My best guy friend

[artsweetchick]

To understand the story, I need to start at the beginning. Mike and I have been friends for 11 years. He's the only real friend I kept from high school. We've been through good and bad times together. He's helped me with my past relationships, and has been a guy I could always turn to. He's always been a hug-y, feel-y type of guy. I never minded cuddling with him or holding hands, even if I had a bf. After about four years of knowing one another, we lost touch. I would always think about him, but didn't know how to get in contact with him. I had a bf and he had a gf at that time. Then, one day I was on FB and he contacted me. This was five years later. So we started talking again, and it felt like nothing ever changed. Of course, I still had a bf but he was single. We still hung out and confided in one another. I would encourage him to go out with girls. I had admitted to him that I loved being around him and that he was an awesome guy, a guy I would want to be with, but I wasn't going to leave my bf for him. He said he was flattered but that he wouldn't want to do that to me. To have me leave my bf for him. I felt like I could tell him anything.

 

Well, a year ago I broke up with my boyfriend of six years. I was devastated. I turned to Mike for comfort, and he was there. I got scared, though, being single and him being single that I kept my guard up. I never wanted to give him the wrong idea. He had started dating this girl from college, but she kept giving him the runaround. She wanted to take things slow with him, which he took as not being in a relationship. Mind you, she's 19.

 

Fast forward to this year. In January, he told me that him and Mary were in an official relationship. I had been interested in a guy, but nothing came of it. I was really happy that he was happy. He had a really good girl this time. He deserved to be happy.

 

In April, I started dating a guy we both knew from high school. It didn't work out.

 

Then, the beginning of June, Mike came over to hang out after work. I hadn't seen him in a while, so I was really happy to see him. He was acting like his normal self until he asked to give me a back massage in my room. I thought it was weird, but I allowed it. (I live alone in my own apartment.) Well, he started giving me a massage which ended up turning into spooning. I just had my eyes closed and let him hold me. Then, I turned to see his face, and he was looking at me. He went in for a kiss and I snapped out of my trance and was like wait! You have a girlfriend. We can't do this. He ended up burying his face in my pillow, and the he started admitting every feeling he's ever felt for me. I kept telling him you have a good girl! You took her virginity!! You can't do this to her....I can't do this. I told him that he needed to let go whatever he felt for me and be with her. He agreed. I joked and said I could kiss him, but that's karma. I don't want to mess with karma. He left that night thanking me. I was so mixed up. I started feeling like a dirty little secret. I spoke to him about it, and he said he had to live with his indiscretion, and that I didn't do anything wrong. So I left it at that.

 

Well, I finally was able to meet his gf later on that month. She was really nice and sweet. I didn't know how to act, so I just tried to be as nice as possible. She seemed naive.

 

I had lost touch with Mike after that. It wasn't until August that I saw him again, and he didn't act like that same Mike I knew. He stayed to himself and just talked about surface stuff; work, school, his car. I left so confused.

 

Well, we are to present day, and I miss him. I have this suffocating feeling that I've lost him. I'm finally in a state where I feel like I'm over my ex, and Mike is in a relationship. It's been almost a year for them. I'm happy that he is finally happy, but I miss him. I want to be with him. My friend tell me to not go there, and I released him. They said I had my opportunity in June and I missed it. I saw him the other day so he could help me with my car. We talked and joked but we kept our distance from one another. I didn't tell him my feelings. I took my friends advice and I bit my tongue. They said I had to give him the same courtesy he gave me.

 

Mike talks about marrying this girl now and spending his life with her. It makes me happy and sad all at the same time.

 

I'm confused and haven't done anything drastic yet. I'm trying to keep my feelings down. I was just wondering what someone with a different perspective would be able to say about my situation. I haven't acted on any of my feelings. I just need advice, please.

[veryhappy]

If you want to act, act now before he gets married and don't accept to be the OW. Ask him to break up with her.

[BetrayedH]

Find an available man. You did the right thing when he made the attempt. Keep doing the right thing now. I also suggest you keep your distance as you know this is a loose boundary for you and for him. I suggest you quietly go "no contact" and stay that way. You sound like you're young and will have little problem finding another fish. Get interested in a good one and you'll be plenty ok with leaving this one in the past. Just my objective third party opinion.

[underwater2010]

Stay in the background and just be happy for him. Never accept an advances. If you are a true friend and he does try to start something with you, then end the friendship. Do not let him make you the OW or make him a WS.