I do not trust women and i don't think i will marry.

[Romanticlove263]

I have looked at the reasons women cheat and it does not make sense to me. They are weak reasons "like we were having a difficult period this guy was there for me EMOTIONALLY so one thing led to another" blah blah blah. After reading so many of their reasons/answers to cheating I do not trust women can keep their integrity is in the worst times in the marriage. It seems to me the divorce laws are on their side and in my mind the more i think of marrying woman the more i feel like i am throwing my chips on roullete table. I always thought women wanted a good man one who will stick to their woman forever will give them love and affection e.t.c when i was young before we went to classes the whole school had to chant this " stick to one partner" . That is what i grew up to believe men in my society were always viewed as the cheating type and women were posed in my society as great church full of truth and love. This is the world i believed in I made a goal in my life because of this society i grew in that i would never have multiple partners when I am in a relationship with a woman and i have never cheated. But experience and reality has showed me the opposite, that lovely church which i was told was women is all a big lie.Have been cheated on three times whilst i was being faithful to these women. Have seen the ugly truth

 

I do not know what i am going to do now i am 25 years old. I would love to marry have 3 children but when i stand outside out of that chapel i look at the decoration and its beauty all my mind sees is darkness ahead not even a glimmer of light. I have lost faith in the female race

 

I have to make a decision a part of me wants to have as many women to as possible to **** to soothe the harted i have for women nowadays because i can't trust women to keep the end of the bargain which is commitment. Whats the point of keeping my part when the majority is a lie?

 

Another part of me says i should keep my integrity and hold to my principles because if i take the other decision i will be just like that church which is a lie. I think the only reason why i want to keep this principle as well is because i fear God he is like father to me. But i am confused

 

Anyone who has gone through this which choice did you take and why did you take that choice?

 

I hope you get what i am saying and what i am going through in my mind because i hate to hate that chruch but it can't be helped when i witness what they do.

[Ninja'sHusband]

I have the same struggle. I find it hard to picture myself trusting any other woman after 18 years with the same one.

 

Advice I hear from people:

1) Focus on the now, not the past

2) Love is about trust, you just have to do it.

3) It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I actually agree, I don't think I'd take back all those years... I don't know who else I would have picked, even if I did, what's the point?

4) Of course not all women are like that. Lots of women are true to their husbands.

5) I learned a lot from this marriage, read a lot of books, grew along the way. Maybe things would go better...but it sounds like I'm taking blame for her affair...sigh... Ultimately she made her decisions, much of it obviously nothing to do with me...like why with a married man? How the hell can that have been my fault?

 

I dunno, I find myself looking at disgust at attractive women a lot now. I think they all will lie, saying things are ok, but really not *clearly* communicating anything of their true feelings..and building resentment, eventually doing exactly what you said. I hate that, it makes me feel sick everytime I see\feel the effects of the poison that is inside me now.

[Later82012]

I think you have achieved enlightenment. Unfortunately, these days most people are like what you have described in your post. They have no respect for other people or relationships. It is like either you screw them over or they will screw you over. Don't worry, just turn your heart into a stone and you will be alright.

[NotCamelot]

I think it is not about trusting women. It's about trusting a ANYONE that much again. If your spouse can do that to you, wouldn't anyone else?

[Owl]

I think it is not about trusting women. It's about trusting a ANYONE that much again. If your spouse can do that to you, wouldn't anyone else?

 

There you go. Gotta agree with this.

 

This has nothing to do with gender...it's got everything to do with trust.

 

Women are no better nor worse than men in that department...you just ascribe this to women since you're male looking for a female partner.

 

The question is...are you going to overcome your fear and distrust...or remain single?

 

Personally, I suggest counseling/therapy. If you're that concerned at this point...you probably would benefit greatly from it.

[Sauron]

Hey man, you are focusing on the negatives, which if you have been hanging around here is understandable. Women are wonderful. They are soft, curvy, loving sensual humans. Just find one you can resonate with, treat her right, tell her how beautiful she is,spend time with her, give her lots of orgasms and she will be bonded to you. Don't be a hater, be a lover. I would never get married at your age, wait until your in your late 30's. Good luck to you.

[TaraMaiden]

The church is very good at phukking up peoples' minds when it comes to sex, marriage, fidelity and the suchlike. Do you know, I know 3 vicars in the UK who are divorced.

"Pressures of the job" they tell me.

God help them.... she said, sarcastically.

[Later82012]

DuckSoup, it is an interesting concept you've posted above and I think I agree with almost all of it except the 2nd last paragraph.

 

Yeah, I think as part of evolution the female species is programmed to look for the best genes available for its offspring and the male species is programmed to spread its genes.

[Shaun-Dro]

I have looked at the reasons women cheat and it does not make sense to me. They are weak reasons "like we were having a difficult period this guy was there for me EMOTIONALLY so one thing led to another" blah blah blah. After reading so many of their reasons/answers to cheating I do not trust women can keep their integrity is in the worst times in the marriage. It seems to me the divorce laws are on their side and in my mind the more i think of marrying woman the more i feel like i am throwing my chips on roullete table. I always thought women wanted a good man one who will stick to their woman forever will give them love and affection e.t.c when i was young before we went to classes the whole school had to chant this " stick to one partner" . That is what i grew up to believe men in my society were always viewed as the cheating type and women were posed in my society as great church full of truth and love. This is the world i believed in I made a goal in my life because of this society i grew in that i would never have multiple partners when I am in a relationship with a woman and i have never cheated. But experience and reality has showed me the opposite, that lovely church which i was told was women is all a big lie.Have been cheated on three times whilst i was being faithful to these women. Have seen the ugly truth

 

I do not know what i am going to do now i am 25 years old. I would love to marry have 3 children but when i stand outside out of that chapel i look at the decoration and its beauty all my mind sees is darkness ahead not even a glimmer of light. I have lost faith in the female race

 

I have to make a decision a part of me wants to have as many women to as possible to **** to soothe the harted i have for women nowadays because i can't trust women to keep the end of the bargain which is commitment. Whats the point of keeping my part when the majority is a lie?

 

Another part of me says i should keep my integrity and hold to my principles because if i take the other decision i will be just like that church which is a lie. I think the only reason why i want to keep this principle as well is because i fear God he is like father to me. But i am confused

 

Anyone who has gone through this which choice did you take and why did you take that choice?

 

I hope you get what i am saying and what i am going through in my mind because i hate to hate that chruch but it can't be helped when i witness what they do.

 

If you're talking about the every-day modern American women, then yes, they're mostly all cheaters because as they like to so often say "I don't need a man to take care of me" so there goes the fun and games.

[g450]

DuckSoup, it is an interesting concept you've posted above and I think I agree with almost all of it except the 2nd last paragraph.

 

Yeah, I think as part of evolution the female species is programmed to look for the best genes available for its offspring and the male species is programmed to spread its genes.

 

Allow me to dissagree you and DuckSoup with all that.

 

Fact is these women are simply turned on by the bad boy types. They are not Alpha males, these women just see them as such. Why? Because they are stupid. It has nothing to do with evolution.

 

Explain to me how some loser who works part time delivering pizzas and who still lives with his mother and only has enough money to get drunk and a new tattoo once a month is somehow the biologically supperior sperm that women want? Seriously? A million years ago he would have starved to death and I would have been using his leg bone to make a battle axx!

 

The real answer, it's not. It has more to do with social downgrade of our education system and of our morals as humans. It's more about who can I get pregnant by so I can get food stamps and welfare. Again, it's about some women beind dumb.

 

Sorry for the rant.

[Ninja'sHusband]

Allow me to dissagree you and DuckSoup with all that.

 

Fact is these women are simply turned on by the bad boy types. They are not Alpha males, these women just see them as such. Why? Because they are stupid. It has nothing to do with evolution.

 

Explain to me how some loser who works part time delivering pizzas and who still lives with his mother and only has enough money to get drunk and a new tattoo once a month is somehow the biologically supperior sperm that women want? Seriously? A million years ago he would have starved to death and I would have been using his leg bone to make a battle axx!

 

The real answer, it's not. It has more to do with social downgrade of our education system and of our morals as humans. It's more about who can I get pregnant by so I can get food stamps and welfare. Again, it's about some women beind dumb.

 

Sorry for the rant.

 

ROFL I used to get so pissed at all the chicks going for the bad boys in Jr High and High school. Really nice (and seemingly smart) girls too, ones I had a lot of respect for otherwise and could have completely fallen for. I was so often left in the dust...then in college I met girl who didn't really seem to even care about the bady boy thing at all. She wanted me! I couldn't believe it. I worried about her being blinded by an unrealistic fantasy of me, but she denies that even to this day. She ended up cheating on me twice, 7 years into the marriage(when serious problems first occurred) and 14 years in

 

I guess she was more into the shining knight in armor fantasy, and when that dissolved she felt it was ok to do whatever the hell she wanted. She's an atheist now, pretty hard core so there's no religious accountability.

Edited September 13, 2012 by Ninja'sHusband

[Eddie Edirol]

Women dont like bad boys, they like bad boy traits. Im not getting into them now, but OP, there is a brighter side. If you educate yourself on how to handle women, you will see that there are actual reasons that women lose attraction for you, and they are painfully obvious. #1 reason is insecurity, and #2 is playing the victim. So when you got cheated on, 3 times, its pretty much your fault. Once, you might have gotten a bad seed. When it happens 3 times, youre more to blame. You learn how women really work, psychologically, you wont have these problems anymore. if you dont want to accept that, then you can celibate yourself.

[so_difficult]

When you're a woman whose husband cheated for years, when you never did no matter what he put you through, when you support the family financially and worry about your possibly ex-husband's well-being no matter what he's done to you, it's really hurtful to read this stuff. Too many people bring their own baggage and resentment and bashing of the other sex to this site and not reality.

 

Men cheat. Women cheat. Men lose everything in divorce. Women lose everything in divorce. There are also plenty of marriages that are good and loving, through the good and bad. You just don't read about them on this site because people who are happy don't come here!

[Woggle]

I know exactly how you feel but remember people of both genders get screwed over. People just plain suck these days in general.

[GLDheart]

There is a good thread currently running. It's worth a read and can shed light on some of the issues your original post brings to light:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/345848-what-price

 

In this ordeal I have had a few VERY important life lessons relearned and rehardened into my way of life:

 

1. Be very selective who I truly trust. Only those closest to you can betray you and hurt you the worst.

2. Live life for me. Live it my way. Those that want to join me on my journey are welcome. Those that are not, are welcome to see thier way out of mine.

3. TIME. In reality it is the only real asset of any value. How you spend it matters and when you forget that, then you learn regret (Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda...).

 

So yeah, I can see why you may not trust women but in reality GUY/GIRL/WHOMEVER, you need to be very careful with who you spend your time in life with (regardless of gender).

[frozensprouts]

seems like cheating can apply to both men and women, which is quite sad...

 

not sure why this is so...some say it's genetic and "in our nature" but personally, I'd like to think we are much more than the sum total of our genes...we do have free will and choice...

 

besides, if the main reason for affairs was "to spread our genes as far as possible" then why would many instances of cheating/affairs be more than one night stands ? why aren't people out cheating with as many people as possible?

 

seems there's more to it than just "genes"...

 

people today see to have such a sense of self entitlement...so many seem to want what they want as soon as they want it, and we have all gotten really used to near instant gratification...anything that requires effort and thinking of others is somehow seen as "bad"...

 

I can't counsel you to get married, as it may not be for you. But I would counsel you to not cut yourself off entirely...meet women, even if it's only as friends at first, and get to know them...develop relationships, have fun , see who is out there and learn who to trust and who not to trust...

 

as for all this stuff about "alpha males" , I can only speak for myself. To me, alpha male traits= jerk. I went out with a few in my time, and everyone of them cheated on me...in fact, they really were all a bunch of knobs and i was very unhappy. The men who were gentle,kind and caring were much more attractive to me...maybe because i learned from my parents to value those traits in a person. The "bad boys" I knew usually had some pretty serious issues which quickly made them much less attractive to me ( to be honest, physical appearances never matter much to me...I'm being honest...I really don't care)

 

to summarize a long winded post...

 

take stock of who you are and what you want in life. Don't let someone else's cheating poison you or make you bitter. You sound like a nice guy who has been really hurt...don't let the cheating kill the part of you that is a nice guy. Get out there and meet some new people. Get to know women on a friendly level at first..if more comes from that, great. Don't get married if it's not really what you want...it's a big commitment, and you really do need to go into it 100% committed...

 

most of all, don't turn into someone who hurts others...it doesn't sound like that's who you are or who you want to be

 

be happy, and have a good life:)

[Later82012]

When I talked about genes and female and males species I talked about a vast majority of the species on our planet that don't use sex for entertainment. Humans and probably 1 or 2 other species use sex for entertainment, the rest of the species don't.

[frozensprouts]

When I talked about genes and female and males species I talked about a vast majority of the species on our planet that don't use sex for entertainment. Humans and probably 1 or 2 other species use sex for entertainment, the rest of the species don't.

 

ah...so do you feel that humans have 'free will' to be the "master of their sex drive (don't know why, but somehow that sounds "dirty":laugh::laugh:) or that they are simple slaves to it?

 

I believe that we have the free will to control our sex drives and have our sexual needs met in ways that don't hurt others...unfortunately, all to often the implication in western society seems to be that we have little control over it, so all bets are off.

 

aren't we better than that? can't we either choose to have our sexual needs met without hurting anyone else? the same i true for emotional needs as well...after all...sex is great, but when it's over, what's left?

[Later82012]

ah...so do you feel that humans have 'free will' to be the "master of their sex drive (don't know why, but somehow that sounds "dirty":laugh::laugh:) or that they are simple slaves to it?

 

I believe that we have the free will to control our sex drives and have our sexual needs met in ways that don't hurt others...unfortunately, all to often the implication in western society seems to be that we have little control over it, so all bets are off.

 

aren't we better than that? can't we either choose to have our sexual needs met without hurting anyone else? the same i true for emotional needs as well...after all...sex is great, but when it's over, what's left?

Yes, but looks like most of us lack self-control.

[Romanticlove263]

Women are genetically programmed to selfishly gather the sperm of alpha males and the resources to raise their alpha-spawn.

 

The are programmed to seek/get the alpha-sperm from alpha males and the resources from beta/provider males.

 

Attractive women, especially, have far more options than average or below-average looking women, so they are more prone to follow this programming. They have no reason not to.

 

This is all you really need to know to "understand" what is actually going on.

 

This is based on millions of years of evolution from before we were humans and possibly before we were mammals.

 

Concepts such as honesty, integrity, civilization, romantic love, are all relatively very recent intellectualisms by which we pretend as if our behavior is or should be governed.

 

In the absence of fairly rigid societal constraints/social control, i.e. if one is not part of a strictly religious community, the biological programming tends to rise to the surface and overwhelm the recent intellectual concepts.

 

OP was cheated on three times most likely because his women perceived him either consciously or at the unconscious level as lacking in desirability when compared to other available males in terms of the quality of his sperm. It didn't matter that OP selected for integrity as well as he could, because integrity never stopped any woman from cheating if the differential between her betrayed partner and the affair partner, in terms of perceived alphaness, was great enough.

 

OP, hit the gym, muscle up, get tough, learn how to be a bad boy/jerk with women, and that will go a long way to solving your problems with women. Stop treating them like a princess. Treat them like your servant/slave.

 

Are you ever going to find a woman who doesn't cheat on you? Much less a super attractive one? Maybe but the odds are against you, no matter what you do, because the odds are against all of us, for the reasons stated.

 

At the time when these things happened to me i was studying aerospace engineering and had a **** job as cleaner. I do not think there is anything wrong with me i think i do not have enough power. I get approached by many girls and i have a commanding voice. The women cho cheated on me with a guy who was well better than me financially they had bmw's muscles e.t.c That is when i learned it is not about the inside that matters because of the sentence of death mankind will always look for the one/opportunity that can give pleasure during the days they are still alive before they die. In my opinion very few women are good the other will always fall into temptation when given the better offer. The first one said " did i hurt you" when i caught her it runs in my mind almost every week.

 

I am going back to the gym starting this upcoming monday. i know how the female mind works and its body the difference i used this knowledge for good but i will use it for evil this time it seems thats what women prefer.

[Later82012]

Allow me to dissagree you and DuckSoup with all that.

 

Fact is these women are simply turned on by the bad boy types. They are not Alpha males, these women just see them as such. Why? Because they are stupid. It has nothing to do with evolution.

 

Explain to me how some loser who works part time delivering pizzas and who still lives with his mother and only has enough money to get drunk and a new tattoo once a month is somehow the biologically supperior sperm that women want? Seriously? A million years ago he would have starved to death and I would have been using his leg bone to make a battle axx!

 

The real answer, it's not. It has more to do with social downgrade of our education system and of our morals as humans. It's more about who can I get pregnant by so I can get food stamps and welfare. Again, it's about some women beind dumb.

 

Sorry for the rant.

I think women get together with these men that are chasing them either hoping to find an alpha or just to get their needs met. I am sure they don't want to have kids with all the men they get together with.

[Eddie Edirol]

aren't we better than that? can't we either choose to have our sexual needs met without hurting anyone else? the same i true for emotional needs as well...after all...sex is great, but when it's over, what's left?

 

We are better than that, but it Depends on peoples agenda. If they dont care on the person they are cheating on, then hurting doesnt matter in the cheaters eyes. If a person who is cheated on puts up with it, thats their problem. We teach people how to treat us.

 

Yes, but looks like most of us lack self-control.

 

People dont lack self control, they know exactly what they are doing. They gave up on you already so you dont matter. But if you cant keep your partner interested in you, and this happens to you with ever partner you have, then you are doing something wrong. There are things you have to do to keep a woman attracted to you, and if you dont do them, you will lose her. Being too nice and a doormat isnt one of those things. Thats like your gf constantly telling you she thinks she is ugly, and is a real downer in general. You tried to help and convince her for a year, and no matter how you do it, she isnt listening to you, she'd rather think she is ugly, you cant help her. Well, she needs therapy, but eventually it will wear on your attraction to her, and will drive you away if youre smart.

 

Difference is, most women wont tell you when youre being too nice and they wont help you learn how to have a more attractive personality for them, because they dont know. They just know they would rather find someone who has the attractive traits already and is more attractive so they dont have to teach you. Not necessarily bad boys, just guys that know what they are doing.

[frozensprouts]

We are better than that, but it Depends on peoples agenda. If they dont care on the person they are cheating on, then hurting doesnt matter in the cheaters eyes. If a person who is cheated on puts up with it, thats their problem. We teach people how to treat us.

 

 

.

 

even if they don't care about the person in a romantic way, aren't they still worthy of being treated with enough respect to not cheat on them and hurt them? isn't a person's own sense of dignity to act better than to be a cheater a factor....

in other words...if you won't do it for them, do it for yourself

[Later82012]

I think it is not yet proven whether the other species experience orgasm or not but I think they do, but unlike humans they mate only during certain time periods and their purpose is to produce offspring whereas with us producing offspring is a choice.

Edited September 14, 2012 by Later82012

[sally4sara]

I think it is not yet proven whether the other species experience orgasm or not but I think they do, but unlike humans they mate only during certain time periods and their purpose is to produce offspring whereas with us producing offspring is a choice.

 

It has been proven that many other species have orgasms.

If sexual pleasure equals an inability to live up to agreements about sex then no one escapes suspicion. Men can have orgasm fairly easily even with someone they know nothing about or even hate. Women do not orgasm as easily and most require a sense of emotional security to achieve orgasm. If we are to base a likelihood to break agreements concerning sex on how much pleasure a person can derive through sex then it would imply men are more likely to break agreements concerning sex.

 

But I think smart people know nothing is so cut and dry unless being so affords you the ability to insinuate something derogatory about someone else. Always someone who isn't you.