Family can really stink!

[Gagirl]

While I was at work today, I got a text from my cousin who I rarely hear from. She said "Its a emergency i need ur dad's number." She didn't say hello, what the emergency was, ask how the kids were or anything else. I told that I didn't have his cell number and gave her the home number. Told her I thought he would be home in an hour but, wasn't too sure of his schedule either. She said thanks and that was the end of the conversation. '

 

Six hours later, I get a text message from my mom asking me about the weather and to call her tomorrow so she could fill me in on the news? WTF? Seriously? Why all the games? Why couldn't one of these people just tell me what the emergency was? This treatment makes me feel like I don't matter to anyone. We live 10 hours away and hardly visit anymore. No one from either my spouse's family or mine, call, text or visit unless they want something from us. If I am willing to cart my kids on a 10 hour road trip, one relative will watch them for a couple of days.

 

After stewing to my spouse to no avail about the lack of respect and dignity we receive, I posted this comment on Facebook "When you contact someone out of the blue, the polite thing to do is say "Hello" first before asking for what you need". Got a lot of likes and silence from my cousin so far. If anyone has relatives who are loving and supporting like this, how do you handle the situation? Getting tired of being a doormat.

[Nyla]

I can appreciate feeling used because your family only includes you because they want something.

 

Since this behavior seems to be frequent, it might be helpful for you to manage your expectations. If they have never been polite enough to say hello, why would that change now?

 

Have you thought of simply not responding?

[ThatJustHappened]

While I was at work today, I got a text from my cousin who I rarely hear from. She said "Its a emergency i need ur dad's number." She didn't say hello, what the emergency was, ask how the kids were or anything else. I told that I didn't have his cell number and gave her the home number. Told her I thought he would be home in an hour but, wasn't too sure of his schedule either. She said thanks and that was the end of the conversation. '

 

Six hours later, I get a text message from my mom asking me about the weather and to call her tomorrow so she could fill me in on the news? WTF? Seriously? Why all the games? Why couldn't one of these people just tell me what the emergency was? This treatment makes me feel like I don't matter to anyone. We live 10 hours away and hardly visit anymore. No one from either my spouse's family or mine, call, text or visit unless they want something from us. If I am willing to cart my kids on a 10 hour road trip, one relative will watch them for a couple of days.

 

After stewing to my spouse to no avail about the lack of respect and dignity we receive, I posted this comment on Facebook "When you contact someone out of the blue, the polite thing to do is say "Hello" first before asking for what you need". Got a lot of likes and silence from my cousin so far. If anyone has relatives who are loving and supporting like this, how do you handle the situation? Getting tired of being a doormat.

 

I can definitely relate. I just found out 2 weeks ago that my cousin is pregnant. 9 months pregnant. She's due tomorrow. Another cousin is 4 months pregnant and everyone else has known for a month.

 

My mom died a few years ago, no dad or siblings, so my extended family is all I have and they forget about me all the time. So I made my own family. I have close friends who I rely on as my support system instead of my deadbeat family. It's helped a lot, and so has counseling. I'd definitely recommend that as well.

 

Having a *****ty family sucks. Hugs to you.

[j'adore]

Sorry i can beat you on this, my mother got my husband to call me and tell me my dad had died. We were going through divorce at the time.

[soccerrprp]

I can relate. I cut off my wife's side of the family after she passed away a year ago. They were/are miserable and toxic to have around my children or myself. Some times, you just have to live your own life w/o family that pose a threat to your mental well-being. People say that life is too short and should tolerate or forgive, but depending upon the transgression, life is too short to give even family a carte-blanche on irresponsibility and neglect if it proves to make your short life worse off...

 

good luck.

[ThatJustHappened]

Sorry i can beat you on this' date=' my mother got my husband to call me and tell me my dad had died. We were going through divorce at the time.[/quote']

 

Seriously?? It's not a contest.

[Lucky_One]

It sounds to me like your cousin was having what she felt was an emergency, and she didn't feel the need to chit-chat or ask about the weather. Very, very understandable, IMHO.

 

Your mother knew about the cousin's emergency, but it wasn't an emergency to her and she knew it wouldn't be one to you, either. She wanted to share it with you, so she texted you and asked you to call her at your convenience. Very understandable, IMHO.

 

So many people come on here bitching that their moms call during the middle of a busy work day, or during dinner, or during Gray's Anatomy, wanting to talk about stupid family drama for hours - and you are upset because your mother wants to give you time and space to contact her at your convenience so she can tell you about something that probably doesn't really impact your life in a lasting way.

 

Texts are quick methods of communication - not the best venues for long intense conversations. Honestly, if you were that concerned about your cousin or her problems, why didn't you just call her that night and ask what happened?

 

The FB comment was simply passive-aggressive, and really only is good for stirring up more drama. Now you are mad because your cousin didn't respond on FB; if she had responded, that probably would have ticked you off, too.