hopelessromantic29 Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 Isn't that the whole point of trying to get over someone? Aren't there so many threads here that tell you NC is the best way to get over someone? It's interesting how a woman goes NC n shes accused of seeing other people. Bottom line... She wanted a commitment from you that you couldn't give her. She had to go NC or wait around for what? In hopes you might change ur mind? She did it for herself dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Author robaday Posted September 20, 2012 Author Share Posted September 20, 2012 I laid my cards on the table, said this is what I need if we are to work this out, she said i was being ridiculous, I listened to her concerns and said, if you want to move in we can try it for a week.......she ignored my call to try and work it out with her, told me she was having doubts.....and im supposed to commit to not seeing someone for three weeks? It was me who went round there to try and talk things through, it was me who had the door slammed in my face. And its now me who has been eradicated and blocked from her life, for speaking my own needs from a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
hopelessromantic29 Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 And she did too... N you couldn't accept what she wanted. Trial run for a week? Ok.... That sounds tempting. Really? After 5 yrs together, you think she'd be ok with a week long trial run? I'd be mad if I wanted a commitment from you n you offered me a week. Again, she's hurt n she needs space. If you're not willing to work on it n compromise with each other, let her go like you said you would. Stop trying to reach out n be a friend bc its only makes it harder for her to move on. I know this first hand. You sound exactly like my ex and I did the same thing ur ex is doing. N I'm not seeing anyone. NC is for me to get over the hopes n dreams you built with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 Calico, can i ask if she accused you of sleeping with other people a lot? or seemed to think you were hiding things? I only wonder because, she was overboard with the jealousy while we were seeing each other, unnaturally so. Usually if people are accusing you alot, its to hide them cheating. Hopefully she wasnt doing that. But if it was just jealousy, and she brought this baggage from a previous relationship, then your relationship was doomed anyway, and theres nothing you can do about it. SHe did you a favor by cutting you out of her life. My guess is she did it to try to forget about you. Get re-aquainted with your ex, not for a relationship, but as a distraction, and be happy that your crazy ex released you from her baggage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author robaday Posted September 20, 2012 Author Share Posted September 20, 2012 We werent together for five years hopeless romantic, we were together off and on for three. I broke it off twice, she broke it off twice. The last time it was her decision (5 months ago) she begged for me back. It had been a really bad break up for me, and I held off, because I suffered an immense amount of pain folllowing it. She begged for me back, I took her in, and tried to be there for her. Then after 2 months, she began distancing herself and accusing me of not being interested in her........when id been the one instigating everything. I had no reassurance from her. I get that after that long she was looking for deeper commitment. BUT, she had made a conscious decision to kick me to the curb when I needed her most 5 months prior.....and seriously you cant blame me for not wanting to promise her the world. Its messy, its trashy and its for the best. But my god does it hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 I cant see any of her profile - its all private - so its not like i can really spy even if i wanted too. i dont actually look at other peoples profiles hardly ever, even girls im dating because i dont feel its healthy. I use facebook to keep in touch with my school friends who live a long long way away. This wasnt really a big deal until she made it a big deal - she added me, and then nagged me 3 times to add her back - i wasnt that bothered in the first place. sending me that email seems a little daft, and patronising. my only assumption is that this is her issue not mine (i.e. seeing stuff ive put up is bothering her). You are making excuses not to block her. Sooner or later you will see a posting from her. Stop playing games and block her. No excuses! I see that contacted her regarding a possible reconciliation. You just made yourself look like a doormat. Honestly, what part of NC do you not understand? Read the NC thread. Why do you continue to pine over somebody that doesnt want you? Stop being her doormat and fallback guy. You said yourself that you and her broke it off several times. I will be brutally honest with you. You are both drama queens. Grow a pair and leave her alone. There are only 100000000000 other women out there. Why play games with a dissfuctional one? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author robaday Posted September 21, 2012 Author Share Posted September 21, 2012 Dude, I have left her alone and have no intention of getting back together with her. I havent texted, called or emailed for close to a month - the last time was a goodbye email, wishing her the best, and that id be open to being friends in the future - i dont regret that, i said what i needed to. Her response is to cut me out - thats cool, i have no intention of contacting her again. Link to post Share on other sites
bonespockirk Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 you did a similiar thing my ex did to me. i was always jealous and insecure because he always felt pressured and unsure of me. i loved him but it wasn't mutual. i had to delete and block him from facebook and delete most his friends because i am still the one that desires him but is rejected and forever abandoned by him. What do you expect her to do? She knows she is unwanted by you and she needs to get away from you, trust me it probably takes a lot on her end to not contact you anymore. but she is doing what she thinks you want her to do, which is to leave you alone since you dont want her anyways. you have already broken her heart so just leave her alone and let her heart heal on its own if you loved her but would let her go anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 My ex almost always has someone in his life. HE probably had tons of gfs while seeing me. It's kind of good he always has someone. He's their problem. If he started bothering me again I would have to really report him to the police this time instead of just threatening to. That's how much of an *** he is. I do feel sorry for any woman or man in his life. I wouldn't wish that much dysfunction on anyone...but him. Seems like your gf didn't know what she wanted. Your probably better off without her. IF that's the way she wants it then screw her! You can find someone much better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author robaday Posted October 10, 2012 Author Share Posted October 10, 2012 I know exactly what she wanted - marriage/kids etc. But reality was shed broken up with me 4 months previously, and it would never have been quick enough for her. I took her out on dates, cooked for her, cleaned up after her, looked out for her, and it simply wasnt enough, because she looked at it like wed been together for 3 years straight. I looked at it like, this chicks broken up with me! I love her, but shes forgetting the fact that shes caused a lot of damage, and these things wont happen over night. I dont blame her for wanting marriage nor kids at her age. But, she didnt exactly help herself in this. Things going well. First two weeks were horrific, but Im training 6 days a week, body's in shape, and met a great girl on Saturday who Im looking forward to seeing more of. Not gonna pretend Im over it, but yeah, Ive played this right by socialising every night for two weeks, Ive met new people and am slowly enjoying myself again Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 That's nice but you just talked about your pain and then you talked about another woman. Don't start dating too soon. Seriously, don't make someone your rebound. It's just not fair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author robaday Posted October 10, 2012 Author Share Posted October 10, 2012 Im not going to get into another relationship for some time, and I will be straight with anyone I meet that thats the case. But, I wont live like a saint either, I have to actually start looking at other options, so I can, as my ex so nicely put it "move on with my life". Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 You don't have to date in order to move on. I'm just saying, the problem so many people are having today is that they do not grieve. It's recommended that people stay out of relationship for a year if they had a relationship two years long or more. I just keep seeing people into another relationship when they are not ready. They bring all of their baggage into a new relationship. They go back to their ex because they were only rebounding. I just keep seeing it again and again. People aren't dating with full hearts because they aren't giving themselves a chance to grieve. Moving on can mean tons of things. It doesn't have to be jumping into a relationship with someone else while your still hurting terribly over your ex. I'm just saying... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author robaday Posted October 11, 2012 Author Share Posted October 11, 2012 I fully agree with that Coping gal I do. But the thing that has worked for me after three break ups now, is to do the one night stand thing. It might be dirty to some, it might be a bandaid for others, but honestly meeting new girls, getting back out there, every time its worked for me. The pains there but honestly, Ive found once Ive hooked up with a few people, Im in a much better place. Im not talking about relationships here at all, Im talking about a bit of fun, to distract yourself, nobody gets hurt. Call it what you want, but honestly its worked for me every time. Just the idea that you are attractive, and worth something, just the idea that other people are interested in you, can actually slowly bring you out of the pain your in. I know you shouldnt look outward for validation, nor should you rely on sex to get your self worth. But I also know, that after a break up, you have to get that person out of your system and sitting at home grieving, or watching my email for when she comes online praying she will talk to me, or analysing facebook or whatever else.......it just doesnt work. I have to keep moving otherwise Ill crash, I have to keep keeping on, otherwise my past will determine my future. I dont want that, I want to live right now, to feel every single moment of my life and not waste another moment feeling down. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 (edited) But I also know, that after a break up, you have to get that person out of your system and sitting at home grieving, or watching my email for when she comes online praying she will talk to me, or analysing facebook or whatever else.......it just doesnt work. I'm not talking about stuff like that. I'm talking about doing something amazing with your life to help you cope...not praying someone will talk to you, not watching for email. That's not what I mean by moving on without dating. What I mean is going out and living a great life: voluteering to help with blood drives, adopting a pet in need, mentoring a child from a broken home, etc., etc., etc. AND doing things to discover your self-worth yourself so you don't have to look at someone else for it. IF you can discover your self-worth on your own, the chances of staying in a crappy relationship next time go way down, I believe. I'm still angry at times and I'm still in a lot of pain. Would this have all disappeared if I had started dating again...maybe, probably. But I need to do something else besides get rid of my pain. There is a greater purpose. The greater purpose is for me to discover that I can be strong on my own...that I develop what I need to develop so that next time the relationship is not healthy, I will have enough self-esteem to leave on my own instead of staying for years. And rebounding with a man won't teach me that. Having one night stands with a man won't do that for me. I have to be alone to learn it and to really feel it and to develop my inner strength as a woman and as a person. Edited October 14, 2012 by CopingGal Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts