Late-in-life divorce means we may lose the house

[doushenka]

I'm 26. I live at home because of a number of disabilities. I hope to find independence soon, and this fall was supposed to be a huge step on the way, but my (probably NPD) dad decided that he was going to leave my mother. They've been together for 34 years... which is longer than the woman my dad apparently loves has been alive.

 

We moved a lot before settling here, and I finally feel like I can call this house my home. Now it's being yanked out from under me. I was supposed to take the fall to heal and prepare for another semester, but no, this is another All About Dad season, where he does something boneheaded and we suffer. My mother is heartbroken. I should be, but right just now I'm too furious.

 

He wants the two of them to file for bankruptcy before he moves on the divorce, which has me suspicious. (Not to mention ticked that he keeps buying things when they're in too much debt to fix the house...) What would happen to the house? Would a court ever order him to keep paying a share of the mortgage, since they do own the property together? He spends like there's no tomorrow -- why do my mother and I have to suffer?

 

I can't just go home with her to her country. Aside from flying being out, I have a long-term partner. I can't live with him (we're polyamorous and his OSO is not a woman who shares her residence lightly) and I can't live out yet (can't hold down a job; got sacked twice for trying).

 

Yes, I have a therapist. If I didn't, I think I'd be even more of a wreck. It is not easy watching your mother cry, knowing the expletive-deleted who sired me gaslighted her for years into staying, knowing this could all have been resolved if she'd only left the first time he messed up. A big part of me wants to tell Dad's counselor that she's probably hearing a pack of lies, too, because in what school do they train therapists to tell people to cheat? Woman would've had to get her degree off the back of a cereal box. He's almost certainly lying to the OW, too. I have her information so I can let her know, if I have to, what's really happening.

 

This is not the man I thought I knew. This is not the dad I believed I had. He has to be ill. It's the only explanation. He wouldn't be this cruel to us. Would he?

 

I don't know what to do.

[jennysimpson]

Have you confronted your dad if thee is a third party involved regarding his plans to divorce your mom? I feel for you I know how hard it is to be when you learn that your parents are divorcing. My parents had decided to divorce when I was in my teenage years, that was the moment when I got so depresses which had lead to nervous breakdown.