Is my marriage boring?

[Matilda]

I am very thankful that Samson and Sinner are on this forum. They make me want to work on my marriage to make it better, just to prove it can be done. Thank you for the inspiration!

 

And as for boredom, I welcome some boredom. I've had a little too much excitement, a lot of stressful events in my life, and a little boredom seems like a good thing. If I'm bored that means I have enough time to try or do something I'd really like to do. I envy you.

[sinner]

I am very thankful that Samson and Sinner are on this forum

 

You're most welcome, Matilda. At the very least Samson and I can motivate by counter-example.

[Samson]

Excuse? or Explaination? Institution? or Marriage? OCD? or Bitchiness? AD/HD? or Laziness?

 

Lions? or Tigers? or Bears?............................OH, MY!

 

Once again, if we cannot refute the messanger, we have learned that there are three fall-back positions:

 

1. Claim that any opinion that doesn't match ours must have origins in muppet-like curmudeoness,

2. Claim that the semantics of the message, instead of the message, must be the point of contention,

3. Claim that there must, obviously, be something inherently wrong with the messanger.

 

Just to warn Moimeme, as a reflex, I've just recovered from a Narcoleptic siezure, but am about to suffer from Tieret's Syndrome.

[moimeme]

The same arguments go back and forth

 

Definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I've recovered.

[Samson]

How to recognise the insane?

 

They all claim to have "recovered!"

[tigerlilly2004]

Wow! I'm having the same problem.

 

I've realized a few things from this after months of soul searching:

 

1. We're approaching 30 and there is more and more research about women having their midlife crisis at 30.

 

2. Personally, my husband works alot. I feel like a single married woman, even though I wouldn't cheat on him. Do you both have conflicting schedules? Sometimes not seeing each other often makes you realize you could just as easily be single and have fun dating again.

 

3. To add to that, I MISS THE EXCITEMENT OF NEW RELATIONSHIPS! Do you find yourself thinking often about your "one who got away"? I'm getting REALLY bad about that.

 

My husband is awesome too and I've been told the same as you. Spice up the relationship and go on dates. Have kids, etc. I totally disagree about the kids. It only makes the relationship more difficult from what I hear and bringing kids in the world will definitely NOT spice up a relationship. It's the wrong reason to have kids.

 

Tonight, as I was driving home thinking about this same issue, I also thought about how much I hated being single and alone and couldn't wait to find Mr. Right. I'm watching more and more of my friends, our age and older divorce. The ones our age are happy and having fun "at the moment", the older ones are lonely and clinically depressed. Truth is we could jump on the bandwagon, but we would probably discover, when the crisis is over, that everything we were looking for was already in our arms. Then we'll spend a lifetime trying to figure out how to get it back. Then we'll move on to the second chances board.

 

I think after a few years the marraige shifts and you become more like family. We have to work even harder to keep the sparks going...Really hard....and find the thin line between the brother/sister feeling and husband/wife feeling.

 

I'm with you on this one...but I suggest hanging in there. I think there's alot more going on for us at this age than our husbands. They're just the easiest target.

 

Good luck and I would love to compare more stories.

[Guest]

Originally posted by Thinkalot

I am picturing a debate room.... on one side, sits Thinkalot, and perhaps moi...on the other Samson, and Sinner.... the topic : Marriage... it's meaning, validity, worth, and the reasons it fails... LOL! watch the sparks fly

 

Um. Which side contains the divorced people?

[moimeme]

Um. Which side contains the divorced people?

 

The one with me on it, of course. But I don't believe in beating my head against brick walls so I'll go have a moccacchino and let the others have at it.

[Thinkalot]

Funny that..on one side would sit two women...moi...divorced, yet hopeful, and me, Thinkalot, engaged and hopeful...LOL! On the other, two longterm, yet cynical, married men...

[Samson]

Advise to the "other side:" Just remember....

 

 

Your Medication!

 

Otherwise you'll run us off (literally, as it turns out!).

[Thinkalot]

samson, have you been reading my other posts?

[Samson]

HUH????? (insert innocent smile here)

 

You are wonderful Think.

 

You must have some tremendous attributes to compensate for your OCD symptoms, I'm only jealous that I don't know (and I really mean in the biblical sense) what these are!

 

Hope you put something into the prenupt to cover being knocked off the foot paths of life!

[meanon]

 

Hope you put something into the prenupt to cover being knocked off the foot paths of life!

 

Samson if you have found a way to insure against this one, please share! Mind you if you took out a patent you could be well on your way to your first million.....

[Samson]

Meanon, when I said "covers" I didn't mean "prevents."

 

For example, we can be "covered" or medically insured for injuries sustained in a.....................................lorry accident, but it doesn't prevent them from happening.

 

I'm just suggesting that Thinkalot should think.....a lot about contingencies, some as literal as being knocked off foot paths, and others less literal, but no less analogistic.

[meanon]

Yes, I see the distinction. Still, I didn't make a committment to my car to avoid all accidents with Lorries .

 

I know the failure rate in marriage is high but I tend to think it would be even higher if people didn't start out with that idealism and make a committment to invest everything they had in making it work. It's often not enough but marriage is risky enough without it. A prenup says to me that the other person will bail at the first sign of trouble. For many of us it's also academic - usually the legal settlements at Divorce reflect the incomes of the people involved and there are often debts to be shared, rather than assets. For the wealthy I can see there may be different issues at stake.

 

I guess life hasn't knocked all the romanticism out of me.... yet!

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by meanon

 

I guess life hasn't knocked all the romanticism out of me.... yet!

 

Yay!

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by Samson

HUH????? (insert innocent smile here)

 

You are wonderful Think.

 

You must have some tremendous attributes to compensate for your OCD symptoms, I'm only jealous that I don't know (and I really mean in the biblical sense) what these are!

 

Hope you put something into the prenupt to cover being knocked off the foot paths of life!

 

Thank you samson , for making me laugh about what is a serious issue. It helps me lighten up about it too. Of course, if you weren't such a loveable rogue I may have taken offence.

 

And yes, is not complaining overall, and he knows me quite well in the biblical sense

 

And you know, Samson, no prenup for me.

[sumdude]

Heh, and I just got engaged. This is a great thread. I think one of the main reasons divorce rates have gone up is the empowerment of women over the last decades. I think the curves would match. They no longer have to stay with a man because he is the only one who can provide and society no longer shuns a single woman.

 

I'm not sayiong it's a bad thing but times sure have changed since before WWII. It's a lot harder on families in some ways too. I'm in my 30's. Most couples now both work full time and try to take care of children and do all those things in a fast paced world that's getting harder to understand every day. Just the stacks of bills, insurance forms etc etc on my desk every week are staggering.

 

My parents are in thier 70's. Married over 40 years. I wonder if they grew up in our times if it would have lasted that long?

[Thinkalot]

I know what you mean...it is definately a factor.

[Almost 30]

Originally posted by tiger

I've been with my husband for 7 years, married 2, and on one hand I couldn't be happier, I could never imagine a more perfect person for me. But a few months ago I started having very strong feelings of restlessness and boredom, and for the first time since we've been together, I've serioulsy entertained thoughts of splitting up. It honestly doesn't make any sense to me, because I love him dearly, he's an amazing person and he makes me very happy. We've talked about it a lot and although he's obviously concerned he's supportive and wants to do whatever he can to help me and us figure this out, even if it means coming to the painful conclusion that we shouldn't be together. I'm not finding myself wanting to go out and be with other people either, when I imagine myself leaving him, I just see myself alone, but in a good way.

I guess the hardest part of this is that there is nothing going on, or not going on in the relationship that I could point to as a part of the reason why I'm feeling this way, it seems to have sprung up out of the blue. I'm not the kind of person to avoid feelings or thoughts that might scare me, on the contrary I probably examine what's going on in my head too much! So basically I feel like I'm recognizing all this stuff that's going on inside me, and it's scary but it's good that I'm being honest with myself and my husband about it, but ultimately I would never dream of ending a relationship without a good reason, I can't say "Even though you give me everything I need and want, I'm bored so see ya!" Maybe this is just a phase or something, there are a lot of stresses in my life right now, moving, finding a new job, turning 30, that could be part of this. What I want to know is are there others out there who've experienced something similar? How have you dealt with it?

 

I'm going exactly thru the same things as you. Being with the hubby for 7 years, married for almost 3. I've even asked him to separate so I could sort what the f**k is going thru my mind. This thing stroke all of the sudden, I felt trapped. It's been almost a year since I first felt this way.

Like you, I'm turning 30 -next month-, bought a house - and I HATE the neighborhood-, I have no friends and family here, I miss my country, I have a well-paid prestigious and stressful job -which I hate-, I want a career change, I realized I don't want to have children. I don't want to rush for a divorce because I'm going thru an existential crisis...yet...I'm so confused because I don't know if this is a crisis or I just fell out of love.