Author bluefairy812 Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 thanks thats what i wanted. my intentions were just to bring a smile to his face. but then i think about my birthday. all i got was a text. no smile on my face. this is why NOW i feel like a dumbass. this day just needs to end! it has brought me down. Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 thanks thats what i wanted. my intentions were just to bring a smile to his face. but then i think about my birthday. all i got was a text. no smile on my face. this is why NOW i feel like a dumbass. this day just needs to end! it has brought me down. Well it's just another learning experience. It's kind of hard to be "just friends" with someone you want to be with, so I think it's into the NC cave for you for a while. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Bluefairy812>>> DO not Feel like a loser...cause baby youv'e done nothing but win. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 So long as it doesn't lead to conversation; it should be fine. Or I'd guess. And don't feel bad, it's human nature to want to be thoughtful and caring to someone you know. ---- Also... Today is my birthday and after reading this thread I feel like I am a horrible person by default now. (Well, not really, just sayin', ya know.) happy birthday btw 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 Well it's just another learning experience. It's kind of hard to be "just friends" with someone you want to be with, so I think it's into the NC cave for you for a while. i agree. we both agreed we couldn't be friends and i explained to him the reasons why. it was 5 days of NC until today. NC cave it is. just hard. i did so well for 4 weeks. and now i'm at the bottom of the barrel. Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 i dont get what the big deal is about sending a happy bday msg on someones fb. unless they cheated on you, slept with your mum, punched your cat... its not going to bring them back of course but if they have said happy bday to you on your day then isnt it ok to say one back when the time comes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 (edited) i feel like such an idiot! i not only texted him when i said i wouldn't (i said: "happy birthday, have a great day.") i mailed him a birthday card telling him how he will always be in my heart, to have a great day, and that i will always be there for him no matter what. well, he replied to my text. all he said was "thank you." WHY DO I KEEP HURTING MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he was just acknowledging it, being friendly. he doesnt feel that way about you now, so he wont see it in the light you wanted it to. how you feeling now? would you have felt better to have sent a bland happy bday then to still have got a bland thank you back? reason i ask is because its my ex's bday soon and she sent me a bday card on mine sorry to double post Edited September 17, 2012 by Dblock10 Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_d Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 i dont get what the big deal is about sending a happy bday msg on someones fb. that's because you have still have zero clue about the realities of NC. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 17, 2012 Author Share Posted September 17, 2012 (edited) it's a really tricky situation. he wished me a happy birthday and i wanted to return the wish, especially after we last spoke, that we will always care for each other, etc, etc. the problem is that deep down inside, I AM NOT OVER IT... i wanted more than a thank you. my stupid hopes were wanting for him to do a notebook movie ending and tell me he has realized his mistake and wants to be with me. false illusions, i know. i sent him the card to just remind him that i care, to be sweet... but for what??????????? because i wanted to put a smile on his face???????? this is what he chose. to be HAPPY without ME. why the hell should i care for his happiness NOW when i should worry about mine?????? my sanity? my self respect? my worth??? i can go on and on. when the heart takes over the mind, one tends to do STUPID things. there is no big deal in wishing someone a happy birthday i guess. it just depends on YOUR emotional state. i shouldn't have sent him that card, that's for damn sure. some other girl is making him smile now i'm sure!!! its like KatZee said, the most i will get is pity, i look desperate. and i remember when i dumped someone (he cheated on me multiple times) he was like THAT. constantly making his presence known and after a while i wanted to puke. it was too much! i hope i don't give my ex that same feeling at this point. i guess its just something in the back of my head that just said "hey, i remembered you today." but this is why I need NC. because i need to heal! NC doesn't exclude birthdays or holidays or special occasions. NC is NC NO MATTER WHAT. and i unfortunately made the mistake of breaking it once again. no more.!!!! Edited September 17, 2012 by bluefairy812 Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 that's because you have still have zero clue about the realities of NC. ouch. i disagree. 5 years ago i went NC on a girl i was with for 4 years. never looked back, and now i can comment on whether i think it was worth it. yes it worked and i did it because she was with a new guy 2 weeks after me and told me whilst i was out the country... pretty low. like i said unless they cheated on you, did something to offend your family etc etc then a happy birthday is nothing. its not like your sending a private msg begging them back... i could say that i understand you have no clue about when a girl plays you i.e seeing another guy at the same time as stringing you along, if this was my case i would indeed utilise nc to its fullest effect. its much harder when an ex tells you everything you want to hear and there is no one else in the picture. well at least there wasnt at the time, not sure about now. i havent spoke to her in 5 weeks. didnt reply to her chit chat. @blue f i understand. you had an agenda and it didnt work in your favour, resulting in disappointment. yeah that can be poop. its hard isnt it, doing things your emotions would like you to do but knowing with your head they are the wrong things! you are right, if anything showing him you have moved on would have the best effect. try and be strong, you sound like a caring person. just dont like people take advantage of your good nature. no your ex will be wondering how you were so strong not to sleep with him. best thing you could have done. nc on this forum would mean nothing ever again. i think some people take it to too much of an extreme. but as i say it depends on the situation i think Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 Also... Today is my birthday and after reading this thread I feel like I am a horrible person by default now. (Well, not really, just sayin', ya know.) HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 ouch. i disagree. 5 years ago i went NC on a girl i was with for 4 years. never looked back, and now i can comment on whether i think it was worth it. yes it worked and i did it because she was with a new guy 2 weeks after me and told me whilst i was out the country... pretty low. like i said unless they cheated on you, did something to offend your family etc etc then a happy birthday is nothing. its not like your sending a private msg begging them back... i could say that i understand you have no clue about when a girl plays you i.e seeing another guy at the same time as stringing you along, if this was my case i would indeed utilise nc to its fullest effect. its much harder when an ex tells you everything you want to hear and there is no one else in the picture. well at least there wasnt at the time, not sure about now. i havent spoke to her in 5 weeks. didnt reply to her chit chat. @blue f i understand. you had an agenda and it didnt work in your favour, resulting in disappointment. yeah that can be poop. its hard isnt it, doing things your emotions would like you to do but knowing with your head they are the wrong things! you are right, if anything showing him you have moved on would have the best effect. try and be strong, you sound like a caring person. just dont like people take advantage of your good nature. no your ex will be wondering how you were so strong not to sleep with him. best thing you could have done. nc on this forum would mean nothing ever again. i think some people take it to too much of an extreme. but as i say it depends on the situation i think If breaking NC is going to affect you emotionally, then understand that it is to your detriment even if it's something as simple as a happy birthday. No matter if they punched your cat or if they were as sweet as pie, your emotional sanity comes first. What they did to you is not the question. How it will affect you is of utmost importance. If you can send a birthday wish without being sick to your stomach, break it, by all means. Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 If breaking NC is going to affect you emotionally, then understand that it is to your detriment even if it's something as simple as a happy birthday. No matter if they punched your cat or if they were as sweet as pie, your emotional sanity comes first. What they did to you is not the question. How it will affect you is of utmost importance. If you can send a birthday wish without having to sick to your stomach, break it, by all means. yes that is the bottom line for sure. for me, i feel rather numb with contact. what got me (when i spoke to her everyday when she left) was hearing she had gone out for a meal, and my sixth sense told me it was a guy friend, which it was. even when i asked if it was a date she laughed sayin he is just a friend. but my experience tells me tbh i highly doubt this. anyhoo Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 yes that is the bottom line for sure. for me, i feel rather numb with contact. what got me (when i spoke to her everyday when she left) was hearing she had gone out for a meal, and my sixth sense told me it was a guy friend, which it was. even when i asked if it was a date she laughed sayin he is just a friend. but my experience tells me tbh i highly doubt this. anyhoo The thing is, and I didn't know how far back to go with your threads but a year ago, last August you were lamenting about NC with your ex. And a year later still lamenting about the ex and disputing the value of NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 The thing is, and I didn't know how far back to go with your threads but a year ago, last August you were lamenting about NC with your ex. And a year later still lamenting about the ex and disputing the value of NC. i admit, i held out hope the entire time she was away. it pained me. constantly. but its the way i felt i hoped people would be wrong. i hoped we would be together now. i had my fair share of distractions along the way. even met a really nice girl. but, now i know one option was tried to the extreme, its now time for the other one. its the only option left. i do value nc and tbh i do wish i had gone complete nc from the start. but its the what if that held me. i have learnt from this though and tbh the best thing right from the word go is nc. Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_d Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 dblock, you have a choice of your own to sit in your misery as you have - with what I have pointed out to you a few times is your desire to martyr yourself. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/337048-dont-think-i-can-let-go But you do potential harm to others here when you minimize things in a "whats the big deal?" while inviting them into doing what you do - it feels like a sick version of "misery loves company" that you seek People here are in pain, to put out your "whats the big deal?" attitude while experiencing little if any actual NC of your own is disingenuous at best and damaging/hurtful to others at worst. Part of NC is protection against further emotional hurt. Most people here are trying to figure out how to move forward, you instead seem to work hard at staying in place... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_d Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 i have learnt from this though and tbh the best thing right from the word go is nc. so what is your actual NC date? last actual date that begins no contact from you to her? Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 dblock, you have a choice of your own to sit in your misery as you have - with what I have pointed out to you a few times is your desire to martyr yourself. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/337048-dont-think-i-can-let-go But you do potential harm to others here when you minimize things in a "whats the big deal?" while inviting them into doing what you do - it feels like a sick version of "misery loves company" that you seek People here are in pain, to put out your "whats the big deal?" attitude while experiencing little if any actual NC of your own is disingenuous at best and damaging/hurtful to others at worst. Part of NC is protection against further emotional hurt. Most people here are trying to figure out how to move forward, you instead seem to work hard at staying in place... ^^^ My exact thoughts ^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 (edited) People here are in pain, to put out your "whats the big deal?" attitude while experiencing little if any actual NC of your own is disingenuous at best and damaging/hurtful to others at worst. Part of NC is protection against further emotional hurt. Most people here are trying to figure out how to move forward, you instead seem to work hard at staying in place... so what is your actual NC date? last actual date that begins no contact from you to her? when i said i don't get what the big deal is, i wasn't meaning it in a damaging way, or in a way that would hurt anyone, nor was i advocating for anyone to break there progress. i just like to view things from different angles and view points and think maybe sometimes people project negativity about ex's and perhaps this isn't the right stance to take. not trying to minimise it at all, merely looking for answers or opinions with a non biased or personal feelings fed response. i dont think ive had an attitude about it :/ how do you not martyr yourself then? it doesn't seem like there is a black and white answer. other than to stay mentally strong. positive thinking. respect yourself. like i said i have been nc for about 5 weeks. but then according to this forum its not nc in its truest sense, i.e del from the infamous fb. i am trying to work out how to move forward but id like to think nc and removing them from your life isnt the be all and end all. Edited September 17, 2012 by Dblock10 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 i am trying to work out how to move forward but id like to think nc and removing them from your life isnt the be all and end all. I agree. Life isn't about living without conflict but having the ability to handle conflict when it arises. For me it is a matter of indifference. Sure things hurt me deeply at times but I use those times to regain my center. Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 I agree. Life isn't about living without conflict but having the ability to handle conflict when it arises. For me it is a matter of indifference. Sure things hurt me deeply at times but I use those times to regain my center. thank you. exactly indifference is where i want to be, that is my goal. i don't wish to be a stranger yet i don't wish to install false hope that i put there. i want to be happy. i think some ex's you can just sling away and not speak again but i think others, that meant a bit more just doesnt seem the best thing to do. as in you will give yourself more turmoil forcing yourself to delete them and never talking again. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted September 17, 2012 Share Posted September 17, 2012 i want to be happy. And if sending a thoughtful birthday wish comes from your heart to someone who is in your heart then it's all good. There is nothing wrong with being nice if that's what makes you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluefairy812 Posted September 18, 2012 Author Share Posted September 18, 2012 And if sending a thoughtful birthday wish comes from your heart to someone who is in your heart then it's all good. There is nothing wrong with being nice if that's what makes you happy. i thought it would make me happy and i feel stupid now. it will not change anything.. he is just going to look at it (text and card), probably read it and put the card on his desk only for it to be mixed up with other paperwork. he will go back to his daily life of moving on and talking to the new girl in his life... it's pointless if you still love a person. Link to post Share on other sites
D'1ThatGotAway Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 (edited) I said YES to my lying arse hole ex in September 15th, 2005, and that was exactly his birthday. We were celebrating our anniversary and his birthday same day for 3 years straight so I believe that after we broke up, he always remembers me on his birthdays. All my exes were Virgo men. Yes, who really can please them? Edited September 18, 2012 by D'1ThatGotAway Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 18, 2012 Share Posted September 18, 2012 I said YES to my lying arse hole ex in September 15th' date=' 2005, and that was exactly his birthday. We were celebrating our anniversary and his birthday same day for 3 years straight so I believe that after we broke up, he always remembers me on his birthdays. All my exes were Virgo men. Yes, who really can please them?[/quote'] Interesting. What sign are you? Link to post Share on other sites
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