not AGAIN!!! I HATE NAKED WOMEN!!!

[FolderWife]

My husband is a porn addict. We've established that.

 

He was doing so well. A year ago, he ordered Playboy for 'his uncle' using our address. The magazines started coming in the mail, and he'd look at them. I started intercepting them, and throwing them away at work, so hubby wouldn't be tempted. We went to the Post Office together Wednesday, and there was a Playboy in the mail. the other day, which he ordered for his "uncle". I saw it when I was handing him the mail, and said, "There's your dirty magazine." He rolled his eyes at me and said that they aren't HIS, and he'd appreciate it if I'd quit referring to them as 'his dirty magazine' So I apologized. He made a smirky comment of "Why would I wast money on Playboy?! It doesn't even show anything " I said it shows the boobs, and he said they cover up too much for him to waste money on it. Treating me like I was stupid

 

Since I KNEW that he KNEW that I knew about the magazine being in the mail, I was certain that he'd not look at it, because he knows it hurts me, and he usually looks only if he doesn't think he'll get caught.

 

I cleaned out my car last night after he'd went to bed, and found an unopened Playgirl package under my seat. I ordered Playgirl back when I was trying to deal with his constant porn abuse, as a way to help me cope, but it didn't help, and I stopped looking at them, when he "stopped" looking at naked women.

 

I gathered the unopened Playgirl, and the unopened Playboy, and was going to put them in my car to take to work and toss in the dumpster, when I noticed that the Playboy had been opened!

 

That jerk looked at it, even though he KNEW I'd find out! That's how little regard he has for me. I was fuming, so I though, "If that jerk can do it, so can I!" and I opened and looked at the Playgirl magazine.

 

Then I got an idea I ripped out all of the pages of naked women in Playboy *there are only around 10* and I ripped out a few good pictures of the naked men in my book *naked man on every page* and put them in the naked women's place I left a note on one that reads, "I left it out, because I trusted you, not because I was giving you permission, a**h*** "

 

He'll be in for a big suprise when he opens it to see naked boobs, and finds massive d**ks

 

hee hee

[FolderWife]

I'm contemplating going home this evening, sitting on his lap, putting my arms around him, and saying, "I'm so glad I can trust you so much It sure is nice to finally have a man that keeps his promises, and doesn't lie to me like all of the jerks I've dated before I'm so proud of you for not looking at that Playboy, even though it was sitting right there for you to take It's so nice to finally have someone that I can count on, who'd never hurt me on purpose, and who respects me. I love you so much "

 

Then walking away. Let him feel like the a**h*** he is

[jmargel]

So.. not only are you trying to control his behavior due to your insecurities, you are also verbally abusing him by calling him 'a**h***', and trying to put him down in public by saying that comment about his magazine. I believe it's you that needs the help, not him. You saying he is addicted? Perhaps I don't know the whole story, but reading playboy and looking at porn is not being addicted to it. Addiction is the condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or involved in something. And not every addiction is bad. Most people is some way or another are addicted to something. Either cigarettes, TV, excerise, etc.. It coule be alot worse, he could be addicted to alcohol or drugs.

 

Could it be that you are the one addicted? Addicted to watching out and controlling his behavior over this? You aren't his mother. Let me ask you this.. If you get him to TOTALLY stop looking at porn, what is to say he's not thinking about it? How are you going to change his thought behavior? What will it take for YOU to become secure? How much does he have to change in order to stop your anxiety over this?

 

How exactly is he disrespecting you by looking at naked photographs? What does it have to do with you? Yes you are his wife, but what difference does that make? We all were born naked, and if we were gifted with a nice body, why not let others appreciate it? There is a HUGE difference between looking at naked pictures or porn, and cheating.

 

You doing this is only going to drive him deeper underground with hiding this stuff. You'll end up pushing him to other things besides porn as well. You think you can overbear him on this, you're not. You are only pushing him away. Be very careful on your actions here.

[dudesomewhere]

why? Simple concept really, put aside the subject that is the problem. Honesty and integrity. Stop lying to your partners you selfish pricks. You get involved with someone be honest with them. Do the crap you do when you're a bachelor...get involved with someone and change or not. Stop being selfish.

 

That was not directed towards anyone in particular...to make that clear

 

Is it just me that is able to look at situations beneath the subject matter that is mentioned? I hope not...I'm not some special male...just a goofball and butthead. But an honest one!

[Fayebelle]

Originally posted by dudesomewhere

Honesty and integrity. Stop lying to your partners you selfish pricks. You get involved with someone be honest with them. Stop being selfish .

 

 

Honesty- like telling your partner you LIKE porn?

 

Lying- b/c your partner tries to take away something you enjoy?

 

Selfish- like trying to convert instead of accept the one you love?

 

 

I DO AGEE that you are an honest goofball though!

[dudesomewhere]

 

there's so many ppl in this world that you are bound to find a perfect match...hell you can try to find one on these online dating services.

 

For example a guy like said guy could say:

Likes porn, wants a woman who likes porn, doesn't mind being dishonest

 

he then will attract a lady who also likes porn and doesn't mind being dishonest.

 

I don't get the people or namely the guys, who will find and try to hook women who have different critical passions than they. It's like any subject that you might deem critical...let's say it's not porn. Let's pick something totally unrelated and objective. Let's pick...PENS! OK, 2 ppl who have a passion for pens. One likes blue pens and the other black pens. Both have told themselves that in order for a marriage or relationship to work, their partner has to love EITHER a black or blue pen but not both. So a lady finds a man who APPARENTLY loves blue pens because he says so...after hearing she said so. Some time into their relationship she finds he doesn't like blue pens at all but likes black pens. This to her is the deal breaker. Now why did he have to lie? He could have found someone who liked black pens...but he didn't cuz he's selfish!

[Leikela]

Monday,

 

I went through something similar with an ex-boyfriend of mine. I am not a fan of porn because I believe that when you love someone, it's only THEM that you want to see naked. Naked to me is something special that you share with someone you love. When you exploit it, it's not special anymore. However, a lot of people don't see it that way. They don't see nakedness (is that even a word?) as something sacred. Those are their beliefs. There is no right or wrong here, it just breaks down to what you believe.

 

I don't mind my current boyfriend glancing at women or even noticing scantily dressed women, because it's human nature to find lots of different people attractive. He used to read Maxim every now and then before we were a couple and he knows my stance on porn (even though Maxim technically isn't porn) and stopped buying the magazine. He said he didn't want to disrespect me in anyway.

 

The fact that you have told your husband that you don't like him looking at Playboy, but he looks at it anyway might indicate that he does indeed have an addiction. However, he didn't try to hide it so I'm leaning more towards the side of him just not respecting you and this is a serious issue.

 

I wouldn't play any more games with him regarding the magazine. Don't sit on his lap and tell him you trust, etc when you already found the magazine. I know you're hurt but this isn't the way to express it to him. I think you need to set a threshold of what you can tolerate and what you won't. If he will continously do this to you, no matter how much time has passed between "episodes", then maybe you need to re-evaluate your relationship.

 

I know it's not easy. I stayed with my Ex for 7 years before I finally realized he was never going to change. Just sort out your feelings and be open with your husband. Talk to him about it and see what he says. Playing the games won't help.

[Leikela]

Originally posted by dudesomewhere

 

there's so many ppl in this world that you are bound to find a perfect match...hell you can try to find one on these online dating services.

 

For example a guy like said guy could say:

Likes porn, wants a woman who likes porn, doesn't mind being dishonest

 

he then will attract a lady who also likes porn and doesn't mind being dishonest.

 

I don't get the people or namely the guys, who will find and try to hook women who have different critical passions than they. It's like any subject that you might deem critical...let's say it's not porn. Let's pick something totally unrelated and objective. Let's pick...PENS! OK, 2 ppl who have a passion for pens. One likes blue pens and the other black pens. Both have told themselves that in order for a marriage or relationship to work, their partner has to love EITHER a black or blue pen but not both. So a lady finds a man who APPARENTLY loves blue pens because he says so...after hearing she said so. Some time into their relationship she finds he doesn't like blue pens at all but likes black pens. This to her is the deal breaker. Now why did he have to lie? He could have found someone who liked black pens...but he didn't cuz he's selfish!

 

Dudesomewhere has hit the nail on the head. That's what I was trying to say in my previous post. My ex liked porn. I didn't, so the relationship ended. My current boyfriend doesn't look at porn and believes that porn doesn't belong in a relationship or marriage. I believe the same. Therefore, we are the perfect match!

[FolderWife]

I'm so sick of being disrespected. His porn usage is abuse to me. He told me he wouldn't have it when we got married. LIE! He promised to never look at playboy again. LIE! He said he wouldn't use it on the internet. LIE! He promised after I cried and told him that I just couldn't deal with it, no matter how hard I tried, it just wasn't in my nature to accept it, even though I tried, that he DIDN'T NEED it any more, because I was enough. LIE! He treats me like I'm too stupid to find out. He gets angry whenever I bring it up, like there's something wrong with me, because I just won't let him lie and get away with it. He get's angry that I just don't pretend that nothing happened.

 

Disrespect, and disregard are exactly my problem. I've tried everything. I am at my wits end. Now I'm trying to make fun of him to get over it. I have to deal with it some way. What do you want, jmargel. My only option, besides dealing with his lies in any way I can think of is divorce. I don't want to quit yet. He abuses me with his porn and disrespct, so why am I the bad guy for abusing him by calling him an a**h***?

 

I'm TIRED of this! I'm tired of feeling like my husband and I are this good couple, only to have the illusion shattered, because he STILL does what he wants, and doesn't give a **** whether or not I get hurt by it.

 

I think I'll just work late tonight, and when I get home, he'll be asleep. I can't stand to look at him. Do you understand the betrayel that is felt, when you trust, and believe someone you love, and you are laughing, and talking, and cudling, and making love all the time, and then you turn around the NEXT DAY, and stumble across that he's lied to you AGAIN! He's broken his promise AGAIN!

 

Why is it unreasonable for me to ask him to not look at any naked woman besides me? Why is it unreasonable to expect him to keep his promises to me?

 

If he had a habit of kissing other women, and I asked him to stop, would that be unreasonable? Would I be wrong to be upset if he promised to stop, yet I saw him kiss someone?

 

This time, it wasn't even about the Playboy, because I looked at it, and all the women didn't have any shape, or figure that he liked. I wasn't jealous of any of them. This time, it was simply because he's been fooling me. He's been treating me like his one and only. He's been acting like he loooooves me sooooo much. He's been acting like he'd do anything for me. I've been trusting him. Once again, he's let me down.

 

This time, I'm just hurt and disapppointed that the man he was pretending to be isn't real, and that he's back to the same old a**h*** that only thinks of himself again

[Adunaphel]

Monday,

I feel for you.

I'm myself in a period where I hate naked women and porn right now.

 

I'm sorry your husband is looking at porn even if it hurts your feelings, expecially after he promised you he'd not look at it again. He is a jerk for lying, for trying to fool you and for blaming it on you and being rude.

 

I strongly advise you not to follow your plan though.

It will make things worse. It will be useless. You'll only get into a fight.

 

I suggest you throw away that copy of Playboy with the naked dudes stuck on it before your husband sees it if you are still in time.

I can understand you are angry and upset ...I would too, but acting this way will only backfire at you.

 

How exactly is he disrespecting you by looking at naked photographs? What does it have to do with you? Yes you are his wife, but what difference does that make? We all were born naked, and if we were gifted with a nice body, why not let others appreciate it? There is a HUGE difference between looking at naked pictures or porn, and cheating.

 

Jmargel, he is doing something that hurts her feelings. I think watching porn does NOT necessarily makes someone a bad husband, but dismissing your SO's feelings does. I'm among the ones who think that looking at porn *when your partner feels bad about it*, expecially if you see each other everyday and she would be more than willing to have sex with you, is disrespecting her.

While I think it is perfectly okay to watch it when your partner has not a problem with it.

 

 

So.. not only are you trying to control his behavior due to your insecurities, you are also verbally abusing him by calling him 'a**h***', and trying to put him down in public by saying that comment about his magazine.

You like porn. You know that your partner feels bad with it, you know you are feeding her insecurities and giving blows to her self esteem.

In this situation you *have*the right to watch at porn, but in this case IMO she has the right to call you whatever she likes.

And you both have the right to get tired of it and file for a divorce.

 

I'd be embarassed if I were married and my husband got playboy in the mail.

This way the postman would know my husband gets playboy (yes, some women *might*be ashamed to have a husband that gets playboy in the mail), and the neighbors would know it as well. I'd be *ashamed and embarassed* if people who know me saw playboy in my mailbox.

I'd equipare it to humiliating me in public. So I would find it my right to put him down in public.

 

Besides perhaps Monday might not have married him if he hadn't promised he would not look at porn.

[sinner]

jmargel and I have had our differences, but his post is spot on. Something is very, very wrong with this parent-child "marriage" and it ain't porn.

 

I strongly recommend marital counseling or individual therapy. Failing that, get a divorce.

[jmargel]

He abuses me with his porn and disrespct, so why am I the bad guy for abusing him by calling him an a**h***?

 

His porn usage is abuse to me

 

And two wrongs make a right? If you actually call him 'a**h***', then that is verbal abuse. He is NOT abusing you with him looking at porn. Making YOU look at it when you don't like it would be abuse.

 

 

I've tried everything. I am at my wits end. Now I'm trying to make fun of him to get over it. I have to deal with it some way. What do you want, jmargel. My only option, besides dealing with his lies in any way I can think of is divorce. I don't want to quit yet.

 

Then see a marriage councilor.

 

Why is it unreasonable for me to ask him to not look at any naked woman besides me?

He's not looking at 'naked women'. He's looking at pictures, and images. Besides, he is human. You are equating his love & devotion for you on whether he views porn or not. You shouldn't be doing that. What other problems are you having in the marriage? I would find it hard to believe this is the only thing, considering the amount of anger you have towards him.

 

 

If he had a habit of kissing other women, and I asked him to stop, would that be unreasonable? Would I be wrong to be upset if he promised to stop, yet I saw him kiss someone?

 

See, you are equating viewing of pornography as to kissing or flirting with someone. They are two TOTALLY seperate things. Viewing pornography is NOT cheating.

 

He's been treating me like his one and only. He's been acting like he loooooves me sooooo much. He's been acting like he'd do anything for me. I've been trusting him. Once again, he's let me down.

 

You are his one and only. Why are you making it seem like there is competition between you & his playboy magazine? Do you see him trying to contact any of these women? You need to take a step back and look at reality.

 

 

This time, I'm just hurt and disapppointed that the man he was pretending to be isn't real, and that he's back to the same old a**h*** that only thinks of himself again

You are expecting way too much from any person with that kind of attitude. He IS real, it's YOU that is living in a non-real world by putting so much pressure on yourself, feeling like you have to compete with his porn viewing.

 

Disrespect, and disregard are exactly my problem

No, insecurity in your relationship is your problem.

 

And the reason WHY he is lying is because you are pushing him away. Instead of working on your own issues, and then getting to the point of watching it together, to get new ideas with sex (it really spices it up), you resort to putting him down for something just about every man does. You are trying to make him ashamed of what he is doing, just because you are insecure (or prehaps ashamed of your own body?)

 

The reason why he told you he wouldn't view porn in the first place is because he knew you were against it. I imagine he probably did try at first, but if he shows you in every other way that he loves you, this shouldn't be a problem. You can also think of it as 'Yea, he looks at those women (and men - when it's porn) but still loves & wants to have sex with "ME"'.

[juicey]

Now this is only a question that I have for you. Have you ever thought about, watching porn with your husband? That way maybe it can bring both of you some stimulation and you can use it in a way that will benefit both of you. Try to see if your husband is willing to only look at porn with you. Now on the other hand if you do have a problem with porn all together, then I do think that it should be in your husband's best interest to leave it alone. If he can't give up porn for you, then there a serious problem. Try counseling first, because you did recite your wedding vows to one another, so it would be better to try and work it out first.

[VivianLee]

I understand your feelings about porn....there was a poster on here a few months ago called April Fool, she seemed to have the same problem and it basically had her upset and talking about it ALL the time. (I wonder what happened to her?)

 

Anyway, I understand your feelings but I want to ask you something. Could the next ten years that you are married be filled with your hurt about this?? Can you live with the fact that you may deal with this the rest of your marriage? If not, then get counseling!

 

It doesn't matter who is right or wrong right now BUT the situation seems to be turning you into a bitter, nagging and controlling woman. You don't want to be viewed that way by your husband AND if must be agony to feel distrust and to have to check up on him all the time!! This isn't a marriage, it's a babysitting job!

[Olivia_19742004]

Monday - You wrote this not too long ago..

 

That's when you know you're ready to get married...when both people want it so bad they can taste it, and you can't imagine spending the rest of your life without this person, and you don't want to spend another second away from them.

 

Do you not still feel this way?

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by Monday

I'm so sick of being disrespected. His porn usage is abuse to me. He told me he wouldn't have it when we got married. LIE! He promised to never look at playboy again. LIE! He said he wouldn't use it on the internet. LIE! He promised after I cried and told him that I just couldn't deal with it, no matter how hard I tried, it just wasn't in my nature to accept it, even though I tried, that he DIDN'T NEED it any more, because I was enough. LIE! He treats me like I'm too stupid to find out. He gets angry whenever I bring it up, like there's something wrong with me, because I just won't let him lie and get away with it. He get's angry that I just don't pretend that nothing happened.

 

Disrespect, and disregard are exactly my problem. I've tried everything. I am at my wits end. Now I'm trying to make fun of him to get over it. I have to deal with it some way. What do you want, jmargel. My only option, besides dealing with his lies in any way I can think of is divorce. I don't want to quit yet. He abuses me with his porn and disrespct, so why am I the bad guy for abusing him by calling him an a**h***?

 

I'm TIRED of this! I'm tired of feeling like my husband and I are this good couple, only to have the illusion shattered, because he STILL does what he wants, and doesn't give a **** whether or not I get hurt by it.

 

I think I'll just work late tonight, and when I get home, he'll be asleep. I can't stand to look at him. Do you understand the betrayel that is felt, when you trust, and believe someone you love, and you are laughing, and talking, and cudling, and making love all the time, and then you turn around the NEXT DAY, and stumble across that he's lied to you AGAIN! He's broken his promise AGAIN!

 

Why is it unreasonable for me to ask him to not look at any naked woman besides me? Why is it unreasonable to expect him to keep his promises to me?

 

If he had a habit of kissing other women, and I asked him to stop, would that be unreasonable? Would I be wrong to be upset if he promised to stop, yet I saw him kiss someone?

 

This time, it wasn't even about the Playboy, because I looked at it, and all the women didn't have any shape, or figure that he liked. I wasn't jealous of any of them. This time, it was simply because he's been fooling me. He's been treating me like his one and only. He's been acting like he loooooves me sooooo much. He's been acting like he'd do anything for me. I've been trusting him. Once again, he's let me down.

 

This time, I'm just hurt and disapppointed that the man he was pretending to be isn't real, and that he's back to the same old a**h*** that only thinks of himself again

 

It is unreasonable because your request that he PROMISE was unreasonable. There has been so much porn talk I can't remember if your husband was the one who couldn't orgasm or didn't want to have sex-but if he puts out whenever you want him to, leave him the heck alone. If he's keeping it in his pants, leave him alone. He likes porn-you don't-it's not cheating. There is no emotional or physical relationship between him and that mushed up tree that is now a magazine. He does not imagine himself married to these women. Yes, they may have nicer bodies and bigger boobs, but get over it and love you for you. I'm with Jmargel for once on this one-your obessive controlling behaviour will end the relationship, not his porn usage. Enough with the promise breaking crap-your request was unreasonable.

[Moose]

I'm going to put my 2 cents in here too. I have to disagree with dudesomewhere, ( Usually I don't, I think he and I are on the same page ).

 

My wife and I are two opposites. I like red pens, she like black pens. But we still love each other. How different are we? She loves to read at bedtime, I don't. She likes spicy foods, I don't. I like beer, she doesn't touch alcohol. I like PDA, she doesn't. I could go on forever and ever......But we are still together and not for the sake of our kids.

 

This thing about Monday's husband. I know why she's so upset. He broke a promise, plain and simple. She's not trying to control him. She approached him and told him how it makes her feel. He promised her he would stop. Was it just to end the discussion, or was he being sincere? I really couldn't tell you. The plain fact is that he promised to stop. He broke that promise which to me shows direct disrespect. If he were my CHILD, he would get 5 swats on the back end and stand on a kitchen tile square while the timer ticks of their age in minutes.

 

Since he isn't a, "CHILD", and an adult, just how do you think Monday should address this? Obviously setting him down and talking to him didn't do a bit of good....so what would you all suggest?

 

My suggestion would be not to approach him angrily....no matter how angry it makes you. Approach him as a serious problem or addiction. Let him know that if he's willing to seek help, that you would be by his side, ( If he so wishes ), and that you will be patient with him, no matter how long it takes for him to stop. Tell him that you'll understand if he slips up from time to time. The goal is to work on it together. Don't make him do something like this on his own. Shame on him for making a promise he couldn't keep, but shame on you for not supporting him when he needs you. Sorry to be so blunt.

 

Moose

[Adunaphel]

Moose, that was very well said.

[FolderWife]

If he wants to look at it so bad, then he needs to defend it. If I ask, did you look at this? and he says yes, then I say, why, and he says, I don't know, then I say, it hurts my feelings when you look at it, and I go into long detail of why, and then he says, "I won't look at it any more," then I say, "Promise?" and he says, "Promise", then what choice do I have but to believe that he understands that it hurts me, and that he promises not to do it again.

 

Now, if I say, "it hurts my feelings," and go into why, then he says, "It shouldn't hurt your feelings because---" then I'd understand, and he could look all he wanted, and we'd live happily.

 

He doesn't do that though. He promises not to look, and I think the problem's solved, yet he looks again without regard to me. If he wants to solve the problem by promising not to do whatever is hurting me, then that's fine. If he wants to continue doing what he wants even though it causes me pain, then I feel like I at least deserve an explaination.

 

This time, it wasn't even about the porn. This time, I was just feeling that, "Oh good grief...another lie...another time to deal with it...here we go again...why would he look at a stupid magazine, and cause an argument again..."

 

I went home yesterday, and he'd thrown it in the trash. I asked, "Why is this open?" He said, "Are you the trash police?" I brought it to him, and opened it with the naked guys in it, and laughed at him." He said, "Where'd you get the gay lovers at?" I asked what he was talking about, and he said he was talking about the naked man pictures. I said, "I ordered these magazines last year some time. Out of respect for you, though, I haven't been opening them." He said, "So you've just been throwing them away?" I said, "Yes, without opening them....but then when I saw you opened the Playboy, I said 'screw this!' and looked at naked men. Then, I thought it would be funny for you to look at the Playboy, and find naked men " He laughed at my humor, then said, "So you've just been throwing them away?" I said, "Yes" so he said, "That's such a waste of money." I said, "Are you kidding me!?" He said, "What" I said, "At the time I ordered these, you were blowing $30 a month on a porn site " He said, "That didn't last 2 months!" I said, "Well, I was trying to deal with it." He said, "Well, can you deal with it by throwing this Playboy away?" I said, "I could've if it wasn't opened." Then I started to tear up, so I just left the room.

 

Ten minutes later, he came and found me hanging curtains. He started talking about something else, and I asked "Why did you open that Playboy? You knew I wouldn't just be able to let it go." He said, "I wanted to see if their boobs looked as good as yours" *note: I just got a boob job* I said, "I can accept that."

 

Then I shook my head, and said, "You're in trouble now, and the boobs weren't even that good! They were all under a B cup!" he seemed really sad, and said, "I know." I went back to hanging curtains, and then said, "Well, are you going to apologize!?" He sadly said he was sorry, and I told him that I forgive him.

 

This time, I wasn't even upset so much by the naked women, because they were all flat chested, boyish looking girls. Had they looked better than me I would've though This time, it was simply about the lies, and the constant disregard for me.

 

*sigh* I'm prepared to deal with this drama for the rest of my married life

[Moose]

Hang in there Monday, we're pulling for ya!!!

[Fayebelle]

Hey Monday-

 

Have you thought of letting him take nude polaroids of you? You seem comfortable w/your body and he obviously loves it... This way when he gets his photo yen it could be you he's peeping at. Plus you could have fun updating the photos monthly and save the subscription prices.

 

Just an idea.

[faux]

I do not believe that porn is one of the problems in your relationship. Your husband has every right to view pornographic material if he chooses to do so. You do not have the right to demand that he refrain from doing so. It is wrong to make him promise not to view it, and it is wrong to attempt to control his behavior.

 

If you look back at your situation in its entirety, do you not notice the same things that I do? ... That you alone are perpetuating this unnecessary situation, are harboring a great distrust for your husband, and are making him feel guilty, causing the both of you stress and grief?

 

It would appear that you are quite insecure. You mentioned that you were fine "this time" with the opened Playboy, as the girls did not look as good as you, and they were "flat chested" and had "boyish figures". Perhaps your husband prefers that type of figure. I must admit, that although your description is very general, I find that type of figure attractive. The point, however, is that you appear to have poor self-image, and would poke your husband's eyes out, had you the chance, in an attempt to prevent him from ever wandering in his vision again.

 

Your husband is not actually doing anything wrong. Try to take porn entirely out of the picture. Is there anything at all that you can reflect on, which might be a problem? Think of how you feel about yourself, your level of attractiveness, and how you want your husband to see you. I can assure you that pornography is not to blame in ths situation. There are other things going on, and if you take the time to look and accept that you, yourself, have flaws, you might be able to fix the actual problems. If the issue is not your insecurity alone, and your husband is involved in other problems, then focus on the real deal. Blaming pornography has not, and will not get you anywhere.

 

Think of how you reacted when you discovered the pornographic material in your home. To me, as you described it, you seem a bit obsessive over it, and out of control. Although I can fully understand disapproval, you went and confronted your husband. You blamed him, made him feel guilty, and perhaps belittled him to some extent.

 

Pornography does not disrespect you as an individual. Pornography is not hurting you. The manner in which you choose to conduct yourself in these situations is, and probably has for some time, destroyed things in your marriage. If my partner were to yell at me in such a manner, and make me feel guilty and horrible, I would not want to be close with her. I would try to avoid her, and if I did not have the strength or ability to leave the relationship at that point, I would probably prefer using pornography as a means of sexual release, as opposed to being intimate with my partner.

 

Once you take a few steps back, and find out what the real issues are, you may get something accomplished. As long as you insist on limiting your views, and blaming pornography and your husband for everything, nothing will get any better.

[dudesomewhere]

Originally posted by Moose

I'm going to put my 2 cents in here too. I have to disagree with dudesomewhere, ( Usually I don't, I think he and I are on the same page ).

 

My wife and I are two opposites. I like red pens, she like black pens. But we still love each other. How different are we? She loves to read at bedtime, I don't. She likes spicy foods, I don't. I like beer, she doesn't touch alcohol. I like PDA, she doesn't. I could go on forever and ever......But we are still together and not for the sake of our kids.

 

 

 

But see, that's the miracle of ppl...differences, similarities...what ppl will accept and not. Sure 2 ppl can be opposites and still mesh. It's all about what is the deal breaker in each person's life and whether they think they've found someone else who meshes with them....regardless of tastes.

 

We are just using words...words often confuse, it's the concept behind words.

 

It's like how for some ppl, they can tolerate all things except when it comes to finances...and that one thing can sink the boat. I'm a vegetarian but I know I can marry a meat eater because to me that isn't the deal breaker. To me the deal breaker is someone who would cheat on me . So I could accept a wide range of things.

 

I'm just saying, in this gigantic world of ours, why do ppl feel the need to deceive those they would get romantically involved in? They could easily find others who mesh with them, regardless of personal preferences or outlooks.

 

couple more pennies in my pot

[moimeme]

People believe what they want to believe. Some people choose to believe porn is 'cheating'. Other people believe that 'cheating' involves emotions and real people, not a quick wank to a 2D image. However, once people decide to believe something, very often they will refuse to let it go, no matter how unreasonable or unreflective of objective truth it is. Again, see my second sig. We have had this discussion several thousand times but it always boils down to you believe what you want to believe.

 

But my basic premise is that if you can honestly believe that a man looking at a picture is 'cheating', then you think very little of that man anyway because you don't credit him with knowing - or caring about - the difference between his real life woman and an image. Basically, you create a symbol of 'if you loved me, you woudn't do X' and then decide that if the person doesn't do the thing you dictate, he doesn't love you, no matter how unrealistic, unfair, or unreasonable your condition may be. It does not reflect the truth; he does love you, but you have created a fake test that he can't help but fail.

 

Nobody gets love by demanding it. They get love by giving it - and understanding, and tolerance, and forgiveness. But keep trying. As Dr. Phil always says, 'how's that working for ya?'

[Grinning Maniac]

I can't believe there is another one of these threads already.

 

Can we all just write to the mods with a request that there be a thread stickied to the top of the page with the title of "ALL WOMAN WHO HATE PORN CLICK HERE", and inside of the thread there would just be a huge picture of a hand flipping you off?

 

I think it would solve a lot of problems.

 

Originally posted, and now slightly edited, by Grinning Maniac

 

Why is it so hard for you women to accept that we like to beat off sometimes? Ok, ladies...think of your favorite male movie star who could get any piece of tail they want at the snap of their fingers. Guess what? They still jerk it from time to time. Sorry to spoil the illusion. Mayors, senators, musicians, billionaires, astronauts, models, blue collar schmoes...WE ALL BEAT OFF. If you meet a guy who tells you he doesn't, he's lying, and he has sexual hang ups. You act like having a wank every now and then to pictures of some random chick on the internet is some terrible sin that we should be ashamed of and try to cure. Please.

 

Let the man have his porn and his dignity, for God's sake. What are you going to do if he doesn't quit beating off? Have his friends and family waiting when he comes home from work and have an intervention??? o_O

 

For those who absolutely can't stand the fact that their man looks at porn, I have the perfect compromise. Unconditional blowjobs. In exchange for him giving up porn completely, you must agree to giving him a hummer whenever he pleases. No if's, and's, or but's. He just points to his crotch, nods, and you go to work. You'll also have to carry around a beeper to accommodate him when you're not in the immediate area. Get a beep, give a blow. Regardless of where you are and what you're doing. Shopping for groceries? Get to the express checkout. Business meeting in another city? Get the janitor to take over. Dying of cancer? Oh well. Better ask Jesus for the strength to rise from your death bed and give one last knob polishing.

 

Yeah, I know this post isn't serious, but to me, neither is the topic of this thread.

 

PS: You want to know when your man has a problem with porn? If you come home and he has converted your living room into a mock strip club, complete with fog effects and cheesy DJ, and he's sitting in the middle of the floor naked, covered in KY, humping a giant Mardi Gras head of Jenna Jameson with a fake vagina propped into the mouthhole....then he may have a problem with porn.

 

All joking aside, Monday, you seem like a really controlling woman. As long as your husband is making you happy in every other aspect of the relationship, leave him alone. It's not his fault that you feel ugly. You're just going to end up making him resent you with all of this. You could say it goes both ways and you kind of resent him now over the porn, but as other posters have mentioned, what you're asking is a bit unreasonable. Try to realize that he doesn't love you any less because he likes to look at the occasional internet boob.