aurora18 Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 Ok, so about four months ago my boyfriend (on and off for four years) up and left me for another women. He and I had, to say the least a pretty unhealthy relationship (see my former posts please). We were not "committed" to one another at the time he left, but we were trying to work things out. He wanted me to be his girlfriend again, but I came up with a million excuses why we should not be together officially and then there were times I did feel it and he changed his mind. I was pretty convinced I had fallen out of love with him and was just dependent on him. He was not the nicest guy and well we had nothing in common, but we held on for whatever reason. One day after a fight he ran into an old co-worker of his and within days he and this co-worker ended up in a relationship together! I was shocked, here we were still trying to figure things out, we were planning a trip together, we still said "I love you's" and boom he gets a new girlfriend. I was at first a little relieved, I figured this was the only way either one of us would get over each other and move on, but soon I became miserable. I missed him like crazy, I convinced myself that I let the one go, and I had made a mistake turning him away before. I wanted him back and I knew he did not want me! I went through a lot of pain, but for the most part had healed. I thought about him and missed him, but believed it was for the best. About a month ago, I was drunk. I dialed him and we talked for hours. It was nice to hear him and I was estactic when he told me he missed me too and they were not doing so well. He talked **** on her repeatly and said he wanted me back in his life, but as his friend. The next day we had planned to get together, but he canceled, he said he was still with this girl and he needed to respect her wishes not to see me. He said in time it would happen, and also said he thought we might just end up together for good. I told him to work out things with her, and I would be waiting to start our friendship. A week later I got drunk and dialed him again. We got into a huge argument, and by the end of the conversation we were ok. He still had "hope" for us. I decided I did not want to deal with this bull****, he could still make me weak, he still made me cry and doubt myself and make me feel just horrible! Time passed and I felt better and stronger. I was over him and I could deal with the loss better now. Then one morning after a strange dream I had about him (that he broke up with this new girl, wanted me back in his life, but kept pushing me away when I would try to hug him) he called. We went out that day and he told me that he had broken up with her, she was not the right girl, and that he still thought about me, about us being together. He wanted us to try to be best friends and go from there. I was so excited and all these feelings came pouring back in. By the end of our day together we had slept together, held hands, kissed, acted like a couple in public and we both felt awesome! Once I got home though I was scared, I just did not trust him and I did not believe he was sincere or had changed like he said. We have talked a couple times on the phone since and things were fine. Yesterday he offered to take me to the doctors, he held my hand and kissed me and acted very supportive. But, then in his familiar fashion, he decided that we can not be affectionate with one another. He said we need to be just friends, that he did not want a relationship with me, and did not love me that way anymore. He said that no one understands him and he needs to cut off his emotions completely, shut down his heart. I was confused, but not surprised. He changes his mind ALL the time on everything (jobs, women, lifestyles, beliefs etc.). He acts very cocky and arrogant now, like he is super pleased with the fact that I want him and his ex wants him. He says he is not going to be with anyone, he wants to be alone, but he does want to be friends. I feel jerked around, should I not be the one that should have their ass kissed since he left me so harshly. He expects me to feel privileged that he came back into my life!! He says he could do without me, he manipulates me so that I beg for HIS forgiveness and feel guilty for things I never even did! So now he has control over me again and I feel depressed all over again, I forgot the bad! I feel like I am falling for him again and yet he just plays game! What should I do, I just ignored two calls from him, but should I just respect his wishes to just be his friend?! I mean he never even had closure with me and then comes back into my life with the intention of being with me and then turns it all around. Of course he acted this way even more so when I told him I was very causally seeing someone else? What the hell is going on? Is he using me, testing me or just really ready to be my friend?! Should I just let him go? Life seemed better without him, but I also want things to work out! Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted July 22, 2004 Share Posted July 22, 2004 IMHO this is what I would call a toxic relationship - not good for you or your self esteem. I would be aquantances, even friends, but I would not invest my heart anymore into this if I were you. Nothing good is comming out of this for you. So now he has control over me again and I feel depressed all over again, I forgot the bad! I feel like I am falling for him again and yet he just plays game! He wants you at his convenience! I think you should move on for your own sanity. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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