Mediation tomorrow

[sad puppy]

So what happened with the inheritance? Off limits?

[Artie Lang]

this particular WW was a bit "closeted," though.

 

all of her kinky behavior was used on the OM and writing about it on a "hotwife" blog. i'm not sure if Kidd indulged in her lusty shenanigans, as the OM had.

 

if she didn't show the same enthusiasm with Kidd as she did with OM, then we can say she hid that aspect from Kidd all this time.

 

that's what a i mean by being a "closet freak."

Edited September 15, 2012 by Artie Lang

[2sure]

Balzac,

 

In the state I live in you can't force a spouse to pay for a child's college.

Child support here ends at 18.

 

It goes to twenty two with student status in NY...I think.

I won college expenses for my daughter, from her step father.

No, I'm not that greedy....he was a blatant and flaming ass.

[BetrayedH]

No mentions but my curiosity bests me. Was post secondary education expense on the table?

 

The kids have a pre-paid college fund (paid for by my FIL) but my STBX and I both agreed to continue to fund an additional 529 plan as we have done since the kids were born.

[Balzac]

Excellent planning, I'm glad she can go along with that.

 

Try to remind yourself daily that one stable parent is sufficient, as your babies mature they will take more ownership of visiting issues, you'll be sure to listen and things will work out. I'm not speaking about kids run amok but rather they will share with you what becomes uncomfortable.

 

If your arms and home are open they will seek you out.

[BetrayedH]

If as you believe she's moved on to a new guy already the fantasy imploded rather quickly (most likely original OM threw her under the bus as soon as he realized she was actually serious about leaving you).

 

Your wife is going to discover, soon enough, that she's got no where else to go, really.

 

A woman in her situation has basically zero sexual market value other than as an f-buddy/fwb/NSA sex partner, or perhaps with a guy who needs her financial support.

 

She totally blew it.

 

Expect her to try to come crawling back to you at some point down the road.

 

You know, my ego would enjoy believing that but I know my wife well enough to know better. She doesn't look backwards, let alone go backwards. She is 39 and will be attractive long enough to have a plenty good time. And I doubt that she will pursue marriage again. She will have fun with older professional men and the occasional young buck. And there has been enough hatred between us now that I will not be a second thought. I agree that it would fit the usual pattern and I will be wary of the possibility.

 

As for the initial OM, she claimed they never had long term intentions with him and I think that is likely true. I think the A did end at Dday. The fact is that she affaired down as so many do. Now the world is her oyster and she is celebrating.

[BetrayedH]

So what happened with the inheritance? Off limits?

 

Yes, off limits. It would have gone that way anyhow but it is now specified that way in the agreement. Where it would have factored would have been alimony because half the equation is my need and the other half is her ability to pay. I would not have had as much a need.

[BetrayedH]

this particular WW was a bit "closeted," though.

 

all of her kinky behavior was used on the OM and writing about it on a "hotwife" blog. i'm not sure if Kidd indulged in her lusty shenanigans, as the OM had.

 

if she didn't show the same enthusiasm with Kidd as she did with OM, then we can say she hid that aspect from Kidd all this time.

 

that's what a i mean by being a "closet freak."

 

Alice is correct that I had some red flags before dating. Took me a while to get her to be exclusive with me. She even said she wasn't girlfriend material at the time. But when I saw someone else, she latched on and never let go. We were exclusive for 5 years before being engaged, the fiances for 1.5 years, then married 12. She always just said that I was the first man that she ever wanted to commit to. On my end, I think I was flattered and found myself a better catch than most. Otherwise, I truly had no clue. We both had a decent sexual history when we met (both in our early 20's) so it seemed the right age for both of us to be settling down.

 

To Artie's point, I also tend to agree. We were both somewhat liberal (no problems talking about sex or exploring with each other) but never anything too far out there. We might flirt over the idea of a threesome but never got serious about it. Tried backdoor sex once and it didn't work for her (which I respected). Had a good, normal sex life for like 9 years. Once my first son was born, she changed. She became a Mom instead of a wife. It was maybe once a month on average for 8 years. I about lost my fool mind. Then for the last year, it was twice a week (while she was in the affair and doing a hotel with him about once a week). She described it as a return to her old ways. I guess so.

[BetrayedH]

Excellent planning, I'm glad she can go along with that.

 

Try to remind yourself daily that one stable parent is sufficient, as your babies mature they will take more ownership of visiting issues, you'll be sure to listen and things will work out. I'm not speaking about kids run amok but rather they will share with you what becomes uncomfortable.

 

If your arms and home are open they will seek you out.

 

They love both of their parents and I am going to do my part to keep it that way. If she digs herself a hole, I won't be able to stop her. But they will always know they have me. I'm honestly not too worried about the kids. They are very intelligent, well-adjusted, well cared for, and wise beyond their years (and I will keep it that way).

[Steen719]

Sadly, I think that if I want all those women to fawn over me, I need to put my wedding ring back on.

 

As for you being old fashioned, good for you. I shouldn't be so crude. Take good care of yourself, Steen. You've done quite well and should be quite proud of yourself. Whatever man eventually gets your attention will be very fortunate.

 

Thank you.

[beenburned]

BH,

 

You know it is quite sad that both of my D's XHs were such freaking losers because they both come from good Christian families!!

 

I have no doubt she will eventually remarry, as she wants to have another child before she is too old. I sincerely hope she digs deeply into their past history before making the commitment!

 

She, like me(retired accountant), is very responsible with her money. She acquired her home and land before ever marrying anybody. She has kept that separate property through both marriages!

[2sure]

In a previous post on this thread I stated that I had won college costs for my daughter when I divorced her step father ...and I wanted to clarify that so no one has false expectations. We had committed to a private boarding school prior to divorce largely based on his income (since I worked FOR him) . I won those expenses, based on reasonable expectation and because he agreed to it. I then didnt send her to that school and the lump sum went into a type of college savings.

 

It bothered me that someone might think my situation could also apply to them.

[merrmeade]

she affaired down as so many do. Now the world is her oyster and she is celebrating.

 

Just wondered what "affaired down" means?

[msfreebyme]

Good luck and hope all ends well

[BetrayedH]

Just wondered what "affaired down" means?

 

A lot of betrayed spouses expect that if their spouse is going to cheat, it's going to be with someone that is younger, more attractive, successful, etc.. Once the BS sees the AP though, they are commonly surprised that the OP is average in looks or even quite homely. I expected my wife to be replacing me with a younger stud. This dude was balding with coke bottle glasses (not remotely what I would say is her type). I even remember once when I said to my wife, "If I didn't know better, I'd think you had something going with this guy." She said, "Have you seen him? Balding with glasses? Um, no." You gotta love gaslighting.

 

In my view, something in the WS is broken such that they have an excessive need for external validation (or other reasons) and it's common for the affair partner to be more about opportunity than anything. It is common for them to "affair down."