exMMs avoidant behaviors...

[CarrieT]

What difference does that make, I will tell you what it makes to me, it makes none to me. We all have our motivation. It works for us. You are thinking ALL or nothing like the majority of you do.

 

Why are you not answering 2Sunny's question here - and one that I specifically asked you in another thread - HAVE YOU TOLD YOUR WIFE?

 

Have you given her the option of continuing in the marriage with the whole and honest truth of what you are doing?

 

And if not, why not?

[Sauron]

Why are you not answering 2Sunny's question here - and one that I specifically asked you in another thread - HAVE YOU TOLD YOUR WIFE?

 

Have you given her the option of continuing in the marriage with the whole and honest truth of what you are doing?

 

And if not, why not?

 

Ok for the umpteenth time, its all about money and a lot of it by my standards. I don't want to give her half of everything, so she just goes on day after day, just the way she is supposed too. I have posted this else where. Anyway, she didn't contribute to it, takes way more than she gives, is lazy and has been, why do you think I can have a OW for 7 years? And plenty of flings along the way. She wasn't like that when we fist married but once she had the ring she got pregnant and it evolved from there and her true nature came out.

[ThatJustHappened]

Ok for the umpteenth time, its all about money and a lot of it by my standards. I don't want to give her half of everything, so she just goes on day after day, just the way she is supposed too. I have posted this else where. Anyway, she didn't contribute to it, takes way more than she gives, is lazy and has been, why do you think I can have a OW for 7 years? And plenty of flings along the way. She wasn't like that when we fist married but once she had the ring she got pregnant and it evolved from there and her true nature came out.

 

 

You still haven't answered the question. Those are your reasons for staying in the marriage, not your wife's. For the umpteenth time, is your wife aware of your affair(s) and does she approve of them?

[ThatJustHappened]

You still haven't answered the question. Those are your reasons for staying in the marriage, not your wife's. For the umpteenth time, is your wife aware of your affair(s) and does she approve of them?

 

It won't let me edit for some reason, but I just wanted to add that in another thread you said that you think that women like to share. So by that logic, your wife must be fully aware of everything, and completely happy with the situation. Right?

[2sunny]

I did make a choice. I choose to have a wife, an OW and once in a while a OOW, that is my choice.

 

Do your other women know about each other? Do they know you ALSO have flings when that urge arises?

 

 

And do you wear a wedding ring?

[veryhappy]

Of course he hasn't told his wife, and of course his steady girlfriend thinks she's the only one.

 

Nobody is going to reform him here. He's fine with how things are.

[AnotherRound]

Of course he hasn't told his wife, and of course his steady girlfriend thinks she's the only one.

 

Nobody is going to reform him here. He's fine with how things are.

 

Agreed. I don't know that he needs "reforming" really, as he is quite content with his choices and seems to be ready to handle any consequences that may come his way as a result of his choices.

 

I agree that the wife should "know", but he has said that she does know - on some level. That is enough "knowing" for him, and apparently the wife, as she is not seeking out to find out more.

 

I personally am interested in his insight and hate that he gets flamed so much. If folks would stop attempting to make him fit into their molds, we could get some really good insight into his thinking - which could lead to a better understanding of WHY there are these situations.

 

I vote, let him talk, stop judging, and take the information he offers. !!!

 

Not aimed at you CuteDragon... just sayin!

[ThatJustHappened]

Agreed. I don't know that he needs "reforming" really, as he is quite content with his choices and seems to be ready to handle any consequences that may come his way as a result of his choices.

 

I agree that the wife should "know", but he has said that she does know - on some level. That is enough "knowing" for him, and apparently the wife, as she is not seeking out to find out more.

 

I personally am interested in his insight and hate that he gets flamed so much. If folks would stop attempting to make him fit into their molds, we could get some really good insight into his thinking - which could lead to a better understanding of WHY there are these situations.

 

I vote, let him talk, stop judging, and take the information he offers. !!!

 

Not aimed at you CuteDragon... just sayin!

 

I'm not trying to 'flame' him. I'm just wondering how he came to the conclusion that women enjoy sharing their men (as he stated in another thread). He refuses to confirm or deny that all of his women are aware of each other. If they are, fine..if they're not, how could he possibly know that they enjoy sharing him?

[AnotherRound]

I'm not trying to 'flame' him. I'm just wondering how he came to the conclusion that women enjoy sharing their men (as he stated in another thread). He refuses to confirm or deny that all of his women are aware of each other. If they are, fine..if they're not, how could he possibly know that they enjoy sharing him?

 

I wasn't pointing fingers about which posters were flaming him. There are far too many posters here for me to keep all of them straight all of the time, and I wasn't providing specific examples of him being flamed. Just saying I had noticed that he has been flamed some, and I was wishing it wouldn't happen bc I am really interested in his perspective, motives, and such.

 

[Stephanie]

The majority of the most recent responses are off topic. This isn't about Sauron. With relation to whether or not he's conflict avoidant, etc., okay, but this isn't the place to question him on his thoughts and actions in his affair(s).

 

I was getting ready to remove the off topic responses; however, the OP says she enjoys hearing his perspective on things so I will leave them...for now. If this thread is derailed further though, I will delete and infract appropriately.

 

Thanks!

[veryhappy]

I'm not trying to 'flame' him. I'm just wondering how he came to the conclusion that women enjoy sharing their men (as he stated in another thread). He refuses to confirm or deny that all of his women are aware of each other. If they are, fine..if they're not, how could he possibly know that they enjoy sharing him?

 

He's explained that. The wife sort of ignores things for her finanancial benefit, the principal girlfriend is happy for the financial benefit, the occasional girlfriends seem to have a good time. Because nobody caused him a scene and everybody gets along with his wishes, he concluded they're happy sharing. I doubt they're happy. It just works well enough for them.

 

Unless he's having threesomes+, and we missed that info, there's no happy sharing going on.

 

He's a happy guy with a happy harem. It's not that complicated.

[Sauron]

I wrote a longish post but the site seemed to log me off. So here is a shorter version. No I have not sat my wife down and told her I am have another woman for the last 7 years, and numerous flings throughout our marriage. She knows about the one early on since it was her best friend, who told her husband who told my wife ( no married women since then). She probably knows, I come and go a lot and she never wants to know where I am or what I am doing. The why is over in the Marriage section in a post titled Staying married for money, if you care to read it.

 

OW and I understand each other. She wanted to keep her options open at the begining, but over time settled into a realtionship with me. If she wants to date, thats up to her, what can I say I am married. She never asks me to leave, never wants to get married. It's perfect as we don't have the stress of a marriage or day to day relationship.

 

OOW knows me as well. She doesn't ask and I don't tell. When things line up we get together a few times a year.

 

I love all the women I have been with in varying degrees. I find women intriguing and infinetly interesting.

 

Yes I wear a wedding ring situationly.

 

I will be glad to answer any resonable questions.

 

I do not feel like I am flamed. I am not a traditionalist, nor am I judgemental or vindicative like many seem to be here. I am not looking for validation, approval, advice or being reformed. I ended up here after a google search on the psychology of being the other woman.