Rebound?

[David]

I am concerned about getting involved in a relationship too soon after my last breakup. The previous relationship lasted 3 yrs and almost ended in marriage. What exactly is a rebound relationship, how often are they successful, why do people enter them, and how do I know when it's safe to begin a new relationship? Hope someone can shed some light.

 

Thanks in advance.

[Tony T]

You wrote that your relationship "lasted three years and almost ended in marriage" as if marriage actually "ends" relationships. Well, it does sometimes. That may have been Freudian slip but you should look into that. But most people see marriage as a new and brighter beginning for a relationship. Perhaps you meant if it had gone as far as marriage that would have been a bad thing in your case.

 

A rebound, or transitional, relationship is one that ensues out of need, desperation, a desire to fill a vacuum, to retaliate against an ex, etc. soon after the termination of a primary long term relationship, one that lasted say six months or more, or after a very intense relationship of any duration. A rebound relationship begins when the person is still very hurt, in pain, and going through the healing process.

 

They aren't successful very often, depending on your idea of success. They usually aren't very fulfilling because the person's mind is still on the ex, there usually isn't a lot of thought that goes into picking the person, but most of all because love is state specific. If we become fond of someone when our mind state is hurt or depressed, it is seldom we will have those same feelings when we are actually healed. So ultimately our state of mind changes and thus our feelings for the person we dragged into the rebound situation changes as well.

 

People enter into rebounds to get their mind off things, to put together a shattered ego, or mostly to become distracted. Other reasons, too, I suppose...like showing the ex there are others around. All pretty unhealthy reasons for seeing someone.

 

Only you can know when it's safe to enter a new relationship. The human spirit is very resilient and springs back quickly. Some people take lots longer than others. Just how soon you are ready will depend on your own personal style, ability, and time required to process the grieving and healing. Only you can know by taking an inventory of just how you feel...but be honest with yourself.

[neo]

well about a month back this topic was discussed a lot at this forum. me having just got out of a relationship had been helped a lot by this. just search for previous messages containing the word rebound so people don't have to post again.

 

hope you get over your ex quick and find love again soon.