This is just getting ridiculous. Why can't guys just be friends!?!?

[Bristolius]

OP, I've met many good looking women at work. SAG actors and models. Many of them have cultivated a very effective attitude and manner. While they are open and friendly, they have very clear boundaries. Somehow they are able to preemptively discourage men and know when and how to cut them off.

 

I think they accept that lots of men will hit on them. They deal with men as they are and don't waste time wishing for things to be different.

 

I don't know how they pull it off. It's diplomacy and confidence and firmness.Pay attention and you will meet women like this. Follow their example.

[lovehurts5]

I wish he was gay. That would've made things a lot easier.

[GirlontheLam]

So, how does his wife feel about that? Does she join you?

 

 

I've had long-term female friends but I was also a friend of their H's or BF's too. My best female friend was like that. Her BF and I would go to the races and shoot guns and such together.

 

He's not married yet.

 

He usually waits till it gets fairly serious before introducing me to his girlfriends. He is like a magnet for cute 25 year olds. (We are in our mid-30s) There is always a parade of new ones every few months......

[somedude81]

I wish he was gay. That would've made things a lot easier.

And he probably wishes you were easier.

[lovehurts5]

haha I guess so!

[joystickd]

He's not married yet.

 

He usually waits till it gets fairly serious before introducing me to his girlfriends. He is like a magnet for cute 25 year olds. (We are in our mid-30s) There is always a parade of new ones every few months......

He is only your friend now because he considers you too old to be dating him

[jobaba]

You can't have it all.

 

Would you rather be unattractive, have nobody interested in you, constantly face rejection, BUT have several friends of the opposite sex that are safe friends because none of them are attracted to you? In other words, you know they like you as a person, but think you're ugly?

 

That's what I thought...

 

There are those here in that exact situation.

Edited September 18, 2012 by jobaba

[Titanwolf]

If one of them wanted you to sleep with them would you refuse?

 

And I'm not talking about the unattractive ones.

But of course. I value their friendship. They're good people and I won't throw that away on an impulse that they they would be experiencing. I wouldn't have sex with someone unless very specific conditions are met, one of them being that I'm in a relationship with that person. Though from what it seems, I'm the strange one here

 

Also, I don't actually have any "unattractive" friends. They're all intelligent, open-minded, hard working people, fun-loving......people

Edited September 18, 2012 by Titanwolf

[lovehurts5]

jobaba that's very true BUT I just want a friend that is male that I don't have to worry about being attracted to me.

[Bristolius]

But of course. I value their friendship. They're good people and I won't throw that away on an impulse that they they would be experiencing. I wouldn't have sex with someone unless very specific conditions are met, one of them being that I'm in a relationship with that person. Though from what it seems, I'm the strange one here

 

Also, I don't actually have any "unattractive" friends. They're all intelligent, open-minded, hard working people, fun-loving......people

 

I don't think you're strange.

 

There are plenty of women who I like, I find them attractive, and it's never going to happen.

 

I think it's a good attitude.

[ThaWholigan]

jobaba that's very true BUT I just want a friend that is male that I don't have to worry about being attracted to me.

Good luck. Find a gay dude, or a guy who isn't attracted to you .

 

I wish a lot of men were as capable of maintaining our friendships with attractive women as Titanwolf and I, however unfortunately a lot of us cannot. Product of either being too horny, or constantly turned down by women. You either learn to live with it, or you just become bitter (which I don't recommend for guys).

[InJest]

jobaba that's very true BUT I just want a friend that is male that I don't have to worry about being attracted to me.

 

I just want a ****ing Ferrari.

 

Grow up.

[GirlontheLam]

He is only your friend now because he considers you too old to be dating him

 

Hahaha. He has an arsenal of female friends. (some are my age, some are younger). We do pick on him if they get too young though. He is actually good friends with most of my other female friends as well. He tends to date people within an age range of -7 to our age.

 

The 20-somethings have crushes, but he isn't interested in most of them.

[somedude81]

But of course. I value their friendship. They're good people and I won't throw that away on an impulse that they they would be experiencing. I wouldn't have sex with someone unless very specific conditions are met, one of them being that I'm in a relationship with that person. Though from what it seems, I'm the strange one here

 

Also, I don't actually have any "unattractive" friends. They're all intelligent, open-minded, hard working people, fun-loving......people

Hah, sounds pretty strange to me

Good luck. Find a gay dude, or a guy who isn't attracted to you .

She could also gain 100 lbs. That should help.

 

That's like three boulders for you UK people.

[joystickd]

Hahaha. He has an arsenal of female friends. (some are my age, some are younger). We do pick on him if they get too young though. He is actually good friends with most of my other female friends as well. He tends to date people within an age range of -7 to our age.

 

The 20-somethings have crushes, but he isn't interested in most of them.

Have you ever hooked him up with a woman you knew?

[O'Malley]

I even was telling him about how I just got out of a long relationship 4 months ago and how I didn't want to be with anyone right now and how there was this other guy who wasn't getting that hint. Then he goes and decides to kiss me a couple hours later??

 

Eh, some guys see those kinds of comments as a challenge. Plenty of people are able overlook generic (not focused) attraction with opposite sex acquaintances. Invite to a post-shoot drink? Thanks, who's all coming? Refrain from hanging out if it's clear that it's intended to be one on one.

 

More to the point with this particular circumstance, just because you find someone attractive, you don't chuck professionalism out the window in an desperate attempt to hump someone's leg. Good professionals are able to separate the performance from the reality. It helps to look at it from the model's POV - the irritation you'd feel if a manager dragged you in for a kiss right after work wrapped up. Fine to try to make a connection, but leave it at that. You're going to have these encounters in your industry; always check references, stand your ground with them and make it obvious that you're not interested.

[irin]

be weary of guys who dont accept "NO" they can be a pain. can lead to trouble, the best thing i can say is ignore as much as possible.

[somedude81]

Because most straight men have no use for female friends.

I'm not so sure about that.

 

But I would suggest that when woman meets a guy who wants to be spending time with her, she should not ask herself "Does he want to be my friend? and instead be asking "Does he want to sleep with/date me?"

 

In other words, the first thing that should come to mind is that he wants to be "romantic" not that he wants to be friends.

[MrCastle]

Because that's not normal. You want guys to go against nature and biology.

 

A heterosexual, single man, does not want to be friends with an attractive woman. That's just the way it is.

 

Some may settle for friendship as a runner up prize but no straight single guy sees a pretty female walking down the street and says to himself "Oh boy! I can't wait to be that chick's friend!"

 

Accept it and deal with it.

[soccerrprp]

It is not programmed in men to be "friends" if they are at all attracted to women. I am with some of the others that I am able to be friends with exes. In fact I am friends with three of them and we communicate almost daily and meet on occasion just to hang out. But most guys are not capable....

[teddyman]

Interesting Post – First, to let you know how old I am, I have been married for 25 years.

 

I will say that it is possible, because back in the day I did it. This girl was beautiful. When we first met she told me that she had just moved across country because of her dad and that she was still in love with her old boyfriend that she left behind. To kind of give you an idea the type of girl - she moved just prior to her junior year of high school - large high school with about 600 per class. By her senior year was voted class favorite - she had (and still has) looks and personality. For about two years we became great friends until she went off to college to be with her first love. Now, I had other friends and also dated allot. But, when I was between girls or even when I dated some girls (I had a girlfriend my entire junior year in high school and still spent time with this friend - my girlfriend just had to understand). When this girl was a senior I took her to the senior class patty and Prom - we did this as friends.

 

Any guy who would not do this, with the right girl is stupid. Think about it - what I did was go out on the town with a beautiful girl who was fun to be with where all of the other girls could see this - although I really never had a tough time getting girls, I think it helped me as the other girls thought - this guy must really have something.

 

Fast forward to his girls senior year in college. She hears that I am going to be passing near where her college is (Now, I am already out of school and working. My wife to be still has one year left in school) and asks me to come see her. So I do and get a hotel room in town - she invites me to a fraternity party. We drink, dance and have a great time just like old times - except, I find out that she has broken up with the first love about six months earlier - then, as we are slow dancing she pulls me real close - and before you know it she makes the move on me – just kissing and major close slow dancing. We go back to the house where she lives and just cuddle and stay close - we did not go any further sexually, but I was super tempted. I was a red blooded American boy who had not seen his fiancé in about three months. I end up sleeping there with her in her room – just sleeping nothing else. The next morning, we go to breakfast before I have to leave. Very awkward to say the least – she says, you the only person who I have ever felt like that with while dancing. I was like OK, I gotta go.

 

Fast forward two months, I get a message from another one of our friends, that she wants me to call her. So, I do – she starts crying and tells me that she always wanted more from me and that she thinks she loves me – completely floors me. I basically acted like I did not understand and said my goodbye. I was married about a month later. Not sure what the lesson is here, but with this being friends thing – you could end up getting burned I guess.

 

About two years ago she became one of my facebook friends. We only went back and forth once through the inbox thing – and she says to me – the only good memory I have, from the town where we went to high school (we both do not live there anymore) is you. I never wrote anything back. Just she and I know what happened that night – that was the only time that I ever cheated on my wife – and I still regret it.