unluckylady Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 Question for all the wives out there that find out that their H is having an affair - how exactly did you find out? I'm not talking about the catching-him-red-handed or even having him just outright sit you down and confess... I'm asking, were there any signs or clues that made you suspicious, made you think that there had to be an affair going on, that made you confront him and ask him?? What event(s), things, clues, etc. led you to figure it all out? Link to post Share on other sites
DazednConfused Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 On the Marriage board, about 1/3 of the way down is a thread with just his question.... most of the signs are identical w/ cheating husbands and wives. I do hope you are not seeing any of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unluckylady Posted July 23, 2004 Author Share Posted July 23, 2004 Ok Dazed, I gotcha - went to that forum/thread. But I think you may have misunderstood... I am the OW, and I am trying to make sure that he doesn't get caught in the process of our affair, and I want to be able to get out of this "relationship" without the wife ever finding out...so what can I do to make sure that doesn't happen? For example, he goes straight home after we've been together, and I know that my scent is all over him. Should I urge him to shower, or does the shower make him look suspicious to the wife? That's just an example... Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 I can only speak for myself but I am sure a lot of other people will be thinking the same thing. Like hell I am going to give you tips on how to have an affair!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author unluckylady Posted July 23, 2004 Author Share Posted July 23, 2004 Not tips on how to have one, tips on how to avoid getting caught! I'm trying to GET OUT WITHOUT THE DRAMA of her finding out!!! He's making it very hard for me... Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 She is going to find out eventually no matter what. Honesty is the best policy anyway. Sorry Link to post Share on other sites
DazednConfused Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Well, I just read your story, and here's what I think: He is using you on the side for sex while enjoying a happy and fulfilling home w/ his unsuspecting wife. He lied to you, he is lying to her, and you want to help him avoid detection?? Bah. Cut him off, throw him out and let him take his chances. If the wife contacts you, you can honestly say that YOU broke it off because you found out he was married. He does not deserve the consideration you are showing just because he has been good in bed with you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unluckylady Posted July 24, 2004 Author Share Posted July 24, 2004 Ok, I gotcha... I know HE doesn't deserve the consideration... It's his wife and children that I am thinking of right now. It's my hope that - what with things that have happenned recently in our lives - that he will go running back to her and hold on for dear life, and no other OW will ever have to see her picture like I did and feel like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Lin Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 My husband's favorite sayings were said laughingly, like as if a joke..."But HONEY, I would always come back to YOUUUU." or he would say, "Sure, like when would I have TIME. I work three jobs" (would that include some sexual jobs?). Or when movies about cheating came on tv he would say the victim deserved it, or another good one was, "I do not judge other people." Well, he certainly did when it came to his children's bad decisions. He had PASSIONATE opinions then! He worked a full time and two part time jobs and some of those part timers were hotel security, or empty stores and parking lots security, often at night. He would come home and stretch out on the floor, oh he was sooooo tired. I had taken him to our calendar and told him I had been noting on the calendar, the times we DID have sex (sometimes 6 week stretches in between) and he STILL would deny not having sex with me. He said I didn't write them all down. So they are famous for telling you to not listen to your gut feelins, ignore red flags, and make you feel like the one who is crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
kmax Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Note this is from "How To Catch Your Cheating Lover", By Edward Talurdey The Worning Signs of the Cheat SEX: The most popular and common belief is that lack of sex in a relationship means someone is cheating. However, that would mean that an increase in sexual activity means no affair. And that is false. When it come to sex, any change in normal sexual habits are a warning sign of the cheat. When an affair first begins, there will actually be an increase in sexual activity. This is because the libido of the unfaithful person is being highly stimulated and becoming highly active. As the affair moves on, sexual activity will dip well below normal levels. This is due to the growing attachment to the other person. And finally, as the life of the affair slowly begins to fade, another increase in sexual activity will occur. This is due to both guilt and decreased sexual activity with the lover. If you want more from "How To Catch Your Cheating Lover", let me know and I'll go on from here. Hope this will help. And there's infor on Cyber Affairs in this volume, if you want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
mikeswife Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 My advice is get the hell out of dodge... and FAST! Very stupid to get involved with MM in the first place, because 9x out of 10 you will not end up with the man. My H had a one time fling with a co worker and i found out and now the bitch says she's pregnant.... i think she's just psycho and wants my man and can't have him except for that night...LOL... There is no way I would give you pointers on how to avoid drama and getting caught. I confronted his OW and she's a liar too..surprise surprise. She had her eye on him from the day she started working there.... well too bad things arent going according to plan for her.... I don't really know how you sleep at night, knowing that your lover has a wife and children at home that could be deeply affected by this affair, and they have no choice. I hope that next time you make love to him, you see his wife's face and the face of his children when you close your eyes. Know that you are never going to get the commitment you need and deserve from this man because his heart is elsewhere committed, and go find yourself an available man. It must suck knowing that you'll always play second fiddle to this man. Be smart, and do the right thing, and end it now. Link to post Share on other sites
KissMyTiara Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 You know what, to all the W out there, including YOU, MIKESWIFE, who think that you're H's heart is committed to you.... HA! You need to wake the F up and smell the used condom in his jacket pocket. Granted, many a MM's heart is not committed to the OW he cheats with, but if he IS cheating, his heart is NOT committed to the W. Nope. Link to post Share on other sites
RowanRavyn Posted August 30, 2004 Share Posted August 30, 2004 Kiss, You sound very passionate about this. I would caution though, that while you might dismiss the wife's thoughts, needs, emotions, etc.....can you so easily do that to his children? They are as trapped in the middle as anyone is. If a married person decides to cheat, they shouldn't be married. I am not at all implying that folks on either end of the issue are not real. Nor am I implying that their needs, wants, etc are unimportant. I am simply saying that if monogamy isn't your bag, don't tie yourself down. Unluckylady, the first thing you need to do is change your name to luckylady, then start believing you are. Drama will probably come back to you at some point. I suggest a clean break. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 I had a married man try and crack onto me on the weekend. It was the most uncomfortable feeling ever. I kept asking him if he loved his wife and get kept getting annoyed because it was like I was saying he didn't love his wife. It is depressing so many people are willing to throw away so much just to 'have what they want' Link to post Share on other sites
teressa0397 Posted September 18, 2004 Share Posted September 18, 2004 sign's of cheating ? when they are gone all the time 2 when the phone ring's it's the rong number all the time; 3 they got too work late 4 when they stop makeing love to you; 5 when they are mooding find a reason to leave house 6 they don't touch you or tell you they love you; 7 they are leaveing house be back but not on hour's later 8 when they go question you; 9 watch out it could be your best friend 10 when they start calling you name's for no reason at all; so there you got it; Link to post Share on other sites
netrie Posted September 19, 2004 Share Posted September 19, 2004 Originally posted by unluckylady Question for all the wives out there that find out that their H is having an affair - how exactly did you find out? I'm not talking about the catching-him-red-handed or even having him just outright sit you down and confess... I'm asking, were there any signs or clues that made you suspicious, made you think that there had to be an affair going on, that made you confront him and ask him?? What event(s), things, clues, etc. led you to figure it all out? For some reason, I have never entertained the idea of a married man. I have had and still have MM hit on me. One kept on for MONTHS this year and I never gave in. I ignored him til he finally left me alone. He just kept on trying. He has a wife and kids and lives in Palo Alto, CA and always tried to tell me what a big shot he is with lots of $$$$$$$ and he wanted to take me to Europe. I basically told him to F__k off... MY PROBLEM is that I seem to get involved with emotionally UNavailable men but in another way---they are single and some never married but totally break my heart somehow. Even if I appear to be the one he is pursuing and chasing, they always close up many times emotionally. Very odd. Link to post Share on other sites
prinkle Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 well i realised my hubby was cheating i just knew trust your gut instincts if it dont go away you have a reason for feeling this way please dont dismiss this another clue the mobile phone my hubby started keeping his in his pocket all the time ..if he is guilty you can tell it in his eyes i had all these clues and i knew but the main one was gut instinct trust that and youll never fail..trust me have been there i know what im saying...and the myth of they go of sex is just a mytyh Link to post Share on other sites
will_woman Posted September 20, 2004 Share Posted September 20, 2004 if your husband is out to cheat on you and hide his affair, I am afraid it is difficult to find out. For my case, he usually need to work late into the work during peak period. So, I never thought of him having an affair outside as I thought he was at work. If he had the intention to hide, you might find it difficult to spot it. ANd the important is you have trust in your man and that hinder your sensitivity level. Link to post Share on other sites
shampu7644 Posted October 12, 2004 Share Posted October 12, 2004 I get the feeling that you may be friends with this man's wife. There is obviously some reason why you are being so cautious not to get caught- Sure you don't want to hurt anyone, especially the kids.... Whatever....... Is the reason you REALLY don't want to get caught because you are a friend of the wife and respected by the children? If my hunch is correct you need a shrink. And maybe you should take a close look at your self esteem issues rather than worrying about this drama you have only caused yourself. ***WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND*** You should be ashamed of yourself. And one last thought.... If you say are just trying to break things off with him.... stop trying to BS everyone reading this post because excuses are like a&%holes, EVERYONE has one! You either do it or you don't, so check yourself!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 i think it was awfully presumptuous of you to come here asking for advice under the pretense of being an innocent victim trying to catch your husband in the act. that's pretty sad. nowhere in your post did you mention the information was to protect yourself from getting caught in the middle of your actions, nor that the reason might be because "you want to leave him and he is making it difficult for you"...PLEASE. what would there to be hide if you ended it? i think you're a creep, a liar, and you're full of it. you deserve to get caught, and i hope you do. you ruin your own life, you deal with it. enjoy the mess you've created. and please don't come here for sympathy. we don't need to be insulted this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Charlane Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 Hey Unluckylady, how about you tell him to f*ck off? I noticed this works quite well for me and if the wife finds out at least she will know what kind of a sh*t that he is. It's her judgment call from there and she might kick his as* out the door. He would have it coming. Link to post Share on other sites
Shiraz Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Originally posted by kmax Note this is from "How To Catch Your Cheating Lover", By Edward Talurdey The Worning Signs of the Cheat SEX: The most popular and common belief is that lack of sex in a relationship means someone is cheating. However, that would mean that an increase in sexual activity means no affair. And that is false. When it come to sex, any change in normal sexual habits are a warning sign of the cheat. When an affair first begins, there will actually be an increase in sexual activity. This is because the libido of the unfaithful person is being highly stimulated and becoming highly active. As the affair moves on, sexual activity will dip well below normal levels. This is due to the growing attachment to the other person. And finally, as the life of the affair slowly begins to fade, another increase in sexual activity will occur. This is due to both guilt and decreased sexual activity with the lover. If you want more from "How To Catch Your Cheating Lover", let me know and I'll go on from here. Hope this will help. And there's infor on Cyber Affairs in this volume, if you want to know. I'd like tohear more Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Oh, come off it! You're not doing this for his wife -- you're doing it for YOU! You *certainly* aren't doing his wife any favors by trying to cover anything up; *you* just don't want to deal with it being out in the open. Cheaters don't generally just cheat once. If he's cheating with you now, there will most likely be someone after you (and there was very possibly even someone *before* you -- don't kid yourself, you're not that special). Eventually, the wife will find out; but, the longer it takes, the worse it will be for her and the rest of the family. Of course, by the time it all hits the fan, you'll be out of the picture; so, why should you care? (In other words, if you think I'm giving you tips on how to hide your affair, you're very sadly mistaken.) Link to post Share on other sites
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