she contacted me .

[spiderowl]

I wish I could approach the situation this way....but i can't...i still love her even though 4 months have passed. The months following her news of likeing somebody else were completely devastating and it is something i do not want to go back to....her sending me that message triggered some of those emotions.

 

I am honestly not interested in being her friend at this point. Because that will hurt me even more. I want to be happy that is all I ****ing want... i want a woman that is willing to treat me like I treat her...someone that will share my victories and provide support in my defeats....someone who will not be ashamed of introducing me to her familily because of my ethnicity.....She left me formy complete oposite....a guy with no education, a guy who does drugs...he is muscular and same ethnicity as her...I am so mad....she better not try to come back now. its not the time...i want to heal

 

Really sorry and I can see how hurt you are. Honestly, the people they choose instead are not a reflection on you. Would you feel attracted to someone because of their ethnicity or job? It's not usually relevant so no point thinking it is.

 

You don't have to be her friend. You could tell her not to get in touch with you and then block her. I know that deep down you don't want to do that either. It's a horrible dilemma. She has triggered some of those feelings that you thought had gone and now you'll need to work through some again and resolve them. They will resolve though when you come to a new understanding of what this contact has done to you. I do feel for you.

[soccerrprp]

GUYS HELP!!! she just contacted me again , She asked if i knew what was the festival happening at the local park? ;( ...... I dont know whwt to do omg...i feel anxiety and stress....

 

Meaningless small talk....if she was serious about getting back together she would have suggested that you get together to talk. She could have easily asked this to someone else or googled it herself, but she's likely pulling your strings right now... resist and make her make a more serious effort, if that is her intent.

[Mr Reptile]

We are in really similiar situation my friend.

 

My ex also left me 4 months ago... for another guy.

 

All I can say is: It's not worth it.

If she can leave you like that for someoneelse, then she may do it in the future too.

Don't take it personally, she just want to explore things. But she is not worth you, if she can dump you like that JUST BECAUSE SHE HAS PLAN B, then don't contact her.

She doesn't deserve that, just ignore her, she's a loser who can't live alone while you can.

 

Stay strong and single, keep your dignity this way and start dating when YOU feel ready.

[Sameold]

Well, I'm also in same situation but no contact from ex thankfully. I wouldn't simply ignore...I would probably be straight up and say something like this:

 

"texts a incidental considering what you put me through isn't it?"

 

That basically says something...she will either then shut up and realise you havnt forgiven her for treating you like crap and you're not a mug.

Or she will address the break-up and discuss it...if she does this remain cool and collected and just state that you have no time for small talk.

 

Ultimately like I said my ex did similar. She put me through pure hell, she just sacked me off one day after 4 years with no good reason. I busted her putting ground work in with the guy she is now with when I got on her fb account. I would NEVER take her back, she has shown what she is capable of despite me being great to her....disgusting

[Mr Reptile]

Well, I'm also in same situation but no contact from ex thankfully. I wouldn't simply ignore...I would probably be straight up and say something like this:

 

"texts a incidental considering what you put me through isn't it?"

 

That basically says something...she will either then shut up and realise you havnt forgiven her for treating you like crap and you're not a mug.

Or she will address the break-up and discuss it...if she does this remain cool and collected and just state that you have no time for small talk.

 

Ultimately like I said my ex did similar. She put me through pure hell, she just sacked me off one day after 4 years with no good reason. I busted her putting ground work in with the guy she is now with when I got on her fb account. I would NEVER take her back, she has shown what she is capable of despite me being great to her....disgusting

 

This word describe how I feel about my ex most of the time. How can they go SO FAST to another guy?

Simple, they can't live alone, and it's not only low self-esteem, it's disgusting too.

[Sameold]

This word describe how I feel about my ex most of the time. How can they go SO FAST to another guy?

Simple, they can't live alone, and it's not only low self-esteem, it's disgusting too.

 

The very day before she dumps me we are walking around a park laughing in the sun eating ice cream. It was hell to catch her out on her pre-meditating ways when I saw it but now I can see it has made all this 100000% easier. She was afraid to be alone, I had her on a pedestal so high and it felt so good to bring her down. It is just hard remembering not to put her bck on it.

 

I think when exs just leave they nearly always have something brewing, disgusting.

[Mr Reptile]

The very day before she dumps me we are walking around a park laughing in the sun eating ice cream. It was hell to catch her out on her pre-meditating ways when I saw it but now I can see it has made all this 100000% easier. She was afraid to be alone, I had her on a pedestal so high and it felt so good to bring her down. It is just hard remembering not to put her bck on it.

 

I think when exs just leave they nearly always have something brewing, disgusting.

 

You are right, it made it alot easier. It says more about them then us, even if we were the dumpee or the dumper.

[TooHonest123]

GUYS !!! UPDATE!!!! Today she contacted me and we talked for a bit again...SHE TOLD ME SHE BROKE UP WITH HER REBOUND!! I am a very weak person...but i still love her to death...and i want to geet back with her....I was stupid enough of mentioning the topic of meeting up and she said it wasnt a good idea....

 

She did the damage why did i tell her this...why am i the one chasing again...fml....please god give me strenght please...dont make all of these sad emotions come back i beg you....please bring this woman into my life again I love her so much

Edited September 18, 2012 by TooHonest123

[TaraMaiden]

So No Contact is working well for you then....?

 

I don't get it sometimes.

 

I just.

Don't.

Get it.

 

And tragically, it seems, neither do you.

[dscl]

GUYS !!! UPDATE!!!! Today she contacted me and we talked for a bit again...SHE TOLD ME SHE BROKE UP WITH HER REBOUND!! I am a very weak person...but i still love her to death...and i want to geet back with her....I was stupid enough of mentioning the topic of meeting up and she said it wasnt a good idea....

 

She did the damage why did i tell her this...why am i the one chasing again...fml....please god give me strenght please...dont make all of these sad emotions come back i beg you....please bring this woman into my life again I love her so much

 

I know it hurts because I was there. STBXW cheated on me and at first I begged to stay together, but at some point I came around and thought, why do I want to be with someone who does not want to be with me and treated me so bad? While I still might have some feelings for my ex, I saw that the feelings where for who she was not who she is today. Best advice I can give you is, just let her go you/we deserve so much more than people who do not want to be with us.

[TooHonest123]

Right now she is contacting me as a friend...I hope to try and work through this and maybe awaken some dormant feeling in her. I am going to keep trying and keep the Forum updated...I will let you guys know where this all ends up.

 

I want to keep her around for the following two reasons.

1- Possibly make her fall for me again

2- Keep her as emotional support until another woman comes along

 

so far in her head it is clear she has no more feelings for me.

[Calico]

I want to keep her around for the following two reasons.

1- Possibly make her fall for me again

2- Keep her as emotional support until another woman comes along

 

I understand why you are doing what you're doing, but you set yourself up for so much extra pain. It is not likely that she'll fall for you again as long as you are available without her having to deal with any of the reasons why she dumped you before. You don't give her a chance to miss you.

 

The second option is like drinking alcohol to get over a hangover. There is another, more likely outcome: Keep her as emotional support until she finds another guy and you go through living hell once more.

[Frank13]

I want to keep her around for the following two reasons.

1- Possibly make her fall for me again

2- Keep her as emotional support until another woman comes along

 

FAIL.

so far in her head it is clear she has no more feelings for me.

That's why 1 amd 2 above fail.

[TooHonest123]

I understand why you are doing what you're doing, but you set yourself up for so much extra pain. It is not likely that she'll fall for you again as long as you are available without her having to deal with any of the reasons why she dumped you before. You don't give her a chance to miss you.

 

The second option is like drinking alcohol to get over a hangover. There is another, more likely outcome: Keep her as emotional support until she finds another guy and you go through living hell once more.

 

I want to know I did everything in my hands to get this woman back. She was already used to me not being part of her life since she was in another relationship. The goal for me is to get her used to me and then make her miss me again. I will try to play the cards right...I can't possibly go through more pain than what i went through this past summer...I am going to keep trying while simultaneously. keeping my door open for another person as well.

[okiedokie]

Hey bro, you really should step back and allow NC to give you some perspective...here is the reality of the situation: she contacted you b/c her relationship just ended with another man...she most likely did this b/c she wants to see if you are still there to comfort her and on some subconscious level she probably got a lift knowing you are still there for her..you push and she will pull away (read up on push-pull theory)..anything you do to win her back will only serve to hurt you and paint you in a bad light in her eyes at this point. This is why you truely need to go NC and work on healing yourself. This way if she doesn't come back you win b/c you heal yourself and grow and learn from the releatonship and are able to enter new relationships without dragging unfinished business with you...if she does come back testing the waters with you, if you aren't waiting around for her and have moved on and are living your life, then you are now in a position to decide from a balanced view whether or not you are interested or willing to give it a 2nd try.

 

You just can't be friends with this woman right now...it is not possible...you yourself admitted you still have feelings for her, so any action you take is from the stand point of those feelings and trying to win her back. Only until you get to the point that you no longer harbor any romantic feelings for her at all can you be friends with her...and then it is YOUR decision not hers to make...think I'm off base? Can you deal with her talking about the latest guy in her life or who she finds attractive?? Here's the single biggest mistake that people make when remaining in contact with people they were once intimately involved with....you can't. not until you are no longer emotionally attached to them. Until that time comes anything you do is from the perspective of the feelings you have for her.

 

Even if you were to get her back the relationship would be doomed unless you both took the time to work on your personal issues that helped lead to the breakup in the first place....unless those reasons are dealt with they are still there and will resurface again. Sorry if this comes off a bit harsh but I'm just speaking from experience and what I think you truely need is a balanced view of the situation which is almost impossible when you so close to it as you are.

Edited September 19, 2012 by okiedokie
added more

[GLDheart]

Willpower.

 

Get some.

[TooHonest123]

Me and her have been keeping contact...she asked if my family hated her for what she had done to me this past summer....she also yesterday agreed to meet up for coffee in a couple weeks....she told me a few days ago that she did not want to meet up...so i am seeing some changes in her behavior. Maybe she is embarrassed and ashamed of what she but me through, She could be afraid of seeing me again and maybe reawakining some emotions? I am trying to choose very carefully my words and communication. So far everything has worked...i just need to be careful i don't come as too clingy or needy

[Calico]

*shakes head*

[TooHonest123]

I feel i Have worked on myself...The problem is that i am still In love with her...Spending all that time alone and going through all that pain helped me fix so many issues...but i am still in love guys....i can't control this emotion.

[TaraMaiden]

....but i am still in love guys....i can't control this emotion.

 

Yes, actually - you can.

You just don't want to. I hate to say it, but we're all preparing for the 'fall' here. And I'm not talking 'Autumn'......

[Calico]

I wish you the best of luck and that you get what you want at the end, I really, really do. I just hate to see you hurting so much and doing so many things that I feel will ensure that you keep getting hurt. It is painful to see that you are so convinced that it's your fault, that you can glue together this vase that has been shattered into thousands of shards. But you need to do what you feel is best for you. There is nothing anyone can say or do, and that's all right. I think everyone here who recommends to walk away from this situation would be more than happy to be wrong.

[TooHonest123]

I am crying...this is all very very frustrating for me. Thank you so much everyone for your support.

[okiedokie]

I feel i Have worked on myself...The problem is that i am still In love with her...Spending all that time alone and going through all that pain helped me fix so many issues...but i am still in love guys....i can't control this emotion.

 

 

Ok, so you've worked on yourself....has she?? Maybe you can't control the way you feel, but YOU do have control over your actions and what you say and do. Best of luck with your meetup--- I know how painful & confusing the place is that you are at right now.

[TooHonest123]

Today was an emotional day. Her re-asuring me to not get my hopes up that we were getting back together... yet she is still showing small signs of interest. I find that these past few days since she contacted me i have not been able to focus much in school. Today i forced myself to ask a friend (oposite sex) to meet up with me next week and catch up on things. I want to force myself to get out more...who knows...maybe that will be my only salvation... I always considered myself a strong person...love became my biggest weakeness.

 

Looking deeply at the root of my attachment for the woman i do find some sort of understanding. Growing up basically alone There was never really somebody there to listen to my problems...to share my victories...provide support in my defeats...when this woman came along she took care of all those things. and after she left all emotional support had dissapeared...again i felt a pile of emotions building up inside me with no where to escape.

 

this is perhaps the main source of my attachment...and at this point i am trully begining to believe that to really move on...another person must come along.

[TooHonest123]

Hello guys ...i want to share what has been happening lately with you all.

 

Talking escalated from texting to phone calls. Still have not seen eachother since we want to be mentally prepared for when this happends. i am careful everytime i talk to her and I am making sure i do not show too much interest...I left her a letter on her card today about friendship and how inportant her friendship was to me and how i wanted to keep her around for a long time she loved the letter and called me imediatly to tell me how cute it was. still not touching relationship topics...but slowly making progress....time is my ally in this situation....she suggested we make plans together for halloween...and today even brought up a sexual topic....to which i rapidly changed topic since i want to make it clear that i am not looking for just sex...i want her for who she is ...

 

Still being careful and keeping some sort of distance...not keeping my hopes up but still working for what I want and following my heart...i do not want regrets in my future knowing that i did not try my best...

 

I will keep you guys posted...again thank you for all of your combined time and support.