Author Keepittogether122 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Share Posted September 20, 2012 No confusion. Still very hurt 2sun. Most paintful thing I have done in my life. Would volunteer to go through basic training in the Army again if it meant I could avoid this kind emotional pain but I just realized, I need to turn over a new leaf and do the 180 plan. Everyone here on LS as well as my friends & family have been telling me in one way or another, "give her space!". It's what she wants afterwall and the reason why she moved out in the first place. I know that's generalizing a bigger issue but in the end, it's what she wanted not me. If it turns out that's not what she really needed, she will could come back and I would welcome her back with open arms (with conditions). 1. She is actively trying to fix her issues by going to IC and CT. 2. She has seen someone about changing her depression meds and will commit to staying on top of this if the new meds are not a good fit. 3. She either closes her business, hires someone to help or gets a regular job so she can start being the wife I fell in love with and the mother she used to be vs. being a workaholic she is today. 16-18 hr days need to be done 4. Makes a committment to work on us vs. just running away and leaving me holding the bag. She is already trying to change the work thing according to previous conversations but not sure where that stands currently. She has reluctantly agreed to see IC again but don't think she has done anything about that either. Depression meds is going to be the toughest one. She is in denial about her condition even though our CT and her Dr. diagnosed her with it. Crazy thing... she thinks she's a crazy person for having to take AD but in reality, refusing to get on the right med MAKES HER CRAZY! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 She is already trying to change the work thing according to previous conversations but not sure where that stands currently. She has reluctantly agreed to see IC again but don't think she has done anything about that either. Depression meds is going to be the toughest one. She is in denial about her condition even though our CT and her Dr. diagnosed her with it. Crazy thing... she thinks she's a crazy person for having to take AD but in reality, refusing to get on the right med MAKES HER CRAZY! Re-read the first sentence in rule number 30 of the 180 plan. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepittogether122 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Share Posted September 20, 2012 When expressing your dissatisfaction with the actions of the wayward party, never be judgmental, critical or express moral outrage. Always explain that your dissatisfaction is due to the pain that the acts being committed are causing you as a person. This is the kind of behavior that will cause you to be a much more attractive and mysterious individual. Further it SHOWS that you are NOT afraid to move on with your life. Still more important, it will burst their positive little bubble; the one in which they believe that they can always come back to you in case things don't work out with the OM/OW." Is this the rule you are referencing? The 180 plan i've been using does not have numbered rules. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/346992-180s This might help! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 Well, it's 30 on my post and number 32 on Gunny's. The sentence is: "Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keepittogether122 Posted September 20, 2012 Author Share Posted September 20, 2012 Ok... now that we are all on the same 180 page, can you expand on whay you were trying to get me to see? Are you saying I should not trust that she is looking to end the business and find a full time job? If so, she has an offer to take a full time job at her biggest client site. She also told me she has made an agreement with someone to take 95% of her client portfolio as an employee to her business except for the large client she may go work for. The IC piece is one she has said she needs to do but does not want to do. Has said she feels like she has too many issues to fix and also said she feels we do too as a couple. If you remember from previous posts, she did not like having to dig into her youth and thats what our MC was doing. Felt like she was being picked on. She is avoiding the conflict of having to deal with issues which has been her MO for quite some time. All of this was discussed before she ever mentioned the idea of moving out (weeks ago). Are you sayig I should not believe any of this or just 50% of it? Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 All I'm saying is take anything she says with a grain of salt. Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperGeek Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 (edited) All I'm saying is take anything she says with a grain of salt. Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words. Completely true. I remember when my ex was running out the door leaving me in the dust saying she still loved me. Words mean **** and actions mean everything. Get yourself some ear plugs so you don't have to listen to her useless drivel. Then watch what she does. You'll know where you stand based on the actions she takes with her life and her situation with you. Cheers mate, SuperGeek Edited September 21, 2012 by SuperGeek 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Ok... now that we are all on the same 180 page, can you expand on whay you were trying to get me to see? Are you saying I should not trust that she is looking to end the business and find a full time job? If so, she has an offer to take a full time job at her biggest client site. She also told me she has made an agreement with someone to take 95% of her client portfolio as an employee to her business except for the large client she may go work for. The IC piece is one she has said she needs to do but does not want to do. Has said she feels like she has too many issues to fix and also said she feels we do too as a couple. If you remember from previous posts, she did not like having to dig into her youth and thats what our MC was doing. Felt like she was being picked on. She is avoiding the conflict of having to deal with issues which has been her MO for quite some time. All of this was discussed before she ever mentioned the idea of moving out (weeks ago). Are you sayig I should not believe any of this or just 50% of it? hollow words, i'm sure others have told you this but your opportunity to nip this thing in the bud was when she first said something about moving out, you should have said, 'ok, we need to get started selling your business, and/or you need to pay me for my half of it'. delusional people need consequences. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 Ok... now that we are all on the same 180 page, can you expand on whay you were trying to get me to see? Are you saying I should not trust that she is looking to end the business and find a full time job? If so, she has an offer to take a full time job at her biggest client site. She also told me she has made an agreement with someone to take 95% of her client portfolio as an employee to her business except for the large client she may go work for. The IC piece is one she has said she needs to do but does not want to do. Has said she feels like she has too many issues to fix and also said she feels we do too as a couple. If you remember from previous posts, she did not like having to dig into her youth and thats what our MC was doing. Felt like she was being picked on. She is avoiding the conflict of having to deal with issues which has been her MO for quite some time. All of this was discussed before she ever mentioned the idea of moving out (weeks ago). Are you sayig I should not believe any of this or just 50% of it? Only do what's best for YOU and your kids. Have you changed the locks? Moved money? Filed for D? Should all be top priorities!!! Link to post Share on other sites
The_Face Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I have asked her point blank on several occasions whether this was someone else and she is adamant that is not it. I even said it would be easier for me to cope with this if it were and she still says no. She said, "I wish I could make this easier for you and say that I am but I am not! It has noting to do with her feelings about leaving" That's funny, my recent ex gf said the same things to me, too, when she was prepping to move out after our breakup. I told her it would be easier to just know the truth, no matter what the truth was, and responded the same way your wife did. And this.. "I wish I could make this easier for you and say that I am but I am not!" I swear my ex said this. I couldn't believe that one. Total BS Link to post Share on other sites
Tiberius Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Looks like you found out why in some countries women arent allowed to work. Link to post Share on other sites
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