How could he be over me so quickly?

[BeautifulBrunette]

Hello everyone,

 

I am in need of advice/insight on my situation. I will try to make this as short as possible.

 

My ex and I were together for 6 years (since 2006) until this past May when he told me he doesn't feel "it" between us anymore.

 

Back in January of 2010, I found out he was addicted to Morphine and had been for the past 3-4 years. I felt stupid for not knowing but he hid it extremely well. When he told me, he promised he would quit and to not leave him. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Well, since January of 2010 and this past January has been one hell of a road for me but needless to say, I stuck by his side and tried to help him quit. He constantly lied to me about his money and whereabouts. I got him into an outpatient rehab in which he failed. The emotional turmoil I endured drove me to go into therapy.

 

This past January, he checked himself into rehab and has been sober to this day. When he got out of rehab in February, him I decided not to talk for a couple of months because I was still hurt and we needed time away from each other. We agreed to talk on May 1st. Come May 1st, he contacts me telling me he's a changed man, he found God and has been going to a men's group. He told me he wants to start new and that I am a wonderful person. Well, being skeptical and all, my reaction was not what he expected. I was still hurt. Then all of a sudden, his attitude changed with me. He was back to his old self and treated me the same way as he was when he was using. It was only within a matter of days when he told me he doesn't feel "it" anymore.

 

Of course, this is devastating news to me because I helped him through those 2 years. I helped him to get clean so we could be happy. Now he doesn't want it. Since the day he told me he doesn't feel "it" anymore, he no longer contacts me, as if 6 years meant nothing to him. How could he be over me that quickly?

 

Thank you for reading.

[TaraMaiden]

He got over you, because he was never 'into you'.

You state that you discovered in 2010 that he had been on morphine for at least 3 - 4 years prior to that.

That would roughly coincide with when you first got together.

So basically, he's been an addict all that time.

and frankly "not Himself".

 

I really an not attempting to insult or disparage you when I say that his addiction made him someone he wasn't - and he grew dependent on you.

I'm questioning actually whether he really ever loved you, or whether in fact it was just his addiction which clouded his entire personality and warped who he was.

But you were so easy to deceive. And I think addicts of any kind, are master deceivers. They learn every trick in the book - and finding someone who was so in love with him and therefore made gullible by that deep affection - was such a gift to manipulate....

He became a master trickster - and even convinced you that he was a newborn, new-found man.

But that pretence was too hard to sustain - and he reverted to type.

 

I'm so sorry you have been used and abused in this way.

It's a disgraceful way in which to behave, and it's tragic that while you were giving your all, he was taking you for a ride.

 

The man is sick. He needs both medical and psychiatric help, in all probability.

This is nothing to do with you.

This is all him.

And you just took the blows....

[Balzac]

It seems you did not get therapy? Had you learned anything about addiction you would understand that you are asking us the wrong question.

[BeautifulBrunette]

Balzac, I went to therapy for 4 years. I tried nar-anon and educated myself tremendously with addiction. My heart is still broken regardless.

[Balzac]

Thanks for adding information. I totally understand your broken heart. Addiction is a jealous mistress. Keeping talking here, lots of informed folks with vast experience.

[BeautifulBrunette]

He got over you, because he was never 'into you'.

You state that you discovered in 2010 that he had been on morphine for at least 3 - 4 years prior to that.

That would roughly coincide with when you first got together.

So basically, he's been an addict all that time.

and frankly "not Himself".

 

I really an not attempting to insult or disparage you when I say that his addiction made him someone he wasn't - and he grew dependent on you.

I'm questioning actually whether he really ever loved you, or whether in fact it was just his addiction which clouded his entire personality and warped who he was.

But you were so easy to deceive. And I think addicts of any kind, are master deceivers. They learn every trick in the book - and finding someone who was so in love with him and therefore made gullible by that deep affection - was such a gift to manipulate....

He became a master trickster - and even convinced you that he was a newborn, new-found man.

But that pretence was too hard to sustain - and he reverted to type.

 

I'm so sorry you have been used and abused in this way.

It's a disgraceful way in which to behave, and it's tragic that while you were giving your all, he was taking you for a ride.

 

The man is sick. He needs both medical and psychiatric help, in all probability.

This is nothing to do with you.

This is all him.

And you just took the blows....

 

Thank you for your reply TaraMaiden. I understand his addiction has nothing to do with me. After he became sober, he didn't even want to try to fix what was broken. I actually became sicker than he was which is why I went to therapy.

[BeautifulBrunette]

Thanks for adding information. I totally understand your broken heart. Addiction is a jealous mistress. Keeping talking here, lots of informed folks with vast experience.

 

Correction, I went to therapy for 4 months not 4 years.

[BeautifulBrunette]

It seemed as if I dropped of the face of earth to him; like I was a stranger. I contacted him several times because well, I happen to still love him. He acts as if we have absolutely no history together. I feel like I'm being treated like I was the addict and messed up the relationship, not the other way around.

[wow04]

From what you described he is using again. When he is using he isn't able to love. Keep working on yourself and move on. He is only going to bring you down with him. Look at what you have been through, no one deserves that.

[yessy21]

After dealing with an addict for years and freeing myself from that devastating, running around in circles life... i will tell you that the best decision he ever made was telling you that he is not 'feeling it'. unless you were an addict with him i doubt that he would want to keep doing it. i say u dodged a bullet. you tried to help and he chose to keep living his life the sick way. YOu only live once right? why would you want that one life your living to be next to a sick person? If your shaking your head then you have answered all your questions.