remembering an ex..

[neo]

hi!!

 

well the story is that i broke up with my girl friend about 3 months back. i'd been getting along fine. last night i went to a night club and met a woman whom i ended up going back home with. this is the first time since we broke up that i'd been with a woman.

 

came back this morning and have been suffering from guilt pangs. all i've done is think about my ex-girlfreind and been miserable. i feel all the progress i'd made has been nullified. is it normal for a person to react like this??

[Tony T]

Perfectly normal. I don't think you are quite ready to be getting out for the purpose of bringing ladies home. Read the post below on rebound relationships for some insight.

 

Now this guilt thing puzzles me. It indicates that your mind is still seeing your ex even though your body isn't. You have got to convince your mind that you have broken up and your previous relationship is OVER. There is nothing to feel guilty about because you haven't betrayed anyone...but since your mind is still seeing your ex, your mind is making you feel guilty. You have got some more healing to do.

 

You have made progress, give yourself credit. And what happened last night was a good barometer for where you actually are in the healing process. Needless to say you have more time to go in that process...but do acknowledge it is over with your ex, you were not cheating on her, you are a free agent, and you can take any lady anywhere, anytime (with her permission of course) and be guilt free.

 

And there are so many guys who are in marriages and relationships who see other people on the side and are guilt free. Love is amazing!!!

[Paulie]

"You're just a memory...Of a love..That Used to Mean So Much To Me"

 

-Rolling Stones

 

I agree with Tony. Logically, you must agree that there is no reason for you to feel guilty. It's understandable, even normal, just not Logical.

 

Acknowledge this for what it is...an indication of how well you've healed from this previous relationship. But I see no reason whatsoever why you shouldn't continue to persue women. It's fun!

 

Paulie

[Deejette]

You feel you have betrayed the image of the love that you once had. That being with someone else somehow takes the specialness out of the closeness you felt with the person you thought was the only woman in the world for you.

 

But it is over and you are free. That was the past. This is the present. Your past girlfriend may already be seeing someone else. It is time for you to move on, as hard and painful as it may be. But how soon you move on depends on your healing process.

 

It sounds like you are the one who broke up the relationship with your ex-girlfriend. I understand how painful it is to be the one doing the breaking up. I have felt a lot of guilt over this in the past too. We don't want to hurt anyone. You probably feel like a rat because you left this girl and now you are out trying to replace her with someone new.

 

As Tony says, it takes a while to heal. Wounds of the heart are like any other wounds, like broken arms and legs. They take time to heal. If we pretent we are healed and go out too soon, we only suffer additional wounds. So, give yourself time.

hi!! well the story is that i broke up with my girl friend about 3 months back. i'd been getting along fine. last night i went to a night club and met a woman whom i ended up going back home with. this is the first time since we broke up that i'd been with a woman. came back this morning and have been suffering from guilt pangs. all i've done is think about my ex-girlfreind and been miserable. i feel all the progress i'd made has been nullified. is it normal for a person to react like this??