Struggling with a long distance business woman girlfriend

[Stewest2007]

Hi someone plz help me! I've met the girl of my dreams who lives in america, I live in London and we r working towards being with each permanently. The problem is since I've got with her I've stated suffering from depression which I never thought would happen to me. I can't believe that from loving someone so much I have become depressed as a result. The feelings I have cause me to get really paranoid and I'm constantly checking my phone to see if she's online or messaged me, if she hasn't for a while I start getting worried and think she's gonna leave me or is with another guy, although only today she is talking about having a child together and getting married. She is a very successful business woman in New York and sometimes she has stressful moments in her job, as a result she ignores my messages and isnt affectionate in the slightest, because she's busy and I hardly speak to her for days and when I raise it with her she goes mad and says to just back off when she's busy, this I hate and feel hurt and unloved. *Other times tho it'll all be great and she will be affectionate*and tells me she missis me etc. I'm worried I'm gonna loose her if I moan and argue too much but I just wanna b respected and loved. She also says to me that her business will always be more important than her relationship.*What's wrong with me?*

[justwhoiam]

She also says to me that her business will always be more important than her relationship,

I just need the above statement to know that she's not marriage material. In all honesty, you'd end up in a bad marriage and an unhappy man no matter how happy you want her to be.

 

A marriage should be for life, while you work for as long as you can get your body to do it or you can get retired (usually some time around your 60s).

 

You are accepting things that are unacceptable to me, she's using her power on you. People who put work first, as main priority in their life, also put money matters first too. Financials are very important.

 

Really think well before you engage in any emotional connection with this woman. It will hurt you bad. You'll never get the attention you deserve, you'll be neglected and she won't feel guilty about it, she told you openly. And your life will suck.

 

What's the deal??

[Stewest2007]

Thanks do much 4 the prompt reply. Basically we got together 6 months ago and she travels more to me in London than I do to her. She even stayed with me for 5 weeks 2.5 months into our relationship. Its twice a year where she has 2 major events that she focuses on. We r talking about moving in together next month but I worry as its her current busiest time for 2 weeks. She doesn't call or txt and when we use whatsapp messenger it leaves a time stamp when she has read my messages, she sometimes reads my messages and doesn't respond whatever (even good night messages from me). She is over for an event in London this week and landed on fri night. We still haven't seen each other and I don't think we will until wednesday night and then she flies back on thurs night.

 

I do know I am needy to a certain degree but I'm hurting because I wanna c her and I feel this isn't too much to ask. I had a go at her on fri night because of this and then she gave me the guilty treatment which I ended apologising for.

 

I just hope when this work is over on a couple of weeks she will move in with me. I can never get her to put herself in my shoes because she replies with "it always about you".

 

She was abandoned by her father at the age of 6 years, whether that has anything to do with it I don't know.

 

Thanks 4 reading

[justwhoiam]

Well, the fact that she was abandoned at a very early age might have a role, as she might have developed some self-defense mechanism, where she won't really get too attached to anyone, not to go through abandonement pain again. Therefore, she might have baggage. But this itself is not a good reason not to fall in love with her. Her self focus, her policy of "work always first", her whole approach to life is what should scare you in the first place. And the way she seems uncaring towards you.

 

I too have read messages from the guy I love and didn't answer. That happened when I was mad at him and/or speechless and didn't know what to say and I preferred silence instead. But it's not my way to go. This has not happened in a while for me and I guess and hope it'll never happen again.

 

Tell her that her approach to life makes you uncomfortable and that it is incompatible with a family. Family needs giving, giving all you can, for children and spouse. If she hears no reason, break up with her. For your own health and future. You'd be wasting your time.

[Stewest2007]

Am I just being unreasonable and a big girl????

[justwhoiam]

I don't know what you mean by being a "big girl". I don't think you're being unreasonable. You are infatuated right now. But ask yourself how you see yourself with her in the long run. Can you keep up with her attitude? Her whole vision? People who put their career first (ALWAYS first place) do not want a family. She wants a family. That is the problem.