She cut me out completely

[robaday]

Im sorry for posting again on this. My ex cut me out of her life on Saturday, deleted me and all my friends from facebook and told me to not contact her anymore.

 

Shed only added me back to the network 3 weeks prior.......Wed argued for a few weeks, her pressing me for commitment, while at the same time telling me she was confused and had doubts. I held off reassuring her because I felt she was slipping away and didnt want to force things.

 

Shed pressed me two weeks ago to meet to discuss things and i said sure, i told her what i needed (less jealousy) and she pretty much said it was ridiculous........so i said ok, im not sure i can commit. I dropped her things round and tried to talk before i closed the book and she slammed the door in my face.

 

I get if someone doesnt want to get back together. But completely shutting someone out seems extreme, I didnt cheat, wasnt abusive, but im a little dumbfounded why shes burned all bridges, after knowing her for five years.

 

That actually hurts more than the break up - i didnt harrass her, i didnt say anything out of turn, i just told her id miss her and loved her and would let her go.

[fallenheart]

Is she seeing someone? Usually when someone drops you that easily and quickly it's cause they have already moved on.

[robaday]

I have no idea whether she was or wasnt, its not like her to cut people out though, shes friends with all her ex's, and only three weeks ago was pressing for commitment.......guess you could be right - I mean why else delete me and all my friends from facebook, if it isnt to hide something? she claimed it was to help her heal because she needed to forget me. but if it was going to hurt that much, i wonder why she didnt work it out.

[soccerrprp]

This reminds of me of the song "Somebody that I used to know" by Gotye.....

 

She could have done it to help her get over you, that is very plausible. From what you have shared, it just doesn't sound like she was committed to making any changes to continue with the relationship. Perhaps your lack of "full" commitment was the last straw?

 

Also, her response seems to indicate that she could be seeing someone else.

 

Move on. It's painful, but find someone else...

[robaday]

how do you mean it indicates shes seeing someone else?

 

Id almost prefer I knew! that way I wouldnt have any issues forgetting about this mess.

[Calico]

how do you mean it indicates shes seeing someone else? Id almost prefer I knew! that way I wouldnt have any issues forgetting about this mess.

 

As someone whose ex is with someone else, and was with someone else the very day after our almost 4 years relationship ended, let me just say that this does not make it easier to forget anything. Yeah, I get to deal with all the pain upfront, but I can positively say I never dealt with this much pain and despair in my whole life. But yes, at least I don't have to fret about her seeing someone else instead of coming back. It already happened and she won't come back. It's only minimal comfort, though.

[robaday]

Calico, can i ask if she accused you of sleeping with other people a lot? or seemed to think you were hiding things? I only wonder because, she was overboard with the jealousy while we were seeing each other, unnaturally so.

[Calico]

Calico, can i ask if she accused you of sleeping with other people a lot? or seemed to think you were hiding things? I only wonder because, she was overboard with the jealousy while we were seeing each other, unnaturally so.

 

No, she made no such accusations. It was her who had been cheating and lying to me, and she knew there was no way I would have done that to her (that's accurate too, it never even crossed my mind during those years, because I was actually happy and in love until the bitter end ... and beyond).

 

What she did do was to blame me for it indirectly, however. Implying that I had taken her for granted, that I was not as affectionate as she would have liked (from my perspective, it was the other way around), and that she "couldn't talk to me" after the affair had started (also something I never really understood, because while I have numerous flaws, communication is not one of them).

 

I felt very strongly that she was projecting her guilt and shame on me and then resent me for it. Naturally, I totally ate that up and blamed myself too, but that's what us dumpees always do: believe it's all our fault, when in the overwhelming number of cases that isn't so. With NC and a little distance, I now more often have a clearer view and a more realistic perspective.

[Tree_Salmon]

No, she made no such accusations. It was her who had been cheating and lying to me, and she knew there was no way I would have done that to her (that's accurate too, it never even crossed my mind during those years, because I was actually happy and in love until the bitter end ... and beyond).

 

What she did do was to blame me for it indirectly, however. Implying that I had taken her for granted, that I was not as affectionate as she would have liked (from my perspective, it was the other way around), and that she "couldn't talk to me" after the affair had started (also something I never really understood, because while I have numerous flaws, communication is not one of them).

 

I felt very strongly that she was projecting her guilt and shame on me and then resent me for it. Naturally, I totally ate that up and blamed myself too, but that's what us dumpees always do: believe it's all our fault, when in the overwhelming number of cases that isn't so. With NC and a little distance, I now more often have a clearer view and a more realistic perspective.

 

Almost exactly like my story.

It is a bit easier to deal with it because you already had to deal with your ex being with someone else.

 

I no longer get that horrible feeling of her with another guy because it's happened already.

 

Sometimes it can burn still but overall it doesn't matter.

[Mcnulty]

Yes, mine at the end was constantly asking me if I wanted her in my life, if i was seeing someone else etc, when it was her that was seeing my friend behind my back.

 

Knowing immediately that she had jumped from me to him, kind of has made it all instant...not easier..i don't know, I guess i'm saying, yes, it's easier if you get it all over with in one go, rather than dreading the day they get with another person.

[okiedokie]

My ex of a few years back did something similar at the end of our relationship. The hardest part for me was that I felt a lack of resolution for a LONG time and it was probably the most painful period of my life. I think these types of actions and decisions have more to do with their way of healing and coping and the idea that they will get through the healing process faster if the source of their pain (**the ex**) is no longer a part of their day-to-day world. Some people just have the ability to compartmentalize and detach. It's a very deliberate decision.

 

Having gone through a similar situation, my suggestion is to concentrate on yourself and your own healing. If she is ever going to realize that she has made a colassal mistake, that realization will occur only after she has a chance to experience the consequences of her decision.

[NoMoreJerks]

What she did do was to blame me for it indirectly, however. Implying that I had taken her for granted

Funny how they always do that, eh? My ex did that also, and kept telling me that I had been taking him for granted, even though it had been HIM who had been taking ME for granted after the first month of the relationship... He never called, and only texted me about sex, or when he felt lonely. Mostly about sex though.

 

And this coming from someone who demanded my blessing to cheat on me in my presence -- basically wanted me to "arrange" a threesome with another girl.

[Frank13]

Is she seeing someone? Usually when someone drops you that easily and quickly it's cause they have already moved on.

 

Or because they want to. I dumped my ex because she lost feelings. I hung in there for a bit but it didn't change anything and nothing would. I gave up, dumped her, and went NC. Still miss her, but have to move on.

[flitzanu]

Im sorry for posting again on this. My ex cut me out of her life on Saturday, deleted me and all my friends from facebook and told me to not contact her anymore.

 

Shed only added me back to the network 3 weeks prior.......Wed argued for a few weeks, her pressing me for commitment, while at the same time telling me she was confused and had doubts. I held off reassuring her because I felt she was slipping away and didnt want to force things.

 

Shed pressed me two weeks ago to meet to discuss things and i said sure, i told her what i needed (less jealousy) and she pretty much said it was ridiculous........so i said ok, im not sure i can commit. I dropped her things round and tried to talk before i closed the book and she slammed the door in my face.

 

I get if someone doesnt want to get back together. But completely shutting someone out seems extreme, I didnt cheat, wasnt abusive, but im a little dumbfounded why shes burned all bridges, after knowing her for five years.

 

That actually hurts more than the break up - i didnt harrass her, i didnt say anything out of turn, i just told her id miss her and loved her and would let her go.

 

cool, that saves you the hassle from having to delete her and all her friends if she did all that for you. but, i'd say you should still block her on fb.

[WesternWoman]

I am sorry to hear you are going through such a painful stretch with this. Many people have a hard time with the intensity of emotions in breakups. We all handle it differently.

 

Being friends or remaining contact with a partner following a relationship can be really painful and it always reawakens emotions to have contact with them. After a 1.5 year relationship I had to take a step back and not contact him at all while I got myself back on track with my life and goals post relationship. I was no drama about it but understood that I would be grieving and picking up pieces. (Like your situation we just parted, no cheating or negativity) It has been almost two years now since I have seen him and we are getting together to talk for the first time next week to see about trying to be the most basic of friends again.

 

Your grieving process will be easier without contact. It sucks, it goes against everything in your nature that tells you to call them and express yourself, it means breaking patterns of contact, etc... but resisting that urge will help you find your way back onto your feet and moving forward without this person as a partner.

 

Keep loving yourself! You'll make it through this!

[robaday]

Wouldnt blocking her from facebook be immature after shes already deleted me? or indeed passive aggressive?

 

Ive recently got back in touch with another ex gf from years ago (five years ago) and ill be honest, it is like a breath of fresh air in my life having a new friend who knows me well and cares about me.

 

I dont feel I should burn bridges like this ones done, I feel three years is a long time, and at least on my end, I wouldnt close the door to a friendship with her in the future. But the balls in her court on that one. Im secure enough to move on and know Ive done all I can.

[flitzanu]

she deleted you, in facebook terms that's removing herself from your life. and yeah, i'm sure she did it to garner reaction or attention.

 

blocking her just seals the deal to make sure YOU don't look at her page, and that she can't see anything on yours.

 

or, you take the more mature road and just ignore all of it. but...that means NO STALKING.

[robaday]

she got no reaction from me and she wont. she told me in an email (a full week after i sent a goodbye email!) to stop contacting her, when i hadnt been, and to tell me she had deleted me and all my friends from facebook.

 

Maybe she wanted a reaction? maybe thats what this is about? cause i certainly didnt harrass her.

[g450]

shes friends with all her ex's,

 

And that should have been your first clue.

 

Just block her and give her what she wants. My guess is she was not completely done with one of exes and she was not 100% into you, hence her staying in contact with exes. This is why I tell people not to trust women who keep their exes around.

 

If she wants a reaction from you its simply so she can justify what she did to you and nothing more. Dont give her that satisfaction. Just leave her alone with her decision.

[Dblock10]

i know some girls who are friends with all their ex's to. whats wrong about that?

[robaday]

I dont think theres anything wrong with it, i think its healthy. whats not healthy, is adding someone on facebook begging them to work out a relationship, then listening to what you need, then telling you your being ridiculous, and then just cutting them completely out of your life.

 

Im fine with the break up, but I feel like some messed up tornado has blown me from one side of new york to the other, and my nerves are shattered! need to stop trying to wonder what other people are thinking and think more about myself!

[g450]

i know some girls who are friends with all their ex's to. whats wrong about that?

 

This thread and many others here on LS should a good indication of whats wrong with that.

[winstonsdreams]

Dude after my ex and I broke up she deleted me off Facebook, once she started dating i blocked her, she said she couldn't understand why i needed to do that as she had already unfriended her. I did it so i can't see the statuses she likes/comments on, whatever, it's not immature it's giving them what they want and allowing yourself to move on without them. They do not exist, they are not part of your life, you can't be friends with all your exes, that's just the way it is. Leave it, keep your dignity, ignore her now, you can only be friends once you have NO feelings, and you my friend still do.

[robaday]

I cant see any of her profile - its all private - so its not like i can really spy even if i wanted too. i dont actually look at other peoples profiles hardly ever, even girls im dating because i dont feel its healthy.

 

I use facebook to keep in touch with my school friends who live a long long way away. This wasnt really a big deal until she made it a big deal - she added me, and then nagged me 3 times to add her back - i wasnt that bothered in the first place. sending me that email seems a little daft, and patronising. my only assumption is that this is her issue not mine (i.e. seeing stuff ive put up is bothering her).

[robaday]

I saw her i was in a restaurant, and her and her friends walked in. they walked past me and a friend, theres no way they couldnt have noticed.

 

i finished what i was eating and got out of there as soon as possible. my whole body wanted to walk over and say hi, but shes told me not to contact her, so i felt like id be intruding or doing something wrong.

 

Im 100% sure they saw me, this sucks.