advice if you have any..

[Donna]

hey i'm a 38 year old female, and my husband is 40, we just adopted two small children in june but have had them for two years we were their foster parents.when we first got them they were really sick and stayed that way for about a whole year. well that put a lot of strain on me and my husband but we really wanted the kids.we have been married for 22 years and could never have any of our own,so we became foster parents to adopt.the kids was 3 months old and 16 months old a boy and girl brother and sister.and we love them to death but the problem is we have lost each other in the process and i want to get it back all the closeness and love and friendship but don't know how i have tried everything.i miss my husband we don't have time for each other anymore it seems we are both busy with work and the kids and i need to know what else i can do to get the closeness back. i feel like were slipping away from each other and i want to get back..any sugestions...really could use some.i know we are under a lot of stress from all that has happened and all we have been through but don't know what to do. have tried a night a way just the two of us and it was good but they are few and far between we have a farm so we can't go off too much.too much work to be done.i don't want to loose my family and my husband but if something doesn't change i feel that will happen.i need any sugestions on how to keep things alive and well..got any ?? i love my husband very much and really want to change things before they get too bad and can't be fixed.any suggestions would be great.......?? thanks

[Tony T]

The problem is you were married 20 years before kids came into the picture. Normally, young marrieds have children in their 20's or early 30's and they grow together raising the children and doing other family and work things together. Young people have the energy to pull it off.

 

You and your husband are just a tad bit older than most new parents, have been by yourselves for a very long time, and it will just take some adjustments. Children are a blessing and a sacrifice. When children arrive in a family, no matter how old the parents are, the relationship changes...at least for a while. You got a double whammy, getting two children at once...and having to help them through serious illness as well.

 

Both of you should be mature enough to play all this by ear and make it work. Don't push the panic button. Just understand you are PARENTS now, there are FOUR of you, not two anymore. Get that into your head. Make the adjustments you need to. Share your new life with each other. As the children get older, you will have joyous experiences with them. You may have to make some sacrifices now for that enjoyment later on.

 

Thinks don't have to be as bleak as you have painted them. Talk to your husband and devise some ways the two of you can enjoy your relationship in the context of the parenthood you now find yourselves in.

 

Relax!!!