Major Confusion about a guy!!

[lisa]

Ok, where do I begin. Sorry if its a long one...Tony I think you know half the story. About a month ago I met a wonderful guy, who lives in a different city. Everything seemed to be going well while we were apart. He called me every night, told me how excited he was that I was moving down to his city etc etc. We completely clicked and it was just incredbile. Before I met him, I had planned to move to his city for a career. This past week, I was down in his city looking for a job. We spent some time together and things seemed to go very well. However, over the weekend, he didn't see me, he said he was busy and had some things to take care of. He was moving from apartments, which is understandable as to why he couldnt spend time with me. After the weekend, he called me and was very cold on the phone, and said he couldn't spend my last night here with me, said he had to finish up some things. I asked him why he was being so cold and weird, and he said he wasn't and not to read into it, he then said he had a lot of other things on his mind, the move etc. I can't help feeling completely hurt and blown off by his cold attitude, which just 3 days ago was utterly different!!! The phone call went terribly, and he hung up saying the good old "Ill call you in a few days when I get my phone". I didn't do anything to turn him off, but his behavior has taken a complete 180 with me. To make a long story short, I a moving down to his city in two weeks to start my new job. I really like this guy, but I feel I may have blown it by showing my feelings and confronting him about his cold behavior with me. I feel that now he has the upper hand, knowing that I have feelings for him. Part of me always says to never let them know how you feel. So now i feel like a big open book, desperate loser! One thing I should have you know, is his reputation around town as a "smooth talker" "love em and leave em" kinda guy. I haven't slept with him yet, so I can't see how he could so to speak "hump and dump me". Anyhow, what do I do if and when he calls before my move? And how should I treat him when I arrive to New York? Do I blow this guy off for good, or give him another chance to show he likes me? Ok, second half of my problem:

 

When we fool around, he likes to touch himself, and constantly pushes my hand away from him. When I asked him why he does that He says "he likes to be in control." He has also dumped many perfectly good, attractive intelligent women, and I seem to be one of them now. A few of my friends believe he might be gay and that is why he gets close to women and then finds an excuse to get rid of them. Example: his moving apartments, can't see me. I am just not sure because he is such an overly sexual person, and he is constantly horny, and is forver commenting on beautiful women. So this complicates things even more. Any feedback? Jeez..am I in mess or what????

[Mitch]

About a month ago I met a wonderful guy, who lives in a different city.

Wonderful?? I read the below and ... you sure you don't want to revise that. What's wonderful about him?

Everything seemed to be going well while we were apart. He called me every night, told me how excited he was that I was moving down to his city etc etc. We completely clicked and it was just incredbile. Before I met him, I had planned to move to his city for a career. This past week, I was down in his city looking for a job. We spent some time together and things seemed to go very well. However, over the weekend, he didn't see me, he said he was busy and had some things to take care of. He was moving from apartments, which is understandable as to why he couldnt spend time with me.

Maybe this is the case.

After the weekend, he called me and was very cold on the phone, and said he couldn't spend my last night here with me, said he had to finish up some things. I asked him why he was being so cold and weird, and he said he wasn't and not to read into it, he then said he had a lot of other things on his mind, the move etc. I can't help feeling completely hurt and blown off by his cold attitude, which just 3 days ago was utterly different!!! The phone

But I doubt it. I think it was probably the "thrill of the hunt." Can I get this girl to move to New York? Whether it was that conscious, I don't know. But it seems like he's not the same now that you're going to be around and available.

call went terribly, and he hung up saying the good old "Ill call you in a few days when I get my phone". I didn't do anything to turn him off, but his behavior has taken a complete 180 with me. To make a long story short, I a moving down to his city in two weeks to start my new job. I really like this guy, but I feel I may have blown it by showing my feelings and confronting him about his cold behavior with me.

Nah. Even your friends know that "that boy ain't right" (see below). He's got his own problems. And good friends rarely bring up anything about a partner unless it's pretty bad.

I feel that now he has the upper hand, knowing that I have feelings for him. Part of me always says to never let them know how you feel. So now i feel like a big open book, desperate loser!

It's not NEVER let them know, it's more the timing. Based on even info you have, this guy has some real problems:

One thing I should have you know, is his reputation around town as a "smooth talker" "love em and leave em" kinda guy. I haven't slept with him yet, so I can't see how he could so to speak "hump and dump me".

The above is mega, mega trouble.

 

Both the town AND your friends agree he ain't right.

Anyhow, what do I do if and when he calls before my move? And how should I treat him when I arrive to New York?

Like a telemarketer. You'll need the practice.

Do I blow this guy off for good, or give him another chance to show he likes me?

Hey, if he can switch from "Wonderful Guy" to "Total Jerk" in no time (and make no bones about it, he treated you badly in the instance above) is he worth chasing?

 

Look, you'll be living in NY city. I hear there is no shortage of young single guys your age.

 

Forget this guy. If he calls, proceed with caution.

Ok, second half of my problem: When we fool around, he likes to touch himself, and constantly pushes my hand away from him. When I asked him why he does that He says "he likes to be in control." He has also dumped many perfectly good, attractive intelligent women, and I seem to be one of them now. A few of my friends believe he might be gay and that is why he gets close to women and then finds an excuse to get rid of them. Example: his moving apartments, can't see me. I am just not sure because he is such an overly sexual person, and he is constantly horny, and is forver commenting on beautiful women. So this complicates things even more.

Well, my gaydar just went off in a big way. Not that it always works right, but ... this guy isn't right.

 

What's the point in chasing him? Because you know him?

 

This whole, talking about women (in front of you too, what kind of crap is that??), and being an "overly sexual person" sounds like a serious case of overcompensating.

 

This doesn't seem to be worth it. I'd get rid of him if I were you. It's a big city. And life is short.

[Paulie]

I started reading your post, and then my eyes started to water, and I got all dizzy, so had to leave and come back. Kindly repost using paragraphs, if you would.

[Deejette]

It is never a good idea to move to a city for a guy when a relationship is not fully formed. Talking on the telephone and hitting it off is not the same thing as being with a person and seeing how he behaves over time. He is probably concerned that you are moving in on his life and will start making demands on his time. He like the idea of you, not you in actual fact.

 

The fact that he pushes you away emotionally and physically when you are getting intimate, shows there is something wrong. He is not really interested in your pleasure, but in his own (touching himself). That is not normal love-making with another person. He can do that on his own.

I started reading your post, and then my eyes started to water, and I got all dizzy, so had to leave and come back. Kindly repost using paragraphs, if you would.