He doesn't want to get engaged yet

[Arkiepena]

So... This will be rather long, I'm sorry for rambling ):

 

My boyfriend (30) and I (29), we've been in a stable relationship for 8 years, and we always talked about getting married when we were both financially stable. (We met when we were studying, even ended up studying the same thing for a while and saw each other every day and loved being together). Each of us lived with their respective parents/families (it's kind of tradition here to move out when you get married or when you feel like it after you get a stable job and want independency).

 

At the beginning of the year, he got a stable job (I'm a freelance artist), and his parents decided to sell the apartment they were living in and buy a new one. Catch was, the new apartment they wanted to buy had one less bedroom, meaning my boyfriend either moved out or went back to share his room with his 15 y/o baby brother.

 

So we said "Ok, time to live together!"

We did some apartment hunting and was very straining to our relationship. He wanted comfort, even if it meant to spend a lot more then what we had planned we could afford, and I just anted to be with him and struggle with him and face adversity together, no matter what happened.

 

We eventually found a little newly built apartment in a fancy place that was a lot more expensive then we planned, but we loved it to pieces, so we moved there in May.

 

The problems started the first month, with him imposing his house rules and me struggling to get used to them, since my house was pretty rule-less. Especially his rather OCD-ish behavior he always complained is mom had about everything being on the place he left it and getting pissed off if things were moved.

Then it was the money; I was managing the finances and pooling our money, and I made a mistake and one day we went on a shopping spree and spent more than we could afford, so we ended up with a few bucks to eat for the last week of the month. After that, we split the expenses.

 

I have a 7 y/o Cat and a 6 m/o Puppy dog from when I lived with my mom. My boyfriend really loved my cat, but he's rather allergic. He said we could bring it to live with us after a few weeks, but i had to promise to clean up every day to keep his allergy to a minimum. he changed his mind and refused to let me bring my cat here ): I miss it terribly.

The puppy, it grew too much for a tiny one bedroom apartment, though I think I could still keep it. It behaved when I brought it here one day for a couple of days, but he refused to let me keep it because it would mess the apartment and destroy the new furniture.

He said I could get a small dog later on, but he only likes Chihuahuas and Pomeranians, which are expensive and I refuse to pay hundreds of dollars for a pet when I can adopt an abandoned stray one, or worst case scenario, buy a Maltese, a Poodle Toy or a Beagle for a fraction of the price... but he thinks those dogs are ugly.

I work at home all day by myself and having pets when I lived with my mom helped me deal with loneliness during the day. Now, I feel really lonely. I only get to see my pets when I go visit my mom once a week ):

 

He also expects me to clean the house, since I'm the one at home and I'm not working my ass off during the whole day as he is (I'm *just* freelancing in a relaxed manner and don't make enough money because I'm lazy. Reason #1 for him not to want to pool money with me, since he feels I don't deservee extra money from him if I'm not working hard enough ). In the beginning, it was very upsetting to him I failed to clean properly, but I've been making progress; I came from house where I did very little work myself, so I guess I'm not very used to do this kind of things. I'm trying my best, though. It makes me mad when he fails to clean his mess when he's at home, though. He argues I should clean because I'm at home, but when he's at home he doesn't clean unless I nag him? Sometimes I wished I worked out of home too so we could split the cleaning work.

 

Also, he is very introverted. I'm no particularly extroverted myself, but sometimes it just hurts to feel so lonely when he's at home.

Whenever he went to my place, I'd stop what I was doing and find something we both would enjoy, since I realized that letting him watch me drawing or showing him some of the things I enjoyed would bore him.

When we were at his place, he's keep doing his things and I'd enjoy watching him do them. Every now and then, I'd nag him to do something we'd both enjoy instead and we'd do that. It worked.

Now that we live together, he needs his alone time and I respect that, but when he spends 4.5 hours out of 5 hours after he gets home from work in front of his computer doing his things and I barely get half an hour of attention on and off... It sucks.

He complains he doesn't have a "place" in the house and I do, because I bought a desk for me to work at while I'm at home. I lend it o him when he gets home, so he can be comfortable with the computer, but he still doesn't like it much because it's not "his". I tell him to boy another desk and put it in the livingroom (there is no room for another desk in the bedroom), but he doesn't want to because if we have people over, he won't have privacy and will get annoyed.

The I tell him that I'll move to the livingroom and he can have hi desk in the bedroom, but he doesn't want me to because my desk is regularly too messy to have it on display in the livingroom... UGH.

 

Then there's the sex. I've never have much sex drive after leaving my teenage years, probably because I have a sort of... dysfunctional clit that's hard to stimulate. Our sex life has mostly been of the cuddly type.

Last year, I started taking anti-anxiety meds that reduced my libido and my sensibility. My boyfriend was annoyed by it, but we decided just to deal with it. Then this year he changed his ADD meds and they reduced his libido.

We have almost no sex life now. It's usually him requesting BJs (he refuses to give me oral unless I'm freshly showered and I don't feel much anyway), and when we do have sex... it's a hit or miss thing, since we're not very close anymore because of all the troubles and I find myself not attracted to him anymore (he's been neglecting himself and has grown a belly - he complains about having a hard time buying the clothes he likes, but he wont' exercise or change his diet).

 

Now, to top it all, he tells me he's not sure he wants to marry me anymore. When we moved together, he somehow switched to grown-up responsible mode and feels I didn't, that I just stayed immature. That I'm not assertive enough (And people may take advantage of me), I' don't work hard enough and I'm just too childish.

After spending all day alone at home working by myself, I seek affection when he gets home, and he finds me clingy.

Then he lectures me and I just sulk, because I don't rally know how to react, how to "grow up" as he wants.

 

So... last night we argues about engagement, because he sends me mixed signals. When he told me the first time he wasn't sure he wanted to marry me, I tried my best to change the bad habits and behaviors that were troubling him and things got better. Now there's the childish and non-asertiveness thing that's keeping him unsure, he said last night.

 

I moved in with him as a temporary phase before marriage; he is just content with how things are and he's rather not move forward unless I prove him I'm up to the task, I guess? But it hurts, i hate to be living like this! I wish we never moved in together like this, I wish I had waited until he liked me the way I was, like me enough to propose to me... I feel lonely and pressured to change, and while I know I should change because that'll be good for me, I don't know if I want to go through that process while living with him.

 

Does that make sense?

 

If I go back to my mom's place, I'm pretty sure he'll broke up with me, though, because it'll feel like I call it quits.

 

I'm trying to be less childish and more assertive, but I'm afraid I'll turn pretty jerk-ish and end up pissing him off even more, because it's ahrd for me to reach a balanced middle...

 

I don't know what to do ):

 

What should I do ._.?

[ASG]

Dump his sorry ass.

 

You've done nothing but compromise, while he hasn't, at all.

 

I'm not saying you are doing everything right and he's not, but clearly you two have outgrown the relationship and there is nothing in it for either of you now.

 

You don't seem happy. And he seems to be calling all the shots, which means that you are, in reality, annulling yourself to become someone he likes. That will not end well. You will continue to be miserable and at one point you will actively resent him (you probably already do, but aren't even aware).

 

So yeah, move back in with your mom. But break it off with him first. Don't let him be the one to do it.

[pink_sugar]

It's been 8 years...I'm surprised you haven't started living together sooner. He's extremely controlling and there are just way too many issues for you to consider marriage right now. There's absolutely no compromise and if he's not willing to change his ways, I can't see how this relationship will last. He wants to wait until being financially stable to consider marriage, but living beyond his means by getting an expensive apartment? Makes no sense to me.

[Balzac]

From what you've shared it seems compatability is nonexistent. Additionally, one presumes both parties are on the lease. Sure you can move back into your family residence, continue to pay your portion of the lease agreement. I'm not seeing him as easily acquiring roommate with one bedroom.

 

It's interesting that you were unable to anticipate these cohabitation issues but now that you're facing it, I'd be done with him. If moving out is the easiest way to end it, be gone.

[pink_sugar]

I agree. How long is your lease? As soon as it's up, I would be gone.

[Arkiepena]

Uhm... I think the lease is a yearly contract.

My boyfriend's father is the one that took the lease, with my mom's as guarantee.

 

I'm thinking it may be a good thing to move back with my mom, even if just for a while... I don't feel good living with him knowing I'm not (yet) the person he wants to be with ): I'd rather live with my mom again and maybe become the person he wants me to be while not being all anxious about our situation. Just seeing each other a couple of times a week like we used to would work better for us, I think.

 

Who knows, maybe when I become the person he needs, he won't be the person i need anymore?

[Balzac]

You owe for the lease and very likely utility Service. What you haven't mentioned is what sum, if any you pay to your mom. It seems odd that at Age 30, employed, your mom had to be a financial guarantor.

 

You seem to hold the desire to change who you are to placate this guy. Not sure why or if you realize how patently futile that will be.

 

No way do you gain anything from continuing to live in the shared apartment.

I believe your power position is to move out, hope to rattle his cage enough to contemplate and execute compromise. No comment on the sexual challenge, that's a whole incompatabity in another giant risk zone.

Edited September 13, 2012 by Balzac
Are you residing in USA?

[pink_sugar]

Are his father and your mother equally on the lease? You could also look into breaking the lease if the penalty isn't too extravagant. But I agree with the other poster, I don't understand why your parents are on the lease if you are both 30 and moved out when you were both financially settled. If you're both 20, I could understand. But I am assuming you both make enough money to pay for all the expenses.

[CarrieT]

Just seeing each other a couple of times a week like we used to would work better for us, I think.

 

Then an engagement and marriage would not be the right answer for you two.

 

Consider yourself lucky that you didn't get married and move into this situation; your extrication from this is much easier.

 

He has set-up the ground rules and you've been living by them to the best of your ability. What has he been doing in return? If you can't talk about shared responsibility as well as shared finances, then you shouldn't be considering marriage at all.

[Arkiepena]

I never paid anything to my mom while living with her. When I started working freelance I asked her if she wanted me to, and she didn't; she'd rather have me spend that money on myself or save it, since it wasn't much anyway (not enough to live by myself), and she makes more than enough money on her own to not care about expenses at all.

 

My boyfriend only got a job in March and we moved in May, and lease companies require a contract with at least 6 months of antiquity to grant a lease, that's why we asked his Father and my Mom to sign the lease for us.

 

I... I think he is right on the things I should change, because they affect the household and affect me, in the end. I'm upset he doesn't seem to be willing to change for me, though... probably because he doesn't see how the things that complicate me affect himself or the household or anything, really. Except they affect me.

 

I love him, I guess?

We've been together for 8 years, and I see him as a part of my family.

I want to do my best for this to work, but I feel... cheated... how things changed so much when we moved together.

I mean, I understand there are lots of problems when you start and all, but for him to change his mind about even proposing to me after we have lived together for a few months because he "grew up" and I didn't...

I somehow imagined things would be different. That'd we struggle with things together, that we'd figure out household rules together, that'd we'd split the work, that we'd face adversity and grow up together from this experience... But it turned out he pressed a magic "I'm the grown up now!" button that i don't seem to have and he took charge and started complaining I didn't change like he did ):

[Arkiepena]

Also lease companies ask for monthly income to be 4 times the monthly rent, which is something our combined incomes don't reach (we have enough money to pay for rent, services and food and we have some spare for other expenses, but it's still not 4 times the rent).

[Balzac]

In some major urban markets in the US, there are significant financial resource documentations required. When I was leasing at the start of grad school, I had to produce bank account document verifying 36 months of cash equivalent to lease. Granted it was a capture image but the sum was $70,000 US. Absent the ability to document no application. An alternative was a co-sign guarantor or a less desirable apt at a greater distance. Such is life.

 

A lease can be broken and as soon as that unit is again leased the landlord must excuse remaining lease obligations assumed by parents. This could then become "his" apt with daddy alone as guarantor.

[Balzac]

Both parents were willing to assume financial obligation and would surely understand that incompatabity could occur.

 

Why would you remain in a 1 bedroom apt with this situation?

[Janesays]

After 8 years, if he hasn't proposed, he's not gonna. Never. Ever. But let's be honest here, that doesn't sound like a BAD thing at all. I married a guy like this and it was the WORST decision of my life. Learn from my mistakes and DODGE THIS BULLET GIRL!

[TaraMaiden]

Deal with finances practically.

Do whatever it takes to come to the right conclusion.

insofar as he's concerned.... see that horizon?

Start walking - and don't ever, ever look back....

[january2011]

It sounds like incompatibility in terms of behaviour and living style combined with a failure to agree on the setup beforehand.

 

Living with him, you've now discovered how selfish and strict he is. Can you really live like this or is it just stressing you out and you need to be with someone who has a more relaxed and sharing attitude?

 

I know you've invested eight years into this relationship but investing the rest of your life in him is an even bigger prospect and you don't want to make that decision lightly without much thought.

 

You do need to do some work on yourself in terms of becoming more financially independent and learning basic household management. You can do some of that while living with your mum. And perhaps work towards living on your own first before moving in with someone.

 

If you stick with this relationship, it's going to be tough not falling back into bad habits. You really need to start pulling your weight. And your boyfriend needs to dial back on the OCDness and encourage your to continue to get better.

 

Regardless of which option you choose, I think that your first priority is to increase your income. Sign up to as many agencies as you can so that you make sure you have more regular work coming in. Look at other options for a workspace so that you get into less lazy mindset. For example, are there studios that lease office space or deskspace? Perhaps even a local coffee shop or library? The temptation when working from home is that there are so many other distractions and it's easy to just schlep around in your pyjamas all day, not really accomplishing much.

 

Your next priority is to learn more about household management, there are websites that can help such as FlyLady in terms of scheduling and keeping things manageable. You can also type "how to clean X" in Google. What you want to do is make it a habit so that you can do it regularly, quickly and efficiently without having to use up too much mental energy on it. If you stay with your boyfriend, set up a rota and review regularly.

 

Edit: With regard to the proposal, I think that it's unlikely to happen in the near future, because 1) It's been eight years; 2) He's not very happy at the moment and envisaging the rest of his life living like this is probably sending him running for the hills.

[Axee]

I can see in ur msgs that u want to try to change urself for him.......

Please dont.. dump him.. before he does it........

[Lauriebell82]

I can relate a lot to your post. My husband is an OCD neat freak (not nearly as bad as your boyfriend though) and I came from a household where I did not have to clean or use any household management skills. That's something I had to learn how to change, not just because my husband is OCD, but pretty much for anyone...or we would just be living in filth. The difference here is that my husband at least TRIES to keep his OCD tendencies to a minimum because he knows that the behavior is undesirable. Your boyfriend doesn't sound like he even knows he is doing anything wrong.

 

Plus, you two have a lot of other incompatabilities, including finances, pets, daily living, ect.

 

Personally, I think marriage would be a mistake. And after 8 years, and him saying he doesn't know if he wants to marry you, then it doesn't look like it is in the cards anyway.

[Arkiepena]

It's been a while since I posted.

I apologize in advance for the rant-y ramble-y nature of the following post.

 

I think we have progressed, he told me one time he felt we were good, that i was making progress and we were finally happy together.

And he told me to not feel so sad, because we'd get married one day (as long as I didn't nag him to marry me because the more I nag him, the less he'll want to do it, I should leave him be and do things at his pace)

I took your advice about organizing myself better and keeping the house clean.

I still have a bit of a hard time organizing my working hours, but now I have a house cleaning routine I stick to every day and that keep my apartment clean.

I decided to be the best person I can be and be a good partner, not only for my boyfriend, but for myself. I feel happier like this.

 

We also had a conversation the other day about our sex life and we came to the conclusion we lacked affection - he only touched me for sex, and not very affectionately either-, and we started working on it. (We had a great sex night after that conversation, I almost cried.)

 

So I naturally thought that everything was fine and that my boyfriend probably had in mind to propose to me sometime in the following months.

 

I was wrong.

 

I was looking at wedding inspiration/decoration photos yesterday (I like doing so, I'm an artist, I love looking at pretty things!) And I remembered this thread and how maybe I should put a limit date to the proposal, since I came to live with him specifically looking to get engaged in less than a year. I also thought that, even when I thought he *could* be thinking about proposing to me soon, I've had hard reality checks before realizing he's not on the same page than me before, so maybe I could be wrong in thinking he could be thinking about proposing. And I also thought about his cat-like personality "if you approach me (if you nag me), I'll back off... Let *me* approach you."

And I thought it'd be best to give him a heads up about my personal "deadline" instead of waiting until May 2013 and him finding me all upset and face a break-up out of nowhere (for him).

 

So I told him yesterday:

"Love, I need you to promise me something. PROMISE me you'll propose to me before May next year. Please tell me you're thinking to propose to me before then."

He was taken aback, and while I was hopeful in thinking he'd look at me disappointingly and tell me "Calm down, I WILL. UGH, Don't nag me!" he was upset. He told me it wasn't even on his mind.

He wasn't even thinking about marrying.

He was happy with me and enjoying our life together, enjoying his work, enjoying buying new gadgets and having the house clean and our sex life back.

He didn't even considered marriage.

I explained to him it was important to me and why I was putting May as a deadline (one year of living together).

And I told him that I've made a promise to myself to live being true to my principles, and that it's be like cheating to myself to stay with him if proposing hasn't even crossed his mind when we're great as a couple now, and just sticking around because it's comfortable, it works and it's better than being alone anyway if that's not truly what I want. That if that was the case, I should leave and call it quits.

It... it hurt to realize I'm no longer in his mind.

I'm always thinking of him. Always looking at things he may like, he may enjoy, leaving him loving messages in post-its and whiteboards in the house, cleaning and ordering his stuff, so he has a better environment to live in and is happier... even his Christmas present, I put a lot of thought into it and it was the first thing I bought when I had some money, and made sure it'd be something he'd like.

he told me i was the center of his life for too many years and at some point he got tired (by the time we moved together) and now he was the center of his life. I told him it was fine that his first priority was himself! But I'm like 5th or 8th now, while everything over me is him and the things he likes now ):

 

He said he was sorry and promised me to propose to me before May.

 

But... still, it hurts to know the person you love doesn't have you in his thoughts everyday because they feel they gave you too many years.

it hurts to keep thinking they think of you and are planning things for you when they're only planning what they'll buy for themselves next and when they get home they're too tired and only want to pamper themselves.

 

This morning I stabbed myself in the finger while making breakfast to him, I bled a lot, and he didn't come to me to see if I was okay, not even a sympathetic tough on the shoulder... he just stayed on his computer while I was bleeding, with my finger under running cold water for a while, then franctically looking for a band-aid and then returning to finish making his breakfast.

"It was just a cut, why are you so upset?".

 

I... I think that maybe he'd be better off by himself, pampering himself, living his life without having to take care of/worry about a girlfriend that wants a husband and not a roommate boyfriend to share expenses with ):

 

Just wanted to share that with you.

 

Thanks a lot for your previous advice, by the way, it helped me a lot.

[TaraMaiden]

"We teach People how to treat us".

 

Read my signature - he cares less than you do, and is very definitely more in control than you are.

 

You've put his back against the wall with all this talk of marriage.

 

It's not going to happen.

 

You really want to be proposed to by a guy whose heart is not in it, who wasn't even thinking about it, and had no intention or wish to propose - but may really only do it, because you're pressuring him?

 

Gimme a break.

 

You need to think about this carefully. Because you are staying with him in the hope that he will turn into the man you desperately want him to be - and you're living in cloud cuckoo land if you really believe that can happen.

He can only be the man he is - he won't change for you - and to be honest, there's absolutely no reason why he should.

You cannot make him into the man of your dreams, and he cannot make your dreams come true by fitting this romantic husband ideal you have in your head - because he doesn't want to marry you.

 

If he wanted to marry you, obviously his reactions and response would have been different.

But he was - and is - happy with things exactly as they are.

he has everything he wants. Why should he change that?

You're the one who is dissatisfied - but it's always going to be this way. Because your desires don't match reality.

And reality is that you feel unappreciated and unfulfilled.

And with this guy - this is the way it's always going to be.

[Daniel V. Ross]

It seems that as the time goes by, your boyfriend's character is starting to change. Better think twice about the marriage.

[Arkiepena]

You know, it struck me as odd.

 

He told me that he wasn't thinking of marriage, that he was not really making plans for the future... every time he opened his mouth, he could taste the foot he was putting in there and started over. He also said was already committed to me when he decided to come live with me, that things won't magically change when we get married, that I maybe was hoping things would? That I'd act different? That he'd act different? That at this point marrying would be just signing a paper so why all the fuss.

 

I told him I wasn't expecting anything to change, that I'd not change nor expect him to, that I was as committed as I'd ever be and I was doing my best to make things good for both of us, even if I failed sometimes.

And if it was just signing up a paper, why the hell didn't he proposed to me already if it wasn't such a big deal? It wasn't a magic thing! I wanted a HUSBAND, somebody to be with for the rest of my life, to start A FAMILY and take that commitment in front of our loved ones, the country laws and the rest of the world and CELEBRATE IT.

 

Then he remained silent for a long time, and when I told him that it'd be best for me to live if he didn't want to marry, he wanted to give me a hug, and I refused; I said I wanted WORDS not hugs. I wanted him to speak his mind. And he held his hand out and promised me he'd propose to me before May and he apologized for everything.

 

I held him and cried my heart out.

And he asked why was I crying. I grabbed his head and told him that it hurt not to be on the same page! That it hurt because we used to and I kept being disappointed and brokenhearted because I kept having reality-checks where I'd realize we weren't on the same page. And he said "That's the problem. I'm an adult now, I changed. You've never changed. Your'e still the same you were when we met 8 years ago."

 

Sorry, I just pretty much repeated what I said last time.

 

And yes, I'm broken-hearted and disillusioned right now. I should be happy he said he'd propose to me but I feel it's not worth it.

he'll do it out of pressure, not because he really wants to.

I wish he could say "This is the woman I want to spend my life with!" But he never will. He's just content with how things are and will probably only do things to prevent me from leaving, not because he truly feels them.

 

I... I don't think I deserve that. I deserve a man who loves me, who wants to be with me, who thinks of me. I don't want him to think i'm perfect, but I want him to encourage me overcome my flaws.

 

I thought it was just natural for the love "flame" to diminish over time and for us not to be in love anymore and just feel like family with each other, but knight he's not making plans for the future with me, that I'm not in his loving thoughts every day like he is in mine (even if the passion has died out and I no longer sigh longingly, I still think of him)... Idk, I was kind of looking forward to a future with him, and now I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. And it sucks.

 

):

 

I'll see what happens. He probably won't change much. If things keep being like I think they'll be, I'll leave and go back to my mom's place in a couple of months. Last time I said I'd leave for a while, he cried and asked me to stay, and I stayed. Now I'm not sure it'll be worth it.

 

Man, I'm really disheartened ):

[TaraMaiden]

No, you're not.

 

What you actually are, is 'awake'.

 

You're suddenly seeing things as they really are, your eyes have been opened, and you 'get it'.

 

Let me tell you, as a famous and unique individual once realised - "There IS no great One Man.".

 

You either have to settle for what you have, or ditch it, and live a life for yourself, with no great, unreal or fantastic expectations of anyone else making your life happy, fulfilled and contented for you.

[Arkiepena]

I understand what you mean.

I... I really wanted to be with him for the rest of my life, but now, like this, I don't want to anymore.

 

I'm scared, though.

 

I haven't been single since I was 15 (I'm 29), I'm shy/socially anxious, I don't know many people, I don't even know how to start a relationship with somebody that's not a classmate!

 

I'm also scared I'll become crazy cat lady, living with my soon-to-retire mom and her annoying aunt.

 

I do miss being able to have pets, though, so maybe I could eventually be financially stable enough to live by myself and have my cat and a few more pets maybe to keep me company.

 

But I'm really scared of screwing things up. The dreaded "What if I blow up my only chance of having a family? What if I never find a guy again? What if I find a new guy(s) but he/them don't want a family? What if I find a new guy when I'm like 40+ and I can't have kids biologically anymore?"

 

I feel like, if I break up with him, I'm dooming my life dream of having a family. But I also wonder if I should compromise my happiness, the kind of loving relationship I want only to be able to have children, eve if the guy in question won't be the kind of husband or father I'd like.

 

In any case, I sent him a long email today telling him how I felt. I hope he read it and din't miss it because of being too busy with work (sent him a message about the email too, just in case). I thought writing to him would be better, since when we talk I get frustrated at the lack of feedback (he's a silent introvert, who only speaks passionately when he's upset).

 

Let's see how that goes /:

[xpaperxcutx]

Stop writing him letters, stop telling him how you feel. Just stop. Pack your bags right now and leave him.

 

Moving in together was never a perequisite for marriage, it was all only about him. Every single thing you have written about him being inaffectionate, and refusing to think about a future with you are all red flags. It's always been about him, him, and him. Everytime he has complained, it was always something about your behaviour, but never once, has he step off his own pedestal and admitted to his faults.

 

How much more you going to bend over for him? Compromises are all good and well to a certain point; not when you went from his girlfriend to his housemaid. That is what he treating you as. How can you even love a man who refuses to hold you, let alone let you have your own pets in your own home? Don't you ever feel like a stranger in the apartment?

 

This guy is not one worth fighting for. You are 29, that is not a associated with someone who's clock is ticking away. But if you choose to stay with him, and let him get away with blaming you for everything ( and I do mean everything from him saying he's mature and you're not; that's bs), you are going to find yourself especially lonely in the future when he does decide to dump you.

 

The signs are all around you. The most telling is the fact that you've been together 8 years and he hasn't thought about marriage with you. If he hasn't thought about it, any kind of ultimatum you give him ismoot.