She wants to be friends...

[Zorgen]

I just want to be friends. These are probably the 6 most hated words a man can hear from the woman he loves. I dated a wonderful girl for 15 years and unfortunately she wouldn't marry me. She didn't like the idea of being married but was fine with a close relationship. Well, I screwed up, at least she says I did. I did everything I could to try and make her happy. Well, its a long story but now she is dating someone else now and it is ripping me apart. I can't sleep nights and my feel my life is ending. I've lost 60 pounds and nothing seems special anymore. I love her so much and I can't stop thinking about all the happy times we had together. She sees me all the time as friends but thats all. She only sees him once a week, Saturday, and they do the dirty deed. He never comes over during the week, I'm there. She and I still spend most of our time together. She gets angry every time I try to touch her and she says we will never be together again. Yet, we had a night together two months ago. She leads me on and then treats me like I am poison. I am torn every way but loose and life has become a living hell. This has been going on for 5 months and every night I say two prayers. One, to wish good health for her and my family and two, that I won't wake up in the morning.

[uriel]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You've only one alternative as far as I see it: stop all contact with her. She's using you emotionally, literally sucking the life out of you. If you ever want to stop this pain, heal, and get on with your life, you need to disconnect completely. That means even avoiding the mention of her. That's going to be terrifically hard. You may need therapy to accomplish it (I did). But I promise that you will feel better someday if you do this now. It's the only way out.

 

-- uriel

[Zorgen]

Originally posted by uriel

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You've only one alternative as far as I see it: stop all contact with her. She's using you emotionally, literally sucking the life out of you. If you ever want to stop this pain, heal, and get on with your life, you need to disconnect completely. That means even avoiding the mention of her. That's going to be terrifically hard. You may need therapy to accomplish it (I did). But I promise that you will feel better someday if you do this now. It's the only way out.

 

-- uriel

 

Uriel, I've tried to let her go. I've been to therapy for the last 4 months. I've done everything I can to try to move on and but something inside me won't let it end. Nothing works and I have come to the end of my rope. I've come to realize that if I can't make this work with her that really nothing else matters anymore. Sure, reading this message board I'm sure this has been said repeatedly but for me it is all or nothing. If it ends up nothing then so be it. I have no fight left in me and no desire to push on and find someone else. My memories and my mind will eventually destroy me, I just wish it would be sooner than later. I remember when I was so different. I had strenght and hope and a happy positive attitude. Life had posibilities and the future looked bright. Now everything is gone. I've lost my love, my job and I feel so miserable all the time that every waking moment is torment . I hate this life.

[Good heart]

life is the most precious thing in this world, I guess you are physically healthy, think of all these miserable people in the thirld world or the sick people trying to live each happy moment in their life.

Women these days are brutal and selfish, you are not the only one suffering, just remember to love yourself first before going into intense relationships like the one with this greedy woman.

my advise is to think of her not as a saviour, you should save yourself , it is better that this happened before marriage and before kids.

the best solution is not to talk to her, not to look in her eyes, no emails , nothing and in few weeks you will start feeling free , free from the need of others and remember free to choose to date many other good and honest and loving women available...

Good luck

[hurtingandconfused]

Women these days are brutal and selfish

Damn straight!

[popt]

Originally posted by Zorgen

Uriel, I've tried to let her go. I've been to therapy for the last 4 months. I've done everything I can to try to move on and but something inside me won't let it end. Nothing works and I have come to the end of my rope. I've come to realize that if I can't make this work with her that really nothing else matters anymore. Sure, reading this message board I'm sure this has been said repeatedly but for me it is all or nothing. If it ends up nothing then so be it. I have no fight left in me and no desire to push on and find someone else. My memories and my mind will eventually destroy me, I just wish it would be sooner than later. I remember when I was so different. I had strenght and hope and a happy positive attitude. Life had posibilities and the future looked bright. Now everything is gone. I've lost my love, my job and I feel so miserable all the time that every waking moment is torment . I hate this life.

---------------

Hey, you are not the first person to go through such a thing. You will survive this. If this could kill you it would have by now. Think of this, this girl loved you when you had your stenght, your sense of humour, you job. Look at yourself now. Do you have any of the qualities that made her attracted to you right now. I don't think so. I am not saying this is an easy thing to get over with but if I may quote ??? "It is how you handle yourself in times of trouble that makes you a great person" Another thing that you need to see is that there are many decent ways of breaking up with someone especially one with whome you have shared 15 years. This woman does not even have the decency of doing it in a respectful manner. I say she is a small person and if you want to be with her you must have no self respect left in you. Let her go and completely ignore her and work on getting your old self back. Ones you get that done everything will fall in place. You have to undestand that people get close to you when you love yourself before everything. I don't mean to be harsh but even if you get back with this woman she will leave you again and if she does not she will remain with you for the wrong reasons. I can't even begin to understand how you agree to spend the time with her weekdays and see her go f... someone else on Saturdays. Think about it man. You may have lost her but you can still save your self esteem.

[uriel]

I understand how this feels -- after the man I loved was gone, I remember standing beside a busy road, swaying in place, thinking about stepping out in front of an oncoming truck. I'm so glad now that my concern over how others would feel (including the poor truck driver) stopped me from doing something stupid.

 

Stick with your therapy, take good care of yourself, and keep telling yourself that there is light at the end of this tunnel. It may be distant. You may not even be able to see it yet. But, keep holding on.

 

Take small steps toward removing this woman from your life and count each one a victory. Accept that you'll backslide sometimes. Accept that this is going to impact other areas of your life (like work) until you finally succeed. It's okay. Things will get better.

 

You might try telling her this is killing you slowly and ask her to help you to end it. If she cares about you at all, she'll do what's right. You can't count on that, though. You need to count on yourself -- your desire to get through this, to end the pain in a positive way, to have a future that's about you, one into which another can enter without becoming the center.

 

Take care.

 

-- uriel

[lost_in_chgo]

Yeah truckers aren't used to that sort of thing.

 

Trains (or the subway) are better. They get that all the time.

Best not to stand where you'll get thrown into other people though.

 

Zorg -

An assignment for you:

- move all traces of her from your daily environment. including seeing her.

- next time she calls, tell her you're busy working on something.

 

When you've finished those, come back and I'll give you more to do.

[Zorgen]

I'm sitting here thinking about how I screwed up everything. I pushed her too much to see her and now I have

driven her away. Now I don't even have my friend anymore. I have nothing. I have lost my job, my love, I can't

walk right now due to a motorcycle accident I was in and now I have lost my friend. She was the only thing that

was keeping me from giving up on everything. My dear sweet mom just died last week and I refuse to deal with

any more losses. I hate this life, it has been nothing but misery and saddness for the last 4 years. I can't sleep and

I find nothing interests me anymore. I feel nothing and I have no fear of leaving this life. I just want it to happen

quickly. Nothing will ever make it better again, time has run out and will find a way out of my dilema soon. Life had

so much promise when I was younger, now nothing has panned out and I am just dreading every day. I miss Jean

so much. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. She told me she would always love me but now she

won't even allow me to call her. I depress her everytime she sees me so now all is lost. I just want to die soon.

I just need to find a chicken **** way out, thats my way, always the easy way out.

[TommyGirl]

Don't give up, I promise you times get better. Prayer will help you, I will keep you in my prayer. YOU can definitely get through this!

[popt]

Originally posted by Zorgen

I'm sitting here thinking about how I screwed up everything. I pushed her too much to see her and now I have

driven her away. Now I don't even have my friend anymore. I have nothing. I have lost my job, my love, I can't

walk right now due to a motorcycle accident I was in and now I have lost my friend. She was the only thing that

was keeping me from giving up on everything. My dear sweet mom just died last week and I refuse to deal with

any more losses. I hate this life, it has been nothing but misery and saddness for the last 4 years. I can't sleep and

I find nothing interests me anymore. I feel nothing and I have no fear of leaving this life. I just want it to happen

quickly. Nothing will ever make it better again, time has run out and will find a way out of my dilema soon. Life had

so much promise when I was younger, now nothing has panned out and I am just dreading every day. I miss Jean

so much. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. She told me she would always love me but now she

won't even allow me to call her. I depress her everytime she sees me so now all is lost. I just want to die soon.

I just need to find a chicken **** way out, thats my way, always the easy way out.

 

 

 

Everything happens for a reason. You cannot see it now but there will come a time when you will say that you will not change what has happened to you for anything. Time is the only answer. Give yourself time. This too shall pass.