$$ Questions

[jthero]

Hello Everyone,

 

Similar to many people here I am in the midst of a divorce resulting from my wife having an affair. I did break the affair up by confronting the OM but my wife no longer wants to be with me.

 

Overall, the divorce has been very amicable:

50/50 custody of children (2)

I keep the house

She gets the car that is paid off

I get the new car the we owe money on

I take on all Credit Card debt that she racked up (around $12k)

I pay $867/mo in Child Support

I pay $700/mo in alimony for 36 months (Nonmodifiable)

 

We have a signed agreement and are simply waiting for a court date. I have a lawyer that is processing all of the paperwork (around $3,000 so far). She is not represented and has a default entered against her with the court. She is still living in the home as she has never worked in our 11 year marriage and makes no money.

 

During the divorce I have been giving her $600 every 2 weeks to cover groceries and gas. The problem is that she is rarely buying groceries and my kids are eating fast food all of the time. Meanwhile she has new clothes and $140 high heels. Now I just found out that she is seeing someone else and sleeping with him after she gets out from school in the evening.

 

What should I do? Continue to give her the $600 every 2 weeks and just wait it out till our court date or cut her off now? If I cut her off she will go crazy. Can she undo the agreement that we already have?

 

Thanks

[madjac74]

In my opinion you are being far too nice! I tried to do that to avoid further court proceedings and in the end she just wanted more. It didnt matter that my family was providing her with free child care throughout the summer months when they weren't in school. It didn't matter that I was paying my kids after school care to accommodate her work schedule...she still wanted more.

 

It is sad when a women has so much power when it was her decision to end the marriage. Men automatically lose time with their kids and their hard earned money

[Standing_Firm]

Hello Everyone,

 

Similar to many people here I am in the midst of a divorce resulting from my wife having an affair. I did break the affair up by confronting the OM but my wife no longer wants to be with me.

 

Overall, the divorce has been very amicable:

50/50 custody of children (2)

I keep the house

She gets the car that is paid off

I get the new car the we owe money on

I take on all Credit Card debt that she racked up (around $12k)

I pay $867/mo in Child Support

I pay $700/mo in alimony for 36 months (Nonmodifiable)

 

We have a signed agreement and are simply waiting for a court date. I have a lawyer that is processing all of the paperwork (around $3,000 so far). She is not represented and has a default entered against her with the court. She is still living in the home as she has never worked in our 11 year marriage and makes no money.

 

During the divorce I have been giving her $600 every 2 weeks to cover groceries and gas. The problem is that she is rarely buying groceries and my kids are eating fast food all of the time. Meanwhile she has new clothes and $140 high heels. Now I just found out that she is seeing someone else and sleeping with him after she gets out from school in the evening.

 

What should I do? Continue to give her the $600 every 2 weeks and just wait it out till our court date or cut her off now? If I cut her off she will go crazy. Can she undo the agreement that we already have?

 

Thanks

 

I am right there with you. We have been separated for going on eight weeks, have had our intial court date, and I pay 3 K a month for childcare and alimony (yes, I have a boatload of children).

 

What is frustrating in my situation, is that I am paying 3K a month, but then find out that she goes on a clothes shopping spree, buys a new laptop, and my kids are eatiing fast food as well. Now she is wanting me to help out with even MORE bills above and beyond the 3K I am already giving her.

 

Very frustrating I know. What I did was talk to my lawyer and I was informed to not pay another cent above the 3K. In my opinion, I would cut her off and YOU make sure, physically if you can, that your childrens needs are met. Luckily in my situation, I have a child that is old enough to drive and he keeps me updated pretty good.

 

Good luck!!

[Standing_Firm]

How old are your children??

[jthero]

My kids are 3 and 9. I am under no legal obligation to pay her anything until the divorce is final. I really have been doing it just to keep her balanced and not cause a lot of arguing in front of my boys. But it really burns me that she can violate all vows in our marriage and then say that she has a "Right to the money since we are technically still married".

[Standing_Firm]

I feel for you. There was no affair in my case, but a MASSIVE midlife crisis that had ALL of the signs of an affair. Hence my severe anger and anxiety!!

 

I'll keep you in my prayers! Keep your chin up!

[Balzac]

Factor the cost of litigation and a court decision as to continued support. Your attorney should be experienced in litigation and can closely predict what the court will order. The recipient of child support almost never has to document what the spending was.

[carhill]

As I presume you're visiting the kids anyway, simply spend an extra hour grocery shopping, either before or during the visit, and leave the groceries at the house. Purchase a branded gasoline gift card in the appropriate quantity. Stop paying her cash. Once the default judgment is entered and the numbers are official, then follow the order. Since you have a signed MSA, and the child support numbers are generally proscribed by law, things are pretty much done. Good luck.

[jthero]

Don't misunderstand. I see my kids everyday as I am still in the house. I go to work at around 7:00 a.m. and come home around 5:00 p.m. From 5:00 on I have the kids since she is taking classes at the community college. I still pay all of the bills. In our marriage she has always taken care of the grocery shopping but now she is apparently too busy on dating websites, studying, and going to the gym to clean or cook. So I come home from work and spend around 2 hours cleaning and getting dinner for the kids (additional $ out of my pocket).

 

I am just trying to decide if it is worth the fight for a hopefully short period if time until I can kick her out of the house. In the filing for divorce it states that neither party can stop the other from living and enjoying the home so I can't kick her out now and she certainly won't leave.

[carhill]

Great. So, take the kids 'out' for shopping once a week, stock the larder and get social time and control of the grocery bill. Then, concurrently, determine her weekly fuel needs, buy a denomination of fuel card which matches them, and leave one each week. If the Shell station sells Coach handbags, well, her car will run out of gas.

 

The clear imperative here is to provide what is necessary without indulging whims. Also, get used to a woman being angry with you. There's a lifetime of it ahead. Strap in. Good luck

[worldgonewrong]

jthero- your wife's blatant narcissism mirrors my wife's. it's staggering.

[2sure]

Just so you dont somehow get stuck with retro child support ( it happens) , pay that as agreed as if you were already divorced . Be positive to get a signed receipt. Be sure to pay the child support amount as listed in your agreement and not more ( dont set a precedent) Be sure the receipt says it is payment of child support and that it is being paid while her and the children are both living full time with you.

This may seem extreme but crazy things happen.

 

CYA.

[carhill]

OP, so we're clear, current attachments to your initial filing (FL100 here in Cali), once you filed for a default judgment after the response timeline had run, proscribes the 867 monthly child support number, retroactive to the date of filing, correct? I would agree with 2sure about traceability. Garnishment is one clear method of traceability that the court would recognize. Signed receipts are another. EFT's are another, as bank statements are generally recognized as evidence of payment. My dad kept his cancelled checks (with his exW's signature on the back) as evidence back in the 1950's.

 

Your lawyer shouldn't charge much, maybe 15-30 minutes, to meet with you/conference and give you specific legal advice on the issues you raised here. Throw some ideas at him/her and see what sticks. Good luck.

[jthero]

Carhill...

 

The initial filing did not address child support at all. Only that both parties could have access to the home, the children were not to be removed from living in the home, no property could be removed or sold without the express permission from both parties, and that no irregular credit debt could be accrued.

 

After the filing the stbxw and I sat down and came to the agreements outlined above. The CS was reviewed by the Friend of the Court and their recommendation was $60 per month less than what we had agreed to but I am not worried about modifying that right now. I will wait until she gets a job and then modify.

 

When we did the agreement she was given the opportunity to have a temporary support order given and she chose not to.

[carhill]

So, there is an order regarding child support but no order regarding temporary support? If correct then, if not already in place, a method of accounting for CS payments that meets the court guidelines would be in order. This is a CYA, just in case things go sideways.

 

Sounds like everything else is in order. Since you're the one who filed the initial paperwork and for default, it's pretty much left to agreement, presuming the agreement passes the court's 'fairness' test, which it looks like it will. She really can't squawk too much, since it's all noise to the courts as she is the defaulting party in the action. The only sticky issue is custody and CS, but a judge will deal with that if you and she can't come to agreement.

 

If you want your voluntarily supplied money directed in specific ways, do that. It's your money and a gift to her, whatever form it takes. Good luck.