? Or can you ever be just friends again?

[eskimokiss]

Thanks for sharing all that

 

Well you are lucky! Remember that relationships with people are your most prized asset.

 

This is where you ask yourself, "Do I try for the relationship that could be "the one" and have my search be over, am I ready for that?"

 

If you are a person that communicates well. You will never lose the friendship because... you will always possess that relationship with her. You will be understanding and talk it all out. The worse case senario is that you will have to keep searching for the woman of your dreams. The best case senario is that you have your life partner and best friend in the same chick! Talk about a 2 for 1 deal! You go boy!