ColorMe Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 Sooooooo... My husband and I having issues... I told an ex of mine who I've kept in contact with over the last six years about our issues and for some reason I started to crush on him a little. Weve been instant messaging on Skype for the past couple of days and the more we've been talking the more I've been looking forward to hearing from him in an infatuated kind of way. Well, yesterday I told him that I felt a little strange crushing on him the way I was, but I didn't know if it was just getting attention from another man that was making me all giddy. His response: I'm feeling the same way about you!! Then he proceeds to tell me how never stopped having feeling for me since we broke up and how he wanted to get together at some point.. Since the cat was out of the bag. Now, I don't know how to feel about this. He keeps saying he doesn't want me to think he's just creeping in because my husbands acting like an ass, which I believe because I told him first, but it's weird feeling this way over him. Now he's talking about us possibly getting back together which I'm not sure I want. I mean he's a nice guy, but I'm sure I broke up with him for a reason six years ago... But for th life of me I can't remember what it was. Help... My brain is perplexed.... Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 Firstly, welcome to LS. Let the flaming and bashing begin. I'll ask why you remained in contact to begin with and why you sought comfort when your marriage was in turmoil? B Yikes. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 My only question is why you addressed these issues to this "friend", and not your H? Your "friend" can't "unass" your H. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 Do you have shared children? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ColorMe Posted September 15, 2012 Author Share Posted September 15, 2012 @seibert253 I have definitely told my husband the issues.. They're no secret. I'm at the point where I feel like a third party would be useful, but it's kind of taken an unexpected turn @balzac we have two. We remained in contact as friends. We were friends before we dated and neither one of us was that affected by the break up. He asked why I was upset and I opened up to him. Whether or not that was a good idea... Who knows... Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 Oh gosh two children. You sound as if you have invested much effort to salvage the marriage and come up to the cliff. Have you formulated a plan to leave the marriage? As in consulted with an attorney? Link to post Share on other sites
SecretFlower Posted September 15, 2012 Share Posted September 15, 2012 I guess my question is are you considering a divorce? Or, are you merely considering having an affair? Obviously, I have no reason to judge, but to me it sounds more like a rebound/revenge because of the issues with your husband and the thrill of something new. Again, I don't know exactly what it is you're looking for, but if it's just a bit of fun and adventure I'm not sure I would risk it. I mean is your marriage to the point where it's not salvageable or is it just a rough patch? Sorry if that is too invasive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 Sooooooo... My husband and I having issues... I told an ex of mine who I've kept in contact with over the last six years about our issues and for some reason I started to crush on him a little. Weve been instant messaging on Skype for the past couple of days and the more we've been talking the more I've been looking forward to hearing from him in an infatuated kind of way. Well, yesterday I told him that I felt a little strange crushing on him the way I was, but I didn't know if it was just getting attention from another man that was making me all giddy. His response: I'm feeling the same way about you!! Then he proceeds to tell me how never stopped having feeling for me since we broke up and how he wanted to get together at some point.. Since the cat was out of the bag. Now, I don't know how to feel about this. He keeps saying he doesn't want me to think he's just creeping in because my husbands acting like an ass, which I believe because I told him first, but it's weird feeling this way over him. Now he's talking about us possibly getting back together which I'm not sure I want. I mean he's a nice guy, but I'm sure I broke up with him for a reason six years ago... But for th life of me I can't remember what it was. Help... My brain is perplexed.... I agree with the poster who asked why you were talking with him about your marriage issues. I'm not saying when you have marriage problems you should bottle it up inside...but confiding in and crying over your marriage to a friend of the opposite sex almost always opens up the door for boundaries to be crossed. It happens all the time and then people say they didn't mean for it to happen...well of course you didn't intend it, but that was an inappropriate move to make to begin with. It makes sense that when you're vulnerable, you're sharing feelings and someone is there to hold your hand and listen that you start developing feelings for them. Often times it's a temporary thing and produced by the heightened emotions, them seeing another side to you and you them and you bond over that. You've already said you're not interested in getting back with your friend. I think you should realize this moment of weakness for what it is and now turn your attention on how to address your marriage issues, with the one person who matters most - your husband. I do believe many people go wrong by addressing marital issues to everyone but their spouse. It shouldn't be that way. Running things by a trusted friend (not another male friend) or family member is fine, but generally I'd keep such things short and make speaking to my spouse the priority. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 Talk to a girlfriend. Stop the madness. Deal with your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherRound Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 Sooooooo... My husband and I having issues... I told an ex of mine who I've kept in contact with over the last six years about our issues and for some reason I started to crush on him a little. Weve been instant messaging on Skype for the past couple of days and the more we've been talking the more I've been looking forward to hearing from him in an infatuated kind of way. Well, yesterday I told him that I felt a little strange crushing on him the way I was, but I didn't know if it was just getting attention from another man that was making me all giddy. His response: I'm feeling the same way about you!! Then he proceeds to tell me how never stopped having feeling for me since we broke up and how he wanted to get together at some point.. Since the cat was out of the bag. Now, I don't know how to feel about this. He keeps saying he doesn't want me to think he's just creeping in because my husbands acting like an ass, which I believe because I told him first, but it's weird feeling this way over him. Now he's talking about us possibly getting back together which I'm not sure I want. I mean he's a nice guy, but I'm sure I broke up with him for a reason six years ago... But for th life of me I can't remember what it was. Help... My brain is perplexed.... I giggled a little when yo said that you couldn't remember why you broke up with him the first time. I hate that! Is your husband refusing to discuss the issues? OR, if he will discuss them, is he refusing to address them in any meaningful way? You can't fix a marriage by yourself if you're the only one interested in fixing it, just isn't possible. So, I would say, give whatever attempts you are willing to give regarding trying to salvage the marriage (assuming that is what you want to do), but don't have an A, as that's just going to complicate it even more for you. I hope it works out... and I hope you do remember at some point why you broke up with your ex 6 years ago as I'm sure that you had a very good reason! Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Either take the time to repair your marriage or divorce your husband. DO NOT have an affair. You are at the beginning stages right now ie excited to hear from him, talk negatively about your husband, "crushing" on each other and reminsing on why. You need to stop this dead in its tracks. Link to post Share on other sites
hermione08 Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 There was a reason why you broke up with him. Now you can't remember, but it will come to you, eventually. I had the same kind of thing with ex BF who became MM. After 2 years of A, now I remember very clearly why we broke up...and we should have stayed that way.... Link to post Share on other sites
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