Changing meds for OCD..and a good new doc

[Thinkalot]

I finally had my appt. with my new doc today (she's been away, and heavily booked). She is SO much better than the guy I've been seeing...and seemed to know a lot more about how to treat Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (which I have). I want to switch meds, because the current ones have pretty much killed my sex drive and ability to orgasm...and I'm SICK of it! I miss those things. Plus, they have helped me part of the way to healing...but the thoughts still come in. I felt like my doc didn't know what he was talking about.

 

This lady though, checked out all the different sorts, and even rang a psychologist while I was there to hear his recommendations. She also said how you usually need a higher dose for OCD than for depression...she was not surprised I still had the thoughts to battle on my current low dose.

 

She has put me on Luvox to try now...on a low dose to start with. If I can manage to control my head on a low dose, it's better really, and there is less chance it will have other side effects...including lowered libido or anorgasmia (yep..there is such a word). So fingers crossed!

 

I'm pretty much switching straight over...hopefully it won't bother me too much. In a month she'll see me again to revise things.

 

Just an update for those of you who know my story.

[moimeme]

Great to hear!!! It is sometimes difficult to find a really good pdoc who knows what's up. Congrats on finding one after only one try! And the first one at least helped a bit.

[snilljente]

Thinkalot, what were you taking before you switched to the Luvox....just curious, wondering if my current meds are the "best" they could be. Thanks!

[meanon]

Thinkalot this is excellent news .

 

Having someone with a lot of experience in treating this particular condition does seem to make a significant difference. The low dose on the old meds explains a lot - now you have someone who can get the dose just right for you.

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by snilljente

Thinkalot, what were you taking before you switched to the Luvox....just curious, wondering if my current meds are the "best" they could be. Thanks!

 

I was taking Lovan (same as Prozac I think)...

 

It's hard for me to know yet the effects of the change...as the Lovan stays in your body for about 2 weeks...it's coming up to 2 weeks now.... then I'll be able to tell how the new meds are going.

[miownwrstenimi]

Hi Thinkalot, I haven't written on here for an eternity it seems. I have been doing alot better myself since being on the meds, but have had a bit of a setback yesterday, and am really disappointed with myself. Anyway, I just was reading your recent writings about switching meds, and am wondering if I should look into that myself. I am on only 20mg of Paxil, and now I am thinking that the thoughts could still be coming because I'm not on a strong enough doesage. I don't react as intense or with the deep fear I did before, but the thoughts just plain pop into my head now, since yesterday. Damn! I guess I thought I was completely cured, and never going to suffer again. Well, I am just taking one incident at a time, and dealing with it as it happens. and I'll never really be back at the beginning again right? Well, nice to talk to you and I've got to keep up on these threads better. It's important I think to take the time to read them and write. A mistake I have been making not doing this. Oh well, I guess I'll ask my doctor about increasing the dose or switching meds the next time I see him....take care, Miown.... :

[Thinkalot]

Hello..nice to hear from you. Setbacks will happen for sure. Nothing to beat yourself up about. Happens to me too...when most of the time I am OK.

 

It's a tricky one, the meds. Because a stronger dose could have other side effects. You need to find a balance which is right for you.

 

You are doing so well, things will keep on being OK. I don't know if we are ever totally cured as such, we do learn how to manage it though, so the impact on our life is much reduced.

 

All the best to you.

[Thinkalot]

I've been trying to stick on the very low dose (only half tablet a day)...I want to get my old sex drive back...and ability to orgasm..both for myself,and my fiance. We still have a sex life...it just isn't the same.

 

Today though...big explosion between my fiance and I...he said I was way worse again...going on and on, not stopping even when he asks me to...etc... He was just about ready to call the whole wedding off

 

I explained about the tablets...and how I've even been missing some days totally...he said, well get back on them!!!!

 

The thought that I could be on meds for a long time to come is quite scary to me, and makes me feel sad, and a bit hopeless. Like I really am flawed...a bit of a psycho. I know, I know...that I'm not...just saying how I sometimes feel. Plus, when he's angry and been pushed to his wits end, my fiance perpetuates that idea, by calling me stupid, or a weirdo, or f*cking nutcase etc... He just gets so frustrated he doesn't know what to do. He loves me, and wants to be with me, but when my OCD flares up, it's hard to live with. He also then questions again, whether the OCD is in fact an excuse...and I just lack self control. I said I dont think so. He got so mad this morning when we were walking, and i wouldn't stop asking the same questions when he asked, that he tried to walk faster to get away. I walked faster too. In the end he shoved me right off the path.

 

That's when we had our big talk...and he told me to get back onto a full dose of the meds.

[moimeme]

he said I was way worse again...going on and on, not stopping even when he asks me to...etc...

 

 

The thought that I could be on meds for a long time to come is quite scary to me, and makes me feel sad, and a bit hopeless. Like I really am flawed

 

Well, you are. We all are. Not a one of us is perfect. So what? Big whoop. You got some chemicals that don't work right. You, a diabetic - no diff. I've had glasses since I was six, I procrastinate, and if I get too hungry, I get grumpy. I also am attracted to hopeless men. Not men without hope, mind.

 

Surely you weren't labouring under the impression you were flawless but for this? And who said it was a good thing to be flawless anyway? It's much worse trying to pretend one's flaws don't exist to the extent that one avoids getting them repaired.

 

You have to purge from your mind the idea that taking a drug to put your chemicals straight is somehow a negative reflection on you. It is an erroneous belief and therefore needs to be jettisoned. It's a drag that the drugs mess with your libido, but you've only just begun the new one. Keep working with the doc to find a solution - maybe tesosterone creams to bump up that chemical are what's wanted.

 

i wouldn't stop asking the same questions when he asked, that he tried to walk faster to get away. I walked faster too

 

You know, that would almost scare me. If I tried to get away from someone, it would bother me a great deal to have that person not allow me my space. If for no other reason, you must take the meds to stop that behaviour. It's bad stuff.

[Thinkalot]

Yep, I know. And yep, I am now.

[ladyangel]

Originally posted by Thinkalot

Plus, when he's angry and been pushed to his wits end, my fiance perpetuates that idea, by calling me stupid, or a weirdo, or f*cking nutcase etc...

 

He got so mad this morning when we were walking, and i wouldn't stop asking the same questions when he asked, that he tried to walk faster to get away. I walked faster too. In the end he shoved me right off the path.

 

What is wrong with this picture? Am I the only one who thinks this is verbal, mental and physical abuse?

 

You have a disorder that you are being treated for. Even if you didn't, he has NO right to call you such names or to shove you. That's inexcusable.

 

It sounds like you blame yourself for everything, and that's just not right. Have you spoken to your therapist about the way he treats you? It sounds like you need to sit him down and tell him that certain behaviors of HIS are wrong and unacceptable.

 

Good luck to you.

[Thinkalot]

Yep, we've discussed together that that behaviour is unacceptable. But within the context of what I do..I sometimes push him to those lengths. He tries to get away for example, into the spare room, and I follow him there. At that point he starts swearing...and if I don't go when he asks...he'll push me out of the room and shut the door. This morning he asked me nicely to stop MANY times. I kept going. He tried to walk away...and I followed. In the end he just snapped and pushed me away. I got such a shock. He was upset also it came to that. He said he couldn't continue to be with me if I was always like that (I'm not)...and he hates the angry person he becomes when pushed so far. It's alien to him, as he has not been this way before.

 

This behaviour does not happen unless I am acting that way. I have raised the subject on here before, some time ago, wondering if it was abuse as such. When viewed in context, it isn't.

 

Doesn't make it right though, or nice. I do tend to worry a lot. But I also do point out to him when I think his behaviour is wrong.

[ladyangel]

Name calling is very detrimental to a person's self esteem.

[Thinkalot]

Yes, i do find it very upsetting. He's also called me worse. I feel sick when it happens. But then I think, if Ididn't go on, it wouldn't happen.

[meanon]

There's never an excuse for it, Thinkalot. You never "deserve" it. I know there are reasons and that it is understandable but he needs to know he can not get away with it. You'll sort this out, you have done before. The priority is to get the OCD back under control.

 

It's sometimes hard to distinguish when a worry has become a rummination - I think the extent of worry about your mum may be another sign that you need to ask the doctor to review the meds, or just increase them if you have already talked about doing this.

 

Thinkalot, you have a serotonin imbalance in the brain. You are not a psycho . You are correcting an imbalance, just as some of us need glasses to correct eyesight. I know you have gaia's email address - talk to her about it if you want, she was asking how you were yesterday. No-one meeting her would call her flawed, she one of the strongest people I know. By any standard, she is a high achiever in her personal and professional life. If not gaia, it may well be worth finding a support group with people who have been through a similar experience and overcome it. Being on the meds will help you achieve your potential, be the Thinkalot you would have been if your serotonin production wasn't compromised. The latest research shows that certain types of therapy can change the chemical balance in the brain naturally. It may not be forever, Thinkalot. Some people do successfully come of the meds.

 

For now you are going through a period of rapid change and getting the meds right is a priority. Book regular reviews with the Doctor so she can assess progress and fine tune the dosage. Talk to her about a referral to a psychiatrist if this isn't resolved within a month. Tell your fiance so he can help by alering you much sooner when things are going wrong, before he gets to the point where he can't cope.

 

The change always had the potential to allow the symptoms to return but you had good reasons for trying something else. You need to quickly establish if this new med suits you, I'm not sure that low dose will enable you to do that. You can always reduce it later, once you know it works.

 

I know any setback is upsetting, Thinkalot. Don't let it shake your confidence that you can be well and happy very soon. Let us know how you get on.

[moimeme]

Am I the only one who thinks this is verbal, mental and physical abuse?

 

Yes.

 

There are special sorts of problems in living with people with disorders. Sometime, go visit boards for spouses of people with disorders. They struggle - mightily - with it. It's the same for any caregiver to anyone with a chronic condition. Saying that people should never get frustrated or upset with someone just because that someone is ill is ridiculous - it's like saying that mothers taking care of children should be happy 100% of the time.

 

All that does is make the caregiver feel worse. Anger and frustration are part of this sort of life and what the people living with folks with problems need to do is learn how to deal. Thinkalot's partner does what you're supposed to do - remove yourself from the situation to let the frustration subside - but Thinkalot then follows him into where he's gone to get control of his feelings and won't allow him to do what he's supposed to do about being frustrated.

 

People ought not do that to people at all ever anyway. This isn't just a situation that will be encountered by folks who are caregivers. It's about communication skills and stopping arguments. It's a very good idea to disengage when one becomes too heated and a very bad idea to not allow someone to disengage.

[ladyangel]

Originally posted by moimeme

Am I the only one who thinks this is verbal, mental and physical abuse?

 

Yes.

Umm...you do not speak for everybody. If that is YOUR opinion, fine, but everybody is entitled to one.

 

There are special sorts of problems in living with people with disorders. Sometime, go visit boards for spouses of people with disorders.

I know...and I have.

Saying that people should never get frustrated or upset with someone just because that someone is ill is ridiculous - it's like saying that mothers taking care of children should be happy 100% of the time.

Oh, please. That is NOT what I said, not even close. There is a huge difference between getting frustrated or upset with someone and calling them horrible names and belittling them, which only makes them feel worse and escalates the situation. That is uncalled for. If someone cannot control their anger, then THEY have a problem.

 

As far as the mother/child comment, I would never in my wildest dreams call my child or any other child horrible names or belittle them, no matter what they did. If you were a parent, maybe you would understand and not even make such a comparison.

 

I know what that kind of behavior does to a person's self-esteem. If that person already has a disorder and thinks badly of themselves, that's adding even more fuel to the fire. Anyone should understand that.

 

Anger and frustration are part of this sort of life and what the people living with folks with problems need to do is learn how to deal.

Exactly my point.

Thinkalot's partner does what you're supposed to do - remove yourself from the situation to let the frustration subside - but Thinkalot then follows him into where he's gone to get control of his feelings and won't allow him to do what he's supposed to do about being frustrated.

Removing yourself from a situation and cursing, calling names and shoving are two vastly different things, in my opinion.

 

Sounds like they both need to sit down with the counselor and figure out a workable solution. This behavior is counterproductive.

[moimeme]

As far as the mother/child comment, I would never in my wildest dreams call my child or any other child horrible names or belittle them, no matter what they did

 

I didn't even imply that one would. No idea how you inferred it. The point was that caregiving is not constantly blissful and to perpetrate that myth only makes people who get frustrated or tired or dispirited feel rotten for being less-than-blissful about it.

 

Removing yourself from a situation and cursing, calling names and shoving are two vastly different things, in my opinion.

 

Nor did I suggest that they weren't. However, look up 'Extreme Emotional Disturbance' and 'Heat of Passion' in jurisprudence.

 

My contention is that it is incumbent upon the person who is being disengaged from to not continue the engagement. In short, the fellow in these events already does what is counselled by anger management counsellors - REMOVE ONESELF FROM THE SITUATION. However, the lady does not permit the angry person to remove himself from the situation. This is contrary to what any anger management counsellor would suggest so it is therefore up to her to change her behaviour in these situations.

[Thinkalot]

The scary thing is, that my dad used to chase my mum around. He had OCD too...although never sought help. She would end up locking herself in a room just to get some peace.

 

Sometimes when I fight with mum I do the same thing to her, even still. In our recent arguing, she would often say, enough for now...leave it!..and I would follow her to wherever she had gone. I'm embarassed to admit such behaviour, but there it is.

 

On the flip side, My fiance often feels what I do to him in the height of an OCD questioning episode or whatever, is actually a form of abuse. He feels like a torture him with questions, and wont leave him be, even when he tries to go. That's when he snaps.

 

BTW, I feel extremely stressed at the moment about the recent disturbances in my life, through my OCD, the fighting between my fiance and I, and the fighting between my mother and I, and her comments.

 

Most recent update...my fiance heard me saying to a friend how my mum recently said 'how much I had changed" since being with him (in reference to our fights over money/expectations/level of support given) of course implying I used to be nicer or more caring or whatever.

 

Considering we have had explosions in the past between them...this set him off. He was yelling and frustrated, and calling my mum names...and saying how if any more trouble arose from her, he would choose not to see her at all, or be involved in family functions. What sort of position would that put me in ??? Not a good one. So it's up to me to ensure I do not get stressed by any future comments mum might make, or if I do, not to show him or tell him. He said, if I do get upset, he'llhave words with her himself, and then choose not to see her.

[meanon]

What sort of position would that put me in ???

 

In the middle doing what you do best, trying to control it all

 

Withdraw, Thinkalot. You can do without the stress. Let them take responsibility for their relationship. For now, stop telling them anything negative about the other and ask them not to crticise the other to you.

[Thinkalot]

OK...thanks

[moimeme]

My fiance often feels what I do to him in the height of an OCD questioning episode or whatever, is actually a form of abuse. He feels like a torture him with questions, and wont leave him be, even when he tries to go.

 

I can relate. Don't forget the AD/HD in all this. AD/HD's contribution is that it can prevent people from comprehending how their actions affect others. They seem unable to understand that, in the place of the other, they would find certain behaviours unbearable. The person on the receiving end of the behaviours begins to believe that the person with the disorder does not love him because the disordered person ignores all pleas, entreaties, and other attempts to get them to stop the disturbing behaviour.

 

I used to have a poster over my desk which read 'Compulsion is stronger than love'. It still didn't stop me from feeling unloved when he'd repeat the behaviours I begged him to quit. Unfortunately, this reaction of feeling unloved is common to people in partnership with people who have disorders. Cognitively, you understand that the person is not doing it purposely, but feelings don't pay attention to cognition.

 

I hunted mightily for a way to not let his behaviour bother me and was unsuccessful. And believe me when I say that I searched far and wide, including talking to experts in relationship counselling, AD/HD, and reading hundreds if not thousands of articles and research papers. Maybe Zen can do it, but when I heard the Dalai Lama say that even he gets furious from time to time, I figured all was lost.

 

I don't know how many more ways I can advise you to do whatever it takes to stop yourself, even if it means taping your own mouth shut and lashing yourself to a tree out in a field, but nobody has yet come up with how to help your fellow not feel unloved when you do it, so we can't help him there. Believe me, if I had that piece of information, I'd have passed it on long since. The fact is that each question hurts and love dies more often by a thousand cuts than by one major blow.

 

I hoped I could weather our difficulties until he got treated, but it didn't work. I was physically and psychologically at the end of all my resources and had to end the relationship to preserve myself. In fact, LSers at the time told me to save myself before I was crushed and they turned out to be right. My fear is that your guy may get to the same point I got to and feel there is no other alternative but to flee

[Thinkalot]

That also is my fear Merry. And although I know it is not all my fault..it is hard not to beat up on myself for behaving the way I do. Hard to say, ah well, I'm doing my best...when the man I love could end up being lost to me.

 

I am now thinking of ways I can offer him some respite this weekend..by booking him in for a massage or something...and some time out, just to himself.

 

You see the other problem is, he only has one day off a week...we spend it together. He goes into work the other day to catch up, so sunday's are not really his either. He told me yesterday he really needs more time for himself. His work load is expected to decrease soon..I hope it does.

[meanon]

I'm sorry to keep going on about it, Thinkalot but........ meds, meds, meds!!!!!

 

They are not a panacea but very few people manage to get on top of the condition without them and although you made very good progress you never quite got there. With the right dose of the right meds and what you have achieved in therapy I think you are very, very close to an effective cure. When do you see that Doctor?

[moimeme]

I don't know, Thinkalot, if you've ever heard Dr. Phil's line about how the partner is supposed to be a 'soft place to land'. That means being a relief to come home to rather than one more problem. His other stock line is 'how much fun are you to live with'. Your guy is already stressed from working so much, needs a break, and goes home to - more stress

 

He may end up in hospital if something doesn't let up. People can only endure that much stress for so long.