AmericaNicole Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Hi guys, Ok so I am new to this forum and to forums in general haha. So I'll just get right to it. Been with my boyfriend for about 3 years, in May we moved in together. Been living together for about 4 months, things had been going pretty well. Until I found out he was doing coke. I knew that he had an been addicted to it years before we met, his family sent him to rehab and everything was fine and dandy. He told me this himself and was honest about it (which I appreciated) he also said that he was done doing it. Of course...that was a lie. A year into the relationship I found out he would use it "occasionally" and said he would stop. Anyway, he ended up cheating on me and we broke up for 4 months then got back together but while we were broken up he apparently had become a pretty heavy user. Once we had gotten back together he said he had stopped and would stop, yet again, but alas I found out he would do it, which again according to him was "occasional". Fast-forward to now, well he has been doing it but only...wait for it...OCCASIONALLY! Only to find that occasional to him means last Friday and this Saturday. Hmmm... Well I have the feeling he's probably using a bit more than that, I don't know for sure but I believe I'm right. Same thing happened last month, apparently he only wanted it once when we had gone out drinking and once when his friend "just put it up his nose" yeah he literally said that. So my question is, is he more than just a recreational user or is he maybe getting addicted again? Either way I have a problem. I don't know how often he does it or if he is able to stop. I feel like I'm in a really bad position especially since we just moved in together it's like holy hell, why did I even make this big of a commitment?! Ugh. Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks guys! Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Greetings! Welcome to LS. Lots of friendly, knowledgeable and helpful folks here. Do you mind sharing age? Link to post Share on other sites
BeautifulBrunette Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Sounds exactly like my ex, to a t. I'm sorry to be so blunt but do you really believe the "occasional" bull****? That was me. I believed every word he told me. I became wrapped into his lies. If your boyfriend was an addict before then I have news, he still is one and will always be. Read my story. Please. It is not a fun road and I suggest you run for your sanity. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AmericaNicole Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 Hello Balzac, I'm 22 years old. Thanks for the welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AmericaNicole Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 Oh and BeautifulBrunette, no I don't really believe it, I guess I'm just trying to make myself believe it rather than leave the relationship. You know save myself the grief of not only the breakup but having to find my own place ugh! I just don't know if I should leave him or not, will it get better or worse? I mean he hasn't seemed to get any worse in the last year... But I really don't want to be committed to someone whose always going to be lying to me about crap like that, and I don't need yet another druggie boyfriend (I guess you could say I have a knack for choosing these guys). Link to post Share on other sites
wow04 Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 As an addict with over 9 years clean, I am saying RUN!! He isn't able to love you like you deserve. There is no occasional use. He is an addict, which means he will cheat, lie, and do what ever he has to, to get his next high. When in active addiction all we care about is ourselves. I am sorry to be so blunt, but I don't want you to suffer like so many others have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AmericaNicole Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 Aww crap...Really?? wow04 how did you finally end up getting clean? I love my boyfriend and sometimes I do feel like I've been checking-out of the relationship for awhile (which is good for my own peace of mind) but I can't help but wonder if the reason I feel more distant towards him is because of his drug use or do I just have commitment issues and am looking for an excuse to leave? I don't know. He doesn't quite act like a fiend, most the time he seems pretty normal. I mean he's a huge pot head which kind of bothers me a bit just because I sometimes feel like I only know who my boyfriend is high. When he does coke I can definitely tell, he starts acting weird I can tell he's trying to act "normal" his hands get cold and clammy. Do you think maybe I'm just trying to hide from the fact that he may have a problem? My ex was and alcoholic and a coke head and he was just awful! But my current boyfriend doesn't seem that bad. Ugh, I'm so confused... Link to post Share on other sites
thinman Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 Aww crap...Really?? wow04 how did you finally end up getting clean? I love my boyfriend and sometimes I do feel like I've been checking-out of the relationship for awhile (which is good for my own peace of mind) but I can't help but wonder if the reason I feel more distant towards him is because of his drug use or do I just have commitment issues and am looking for an excuse to leave? I don't know. He doesn't quite act like a fiend, most the time he seems pretty normal. I mean he's a huge pot head which kind of bothers me a bit just because I sometimes feel like I only know who my boyfriend is high. When he does coke I can definitely tell, he starts acting weird I can tell he's trying to act "normal" his hands get cold and clammy. Do you think maybe I'm just trying to hide from the fact that he may have a problem? My ex was and alcoholic and a coke head and he was just awful! But my current boyfriend doesn't seem that bad. Ugh, I'm so confused... Hard to say. Some people genuinely only do coke occasionally, as it's kind of an expensive drug. I had a room mate who'd fall off the wagon and do a line or two every so often, but I definitely wouldn't describe him as a cokehead or an addict. People go through patches. I know my room mate had a month where he was using it every week, and then it kinda just tapered off. If I was you, I'd be very, very firm in voicing your displeasure about it. Let him know you won't put up with a coke addiction, he'll probably reign it in. Everybody's different though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AmericaNicole Posted September 19, 2012 Author Share Posted September 19, 2012 Hard to say. Some people genuinely only do coke occasionally, as it's kind of an expensive drug. I had a room mate who'd fall off the wagon and do a line or two every so often, but I definitely wouldn't describe him as a cokehead or an addict. People go through patches. I know my room mate had a month where he was using it every week, and then it kinda just tapered off. If I was you, I'd be very, very firm in voicing your displeasure about it. Let him know you won't put up with a coke addiction, he'll probably reign it in. Everybody's different though. I hope you're right. The problem is that I have been very vocal about my aversion to his coke use in the past. He stops for a bit (it seems) and then I catch him on it once again. I've been very patient with him, I don't yell and scream about it, I feel it's best to calmly confront him and discuss the problems I have with his use. I suppose the primary issue here is that we have made a huge commitment in moving in together and I trust him to carry his weight, beside the "occasional" coke use he's also a huge pothead, which I don't mind too much I don't think weed is that bad however, he'll spend like $100 on weed which only lasts him maybe a week and then come time to pay rent and he's short $200...wtf?! I feel let down and disappointed, here I am stuck with a $500 car payment (we share the car but I own it) which I pay alone I also pay the insurance, electric, water, and groceries I spend about $1000 on "us" and I think well hell must be nice to only spend $400 dollars a month and have the rest to spend on coke and weed! I just don't know what to do anymore...I feel like why can't he grow the f*** up already?! He's a 25 year old man not a teenage boy. Sometimes I feel like I'm having to be his mother, it's exhausting and frustrating. Just this past Friday he almost got us arrested because he and his sister decided to hotbox the car, it reeked of weed and when he came to pick me up from work he was so stoned that he passed a red light. Cop pulled us over smelled the weed and had us detained ugh. And I had already told him I absolutely didn't want him smoking in the car for that particular reason! I don't know, you think he's a lost cause? Link to post Share on other sites
Clep Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 My husband was addicted to coke. Went to rehab and has been clean for many years now. I would not put up with his addiction and set many boundaries for him. He didn't like it an left. Best thing that ever happened to me. The likelihood of an addict using recreational is nil. It is impossible for an addict to use ever again and be successful at it. If he is using, he will lie, cheat, probably steal and manipulate to ensure there are no barriers to his drug use. I would run quickly. I would also get some therapy as to why it is even a question if you should stay with an addict that is currently using. I didn't get that therapy for many years and in an nutshell, life sucked. Once I did, my thinking changed and so did my life. All the confusion and second guessing became a thing of the past. Wishing you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
wow04 Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 Aww crap...Really?? wow04 how did you finally end up getting clean? I love my boyfriend and sometimes I do feel like I've been checking-out of the relationship for awhile (which is good for my own peace of mind) but I can't help but wonder if the reason I feel more distant towards him is because of his drug use or do I just have commitment issues and am looking for an excuse to leave? I don't know. He doesn't quite act like a fiend, most the time he seems pretty normal. I mean he's a huge pot head which kind of bothers me a bit just because I sometimes feel like I only know who my boyfriend is high. When he does coke I can definitely tell, he starts acting weird I can tell he's trying to act "normal" his hands get cold and clammy. Do you think maybe I'm just trying to hide from the fact that he may have a problem? My ex was and alcoholic and a coke head and he was just awful! But my current boyfriend doesn't seem that bad. Ugh, I'm so confused... I went to 12 step meetings and worked the 12 steps. I went to AA and NA. I had to be serious and really want to stop. I got to a point where it was either get clean and sober or die. I didn't act like a fiend either. Most people wouldn't even think I did drugs and drink like I did. I smoked pot like people smoke cigarettes. No one "knew" me, only the addict. All addicts, who are using, lie and manipulate. We have to, to be able to get what we want. Yes, I think you are just trying to hide from the fact that he has a problem. Have you thought about Alanon for you? Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted September 24, 2012 Share Posted September 24, 2012 sitop being a pretend-wife to a loser, move out, he's not gonna be much of a dad Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 I agree with most posters. I know several recreational coke users, but they've never been addicted to it. A self professed addict using again? It is not an occasional thing. And most likely he won't be able to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
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