Friend's Wife

[gibbie420]

First post here, found this forum while Googling the issue. Earlier tonight I just purged my mental roller coaster into a 2 page document I'll share. Any thoughts are welcome and appreciated, sorry for it's long winded nature, I'm pretty long winded all the time. Also, excuse the language, a few curse words here and there.

 

"Am I creating the problems inside of my head right now? This weekend I did some ****ed up things. Friday night was one of the most weird nights I’ve ever experienced. I should begin this narrative with a small background story. I have this friend, I’ve known him for almost 10 years. For the duration of this writing I will refer to him as Ian. I was the best man at Ian’s wedding, getting married at the young age of 21. Here it is, only 3 years later, and **** just got real fast.

 

I had moved about 7 hours away. The past 2 years I explored a new city, met new people, and missed the old. Having just moved back a few weeks ago, I have been making the rounds, visiting all of my old friends. After visiting people, I’ve realized that I had moved on. My old friends and memories were just possible pasts. For some reason, since I’ve come back I feel empty, lonely, and just simply down. Now, these feelings and my own twisted lack of security and confidence are not the purpose here. They’re simply contributing factors.

 

This Friday, Ian’s wife, who will be referred to as Heidi, invited me to come to their house for the weekend and surprise Ian. It was a fantastic idea. I arrived when I was instructed to and he wasn’t surprised, he sniffed it out, but it was ok. It started off great. I introduced them to beer pong, which I still say being 24 there’s no reason for them to have never played it, but again, off topic. Heidi cooked up a fantastic dinner and we immediately trekked down memory lane, full speed ahead. It wasn’t until at one point in the evening, I had went outside for a cigarette, getting pretty drunk at this point, when Heidi accompanied me. Exchanging stories of the past, and embarrassing Ian as much as possible, something happened out there that has torn me apart for the past 48 hours.

 

See, Heidi had just got her hood pierced, and decided to show it off while her husband wasn’t there. Suddenly out of nowhere, this turned into the two of us making out and heavily putting in their backyard until we heard Ian come out. After that nothing else happened between her and I. Now, at this point, I was pretty loaded, and a 3 way argument had broken out between the three of us, not because of what happened, which remains a secret, but instead simply over drunken stupidity from what I can recall. Ian and I ended up wrestling in the yard, and I insisted he punch me in the face. When he refused to, I left. Drove home tanked. Thankfully I made it home and caused no harm to anyone on the road.

 

If only the story ended there. They came down to my house yesterday, Saturday, to drop off some things I had left, we all figuratively kissed and made up for our drunken shenanigans, and they checked out my new house. It was during this visit I could not even look at Heidi. I was incredibly antsy and uncomfortable. Now as they were leaving, they informed me they were throwing a party that night, because as stated I was supposed to stay all weekend. Feeling like a total ass for many reasons, against my better judgement, I decided it was best for me to go to said event. Upon my arrival, the other guests had left already, because I was informed a tad late. So here we were again, just the three of us.

 

This night was worry free, no one argued (except for Heidi and Ian a bit, just married bickering mostly). But the Heidi saga was not over. We had decided to hop in the hot tub. Now, Ian had to use the bathroom so Heidi and I were alone in the hot tub for a good 15 minutes (he had to #2). It was at this time, in her skimpy bikini, she shook her ass in front of my face for quite some time, with some inappropriate touching, but nothing too rash. Upon Ian returning, things were normal again. Now, she ended up dragging my hand onto her foot somehow, but I didn’t move it. Under the suds I ended up just caressing her foot and leg for the duration of our hot tub time.

 

To this point, I didn’t know if my mind was just creating this turmoil for myself due to the events that transpired Friday night. That was, until we went back inside and they took turns showering. She took the first shower and Ian and I just sat in the kitchen. Now, the way the house is setup, with the chair I was in, I could see down the hallway to the bathroom, but Ian could not. His back was to it. I had heard the door open, so my natural reaction was to look down the hallway, only to see her in nothing but a towel. It was at this time she dropped her towel and gave me a longing look. After a few moments I looked back at Ian and she put her towel back on and came out. Now that’s the very anti-climactic end to the sage of the weekend. She went to bed and I did as well while Ian took his shower. Woke up Sunday and they had already left. I locked up and have been, yet again, tearing myself apart all day today.

 

Retrospective feelings are tearing me apart. Assessing the core pieces of the situation leads me to balancing things based on pure pros and cons. This in itself shames me as I hold myself to a stronger moral standard than this. Do I find Heidi sexually attractive? Absolutely. Do I find Heidi a good person? Yes, she’s absolutely a blast to be around and recent events aside, have almost come to like her more than Ian. Do I feel that they’re happy together? I can’t speak for them, but they bicker constantly, and Ian has always been a bad boyfriend, he’s ridiculously naggy over simple things. This is my outside perspective. Do I think Heidi wants to have an affair with me? Wow. All this time weighing what’s happened and what I want/desire to happen seemed so difficult to value, but when I’ve physically came out and said it, it sounds awful. I don’t know what she wants. I may be tearing myself apart for nothing, we were all drunk. Is this a serious attempt or notion? Am I imagining it all? Why do I let it bother me so much?

 

Getting back to my morale standards, I pride myself on the want and desire to be the best person that I can be. I value independence, accountability, honesty, and sincerity above all others. I possess a large capacity for empathy. Sure, I’ve done wrong in my life, I’ve done things I’m not proud of, but never did I expect myself capable of entertaining these thoughts. Being back in town, I left a relationship where I was, am unemployed, and haven’t been near as sociable with my old friends than what I was expecting. Am I latching out to the first sign of attachment from someone since I’ve come back? Truth is, I will not tell Ian under any circumstances. Heidi can inform Ian if she desires, it is not my place to do so. Am I going against my own standard of accountability? Feels like it. I need to get this out of my mind as soon as possible. I desire closure. Closure in this situation brings a lot of weight, difficulty, and challenges with it. Sweeping it under the rug, telling Heidi to cut the ****, and pretending nothing happened is clearly the easiest option. In my eyes, it is not the right thing to do, though.

 

My mind swings back the other way now. Do I want Heidi to stop? No."

[road]

You know what you have done is wrong. To do more would only be worse. End friendship with Ian and tell him about Heidi. Then go NC with both. They cheat with you they will cheat on you.

[imagine]

Imagine you were Ian.... what would you like to do then?

[sadguy82]

This was a fun read...Honestly, I think most wives secretly have crushes on their spouses childhood friends! Have them over again, have a few drinks and flirt with her and see how he carries it. If all goes well then you guys might have some fun times with her for years to come.... She is obviously willing but you don't want to hurt your friend and you shouldn't. But if you can get him to lighten up and share then everyone is happy.

[nofool4u]

Heidi had just got her hood pierced

 

Then her behavior with you shouldn't really surprise her husband.