Author revitup Posted August 26, 2013 Author Share Posted August 26, 2013 The update for the weekend/today- DD15's first day (today) as a Sophomore went great.She is ahead of the game on her summer reading (just got the book 5 days ago) and has completed the book as well as the writing assignment! The book is sort of strange-House of Spirits ? I'm glad we didn't have summer reading. DD15 is still not talking to STBXWW.STBXWW sent a text to DD15 on Saturday? DD15 didn't respond.This very hour-STBXWW called my phone-I didn't answer.She didn't leave any voice mail. The message for DD15 was the normal "Hope school is good- I love you". This made me think about some posts I read this weekend-I read a lot of them.The NC and 180's thing is the only reason I don't screw up and answer that phone.I wanted to answer it today and get hateful with her.If I had answered and been angry,I would now feel guilty for the anger. The NC is most likely going to be a lot longer for me and DD15 too. It may be wrong but I feel stronger every time I do not answer her call. It feels empowering.I don't want to hurt her by not taking the time to "fill her in" but if it does,who cares? I figure she doesn't have the ability to care about what we think or do anyway.There is a dude somewhere who will fill her in :eek:anyway. I don't feel responsible for her feelings at any level anymore. I don't need her validation anymore. I don't care what she thinks about me anymore. I don't care what she say about me anymore. I don't care if she is well anymore. I don't care if she knows! These stages of grief are a pain in the azz,they switch all around the place when you don't expect it.I really was in a great and happy mood all day today-big news on another item. Then outta left field,this WAYWARD wanderer calls and I'm kinda snotty about it right now.Not overly angry,just pissy a little bit. I don't see any reason for a conversation.I really don't see any reason to ever talk to her again. Why does it pee me off today? Any opinions on when to speak or if to ever to speak? I'm sure it will happen one day,but personally I see none at the moment. DD15 and I should have gotten an "I'm sorry" or something.We know it ain't gonna happen but ......it should. We both accept the fact that "closure" with this type of person just isn't gonna be what a normal "closure" looks like. I would like to buy a yacht and "boat-school" DD15 on board- while traveling the Islands of the world,only coming back after DD15's college degrees are completed. REVITUP 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author revitup Posted August 27, 2013 Author Share Posted August 27, 2013 Just got another call from STBXWW-Didn't answer and no V mail. This time she sent a text- "We need to come up with something for visitation-I've already set child support." Either I am delusional or she is,I'm going with her being delusional. This woman thinks "she set the support amount"? 1.The State of NC has set a temporary amount until they can find her real earnings-90 days max. 2.I will never agree to any open visitation until a completed psych eval is done with drug and alcohol testing showing no problems.Then it will be up to DD15 as to whether she visits or not. 3.It will and currently is FULL CUSTODY for me.That will never change. I can't wait until our court date for the divorce but it will not change any of this.The support order is in effect and I have no reason to push.It will come shortly. Wow,I really think she knows that even calling gets me to thinking. I am laughing now though-possibly due to my crazy/bi-polar/schitzo/paranoid/controlling and hateful self.....as diagnosed by....... Dr.Phil McKrevis S.tbxww Craigslist Specialist REVITUP 2 Link to post Share on other sites
It-is-what-it-is. Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 Rev, We need to come up with something for visitation-I've already set child support." Gotta be a typo "sent" or did she mean she gets to make it up at will? I never know with your STBXW she's a nutter. Either I am delusional or she is,I'm going with her being delusional. Um, yeah, pretty safe bet it will be up to DD15 as to whether she visits or not. This trumps all...and she is a sharp girl. It will and currently is FULL CUSTODY for me.That will never change. Final answer as diagnosed by....... Dr.Phil McKrevis S.tbxww Craigslist Specialist (Snort) You are a great dad...keep on.let the lawyer handle the crazies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author revitup Posted August 27, 2013 Author Share Posted August 27, 2013 Ain't no typo brother-she thinks she has SET the amount.She also thinks I don't already have the paperwork, showing the order went effective AUG 1st 2013!And that she is moving to Miami Fl. She is late on the 185.00 temporary order,already. It's not the money.It's the fact that she thinks she is IN CONTROL.I really don't think she will ever wake up from fantasy land long enough to see she is not the Queen of the world. It must be painful to be dethroned like this. Maybe she should go live with Miley Cyrus and have a role model to look up to! A wise (maybe not) man once said... Treat a lady like a Wh#@e and treat a Wh#@e like a lady and you will have no problems. I followed his advice to the letter-I treated her like a lady! That wise man was not so wise. REVITUP 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author revitup Posted September 6, 2013 Author Share Posted September 6, 2013 It was bound to happen sooner or later. STBXWW pushed DD15 into another phase of the 5 stages of grief yesterday. DD15 comes home from school and tells me she received a text from her mom.DD15 says "I did something I shouldn't have done Dad". I say OK what is it? DD15- Mom sent me a text, saying...."Hope you are good-Love you are you OK?". DD15 says "Dad I texted back!" DD15 says I texted back and I know I was not supposed to text or have contact with her.I say that it's OK and that she is able to make decisions about whether to respond or not. DD15 says "Well my friends on the bus said I shouldn't have sent back anything" and that "Your Dad isn't gonna be happy with that!" I ask DD15 what was sent back to her mom and here is the back and forth... DD15 - "As your other daughter and my older sister sent to me...F%$k YOU! You are gonna be sued and you need not send me anything again!" I say "what?" DD15 says I couldn't help it I am tired of her avoiding my issues. DD15 says then the STBXWW sends "Why?" DD15- "You will be sued for neglect,abandonment,dumping my many bank accounts,keeping my personal belongings since January and anything else I can think of". STBXWW- "I have been sending child support and I have your things packed and ready to send to you". DD15- "My things have supposedly been packed and ready to send to me since January and you have paid $70.00 in nine months!" This ended the texting from the STBXWW to DD15. I was not happy with the language of DD15 in the texts and let her know it in a nice way-but I congratulated her for her actions yesterday.I let her know we need to ignore her mom for the time being and that I was not angry at all. DD15 needed to vent on her mom and she did. DD15 and I then had an interesting conversation.It was all about sympathy vs. empathy.DD15 said "I have sympathy for mom but I find it hard to have any empathy." This is also MY struggle-How do you "feel" what a person like STBXWW feels? I don't have any way of knowing how someone can lose the natural affection the once had for a child-especially a mother daughter relationship! DD15 is searching and hoping that her mom will one day say she is sorry for her actions and that she has changed.I gave up that dream long ago.Validation is never coming from this new woman STBXWW has now become. I really am sad for STBXWW in that she has lost her ability to love her own daughter.That being said,I can only feel SORRY for her and pity her but not feel her pain.She is doing this to herself and she is no longer any of my concern. I validate me.This feels good. REVITUP 2 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted September 6, 2013 Share Posted September 6, 2013 My dad abandoned us when I was three. I wouldn't know him if I passed him on the street (if he's alive). Your daughter's experience, of course, is much different. She is far more affected by her mother's actions than I was by my father's. Yet, I did grow up wondering why my dad didn't want me, care about me, wonder how I was, or maybe even send me a birthday card. Nothing. Not a peep my entire life. This did plague me until I had children of my own. I looked at them and realized what he had missed and that the loss was his, not mine. Your daughter will have this realization, too (if she hasn't already.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Downtown Posted September 6, 2013 Share Posted September 6, 2013 I don't have any way of knowing how someone can lose the natural affection the once had for a child-especially a mother daughter relationship! Rev, if your STBXWW is a BPDer, her love for her daughter likely is still there in her mind -- but is "split off" from the conscious part of her mind. HF BPDers often can handle the relationship with their young children quite well. Because the kids are so immature and fully dependent on their mother, they may not trigger her two fears: abandonment and engulfment. However, as soon as the kids reach puberty and start thinking for themselves, they start triggering both of those fears, even in BPDer mothers who are HF (high functoning). This may explain, then, why your STBXWW has started splitting your daughter black in the same way that she splits you black. Importantly, this does not mean that her love is necessarily gone. Rather, it is out of touch of her conscious mind for a while, perhaps a long while.I really am sad for STBXWW in that she has lost her ability to love her own daughter.If she is a BPDer, I seriously doubt that she has lost that ability. Keep in mind, however, that a BPDer has the emotional development of a four year old and therefore is able to love only in the same immature way that four year olds are able to love -- where the love is intermittent (being split off during hissy fits) and "I love you" largely means "I desperately need you to love me." I mention this because I believe it is important for both you and your DD to realize that the motherly love you saw for years was NOT fake. STBXWW likely loved both of you (in her immature fashion) and likely STILL loves you in the deep recesses of her mind. At a conscious level, she can get out of touch with those good feelings. As we've discussed before, BPDers simply cannot tolerate having strong mixed feelings, ambiguities, uncertainties, or other grey areas of interpersonal relationships. This is why they flip between perceiving of you and DD as "all good" (white) or "all bad" (black). And, of course, BPDers apply that same black-white thinking to themselves too -- which is why they usually are loath to admit a mistake or flaw. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author revitup Posted September 7, 2013 Author Share Posted September 7, 2013 Downtown-That was our conversation,DD15 and I. I mention this because I believe it is important for both you and your DD to realize that the motherly love you saw for years was NOT fake. STBXWW likely loved both of you (in her immature fashion) and likely STILL loves you in the deep recesses of her mind. At a conscious level, she can get out of touch with those good feelings. DD15 wondered if STBXWW ever loved either of us.We had a good conversation and I pushed the fact that it's her mother and that there was a time when STBXWW was a good mother and a good wife. That time is gone now-it may or may not ever be seen again and definitely not in a relationship with me.I see STBXWW doing (attempting to do really) EXACTLY the same thing as STBXWW's mother did to her for all these years....she would start a huge Fuss (holidays) and then months later after zero contact,pop up as if nothing at all ever happened! I mean you would have thought you imagined it all.STBXWW always pretended it was OK and went back for more! DD15 is not like that-she wants no part of STBXWW until she gets her junk in order or starts to be a mother again.I'm not sure STBXWW will ever be able to recover at all unless she is forced to do so by tragedy of her own making. It's amazing to watch the dynamics at play as STBXWW acts like DD15 doesn't deserve an answer to any questions or requests from her own mother! STBXWW believes she has done no wrong.She thinks 70 bucks in a nine month period after taking all of our bank accounts and selling DD15's boat.....Is perfectly respectable. Downtown it is all good with me and DD15 is ok right now-you know most therapists (including ours) doesn't have the training to handle this. I'm glad DD15 is bright enough to work some of this out in her own mind. I am happy to say there are many good things happening now though. DD15 has excellent grades again this year BTW- lowest thus far (all honors classes mind you) is a 96. REVITUP 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Downtown Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 DD15 has excellent grades again this year BTW- lowest thus far (all honors classes mind you) is a 96.Rev, are you a proud father, or what? But that's okay. Sounds like you have a lot to be proud about in DD15. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author revitup Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 Downtown- Yes very proud I wish I had been that smart-I would not have stayed so long. REVITUP 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author revitup Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 BK, That's STRONG-very strong! REVITUP 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author revitup Posted September 17, 2013 Author Share Posted September 17, 2013 This LINK was posted on Facebook today. It's the children of a NPD BPD mother saying goodbye. I know one just like their mother,maybe two! Marianne Theresa Johnson-Reddick born Jan 4, 1935 and died alone on Sept. 30, 2013. She is survived by her 6 of 8 children whom she spent her lifetime torturing in every way possible. While she neglected and abused her small children, she refused to allow anyone else to care or show compassion towards them. When they became adults she stalked and tortured anyone they dared to love. Everyone she met, adult or child was tortured by her cruelty and exposure to violence, criminal activity, vulgarity, and hatred of the gentle or kind human spirit. On behalf of her children whom she so abrasively exposed to her evil and violent life, we celebrate her passing from this earth and hope she lives in the after-life reliving each gesture of violence, cruelty, and shame that she delivered on her children. Her surviving children will now live the rest of their lives with the peace of knowing their nightmare finally has some form of closure. Most of us have found peace in helping those who have been exposed to child abuse and hope this message of her final passing can revive our message that abusing children is unforgiveable, shameless, and should not be tolerated in a “humane society”. Our greatest wish now, is to stimulate a national movement that mandates a purposeful and dedicated war against child abuse in the United States of America. Photo via nataliemaynor/Flickr (remix by Fernando Alfonso III) REVITUP Link to post Share on other sites
Author revitup Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 As this was my very first post (16 months ago)- Wife Left - Third Time..... I wanted to NOW make may last post to this one. Why ? D-DAY was Friday and wow was it great. Revitup's New Post- REVITUP is BACK! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 As this was my very first post (16 months ago)- Wife Left - Third Time..... I wanted to NOW make may last post to this one. Why ? D-DAY was Friday and wow was it great. Revitup's New Post- REVITUP is BACK! D day? Are you divorced? You discovered what Friday? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author revitup Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 D day? Are you divorced? You discovered what Friday? YES.... REV is SINGLE and has his MOJO back baby! DD15 and I drove 19 hours to SC and back- It was our day! No more S T B ...just XWW. DD15 and I are blessed,being out of the clutches of this BPD woman. I'm working on this post (new REV) it's really funny!DD15 and I had a blast all day. Let's say WE ALL GOT what we deserved-STBXWW and her new man were put in their place! Will post this whole story in a new thread tomorrow. HAPPY NEW YEAR...... REVITUP! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Downtown Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Happy New Year to you, too, Rev! And what a NEW year it is, with you finally making your way out of that long tunnel into the light! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Misadventure Posted January 20, 2014 Share Posted January 20, 2014 YES.... REV is SINGLE and has his MOJO back baby! DD15 and I drove 19 hours to SC and back- It was our day! No more S T B ...just XWW. DD15 and I are blessed,being out of the clutches of this BPD woman. I'm working on this post (new REV) it's really funny!DD15 and I had a blast all day. Let's say WE ALL GOT what we deserved-STBXWW and her new man were put in their place! Will post this whole story in a new thread tomorrow. HAPPY NEW YEAR...... REVITUP! YAYYYY wooooot! Link to post Share on other sites
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