miz_barby Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Wow, it's so sad to say but Oscar (my ex) fits about 3/4 of the signs on all three of those sites. I realized to an extent that he was overly obbessive BUT I understood his upbringing. I wasn't okay with things but I fell in love with the sweetheart side of him and decided that I could deal with and help him work on the other side, the angry/borderline abusive side of him. Thanks moimeme so much for those lists, I am sitting here sick to my stomach realizing how wrong I was about him, I can believe I was going to "settle" for that even though clearly I didn't feel like I was "settling" I have to vent about this as well...something that drove me nuts!!! EVERYTIME (i swear) we would go somewhere rather I drove or he did he would ALWAYS accuse me of staring at other men in the street. He could point out ANY latin man (even when I didn't see him) and swear I was staring at him! No matter where I looked or how much of a frown I had on my face he would swear I was smiling and checking out other guys!! He had me questioning my own self (I thought I must be messed up not realizing I was doing this) I was always being careful not to "set him off" or give me a reason to "start" critizing me or accusing me of something! The times that he treated me good seemed to fade slightly but as soon as I was ready to end it he would charm me back and of course I love him so I accepted without hesitation! Now that it's over completely HONESTLY I can say....thank GAWD! I was getting so sick of the drama but yesterday I could realize how much better I was without him. But after the whole incident last night w/ him threatening me and me reading your posts made me realize how much worse my mess could have gotten! Link to post Share on other sites
miz_barby Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 Hello everyone. I'm just writing real quick to give anyone who might still be wondering an update! Oscar came around crying, his brother kept calling me telling me how much Oscar loved me. He kept saying he was wrong (first for him) and that he was sorry. He OFFERED to go to counseling for his jealousy, control, and anger issues and asked me once he gets himself together if I would consider conseling with him so we can get ourselves healed emotionally and try and work things out. Obviously I love him and accepted his offer, he saw a therapist this morning and I know he'll keep his word, so I'm in the process of taking him back. I love him and have faith that if it's meant to be it will be if not then I'll be gone for good! Thanks all for reading this and not judging! Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 Oh my.... Just when I think you're out, he just pullls you back in... Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 And so the cycle continues. You will have no way of verifying he's actually going to counselling you know. Usually these relationships end when one party is beaten so badly the police are involved or is killed. The mildest you can expect is to have to put up with this spoiled drama queen sh*t on a daily basis. Since he's already hit you, I'd say your chances of escalation are good. You need to start talking to your family about this. Do they know he's hit you? Crappy childhoods aren't an excuse to treat others like sh*t-there are many people who rise above it. Link to post Share on other sites
miz_barby Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock And so the cycle continues. You will have no way of verifying he's actually going to counselling you know. Usually these relationships end when one party is beaten so badly the police are involved or is killed. The mildest you can expect is to have to put up with this spoiled drama queen sh*t on a daily basis. Since he's already hit you, I'd say your chances of escalation are good. You need to start talking to your family about this. Do they know he's hit you? Crappy childhoods aren't an excuse to treat others like sh*t-there are many people who rise above it. I went to counseling with him this morning and he did about 40 minutes alone and about 2o of us together talking. Yes my family knows he hit me and it is known he will be sitting pretty in jail next time he does it he told the therapist that he hit me as well and that he was really sorry and wanted more than anything to work on his issues that led him to do and feel the things he did. (This was brought up once I went in). I know that in most cases the cycle continues and the abuse worsens...but if you catch it early enough and the "soon to be abuser" realizes he needs and wants help and actually does it (not just says it) then I think there is still hope. If his jealousy flares up again or he starts any of the same bull$hit he did before I will leave but I hate to abandon the relationship when some many other parts of it were wonderful and happy. I will NOT accept or make excuses for his behavior and he knows and admitted he was wrong (like I mentioned before he has NEVER done this) so I think he'll get better since he honestly is showing effort. He is going to therapy now NOT for me or us but for HIM and "us" is just a benefit but he knows this is to help HIM no matter if we end up staying together or not. I'm keeping my eyes open more but not gonna rush into any type of choice one way or another now...thanks to all of you who've listened and helped and responded and just been here in general. Link to post Share on other sites
babygurl3225 Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Don't think for one minute you were wrong you were in the right my boyfriend well my ex used to do the same exact stuff to me and i got fed up and when he dumped me i decided i wasnt begging him its not worth it if your man doesnt have trust in you, and for that matter why pull somthing do childish on you. He needs to put himself in your shoes and think about if he were you and you did that to him what would do or think ...? Link to post Share on other sites
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