LoveHurts88 Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 I dont understand after 2 years [her longest relationship] she can get over me so fast? How do they just forget someone like that? Of course they're ups and downs but the majority of it was fairly good imo. It seems like my ex can just move on and not even wanna give this a chance.. I think about her constantly, does she or do they? Sees always out now having fun, is that how she forgets someone. How do dumpees tend to move on so much faster? Are they stronger or what? I wanna msg my ex but i know i shouldnt. She msg'd me couple days ago and i miss it all Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 You're making me confused here. Are you the dumper? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveHurts88 Posted September 13, 2012 Author Share Posted September 13, 2012 Sorry im the dumpee, got dumped about 1.2 months ago Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 Just because they are out having fun (or it looks like it) doesn't mean they aren't hurting. The very first weekend after my ex dumped me I went out to a friends cabin and partied like nothing had ever happened even though I was still hurting inside very much and couldn't enjoy myself nearly as much as I usually would have. Getting out with friends does make it easier, it helps you think about them less. Regardless you just have to keep moving on with your life. My ex dumped me, and I know she took the next two days off work, I can't say for sure it was because of how much she was hurting but i'm sure it was at least a part of it. While the next day I got up and went to work just like normal, even though it felt almost impossible. Most people break down when no one's around to see it....... Link to post Share on other sites
Gab09 Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 My ex does that.. She has this "girlfriend" who she knows since like middle school.. They'll obsessively lean on each other, she'll be at her house all day just to not be home.. It kind of always upset me that she had somebody like that and I didn't.. I completely cut out my social life since the majority of my GOOD friends where girls.. Something she didn't like, at all.. At least under my experience, they don't forget you.. They try to numb the pain by going out and not thinking about it, but eventually it'll catch up to them and bite them in the ass.. They have to deal with it eventually. Unless she's already seing somebody else, in which case it would be a lot easier for her with a rebound guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 Well, as lots of people have said, Dumpers tend to move on while during the relationship. When they have moved on, bam, they drop the hammer. Selfish? Yeap, but it happens. As for dumpees moving on, usually it's because they have been so hurt from the breakup itself. I have people telling me that I look like I'm over her just few weeks after the breakup. But am I? I just stopped crying, that's all. I still miss my ex and stuff, but I realised that won't bring her back. That's why I "move on". Dumpees move on because they are forced into that situation. They have no choice but to move on. And it is the advice I would give to any dumpee out there. Move on, don't harbour hope. If they come back, it's up to you to forgive them or not BUT don't hope for a second that they will, because that will only impede the moving on process and you will just hurt yourself in the long run 4 Link to post Share on other sites
hardlybreathing Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 There is a song that I like that may help. Part of the chorus: "cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even" Sort of sums it up. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 they move on faster because they moved on long before they ever dumped you. the relationship was done before YOU knew it, so they've already worked this out in their heads, and don't want to be with you. you're the one that wants to be with THEM, and not vice versa. it's just like some random creep in the club trying to get in your pants and you don't want any part of it...well, dumpees are now that random creep and the dumper doesn't want anything to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveHurts88 Posted September 13, 2012 Author Share Posted September 13, 2012 Would u then say since they made up their minds that its over for good? I want her back but i want her to b the one thats sure of it not just me. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 Would u then say since they made up their minds that its over for good? I want her back but i want her to b the one thats sure of it not just me. what i would say is this. NOTHING YOU DO IS GOING TO CHANGE SOMEONE'S MIND. no amount of effort, words, or actions is going to make your ex fall back in love with you. so yes, you should consider their decision as being 100% valid. Link to post Share on other sites
k100danny Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 I think like he said above they have usually made up their minds. Unless of course its some rash argument and it gets thrown out there in an acting out way. breaking up with someone i imagine isn't a nice thing to do, I have never done it myself. But if i were to do it i would have to think long and hard about it, remember you are breaking someones heart more times then not. they will have weighed up the pro's and con's of the relationship and decided to move on, so for them infact i wouldnt say it is a break up, the dumper and dumpee will feel very differently about it. the dumpee still wanting the relationship to carry on and the dumper will feel relief that it is over, guilt, maybe some sadness but i would say this is more down to the fact they have broken someones heart and not sadness that you are gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 99% of the time I would agree, but there is certain reasons one might end a relationship when they are still crazy about the other person. It's rare, but it can happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveHurts88 Posted September 13, 2012 Author Share Posted September 13, 2012 I think like he said above they have usually made up their minds. Unless of course its some rash argument and it gets thrown out there in an acting out way. breaking up with someone i imagine isn't a nice thing to do, I have never done it myself. But if i were to do it i would have to think long and hard about it, remember you are breaking someones heart more times then not. they will have weighed up the pro's and con's of the relationship and decided to move on, so for them infact i wouldnt say it is a break up, the dumper and dumpee will feel very differently about it. the dumpee still wanting the relationship to carry on and the dumper will feel relief that it is over, guilt, maybe some sadness but i would say this is more down to the fact they have broken someones heart and not sadness that you are gone. She actually broke up withe during an argument... I thought it was because she wanted me to stfu but she was for real .. Link to post Share on other sites
kyle77 Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 its usually easier for them because like everyone else said they moved on a long time ago, as well as the fact that they didnt lose any pride in the process. They kept their power. While they basically took yours....they made the decision, with the outcome already foreseen. Thats why I have noticed the best way to make a girl come back if she dumps you, is to just be like okay i understand, and make it appear as though you have moved on.....she will not have foreseen that. Link to post Share on other sites
yoman38 Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 hey man, you know when I broke up with someone it really hurt me too a lot. I felt guilt, and sadness and pain and second guessed things. But I realized in the end that if at one point I felt it was nessecary to completely sever the relationship there was a reason for that so even I had to push myself to move on. What I'm trying to get at is it doesn't matter if you're dumper or dumped it depends on what kind of person you are and how you heal take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 what i would say is this. NOTHING YOU DO IS GOING TO CHANGE SOMEONE'S MIND. no amount of effort, words, or actions is going to make your ex fall back in love with you. so yes, you should consider their decision as being 100% valid. Exactly this. They can change their mind, but it's 100 percent because that's what they want to do. There's no way to get someone to come back to you using negotiation or logic or trickery. They have to be the ones to change their mind about you -- if you try to change their mind for them, you are pushing them further away from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveHurts88 Posted September 14, 2012 Author Share Posted September 14, 2012 I kno, I'm not try a change her mind. I want her to come talk to me if she wants to get back together but I kno her she's stubborn Link to post Share on other sites
not-a-drive-by Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 There is a song that I like that may help. Part of the chorus: "cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even" Sort of sums it up. Stay strong. I have almost listened to this song non-stop since the BU. Too relevant . Link to post Share on other sites
hardlybreathing Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 I have almost listened to this song non-stop since the BU. Too relevant AMEN! My break ups were many years ago, but still find this song relevant to my feelings back then. It really captures how you feel after a break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Consultant Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 Broken record, but they have already moved on. In many cases, they have already found someone else to relieve the pain. The dumpee gets screwed. Link to post Share on other sites
Calico Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 The dumpee gets screwed. Short term, yes. Long term? I'm not so sure. We, the dumpees, learn a lot during those weeks and months after the break-up. The dumpers who quickly get with someone else? What do they really learn in terms of personal growth? They are still the same person. The "getting dumped" experience offers a lot more potential for learning and growing, no matter (or because of) how much it hurts. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 It seems 9 times out of 10 it's because they have someone else. That makes things much much easier. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 My ex was never emotionally invested in the relationship. He just pretended to me. He got over me very, very quickly...instantly because he had already abandonded me in the relationship and was cheating on me. Also, my ex doesn't understand what love is. He only pretends to. He has an extremely small heart and has sociopathic traits. Link to post Share on other sites
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