Advice From A Man, Please!!

[marigold]

I'm in a tailspin and I don't know what to do. It's driving me crazy...I need some advice.

 

My boyfriend and I had a terrible fight this weekend; he became belligerent and nasty because he drank way too much at a Halloween party. We've been together for several years and I've never seen this behavior from him.

 

He became angry at me (no reason that I know) and eventually the party hosts put him in a cab and sent him home. He did not get violent, just really, really stupid. I had driven to the party, and had his keys in my purse which I remembered after they sent him on his way. I left shortly after to give him his keys back...when I got to his apartment, the police were there. He had broken a window to get in and a neighbor thought he was a burglar and called the police. I arrived at the wrong time. My boyfriend would not open the door. They ended up getting the door open because I had the keys; he was in really bad shape - he hought I had called the police, shouted some stuff at me about being "fired" and that he never wanted to see me again. I went home.

 

I have not heard from him since; I called and left a message that if he wants to talk about it that's fine, but I'm not going to try to smooth things over - he has to make the first move and apologize. I honestly don't think he remembers much of what happened.

 

Here's where I need some help......how long will it take until I hear from him? (That's really a stupid question; I know no one can tell me that). We've had arguments before (not on this scale), and usually I'm the one who makes the first move, even if he's at fault. I won't do it this time.

 

Will he call me and apologize, eventually? I'm agonizing over this because my first inclination is make contact, it's part of my personality. I think he is expecting me to (usual pattern), and when I don't, will he think I don't love him and it'll make the situation worse? Or do I need to leave him alone right now and wait?

 

This sucks.

[Tony T]

You need to think enough of yourself to wait for him to call. You can't be the one to keep this together all the time.

 

Your guy was wrong, dead wrong. He is probably embarassed to hell. He made a real ass of himself. You have to use dating situations to learn about people or it is all for naught. If your guy jumps to conclusions (that it was you and not his neighbors who called police), if he is slow to apologize or call you when he screws up, that says a lot about him and a lot about the kind of husband he could be.

 

If you can't work things like that out with a guy, get rid of him. Love doesn't have a thing to do with it, take my word for it. You can love somebody with all your heart, but if they behave like a butthead, it goes pretty quickly.

 

Frankly, reading between the lines, I think you are way too nice and classy for this dude...but that's your business. If he doesn't call you within a few weeks, just go get your stuff and find a guy who doesn't make an ass of himself when he gets drunk, who is more understanding, and someone who takes full responsiblity for his actions.

 

Also, advise all your guys to hide a key to their place in the bushes in case they lose the original and can't get in. It saves the police a lot of trouble, too.

[Mitch]

Will he call me and apologize, eventually?

I'm agonizing over this because my first inclination is make contact, it's part of my personality. I think he is expecting me to (usual pattern), and when I don't, will he think I don't love him and it'll make the situation worse? Or do I need to leave him alone right now and wait? This sucks.

Indeed.

 

This is definitely "his bad". You've already called once.

 

Let him wait.

 

Will he call you and apologize? ...

 

He's barely had time to get over his hangover.

 

The odds drop as next weekend passes though.

 

But there's still a good chance.

 

If this was the first time and there's no other BS going on AND he apologizes (because he does definitely owe you one), maybe he's worth a second chance.

 

But think about it.