Nice guys Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 Hi, I've been married for 14 year to my wife 35 yrs old who I have loved. Last year she when on some medication for anxiety and she changed. She was a part time college support assistant and I noticed her taking to students on Facebook. She said she was only having a laugh so I didn't say anything but kept a cautious eye. One night she was type and giggling so. I looted on the other computer and she hadn't logged out he fb account so could see what she was typing. She was planning on meeting a 20 year old for some fun. I did know what to do. I wanted to see if she was serious, so did say anything then I couldn't keep quite ny longer I told her what I saw and she said she didn't know what was going on with her and said she was sorry. Latter that week she came home all guilty. I managed to get her phone and noticed she had the guys number on her phone so I texted him , looking like it was from her and texted 'how was it?' if he would have texted back and said what you on about could have texted back and said wrong person, but I got a repily back saying 'it was amazing I loved the way you grinded on my ****, the way you kissed me'. I was gutted went in the lounge to confront her almost in tears. She said she sorry and loved me etc. but the the following week she did it again in the back of my car. She come home an told me and said she doesn't know what's happen to her. Anyway to cut this short I decide to try and forgive but found it so hard to forget. She really hurt me. A year went by and she came off the medication. She now says she totally regret what she has done and what to forget about it and move on, but Iam finding it hard to trust again. Can someone really regret an affair? Thanks for your advice In advance Link to post Share on other sites
Sameold Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 Yes they can regret it but at the end of the day to do this to you she must be one horrible woman. It is hard but I think you need to end the marriage. You do not want to let her get away with sleeping around behind your back. It doesn't even sound like you ended it, you were just upset. She has got off lightly and next time she will be more careful not to get caught? Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 I agree with Sameold. The thing is, if she is so untrustworthy as to cheat, how can you trust she isn't lying when she says she regrets doing it? I mean really. If she is willing to cheat, lying is 1000 times easier. It might be different if you left and she came pounding at your door begging for another chance, but you basically let her get away with it. I certainly understand you being hurt and not wanting to lose her so are willing to forgive her, but I don't think you can trust her. She sees she can get twenty year old guys and likes it. I don't see her stopping anytime soon. In these situations the cheating partner will often give you access to their phone, Facebook account, and their email account to show you they aren't contacting the other guy only to have a second hidden phone, FB account, and email account they are using to contact them. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 She said she sorry and loved me etc. but the the following week she did it again in the back of my car. She come home an told me and said she doesn't know what's happen to her. See, she says one thing and is back doing it again. Would she have regretted it if she didn't get caught? No. She did get caught and still did it again so I don;t think she is going to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Sameold Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 Best predictor of future behaviour is that of the past. One girl, one chance. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 Hi, I've been married for 14 year to my wife 35 yrs old who I have loved. Last year she when on some medication for anxiety and she changed. She was a part time college support assistant and I noticed her taking to students on Facebook. She said she was only having a laugh so I didn't say anything but kept a cautious eye. One night she was type and giggling so. I looted on the other computer and she hadn't logged out he fb account so could see what she was typing. She was planning on meeting a 20 year old for some fun. I did know what to do. I wanted to see if she was serious, so did say anything then I couldn't keep quite ny longer I told her what I saw and she said she didn't know what was going on with her and said she was sorry. Latter that week she came home all guilty. I managed to get her phone and noticed she had the guys number on her phone so I texted him , looking like it was from her and texted 'how was it?' if he would have texted back and said what you on about could have texted back and said wrong person, but I got a repily back saying 'it was amazing I loved the way you grinded on my ****, the way you kissed me'. I was gutted went in the lounge to confront her almost in tears. She said she sorry and loved me etc. but the the following week she did it again in the back of my car. She come home an told me and said she doesn't know what's happen to her. Anyway to cut this short I decide to try and forgive but found it so hard to forget. She really hurt me. A year went by and she came off the medication. She now says she totally regret what she has done and what to forget about it and move on, but Iam finding it hard to trust again. Can someone really regret an affair? Thanks for your advice In advance Yes; someone can really regret an affair, once they truly realize their mistake, how it led up to the affair---it takes 2. There are reasons people do things. She didn't get to that affair alone; she must have felt something was missing at home. It's her job to communicate that to you and it's your job to listen to her at all times. People make mistakes. If we learn from them, that is of the utmost. And forgiveness is also part of learning. Give her the chance to make it up to you. She is NOT a horrible person; the mistake was horrible. if she is truly sorry, the burden of guilt is punishment enough; she will live with it forever. Do couples counseling to get to the bottom of it. The marriage is worth saving if you both equally want to work on it. I wonder if she was having a little midlife crisis and needed attention/wanted to feel attractive again. Make sure she knows you love her and find her attractive. Good luck to you. And just take one day as it comes. Link to post Share on other sites
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