Friends to couple to complicated mess?

[OddFuture]

Basically I (im 20) got speaking to a guy (hes 21) in college 2 years ago were we became friends and spoke everyday. Ended up dating one another 6 months later.

The relationship was great, we both got on fantastically and he left college to carry on education in university (in our city)

 

We carried on dating 5 months into his uni course where he broke up with me due to 'depression' (the reason he gave me although i saw first hand his use of drug taking etc to cope) we carried on staying in contact after breaking up and we had a FWB situation going on for 2 months. This was mainly due to me believing he was going through a difficult time and hed realise he wants to be with me (selfish of me i know).

 

We stopped seeing each other after those 2 months of FWB (i was busy with exams) and a month later he began dating someone else.

 

Obviously i was devastated as we had a good relationship and very rarely argued and i couldnt understand why hed get with someone else. Untill i realised his new girlifriend was his best friends sister. He explained to me hed been 'forced' into the situation and felt obliged to be with her.

 

We remained in contact for the first 2 months (although not often) he was with her. I didnt see the point in cutting contact as wed be friends before hand. I noticed randomly one day that hed removed me off facebook. I didnt bother asking why and i left the situation alone and began focusing on other things in my life (such as preparing myself for universtiy this year).

 

3 weeks after no contact he came online skype (we rarely used skype to talk in the past but he knew i was on regularly) he explained to me that hed called his girlfriend my name by accident and she lost the plot thinking there was something 'going on between us' although there wasn't which resulting in HER removing me.

 

Weve been talking since then everyday (other than when hes with her) and shes unaware of this. She thinks hes cut contact with me so hes practically going behind her back to speak to me.

 

When were on skype we talk for hours through video calls or chat. He often tells me about his life/friends/family and i do the same. Just like i would to anyone im friends with. Nothing sexual or out of line was discussed, however hed often bitch about his girlfriend telling me how difficult she is to be with. and how he feels trapped and how they constantly argue and he cant leave her because of his best friend.

 

These types of conversations have been going on for weeks. and the last month or so my ex has been telling me things such as 'you were a great girlfriend, much easier to be with than her' or 'things were different with you, i loved you but i know i dont love her' or i dont try with her because i dont see the point'

 

And the last two weeks things have turned sexual (to some extent). One evening we were on webcam and he commented that he still thought i was attractive. He also mentioned on chat a few sexual encounters we had as a couple and hinted hed like it to happen again at one point in life.

 

Today hes mentioned hes leaving his girlfriend in a few days time, as its her birthday soon and he doesnt want to upset her. I asked why he was leaving her and he explained he knows his best friend will still be by his side and things with this girl are unbearable and its something he needed to do a long time ago.

 

Im not sure where i stand in this all. Obviously i still have feelings for him but the more he discusses his girlfriend the more my feelings for him fade away. Hes not mentioned he 'loves me still' or hinted that he wants to be with me again. So im starting to wonder if ive been a 'back up' during this period.

 

Were both starting university in 2 weeks time and im just wondering what everyone advises? I am able to carry on with my life and i have accepted that were 'just friends' and i am keeping the doors open if a gentleman comes my way. But im just unsure where i stand/ if i should pursue our friendship any longer if i am a 'back up'

[NoMagicBullet]

It sounds like he has issues with his now ex-gf, and he's been using you as a therapist. I've experienced this, too, so I know what you mean about your feelings fading every time he talks about her. I can't say if he realizes this or not.

 

If he were available and interested in getting back together with you, would you want to?

 

If not, and you would rather remain as friends, then the sexual stuff needs to go away, and you may need to put up with him talking about his ex a while longer -- at least until you can say, as a friend, "It's over with her, and it's in the past now. You need to stop talking about her already and try to move forward with your life."

 

If you would like to get back together if you had the chance... I don't know that he'll give you an option beyond being a backup or go-to-girl when he's lonely and wants female attention (and sex). At the moment, he seems too preoccupied with this most recent breakup. I say let him pursue a relationship with you -- he knows you're there. Just know what your terms and boundaries are where he's concerned.