rezarxt Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 I am 22 and recently graduated from a university. My GF and I have been dating for nearly 3 years and I have been close friends with her for 7 years. After both graduating, my GF got a really good job and purchased a house with help from her parents. She is an only child and tends to act like it. Her family spoils her and to them, she can do no wrong. It has always bothered me some what but I have overlooked it because of her other great qualities. Things are typically done HER way, or we argue. She has many redeeming qualities including beauty, very intelligent, motivated, making $$, nice family, caring, good in bed, and just fun to be around. With all this, I have fallen in and out of love with her over the 3 years. Everytime I considered breaking up with her (happened 2-3 times), I decided not to and was very happy I didnt. The relationship is sort of like best friends. I am about to go onto Active Duty army in 4-5 months as an officer making decent money and we have been living together until then. I have been picking out engagement rings and everything. She doesnt plan on moving to my duty station until after I settle down in 1-2 years. Everything has been going well but she just has become a different person in the last month. I cant tell if its the stress of her new job and buying a house, or if this is what she is always like and I never knew until we lived together. I guess my main concern is what to do. Do I continue with engagement plans? I told her we would get engaged before I left. I know she will be hurt if I dont ask her in the next few months. At what point do I decide enough is enough? How many months do I wait? I just need input from other people. Is it really smart to get engaged to someone, then move away from them for 1-2 years? Even if I get a ring for her, and decide a year later it was a mistake, I only lose 3-4k. What is 3-4k in a lifetime. If I dont get an engagement ring, and she gets frustrated after we agreed to get engaged and breaks it off, I lose what could be my future wife. I just need some experience and advice, but mainly a place to vent. Im 22 years old and have been dating her pretty much all of college and adulthood. I have no other experiences to go off of. Everyone says no relationship is perfect, but I have noone to compare her to. Link to post Share on other sites
lookinxforxchange Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 when you say you have no other experiences to go off of well man right there is a lie you are probaly thinkin how so well its easy just read what you wrote pretty much on how you say you have known her for that long man that is quite a bit im pretty sure if you can't recall the fun experiences you two have had in the past when you first started dating and all the bad times than there is something wrong just think of what went wrong before and than think of what went happy well grab a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle and at the top left i want you to put good times spent together and on the other side put the negatives and if the good over ways the bad than this is worth it what i would do is give her the ring and see what happens i mean like you said 3-4k in a life time would it pay off in the long run we never know because people change but you just don't wanna sit on it and have a moment waisted you can do this just watch out cause she might get lonely when you leave for that long but than again its worth a shot cause true love holds no barrier Link to post Share on other sites
CarolineNYC Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 Engagement does not automatically mean a speedy marriage. You can be engaged and marry years later. It's up to each couple to decide when to have their wedding. So if you want to be engaged to her, go for it. But discuss before hand that you think it would be best to marry after she moves to your station. If you tell her that you want to get engaged but you want to marry after things settle down and she has a "spoiled child" reaction, I'd be very concerned. A long engagement could give you both time to settle into the idea of being married. It would answer the question you have as to whether or not this new side you're seeing is stress related or really who she is. I'm assuming she's close to your age. There's absolutely no reason for you guys to smash the gas on marriage. Take your time. You're very young and without having other experiences with relationships than this one, make sure you're as close to certain as you can be about whatever decision you make. It would be terrible if you start having those "What if I had dated other women? What if she wasn't the one?" thoughts after you've already married. You're doing the right thing by asking these questions now. Link to post Share on other sites
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