Looking... searching... "getting"... losing... starting all over

[Teknoe]

In high school I had a circle of all male friends. Problem was, most were acquaintances by association and geographical convenience. In the group of 8-ish, only 1-2 I considered actual friends.

 

Once we hit college, I pretty much split from them. But the one thing I always desired the most? Saved By the Bell. You know, 3 close guy friends and 3 close girl friends. Of course, I would be the main cat, Zack Morris. That was my dream growing up. I just wanted to be Zack Morris, and have that hot girlfriend, 2 great guy buds, and 2 great gal pals.

 

Well, in my mid-20s I found that. For a brief season. It was a 4some, me and my cousin who I saw more as my best friend, and two cute girls. The group imploded though. Before it did, the four of us would talk every single night, sharing our deepest dreams, thoughts, fears, life experiences, failures and what have you. It lasted about 3 months... and it was 3 of the most exciting months of my life.

 

Then secrets leaked out. The group imploded.

 

I haven't had a GF since 2004. Every girl I've crushed on I've either been friend zoned, or she was already in a relationship. I've experienced a string of deja vu... cute girl... become friends... then become GOOD friends... in some cases even GREAT friends... I fall hard and heavy... then I find out she has a GF.

 

It's been this way all my life except for 7 months in 2004.

 

I don't know. I do know I have learned to appreciate life and the season I am in, and I have hope for the future despite a track record that is anything BUT that which I desire. I have never even once contemplated suicide, FWIW, and always carry GREAT HOPE that tomorrow will be brighter than today... and matter of fact, today ain't so bad... in fact, I got a lot to be thankful of.

 

Guess I'm not sharing to ask for advice... but just sharing to share. If you feel compelled to reply however, feel free. Otherwise, thanks for reading. In the latest episode, I have found a cool lady who I connect well with. Feels like we've been friends since jr. high. Surprise surprise, she's taken. Deja vu... for the 17th time.

 

But tomorrow holds something great... I just know it