TooHonest123 Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 (edited) She left me for someone else...treated me like **** post leaving me for somebody else. Now 4 months after....after summer passed and classes started. She sent me the first message from her part. " I like ur new car sticker...lol matches better than the other you had before (that i told you to get...lol)".....we talked for a bit and she even wished me a good night. Conversation was basically updating eachother about current lives. But did not touch the topic of relatioships I went through a very severe depression tgis summer and i do not want to go back to that....why is she contacting me.... Edited September 13, 2012 by TooHonest123 Link to post Share on other sites
SeattleBabe Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 Don't be a fall back guy... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 She left me for someone else...treated me like **** post leaving me for somebody else. Now 4 months after....after summer passed and classes started. She sent me the first message from her part. " I like ur new car sticker...lol matches better than the other you had before (that i told you to get...lol)".....we talked for a bit and she even wished me a good night. Conversation was basically updating eachother about current lives. But did not touch the topic of relatioships I went through a very severe depression tgis summer and i do not want to go back to that....why is she contacting me.... That's not the question. The question should be: "If I know I went through very severe depression this summer, and there's a danger talking with her might put me back to that - why the hell did I respond?? Why the hell would I do something as foolish as breaking No Contact?? She just sent me stupid breadcrumbs, there was no point to her text at all, other than "I wonder if I can get him to reply? See how far I can yank his chain!" What do you care where she is, what she's doing, with whom and why....? Leave well alone - she's going to be playing on your mind for ages again now.........!! Ugh...! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooHonest123 Posted September 13, 2012 Author Share Posted September 13, 2012 That's not the question. The question should be: "If I know I went through very severe depression this summer, and there's a danger talking with her might put me back to that - why the hell did I respond?? Why the hell would I do something as foolish as breaking No Contact?? She just sent me stupid breadcrumbs, there was no point to her text at all, other than "I wonder if I can get him to reply? See how far I can yank his chain!" What do you care where she is, what she's doing, with whom and why....? Leave well alone - she's going to be playing on your mind for ages again now.........!! Ugh...! Is that really what is going through her head? Is she looking for a self esteem boost, is she trying to reach out to me, or did she geniunly like the sticker and want to let me know about it?...i know how i should approach the situation...and yes her contacting affects me greatly... I dont feel bad for texting back. What bothers me is the intention behind the text she sent me. I am trying to think nothing of it , i am just letting my brain bypass the emotion by having a mentallity of w/e . Link to post Share on other sites
Tree_Salmon Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 Is that really what is going through her head? Is she looking for a self esteem boost, is she trying to reach out to me, or did she geniunly like the sticker and want to let me know about it?...i know how i should approach the situation...and yes her contacting affects me greatly... I dont feel bad for texting back. What bothers me is the intention behind the text she sent me. I am trying to think nothing of it , i am just letting my brain bypass the emotion by having a mentallity of w/e . Who knows what shes thinking. You shouldn't care at this point. Just live your life normally and if she wants anything more than to tease you she will come at you with something real. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooHonest123 Posted September 13, 2012 Author Share Posted September 13, 2012 IWho knows what shes thinking. You shouldn't care at this point. Just live your life normally and if she wants anything more than to tease you she will come at you with something real. I agree, It affected me because i was in shock she sent me the message. This was the same person that ignored me for months, that even ignored me when i was going through my depression and asked for her to please just listen to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Tree_Salmon Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 I I agree, It affected me because i was in shock she sent me the message. This was the same person that ignored me for months, that even ignored me when i was going through my depression and asked for her to please just listen to me. Yeah, ***k that. You never needed her pity and you don't need it now. Treat her like she deserves to be treated. People earn respect, they don't automatically get it because you love them or they're a girl. Treat her like anyone else. Whenever I question how I should treat someone who hurts me I picture someone really annoying who you barely want to talk to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooHonest123 Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 After she treated me bad and ignored me for months why when she contacted me did i reply to her as if i went through nothing? A part of me wants her to feel the same pain i went through.... i am stilk thinking about the main reason she contacted me....which of these is more likely? 1) She is looking for a ego boost?trying to see if she still has power over me? 2) Things are going bad in her relationship and she is opening a path for a fall back guy 3) She sincerly misses me and is trying to open a path for conversation and progressiboy escalate a bond for intentions of reconciliation? I wish she never texted me....ARHGHGHGHGH THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR TIME AND SUPPORT.! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooHonest123 Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 After she treated me bad and ignored me for months why when she contacted me did i reply to her as if i went through nothing? A part of me wants her to feel the same pain i went through.... i am stilk thinking about the main reason she contacted me....which of these is more likely? 1) She is looking for a ego boost?trying to see if she still has power over me? 2) Things are going bad in her relationship and she is opening a path for a fall back guy 3) She sincerly misses me and is trying to open a path for conversation and progressiboy escalate a bond for intentions of reconciliation? I wish she never texted me....ARHGHGHGHGH THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR TIME AND SUPPORT.! If she texts me again i am not going to reply...for my own good....I need to stop this fantasy and move forward in life. I don't need her to be messing with me, i am too good for her qnd deserve better. I quoted myself to wake myself up lol Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 If she texts me again i am not going to reply...for my own good....I need to stop this fantasy and move forward in life. I don't need her to be messing with me, i am too good for her qnd deserve better. I quoted myself to wake myself up lol Good for you. Remember, take everything you read here with a grain of salt. Lots of posters here tend to be pessimistic. Don't let them dictate your feelings. Remember, it's YOUR life and YOUR choices and YOUR feelings. Do what you think is right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Calico Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 Lots of posters here tend to be pessimistic. What a pessimistic view! Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 What a pessimistic view! Is it not true? Everything here is "She's leading you on" "She's using you" "She's trying to hurt you" blah blah. Link to post Share on other sites
Calico Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 Is it not true? Everything here is. "She's leading you on" "She's using you" "She's trying to hurt you" blah blah. Everything here is based on individual experiences that people have made. Humans, on a social level, aren't all that complex and most situations follow the same pattern, especially if it's in a small behavioural subset like relationship issues. People are "pessimistic" because these situations tend to go a certain way. (Look at "Second Chances".) That doesn't mean that it's the same for everyone, and I agree with you that people should always do what they feel is best. I'd not have gone NC if I had not tried the alternatives (in terms of healing and feeling better), and I don't recommend it to anyone as a "cure all" solution (even though it may well be). Unless people do what they want to do, even it if goes against what others recommend, they will just always wonder and have regrets. A bit extra pain is better than (even more) regrets and (even more) self-blame. Link to post Share on other sites
MonsterMash Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 Ignore her and move on. Shes just yanking your chain now that shes figured out the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Link to post Share on other sites
gullibleme Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 Everything here is based on individual experiences that people have made. Humans, on a social level, aren't all that complex and most situations follow the same pattern, especially if it's in a small behavioural subset like relationship issues. People are "pessimistic" because these situations tend to go a certain way. (Look at "Second Chances".) That doesn't mean that it's the same for everyone, and I agree with you that people should always do what they feel is best. I'd not have gone NC if I had not tried the alternatives (in terms of healing and feeling better), and I don't recommend it to anyone as a "cure all" solution (even though it may well be). Unless people do what they want to do, even it if goes against what others recommend, they will just always wonder and have regrets. A bit extra pain is better than (even more) regrets and (even more) self-blame. I agree with this because I think everyone tries at least that ONE MORE TIME...or perhaps TWO before they really realize what is going on with their situation and knowing the other person...second chances can work...but more often don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Tree_Salmon Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 After she treated me bad and ignored me for months why when she contacted me did i reply to her as if i went through nothing? A part of me wants her to feel the same pain i went through.... i am stilk thinking about the main reason she contacted me....which of these is more likely? 1) She is looking for a ego boost?trying to see if she still has power over me? 2) Things are going bad in her relationship and she is opening a path for a fall back guy 3) She sincerly misses me and is trying to open a path for conversation and progressiboy escalate a bond for intentions of reconciliation? I wish she never texted me....ARHGHGHGHGH THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR TIME AND SUPPORT.! It's probably a combination of the first two. I don't know if you've read my recent posts but my ex did the same thing because he rebound wasn't going well at all. I was smart and didn't fall for it. But if they really cared they would be here now. But, you did the good thing by being unaffected in your texts. A man doesn't hold a grudge or bitch about how much pain hes in. The best revenge is to be unaffected by her actions. Yes, it hurt and you went through allot but you have to be better than them. You are an adult and you don't hold grudges. When my ex's have come back i treat them as old acquaintances. This seems to really surprise them. And it shouldn't be an act. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 (edited) I don't know but a guy who dumped me said 'can we be friends when we've both got over this?'. I thought 'what do you mean, both? I'm the one who's going to have to get over it and you are the one dumping me!' I said no and meant it. I really think some people think that after a period of time all will be well and they can be friends again. If you are the dumpee, you don't tend to feel quite so positive about that. Four years later, I still wouldn't want to be friends with that guy. Maybe she thought you would be able to be friends with her now. She's obviously mistaken. Just to add, that if I met this guy accidentally, I would pretty much ignore him. If he spoke, I'd be polite and brief. I would not engage in conversation with him but neither would I behave as if there was any problem. I'd go about what I was doing proudly and without letting his presence affect me. It's all about dignity. Edited September 16, 2012 by spiderowl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooHonest123 Posted September 16, 2012 Author Share Posted September 16, 2012 I don't know but a guy who dumped me said 'can we be friends when we've both got over this?'. I thought 'what do you mean, both? I'm the one who's going to have to get over it and you are the one dumping me!' I said no and meant it. I really think some people think that after a period of time all will be well and they can be friends again. If you are the dumpee, you don't tend to feel quite so positive about that. Four years later, I still wouldn't want to be friends with that guy. Maybe she thought you would be able to be friends with her now. She's obviously mistaken. Just to add, that if I met this guy accidentally, I would pretty much ignore him. If he spoke, I'd be polite and brief. I would not engage in conversation with him but neither would I behave as if there was any problem. I'd go about what I was doing proudly and without letting his presence affect me. It's all about dignity. I wish I could approach the situation this way....but i can't...i still love her even though 4 months have passed. The months following her news of likeing somebody else were completely devastating and it is something i do not want to go back to....her sending me that message triggered some of those emotions. I am honestly not interested in being her friend at this point. Because that will hurt me even more. I want to be happy that is all I ****ing want... i want a woman that is willing to treat me like I treat her...someone that will share my victories and provide support in my defeats....someone who will not be ashamed of introducing me to her familily because of my ethnicity.....She left me formy complete oposite....a guy with no education, a guy who does drugs...he is muscular and same ethnicity as her...I am so mad....she better not try to come back now. its not the time...i want to heal Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 There you go. There's your problem. "I want a woman that is ......" << this. What you need is to be able to be happy BY YOURSELF. You can't depend on someone to give you happiness. I understand where you're coming from and all but we can only truly depend on ourselves dont you think? Stand tall, take the hurt. It will pass but as for now, focus on yourself. The one for you will come by herself once you find happiness in being alone. You should not place the fate of your world in someone else's hands. You need to take control of yourself and be responsible for your own well-being. Be strong, as with all storms, the sun will shine again Link to post Share on other sites
Mint Sauce Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 There you go. There's your problem. "I want a woman that is ......" << this. What you need is to be able to be happy BY YOURSELF. With all respect, but that message is given very often here, and I think it's BS. It's the same as saying to someone who is unemployed that he shouldn't be wanting a job so desperately. Some of us long for a satisfying relationship. We can survive, and be reasonably happy, without, but a partner and a family are the ultimate goal. I don't think we should give up that dream. We should work toward it, improve ourselves, date, learn what went wrong in previous relationships etc. I'll survive and be content without a woman by my side, but I'll never feel complete or be entirely happy before I can finally start that family. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 TooHonest123, No one but your ex knows for certain why she contacted you. BUT, regardless of her motivation, YOU must be in control or your own emotions. From what you described, she was not good for you and frankly, her past shows what harm she has and is capable of...I don't believe you want someone like her in your life knowing that any day she could devolve into the very thing that made you so sad and upset. It is true that you should make your own decisions here and circumstances are different for different people, but from someone who is going through a similar situation, there is INDISPUTABLE clarity to the idea of taking care of yourself, building yourself up, taking control of your own happiness, etc. Like others have said, you, ultimately are the one who has control over whether you will be happy or dejected. When my ex let me go, it was under very good circumstances, yours wasn't it seems. So, if my chances of getting back is difficult enough, imagine what it will be for you. I'm not saying give up, rather, re-evaluate all that has happened and make efforts to place some emotional distance from your ex. It's the only safe thing to do if you are going to pursue her, otherwise go NC and let her do ALL the work to show you that she has changed and wants you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 With all respect, but that message is given very often here, and I think it's BS. It's the same as saying to someone who is unemployed that he shouldn't be wanting a job so desperately. Some of us long for a satisfying relationship. We can survive, and be reasonably happy, without, but a partner and a family are the ultimate goal. I don't think we should give up that dream. We should work toward it, improve ourselves, date, learn what went wrong in previous relationships etc. I'll survive and be content without a woman by my side, but I'll never feel complete or be entirely happy before I can finally start that family. I understand what you mean. But comparing this and the unemployment is totally two different things. Longing for a relationship DOES NOT equate to being unhappy with yourself. Yes, people long for a satisfying relationship. BUT you have to be totally OKAY being alone. Looking at this logic from another viewpoint. I always like to say, if you need someone to complete your life and make you happy, what makes you think you can provide for that person? You are unable to provide for yourself and you're thinking of giving happiness to someone else? It don't work that way. You have to first be totally alright with being alone and then you're ready to get into a relationship. Look, I'm not saying dont get into a r/s. All I'm saying is take some time to be alone, be independent and stand up by yourself. Look at my advice without prejudice and see what I'm saying. I'm advising him to take sometime off and chill out his head and heart before getting into another relationship. WHY? Simple. Because if you're not alright with being alone, you'll NEVER be able to stand up by YOURSELF. And we all know how that ends up. Relationship after relationship and failures after failures happen because of people who do not take time out after a breakup to reflect and find themselves back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TooHonest123 Posted September 16, 2012 Author Share Posted September 16, 2012 GUYS HELP!!! she just contacted me again , She asked if i knew what was the festival happening at the local park? ;( ...... I dont know whwt to do omg...i feel anxiety and stress.... Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 LET HER GO! stop engaging in conversation with her! SHE LEFT YOU. SHE IGNORED YOU for months while with somebody else!! She doesn't want you. She thinks you are over it and now you can be friends. YOU CAN'T. Look at yourself and how you are obsessing over stupid breadcrumbs which mean nothing other than she resolving the guilt she feels for having treated you like ****! If you truly want to move on from her and meet a woman who will love you and treat you properly, then leave this one in the past where she belongs. reply to her message saying... "look, I'm sorry, but i really don't want to keep communication up with you. I just don't really see the point and I think it's better for us both to move on leave the past in the past. I wish you nothing but happiness. X" Link to post Share on other sites
Tree_Salmon Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 LET HER GO! stop engaging in conversation with her! SHE LEFT YOU. SHE IGNORED YOU for months while with somebody else!! She doesn't want you. She thinks you are over it and now you can be friends. YOU CAN'T. Look at yourself and how you are obsessing over stupid breadcrumbs which mean nothing other than she resolving the guilt she feels for having treated you like ****! If you truly want to move on from her and meet a woman who will love you and treat you properly, then leave this one in the past where she belongs. reply to her message saying... "look, I'm sorry, but i really don't want to keep communication up with you. I just don't really see the point and I think it's better for us both to move on leave the past in the past. I wish you nothing but happiness. X" Sadly I haven't seen anything that disputes what most people on here say. And I'm always the one to go against the grain. We all think our situations are unique, and they may be in many ways but when it comes to breakups its pretty clear. When someone really loves you they go all the way for you. Anything less is just infatuation/dependency. Unless she makes some real progress, don't bother. Link to post Share on other sites
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